     Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
Praise be to Allaah.
This ummah is the nation of moderation and balance, so everyone who belongs to this ummah must be like that in all areas of his life.
At the same time as we are hearing of some Muslims who spend most of their time away from their families – whether for da’wah or for travelling or some other permissible purpose – we are also hearing of the opposite, where some people stay with their families all the time and never devote any time to calling others to Allaah.
Just as a man’s family has rights over him that he should not neglect, other people, Muslims and non-Muslims – also have rights over him which he
should not ignore..
It was reported from al-Hasan that ‘Ubayd-Allaah ibn
Ziyaad visited Ma’qil ibn Yassaar during his final
illness. Ma’qil said to him, I will tell you a hadeeth
which I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him). I heard the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) say:
“There is no person to whom Allaah has given people
to take care of, and he fails to take care of them
properly, but he will not smell the fragrance of
Paradise.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142)
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be
questioned [about those under his care]. The leader is
a shepherd and will be questioned. A man is the
shepherd of his family and will be questioned. A
woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and
she will be questioned. A slave is the shepherd of his
master’s wealth and will be questioned. Each of you is
a shepherd and each of you will be questioned [about
those under his care].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4892;
Muslim, 1829).
Many women wish that their husbands would not go
out and leave them, not even to pray (in the mosque)!
So how about to call people to Allaah? A woman said
in the past: Three co-wives would be easier for me
than my husband’s library! Because her husband was
fond of learning and reading.
So she should not be given everything she wants; the
matter should be referred to what Allaah loves and
wants.
In the case of some acts of worship, the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us
not to go beyond what is prescribed in sharee’ah, for
fear that the rights of others – above all the family –
may be affected because of that. A number of
ahaadeeth were narrated concerning this matter, such
as:
‘Awn ibn Abi Juhayfah narrated that his father said:
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) established brotherhood (mu’aakhah) between
Salmaan and Abu’l-Dardaa’. Salmaan visited
Abu’l-Dardaa’ and noticed that Umm al-Dardaa’
appeared scruffy and unkempt (this was before the
aayah of hijaab was revealed). He said to her, What is
the matter with you? She said, Your brother
Abu’l-Dardaa’ has no need of this world. Then
Abu’l-Dardaa’ came (to visit him). He made some
food for him, and said, Eat. [Abu’l-Dardaa’] said, I
am fasting. [Salmaan] said, I will not eat until you eat.
So he ate. When night came, Abu’l-Dardaa’ went to
pray qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said to him, Sleep, so he
slept. Then he wanted to get up for qiyaam, but
[Salmaan] said, Sleep. When the last part of the night
came, Salmaan said, Now get up. So they prayed, then
Salmaan said to him, Your Lord has a right over you,
your soul has a right over you and your wife has a
right over you, so give each one his due. He
[Abu’l-Dardaa’] went to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about
that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said, “Salmaan is right.” (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 1867).
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be
pleased with them both) said: the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said
to me, “O ‘Abd-Allaah, have I not heard that you fast
all day and pray all night?” I said, yes, O Messenger of
Allaah. He said, “Do not do that. Fast and break your
fast, pray qiyaam and sleep, for your body has a right
over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife
has a right over you and your visitors have a right
over you. It is sufficient for you to fast three days of
every month. For every good deed (hasanah) you will
be rewarded tenfold, so that will be like fasting for an
entire lifetime.” But I went to extremes and made
things hard for myself. I said, O Messenger of Allaah,
I can do more than that. He said, “Then observe the
fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon
him), and no more.” I said, What is the fast of the
Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him)? He
said, “Half a lifetime.” After he grew old, ‘Abd-Allaah
used to say, I wish that I had taken the easier option
which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) offered me. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1874;
Muslim, 1159).
In these ahaadeeth you can see how the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised
moderation in fasting, praying qiyaam and reading
Qur’aan – for those who were doing a lot and
neglecting their families’ rights. He was drawing
attention to the rights of others, including wives and
families.
Whoever organizes his time and pays due attention to
everyone who has a right over him, should not worry
about who is happy and who is not. Do not let da’wah
activities take over your life and occupy all your time,
but do not listen to your wife and give them up
altogether.
One of the things that may help you is to get your wife
involved in da’wah activities. Ask her to listen to a
tape and summarize it, or to read a book and write
down what she has learnt from it, or ask her to attend
a study circle or take part in women’s da’wah
activities at the Islamic centre or attend women’s
seminars held in parallel with the men’s seminars, etc.,
so that she will feel that she is sharing these activities
with you, and she will not feel bored because her
husband is away.
Another issue to bear in mind is that you have to help
her to understand that she will have a share in the
reward if she is patient with you and creates the right
atmosphere for you to learn and engage in da’wah.
The Sahaabiyyaat (women of the Sahaabah) used to
take care of their husband’s houses and children when
the men went out for jihaad; they would serve their
husband’s guests when they came to visit. If a woman
takes care of her husband’s house when he goes out to
seek knowledge or engage in da’wah or jihaad, and
she serves the seekers of knowledge and daa’iyahs
who come to visit him by honouring them and
preparing food for them, then she will have a great
reward for that. Allaah may admit three people to
Paradise because of a single arrow: the one who
makes it with a good intention and the one who hands
it over – not just the one who shoots it. If a wife
understands and remembers this, it will make it much
easier for her to bear it when her husband is absent or
busy.
We will end with the story of a great woman, Asmaa’
bint Abi Bakr As-Siddeeq, and see what she used to
do when her husband was busy with jihaad and
da’wah and taking care of the affairs of the Islamic
state with the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him):
Asmaa’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with
them both) said: I got married to al-Zubayr and he
owned nothing in this world apart from a camel for
carrying water and a horse. I used to feed his horse,
and bring water, and prepare his saddle, and make
dough, but I was not good at baking; some women of
the Ansaar who were my neighbours used to bake my
bread for me, and they were good women. I used to
bring the dates from some land which the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) had given to al-Zubayr, carrying them on my
head. (The land) was two-thirds of a farsakh
[parasang=approx. 3 miles] away. One day I was
coming with the dates on my head, and I met the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) with a group of the Ansaar. He
called me and made his camel kneel down so that I
could ride behind him. But I felt too shy to go with the
men, and I remembered al-Zubayr and how jealous he
was, for he was the most jealous of men. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) realized that I felt too shy, so he
went on his way. I came to al-Zubayr and told him
that I had met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst I was carrying
the dates on my head, and there was a group of his
companions with him. He made his camel kneel down
so that I could ride on it, but I felt too shy, because I
remembered your jealousy. He said, By Allaah, your
having to carry the dates is harder for me than your
riding with him. Later on, Abu Bakr sent a servant
who took care of the horse, and it was as if I had been
set free from slavery.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari,4823).
We ask Allaah to reform the affairs of the Muslims
and make things right between husbands and wives.
May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
And Allaah knows best.
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