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jokes for the dirty lawyers.

SomaliNet Forum (Archive): General Discusions: Archive (Before Mar. 13, 2001): jokes for the dirty lawyers.
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joker

Saturday, February 17, 2001 - 05:55 pm
Jokes from the Net.Hate them Lawyers!


1."A young lawyer was sitting in his office when a new client came in. What is your fee for an initial consultation said the client. $100 said the lawyer. After the consultation the client peeled off a brand new $100 bill and gave it to the lawyer. After the client left the lawyer was rubbing the bill and realized that in fact, there were two $100 bills stuck together. The lawyer was immediately faced with a serious ethical question. Should he tell his partner. "


2."A rich man was dying and called his doctor, minister and lawyer to the hospital room. Over the years people had warned him that he could not take it with him and he was determined to take some of it with him. He gave each one of them $250,000 in cash with the instructions to place it in the casket just before burial. At the funeral each one dutifully tossed the package into the coffin just before it was lowered into the grave and buried. Afterwards the minister confessed that needs at the orphanage were extensive and he had taken out $10,000. The doctor then confessed that he had removed $20,000 for the new children's hospital. The lawyer then said: "I'm appalled at your lack of ethics. I placed my personal check for the full amount in the coffin!"


3"A doctor, a priest, and a lawyer are adrift on a raft in the south Pacific. They're just about out of water, food, and hope, when they spot a small island. Only problem is, between the raft and the island is a large hungry school of tiger sharks.

The doctor insists, "I'll swim for the island and bring back coconuts and maybe even help. If the sharks attack me, with my medical knowledge I'll be able to tend to my wounds." The priest says, "No, no my son, I shall swim for the island. I will pray as soon as I hit the water and with my connections I'm sure to make it."

While the doctor and priest are arguing over who is to go, the lawyer dives into the water and swims toward the island. Miraculously, the sharks move away and clear a path for the attorney. A little while later, the barrister retruns to the raft with a lovely bunch of coconuts. And again the sharks clear a path for him.

He finally gets to the raft and the bewildered doctor and priest ask him what was the source of this miracle, and he replied, "Professional courtesy, of course!"


4."A cardiac patient with end-stage heart disease was informed that he needed an immediate heart transplant operation. The heart surgeon told him, "You can have a doctor’s heart for $10,000 dollars or a Rabbi’s heart for $25,000 dollars or I can give you a lawyer’s heart for$100,000 dollars." The patient asked,"Why is the lawyer’s heart so much more expensive than the others?" "Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go through a lot of lawyers to find a heart."


5.'A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.
So, the next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor."


6.:An attractive woman found herself alone in the elevator with a lawyer. "I could push this red button, get down on my knees and give you the best blow job of your life," she purred. He thought a minute and said, "I'm sure you could - but what's in it for me?"

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Anonymous

Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 02:10 pm
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