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Are Somali parents traditional to a fault?

SomaliNet Forum (Archive): General Discusions: Archive (Before Dec. 16, 2000): Are Somali parents traditional to a fault?
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Anonymous

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 09:31 am
I am an expectant African American mother. The father of the baby is a wonderful Somali man. Unfortunately, when he told his family about me, they became irrate and have even gone so far as to disown him. His father is even considering taking this issue up with tirbal/clan leaders. This has brought a great deal of stress on our relationship. I understand that his parents want him to marry a Somali woman, but he has chosen to be with me and raise our child together. As parents shouldn't they want want is best for their child and what makes their child happy? My question is, am I expecting too much by wanting his family to accept me and our baby? Or are their traditional values preventing them from giving me a chance to prove to them that I am able to be a great wife and mother to their son and grandchild?

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oday

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 09:36 am
First, are you married? Or is the child you are expecting from out of wedlock?

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Anonymous

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 10:15 am
We are in a temporary marriage - mutah. So as far as we are concerned the baby was conceived halal(ly). Why do you ask?

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oday

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 10:42 am
I have never heard "temporary marriage" before. You are either married officially and legally or you are not.

You have posed this question "As parents shouldn't they want what is best for their child and what makes their child happy?" The simple answer is YES.

What is best for our children might not be what they want. A parent is responsible for his children's material well being as well as their moral and ethical being.

In the Somali culture and tradition out of wedlock children are severely tormented and are outcast. In Islam prenuptial sex is prohibited. It is a transgression that carries capital punishment.

Therefore, before you complain about the feeling of others, please do not put yourself, the child you are carrying, and the one you love in jeopardy in this transitional life and in the eternity life in the hereafter.

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Anonymous

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 11:33 am
Actually, his family does not even know that I am expecting a child. And furthermore, he is not a child anymore. He is a man. Out on his own. Making a living for himself and sending money back home to his family. I'm really not asking that they accept me, just that they respect him for the man that he is and respect his decision. I am guessing that the reason that you have not heard of temporary marriages is because we are Shi'a Muslims and most Sunnis have either never heard of mutah or do not belive in it. From what I've read and learned through Islamic books and such this practice of temporary marriage was practiced during the time of the Prophet but due to certian reasons has been frowned upon in recent years. Regardless, in our eyes and in the eyes of Allah this union is halal. So I really don't think that that is such a big issue with his family. When they first heard about me they were upset because of the fact that I was not Somali and also because I was a kufar. I am no longer a kufar but cannot change the fact that I am not now or ever will be Somali. But I do not know why they refuse to treat me as a person and completely ignore the fact that I exist or otherwise treat me like a leper who is corrupting their son.

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Witch

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 11:43 am
Anonymous, don't be stupid. This guy is using his parents as an excuse. Maybe he got with you to get legal papers and to get laid......not necessarily in that order!!
Smell the coffee chick.....you can thank me later!
Next time, lets discuss paternity test and child support aight!

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Anonymous

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 11:55 am
Actually, he has been here for quite some time now and already has papers. In fact he is voting in the upcoming election. I do not need to smell the coffee - it makes me nauseous. But he has financed every aspect of this pregnancy from health care to maternity clothes. If he was out for a screw then he could have gotten one elsewhere for a lot cheaper. I do not think that he would jeopardize his relatioship with his family for a one time deal either. What his family says is real and I have been there to witness it first hand. He is not playing anyone for a fool if that is what you were thinking

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oday

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 12:04 pm
MUTAH!

That Arabic word could be translated into "pleasure", "gratification" or "enjoyment." Is that means you go to a bar, take the hand of the first person of the opposite sex and enjoy yourselves "temporarily?" Or is there another rule for the "temporary marriage?"

I admit. I am ignorant of the Shi'at rituals.

But I do know enough about Islam and the Islamic law. MUTAH is not permissible according to all Muslim scholars. Divorce is the most abhorrent halal to Allah.

Therefore, marriage is an institution that should be nurtured and entered in such a care that it did not lead to divorce.

How than MUTAH could be halal when it is a temporary lust?

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dhukumbe

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 12:11 pm
dear anon

his family will learn to love/respect/accept or whatever they suppose to do. In the meantime, your relationship depends on the two of you, because you are not what they expected for their son or atleast dont know it yet that you are the one for their son. therefore you will experience a temporary disapproval from his family just like he may exprience with yours.

bottom line is this sort of things happen all the time, you could have had this problem even if you where a somali girl. wish you luck

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Anonymous

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 12:36 pm
Dhukumbe, thank you very much for your reply. I understand what you are syaing but it seems far off into the future if ever that they will come to accept this. But my family welcomes him with open arms. But insha'allah all will be well. Thanks again.

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Adam100

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 01:27 pm
Somalis are hypcrats.They arrogant.And most of us are ignorant.
Don't be fooled by people like Odey.We preach something.And we practice another.
Every Somali will tell you we are Moslems.Yes ,but what kind.
We kill our own.Any body in the clan who kills the most is " the brave-man" of the tribe.
We rob when we can.Those of us who earn our living in that way are respected and 'feared' in the towns and villages and are nominated as clan leaders.
About adultery,nobody will beat us in this field.We even change the rules "Quran" to make it fit our present wishes.If a married man wants to have sex with a 15 years old girl,he simply has to make what we call "Qudbi Siraad" that's hidden legal marriage.
Most of us don't even care of this trick.
We don't respect anybody.We don't respect ourselves.We are ruthless and selfish.We came from an environment where Darwin's survival theory is the best rule:survival of the fittest.
We the Somalis are so hypocrites that we even believe to be 'Arabs' and not 'Africans'.'Whites' and not 'blacks'.

We are people with a lot of contradictions.
If that fascinates you , may be you are one of us.Welcome sis.You are a member of our noble tribe.
I did not mean to discourage you.I want you to follow your heart.If he loves you nothing is going to be wrong.After all, observe what we do and what we say.
I can see he loves.That is enough.There is nothing stronger than love,not even religion.
About his parents,be polite to them always.And financially be very generous to them.Even when they are not in need!!There is always someone who is need in the clan back home.And in Somali culture the more you give the more we will love you.
Good luck.


.

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somali thinker

Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 01:56 pm
now my dear people look at this writings what do they tell you if you are a little bit smart enough you can pick up what is involved here

first anonymous is confused and potrays many contradictions so rule this case out, it is based on nothing

well for adam100 who do you think this guy is. read carefully what he writes and relate this to MAD MAC, He is the one, he is anti-islam and antisomalis

look we are simply not stupid, anyone can play the cards behind the screen whatever motives you have. TO My people reson well enough and do not be fooled

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UNKOWN

Wednesday, November 01, 2000 - 06:44 am
ANON................STOP THIS WISHFUL THINKING U PSYCHOTIC BITCH, U ARE NOT AFRICAN AMERICAN, U R A SAD SOMALI GIRL. GET A LIFE, MAYBE U SHOULD GO SEE A SHRINK????

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Anonymous

Wednesday, November 01, 2000 - 09:28 am
Ya Allah May Allah grant you all his wisdom for your sakes and mine

Dear Anon

A salaam aleikum sister


Okay you can not limit someones ignorance, his Family perhaps belive the ideal girl for him lives in the same house, his cousin or someone, a girl a two minute walk away is a total and unpardanable sin. All you can do is to focus on your sphere of influence, be strong and be prepared to be hurt, your african american, this ain't nuthin new. Love your family and strive for Allah (swt). Be generous and loving to his family for the sake of Allah (swt)..that way their ignorance will not affect you, they may come to like you, but i doubt their ignorance will change, maybe inshallah.. but these things are ingrained, don't waste your time on it. I have heard about those temporary marriages before, i think i read an article about them in Iran. Interestingly, i thought all african american muslims were sunni, and somalis too how did you end up a shite?.. that must of been a unbeated path i guess you must be unique!.
Well sister good luck in all you do, i wish you a healthy pregnacy and will pray (tonite) that Allah (swt) eases your hardship. Remember that there are people with bigger and badder problesm, i know this is hard, but its all we got sister, i hope you have a beautiful baby and a blessed household, keep your head up and things will get brighter. His parents have no basis for getting irrate, you a muslim women, i don't know what all the fuss is about. Since when is having a somali culture been something to rejoice about anyway, its just a "accident" of birth. So all you somalis, being wrong all over the page, your country was made by a european with a red pen drawing a straight line, if he was drunk he would have drawn a wiggly line and we would have mroe issues. So stop acting all bad, we have a few nice aspects of culture, but most of it sucks.
anon, welcome to the crazy gang
waslaam

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Lugooyo

Saturday, December 02, 2000 - 06:58 pm
To: Anon

G`us Qabsee geed la fuul.

Sida uu Unknown sheegay waxaad tahay mid laga dhameystay oo wax raba eysan jirin, marka allaha kuu sahlo mid ku riix riixa.

Out...

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SurReal

Saturday, December 02, 2000 - 07:12 pm
Well I think you need to be understanding. His parents come from another generation, and don't probably believe in dating outside one's clan, and sure as hell couldn't predict having a daughter in-law that's not Somali. All that matters is that you are Muslim, from the way you speak I assume you are. In truth that is the most important thing, but our cultural barriers alienate us and make it hard for his parents to be accepting. I just hope that you can be understanding and no matter what stay strong. But I really don't understand this whole "temporary marriage" ordeal. If there ever was such a thing, what's the point of marriage in the first place, if one intends to divorce anyway.

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ICE-MAN

Saturday, December 02, 2000 - 07:22 pm
LOL TEMPORry marriage.lol

This is the best joke i ever had.Especially when Oday responded back with saying he hasn't heard of temporary marriage.
How does the temporary factor work out?Is it like getting a temporary driving licence and depending on how good you pass the test or its another invented legal islamic term to have sex legally and then call it quits because it was temporary anyway.lol

Anonymous i hope everyting works out good,because you made me crack up,big time.

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Ice-Man

Sunday, December 03, 2000 - 09:55 am
Imposter leave my Nick.
I will name you from Now on Fool. Be Ice-Berg,

even if you like my name(Ice-Man) at least behave
you are posting nonsense all over the forums.

Later

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