Your take on children?

[Koronto69]

Do any of you have any? If not, how often do you think about having kids? Do you wonder what type of a parent you'd make and what type of a relationship you'd have with your kid(s)? Do you try to learn parenting skills from watching others around you and either by reading about the issue e.g. Bill Cosby's "Fatherhood" series? I'm sure there's a similar series for "Motherhood" as well. What are your main fears about having kids? Is it a matter of finding the right person to have them with, a matter of timing, financial worries of not being able to care for them or just not wanting them? Do you ever have fears of not being able to conceive?

Finally, what is the best age to have children in your opinion?

[Cali_Gaab]

I think about having children every now and then, especially seeing friends with kids i wonder what it would be like to have one and what strain that would have on me. In addition, i wonder if my wife has a flat forehead and i don't, would the child have a forehead like the father or the mother?

Do you know walaal

[Koronto69]

It depends on which one of you will have the recessive gene for flat forehead and which one of you doesn't. Hard to tell really. But kids generally have bigger heads than adults in relation to their body, I think the ratio is around 1:1.5 for most kids. But as they get older, their heads adjust to their body size. Also, the shape of the kid's head depends on the type of delivery your wife chooses, cesearan deliveries usually produce babies with more round heads than women who deliver through vaginal delivery, because in a c-section, the baby doesn't have to squeze through the cervix, whereas they do in a normal vaginal delivery and baby's cranium being made of soft tissue easily bend & get crooked. Just thought you might want to know.

[Queen_Arawello]

Do any of you have any?

Not yet

If not, how often do you think about having kids?

Only at work..

Do you wonder what type of a parent you'd make and what type of a relationship you'd have with your kid(s)?

I will be balanced not too strict and not too lenient just like my hooyo and i'll have close and strong relationships with my kid (s).

Do you try to learn parenting skills from watching others around you and either by reading about the issue e.g. Bill Cosby's "Fatherhood" series? I'm sure there's a similar series for "Motherhood" as well.

I learn from the women in my family...and I babysit alot for my aunties

What are your main fears about having kids? Is it a matter of finding the right person to have them with, a matter of timing, financial worries of not being able to care for them or just not wanting them?

For some is the matter of finding mr right and for others it involves being healthy in terms of psychologically, emotionally, financially and physically. I don't have any fears at all jst lil concern of them leaving their dhaqan,diin and adopting western lifestyle...even kids with the perfect upbringing can end up in the wrong side of the track..u never 100% sure specially with this environment.

Do you ever have fears of not being able to conceive?

I try not to think about it...the best thing to overcome that fear is to make dua everytime u pray

Finally, what is the best age to have children in your opinion?

The ideal age will be in ur 20s, early 20s...is the age in which your fertility is at its peak, therefore less chances of growth abnormalities or miscarriages


PS: Wlc back indr, waa lagu xiisay

@Cali..u shuld be more worrying about ur offspring becoming dwarfs

[HELWAA]

All am gonna say is...leave it to Allah.No matter how much you hate children korontooy, they are the best gifts from allah swt.

[BlackVelvet]

The best age to have a children in my opinion is when half of you is not going to hate them for being a pain and a financial and emotional black hole. Which is what they actually are but when other factors in your life begin to out way this reality then it's time to think about creating a nest and having some babies. Some people don't even bother creating a comfortable nest they just say "Allah provides" and have the babies. Whatever works for you.

[Koronto69]

Queen,

Thank you for your answers & for your warm welcome, sis.

I think best age for a woman to start having kids is at age 28, anything before that is just pushing it. Because only then will a woman trully be ready, if you have kids in your early 20s, how will you be able to balance your education and family life? Women biologically speaking can have kids even in their 30s, risks for abnormalities increase at age 35 and there are special prenatal screenings for this, but you can still have them and many women do. Don't be sucked in to the ignorant belief from a long-gone era of geeljire that women should start popping out babies at a young age & every year. No way to live.

Helwaa,

I don't hate kids, I'm against the notion that kids will magically bring happiness & solidify a marriage. I just think kids are not something anyone should rush in to having, even if you're married, its best to wait a few years before having them. But if you're all up for the Somali concept of having the first baby 8 months after the wedding, then by all means you're entitled to your own opinion. All I know is kids bring their own issues and if you're not financially & emotionally ready, you will be an unfit parent, which is roughly 80% of Somali parents. None of them have ever bothered themselves to learn parenting. Parenting and child development is a whole field in psychology, you'd be amazed at the wealth of research and information that's out there about being a parent. We're not out in baadiye anymore, people need to understand this.


Black Velvet,

What about yourself? When do you see yourself having kids? Are they an important factor for living a fullfiling life?

[BlackVelvet]

Black Velvet,

What about yourself? When do you see yourself having kids? Are they an important factor for living a fullfiling life?

They are important. The best laid plans of mice and men go awry so I don't like to plan for those kinds of things at this point in my life. Maybe when I get free time i'll marry a widower with very young kids.

[Koronto69]

BV,

In other words, you're scared shit of the future.

Its cool, kiddo. You still got another 5-7 years before those things become a priority. I wonder though.....if everyone had your & you know who's mind-set, would either of you be alive today? Living in fear is no way to live & for an intelligent girl like you to generalize all men and paint such a disturbing image of marriage, meh.....someone must've done something to shape your thinking this way. Qeyr aan kuu rejeeyay.

P.s...I'm a firm believer in balance. We all get what we deserve in life.

[SultanOrder]

I think best age for a woman to start having kids is at age 28,

Its cool, kiddo. You still got another 5-7 years before those things become a priority.

BV is 21-23 years of age

Genius

I don't neccessarly thing the way our parents raise children is wrong, but on the contrary that it was correct within the Somali environment we came from, where families lived next to eachother and your whole extended family was there supporting you. But in western society this is not the case, and its always changing where last generation was stay at home mom's and this generation is working mom's. So you can understand where the confuscian is coming from, and why there is so much research about child raising even though you can consider most of it outdated material.

Now we have a unique position in today's society, and that calls for innovative parents. They have to handle all the stresses of child-raising, religion, culture, and work. Many times with small extended families or no outside help. They essentially have to pave their own paths on an uncharted road.

What we need more than ever is firm grounding in strong principles, no cheating the government, or any system, honesty, integrity, and flexibility to navigate an ever changing world. A strong parental role modeling for our children, not only for us but for them, so they can survive and thrive here.

It might of been possible to have children at age 16 1/2 to 18 in somalia where the young girls were more mature to take on that kind of responsibility. Unfortunately, its very unlikely that a girl ages 21-23 can effectively balance a marriage, her career, children, and culture, in such a hostile environment. Theres just more factors here in the west, and a smaller emphasis on the kind of responsibilities children bear in somalia compared to children here (extended childhoods and pre-adolescents)

This is why I believe that many of the more educated men and women will most likely start to marry and settle down in their mid to late 20's, and even 30's. And have fewer children than traditionaly.

[BlackVelvet]

for an intelligent girl like you to generalize all men and paint such a disturbing image of marriage...

Look who's talking Apart from that comment there you're kinda right, I am petrified, stupified, horrified by the very thought. No idea how my mom did it but I don't plan on finding out for another 10 years or so. When we are mentally prepared, kuligeenba owlaad oo wadnaha nagaa isaajin Ilaahey hana siiyo.

BV is 21-23 years of age

How old did you think I was?

[Koronto69]

Yh, man. She's around that age. How old did you think she sounded? Women have always managed to sound more articulate than us, even the young ones shame us.

I guess its because they rely on their tongue & wits, whereas we rely on our physical strength. A kind of balance in the universe.


I agree with what you've written up there.

[SultanOrder]

BV never really thought about it, but if I had to guess I would of said around 17 from your persona

But Koronto what if I told you I was younger than BV, then what? Which gender is truely more articulate, physically stronger, and in my case better looking.

I wouldn't mind getting married young but having kids late, who says we can't enjoy our youth and vitality here in the west

[Koronto69]

BV,

I'm an old man who's been burnt before, therefore I'm entitled to my cynicism & bitterness, but what's your excuse? My most recent experience with this girl I liked only re-affirmed what all men believe about women & courting i.e. that no woman is worth all that hassle. The ones you don't even bother with want you for some weird reason. Love & all that dopey shit that come with it isn't for everyone, ma garatay? Count on yourself, kid and live for yourself. Some women don't even deserve decency walahi.

[Koronto69]

PO,

I would say, impressive, then. I always figured you were Voltage & Sb's older brother.

Btw, I married straight out of college sxb and let me be the first to tell you that it can be a blessing & a pain all in the same package. A blessing because you're doing something halal & it keeps you away from zinah & fawahishaat. But a pain because it can be very exhausting, specially when neither party wants to compromise. I would never advice anyone to rush to marriage, unless they're financially able to; long after your college years have ended.