Smart, educated, yet unable to find partners.

[miskeen86]

educated somali girls are very very picky. here is what educated somali girls look for in a guy:


- must be light skinned
- must be 5'8"
- must not be fat or too skinny
- must belong to same sub-sub subclan as her
- must pay for entire wedding cost
- must pay meher (dowry) of $20,000
- must have a job which pays atleast $4000/month
- must send some money every month to her relatives in africa
- must have his own apartment or house
- must have a late model mini van
- must have read all Shakespeare books
- must go to movies twice a week


Here is what less educated (high school or less) girls look for in a somali guy:
- he should follow his deen
- he should pay meher if he wishes
- wedding is not neccessary, just nikaax, have some tea & donuts with few close family pple & sheikh
- his qabil/clan does not matter as long as he is somali. if not somali, that's fine too

[AgentOfChaos]

Their standards is way too high anyway, and they don't like a guy driving a jeep wrangler, so why even bother with them.

[Keyblade]

Why do people keep mentioning intellectual conversations? That's the dumbest requirement I've ever seen.

Not really, nothing is more boring than someone who is intellectually challenged. I mean they are good for the short term BUT not the type you take to meet your friends or attend important functions with.

So what people are basically saying is that they don't want to marry a retard, which is understandable I guess. But "intellectual conversations" is such an arbitrary and highly subjective phrase...not to mention it's generally bullshit.

[haxxor]

Why do people keep mentioning intellectual conversations? That's the dumbest requirement I've ever seen.

Not really, nothing is more boring than someone who is intellectually challenged. I mean they are good for the short term BUT not the type you take to meet your friends or attend important functions with.

So what people are basically saying is that they don't want to marry a retard, which is understandable I guess. But "intellectual conversations" is such an arbitrary and highly subjective phrase...not to mention it's generally bullshit.

Okay I may exaggerate too much, A Muslim marrying very strong atheist is worst thing a Muslim can do in the life (Other than the shirk).

However, marrying anyone who understands what you're talking about, understands your jokes, understands how to represent her/his opinion, understands how to discuss properly, understands how to correctly debate and argue to make the valid point, understands what you mean and knows when to speak out when it's needed. That's pretty important in long term.

Not able to have intellectual conversation doesn't mean being retarded.

[Keyblade]

anyone who understands what you're talking about, understands your jokes, understands how to represent her/his opinion, understands how to discuss properly, understands how to correctly debate and argue to make the valid point, understands what you mean and knows when to speak out when it's needed.

what's so intellectual about all of that. They're pretty basic social skills. Unless of course what you're 'discussing' is astrophysics or something. I'm not sure if you think too highly of your own mental capacity, or too low of that of women in general.

[Shirib]

Okay I may exaggerate too much, A Muslim marrying very strong atheist is worst thing a Muslim can do in the life (Other than the shirk).

However, marrying anyone who understands what you're talking about, understands your jokes, understands how to represent her/his opinion, understands how to discuss properly, understands how to correctly debate and argue to make the valid point, understands what you mean and knows when to speak out when it's needed. That's pretty important in long term.

Not able to have intellectual conversation doesn't mean being retarded.

A Muslim cannot marry an athiest.

[haxxor]

^^^ I define very liberal Christians, and Jews to be pseudo-atheist. This is excuse what some Muslims use when marrying, not that I view as wrong/haram but it's in gray/questionable area.

anyone who understands what you're talking about, understands your jokes, understands how to represent her/his opinion, understands how to discuss properly, understands how to correctly debate and argue to make the valid point, understands what you mean and knows when to speak out when it's needed.

what's so intellectual about all of that. They're pretty basic social skills. Unless of course what you're 'discussing' is astrophysics or something. I'm not sure if you think too highly of your own mental capacity, or too low of that of women in general.

Most people I met are different, you literally have to dumb down your language for them to understand clearly and when in debate it's always about trivial matters, never political and religion. Most just talk about their lives, not that they're boring but it's pretty much damn same everyday. What happens if you're married, and you start to run out of things to talk about life as you pretty much know everything about her life and she knows everything about your life? And you know what she's supposed to do now and later, and vice versa? What are you going to talk about?

And no it doesn't happen in women only, it also happens in men.

[Alshabaibe]

Alsha-babe

Are you a girl/woman?

I don't know why but I thought you were a guy.

Yep, I guess a slight oversight.

[Alshabaibe]

As to why females succeed were there counterparts fail, It has to do with how a conservative society, such as ours, views its women. Women are like a ruler by which we measure our communities righteousness, so they are guarded more. Going to high school in the states, we as boys would play ball in the hood, some of us smoked weed (I didn’t), wonder around town, sometimes skipped school, while the average girl was on tight leash and was expected to come home when the school bell ranged. In the end, this benefited the females because they learned more, did their homework, and graduated from high school in larger numbers. Furthermore, because they spent more time with books, they were more studious and thus more likely to go onto college (unless
of course, someone came to marry the girl), and thus the rift between the two began to widen.

Thats actually plausible, so this should be an issue affecting Muslims and conservative communities across the board.

I think the issue is bad enough for local communities to start having serious discussions. Some serious questions to ask would be why Somali males end up failing and why the educated Somali males run after foreigners or marry younger aged women

Couldn't agree more.
Initiative, thats all it needs.

[Sealion]

I think a lot of educated girls do end up settling eventually--if they're dead set on not marrying out of the community. I think the problem nowadays is the lack of opportunity/places for young Somalis to meet. I'm not sure how it is where you are but in the last five years or so I haven't attended a single mixed wedding in Toronto. When I was younger--most if not all--the weddings I attended with my older cousins/siblings were...that's how they met their future spouses. These days girls have few options when it comes to meeting Somali guys--especially if they want to do so without ruining their reputations/shaming their future in laws. Because if things don't work out with a guy that's she's been seen running around with, she gets talked about not him. All the less educated and not to be mean but less attractive girls I have know met their husbands at the masjid. So I guess girls can always try that hustle... You can also meet guys through your Somali girlfriends if your less religious and open to being seeing in public with members of the opposite sex without a mahrem. Getting your family involved in finding and vetting a spouse can also be very helpful! Good luck to everyone I hope allah sends everyone the spouses they deserve.

[herndonhomer]

Very good thread OP. This is a very common problem in the African-American community too except that a large number of their men are in jail instead of living in their mom's house.

Also cosign Keyblade that whoever said that intellectual conversations are a requirement is stupid. there isn't always going to be a spark in a relationship and eventually all conversations will become boring, trivial, argumentative. this is why people begin to cheat and get divorces.

[salool]

Still discussing calaf...cala kuli xaal waxba runta ha ka warwareegina, gabadh weynaatey cidi ma rabto.Nin kasta xabad yaro 19jir ah bu raba oo cunto yar uga so tuurta, ciyaalka iyo gurigana oo haysa.Thats it!

[FarahWithFlare]

educated somali girls are very very picky. here is what educated somali girls look for in a guy:


- must be light skinned
- must be 5'8"
- must not be fat or too skinny
- must belong to same sub-sub subclan as her
- must pay for entire wedding cost
- must pay meher (dowry) of $20,000
- must have a job which pays atleast $4000/month
- must send some money every month to her relatives in africa
- must have his own apartment or house
- must have a late model mini van
- must have read all Shakespeare books
- must go to movies twice a week


Here is what less educated (high school or less) girls look for in a somali guy:
- he should follow his deen
- he should pay meher if he wishes
- wedding is not neccessary, just nikaax, have some tea & donuts with few close family pple & sheikh
- his qabil/clan does not matter as long as he is somali. if not somali, that's fine too

Meher is Mandatory and not an option. There is no fixed amount or worth. The woman makes the choice.

[grandpakhalif]

those hoes who get married early are smart, I rather marry an ex-hoe (2nd wife) than 30 yr old expired goods.

[FarahWithFlare]

those hoes who get married early are smart, I rather marry an ex-hoe (2nd wife) than 30 yr old expired goods.

Would you like your mother, sister, aunt called a hoe?