     Mandela jr. | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 01:43 am
I am wondering if anyone out there has some explanation, or insight into why some people lie about who they are. I'll tell you events that happened to me recently. At a personals site I started chatting with a woman who came across as being very down to earth, friendly, and intelligent. We chatted online a few times and before long she called me. We had at least a 6 hour conversation the first time and subsequent calls lasted a minimum 2 hours. I will say that I have been online for a long time, years and years, and I have run into my fair share of losers, but I am also very wise to the games that go on and have meet many very good decent people after knowing them on the net. With this particular person I had very good conversations, she had a great sense of humour and seemed genuinely interested in meeting, so much so that we arranged a date to meet in person a little over a week in advance. After that I didn't hear from her, she didn't respond to my email, and was never on somalinet. Our meeting date came and went and then about a week later I actually saw her online, when I asked for an explanation she really didn't say anything. I did quite a bit of investigating and came to find that she had lied about her age, what she did for a living, where she lived. I was really disappointed. I felt I was really connecting with this person. If anyone out there has some insight I would welcome it. In particular if someone out there has actually totally misrepresented themselves to someone else on the net maybe you could do me a favour and take time to explain why you did it? I for one would like to know what a person gets out of it? Is it a game? One thing I don't understand at all is why would someone spend 30 hours of their life with me, acting in the guise of potential romance when they clearly had no intention of telling me the truth about even something simple like their age. I am a very decent, honest, and open person and that comes to the forefront very quickly with whoever talks with me. Why would someone want to take advantage of my good nature in such a hurtful way?
Yours,Mandela jr.
Thanx! |
| Sister | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 01:49 am
To
Mandela
First of all sorry to hear that brother,here is what i feel went wrong.Fear of rejection. She probably didn't realize you would connect so well and misrepresented herself to the point where she couldn't hide the lies when you met face-to-face. I know firsthand that I make a point of never misrepresenting myself (I am an overweight woman). I believe most people have good intentions, but their fears also play a large part in not always telling the whole truth. I believe it's part of the on-line dating process that you need weed out the bad and trust someone down the line. There are a lot of honest people as well as dishonest people.
Good Luck! |
| Osman | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 01:57 am
To
Mandela jr.
When I first met my online love of what will be a year in May, I lied about a bunch of things, but nothing serious. I exaggerated how many friends I had, didn't mention certain problems in my life, but nothing like my age or anything. I told her pretty much everything after a month or so, but this was because this is my first (and I hope only) net relationship. It wasn't until after a month that I started realising this was a very real relationship, and thats when I confessed about the little lies I'd told. As time has gone by, I've told her everything about me. I've known this girl for not even 10 months, yet now she knows more about me than anyone I've ever had in my life. My gf lied to me about something very big though. For 3 months she told me she was X years old, but then, after much pressing over a certain age-related subject, confessed she was a lot younger. I broke up with her over it, thats how distressed I was. Pretty quickly though I realised the one important thing - she was still the same person. Now I love her more than I have ever done, and trust her completely.
I think people lie for all sorts of reasons, some out of fear, some because they don't take it seriously, and some, very sadly, because they do just see it as a game. I guess online you're never gonna be able to be totally sure of whos telling the truth, and who isn't. Putting your trust in someone you've never met, giving them your heart, can be a risky thing. Sometimes though, as many cases have proved, it can be the smartest move a person can make in their life.
yours Osman |
| SAGI WOMAN | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 04:23 am
The internet allows us to explore, I have met a # of ppl and have 'lied' about many thing, my age, my hair, my job, my life and have been lied to in turn. Now this may sound bad, if you take it out of context.
It entirely depends on who, how and what frame of mind you're in when you meet ppl. On the initial meeting, I personally couldn't care less who this person is - this sounds quite sharp but it's the truth, it's on the exchange of words and on building a connection that defines for me when and how to relate. Ppl meet in a playful manner and are open to redefining themselves, however if the meetings become a regular event I would seriously question those that maintain that state of fiction.
I have met some wonderful ppl and have managed to travel the world with smiling faces waiting for me at my destinations because of Internet connection’s
On the other hand, I once thought I fell in love with this guy and he turned out to be someone completely different - that made me wonder about the power of projection. On the internet we’re only limited by our imagination and nothing much else.
Subsequently I've met another man who professes his love to me, and I won't have any of it simply because we met on line and I've had a shocking experience that I have no intention of repeating.
Back to your question,
I think we all lie and it's just easier on line, as we're not committed to our lies nor are we 'faced' with those we have lied to.
I now take everything said via this www with a pinch of salt if not a bucket load.
Sagi Woman |
| Basra | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 06:44 am
Sagi woman
aaaaahhuuhh so you are a liar? shame shame shame looooool |
| Sagi Woman | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 07:02 am
Basra:
lol.. ur making me blush now..(cos I'm soooooooo fair in complexion loooool, n my long blond hair is is getting in my way)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Not a liar.. not always, just that, potentially on the net we can... be creative if the fancy takes us...with minimum consequence
my point was.. don't take anything too seriously here on the net.. take your time to get to know ppl and remember that 'virtual reality' is very different to 'reality' as we understand it...
enjoy it for what it is… a momentary fix with the potential to last a bit longer... potential mind!
Sagi Woman
(free aka advice.com) |
| xayaad | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 09:59 am
Mandela it seems that you are a teenage and first time to have a relationship, you will grow out if it Mandela! next time don't take things seriously. I am not saying to lie, i am saying don't believe everything you told.
I used to chat but i stopped coz i got tired of lying. U just cant tell the thruth about yourself to a stranger even if u talked to him/her on the phine many times. |
| Honesita | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 10:53 am
Xayad.....sis why cant u tell pple the truth about ur self......is anything wrong with the truth about ur self.....!!!??
Sis if u cant tell the truth why bother and chat in the first place.....a lot of pple say u cant tell the truth.....not only online....even in real life.....WHY.....i dont understand walaahi!!!
And da brotha does not sound no where near being a teenager....he just talked about the reality of chat lines.....
There was a time in my life where i was addicted to chat lines.....i never lied about my age...or about where i live and what i do.....and surprisingly....not a lot of pple were interested to chat with me....i was young....a sophmore in high school...did have no job...didnt have a life.....most of my friends were like me....but they knew a looooooot of pple online...why...cuz simply they lied about everything....including age!!
I dont chat no more.....not as i used to...cuz i got a life and just too busy.....and i honestly dont miss it!!!
If u pple feel like u have to lie about ur life...why dont u change it if it doesnt make ya happy.....cuz i honestly believe if u r happy with what u r u would not lie about it..!!!!!
The other thing is...pple chat for the fun of it....if it is filled with lies....what is fun about it!!! If u know the person u're talking to is lying...what is so interesting about talking to them...!!!
I just hate lies and liers!!!
adios |
| Nia | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 11:27 am
The only one who looses is the person who lies.
Mandela, consider yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with that liar anymore.
Sorry that she wasted your time.
Xayyad, what a hypocrite! why go to chat rooms if you don't want to meet and talk to strangers. If you don't like lieing, then why strike up a conversation with a stranger in the first place?
It is your kind that give Somali women a bad name. |
| Xoogsade | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 11:33 am
Son:
Anything a lady says: assume it is a lie. That way you can enjoy a happy and fullfilling relationshjip. Or not. |
| A-te | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 01:56 pm
BECAUSE YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE! |
| broken-man | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 07:47 pm
My honest brother Mandela,I stopped visiting those chatlines long ago because of a similar experience,
One night as I was totally bored I loged in,met this cool sounding somalisis,we chated&chated like we were the only two human beings on this planet,I was honest with her 100% because I don't like liers period.She acted so down to earth and gave me all the wrong information she could come up with!?......She demanded we talk on the phone,I thought it was a little inappropriate giving we only met an hour ago,she insisted I gave up and called,didn't find her left a massage,she called me later and apologized,I was so nice to her I only said&used the perfect,romantic words you can imagine,Did it work........NO
A week later she started hiding,not-replying to any of my e-mails or phone calls,I the started getting a little suspecious,I sent her an angry e-mail,She then replayed with a loud of rubbish,Talking about am judgemantal and she wants time out!!!!! we have only met yesterday for gods sake!!
I washed my hands from internet love connections and it's chatlines all together,So this is my advice to you brother,Get out and meet real people face to face. |
| C/samad | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 08:05 pm
Broken man and the guy who posted this message.While i agrree with you of what is happening here, yet there are good people who are so sincere just the way u were with that girl.
I have had my downfall too. I met one girl while i was on the chat. We really had a long down to earth talk about everything. She was sincere and i was too. But we all realized at the end that we were not meant for each other becausee of some of our differences, yet we are still friends and chat everyday.
But there are someppl who are out there who are liers and losers who spend your time for nothing. They act like angels and imagine when your heart misses a beat.lol.
I believe that if you go about with care an d caution, you can find dat right one |
| Rude awakening girl | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 08:22 pm
broken manloool
You all are a bunch of loosers.Naive, sentimental losers who think they are righteous.In this world you gotta be a liar at some point.I dumbed alot of men because of their innocent ways of thinking.Judgemental too.They are like eggs ready to be broken.I dont want to baby sit a grown up big boy and expected if infact we have a child together baby sit the child?Noncesense.lol |
| dhoore | Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 08:54 pm
So mandela I feel sorry for you bro.
I know alot of ppl on the chat line
who lies and dat means if you lie simple
of your age or some thing simple like
where you are, is really bad repetition
and you might addicted to it.
I myself had same experience on the net
this girl dat we used chat for long time
like about 3months use to tell me lie.
Not only about her age but where she lives 2?
First,the age she told is not some thing acceptable
she is way too old da age dat she is..
Secondly,she lied about here aberrance.
Well, when I found out the hall thing was
lie I just back up..
One advice for my brothers/sister please don't
lie to each other and I don't see a reason of
doing dat....instead of lying just say I don't
feel convertible to tell you thru net or you
could say I don't tell my private life to strangers
Peace and on luv to all Ya |
| Abdi | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:41 am
To
Mandela jr.
I haven't had a trouble with somebody lying to me in a loving relationship, but I do have a "friend" (as in, no longer a friend) who did that.
She told me lies up and down, and even had another person say that she was telling the truth.
Now that I don't talk to her anymore, it's plain to see this person is hurting for attention, because she spends a lot of her time putting me down, trying to get people on "her side", and other stupid crap. She loves to threaten me, saying the FBI is investigating me for hacking into her computer (whatever.. this has been going on for 8 or 9 months now) and for "stalking" her. I think the stalking thing came about because I did a little looking around on the net and found out some of her lies - pictures she had sent me that weren't really hers, for example. Sheesh. She has other people convinced I hacked into her computer and that I'm stalking her too, and a number of them hate me.
But like I said, she just wanted a fantasy world where somebody would like her, and want to be her friend. I thought she was just fine as she was, without making up lies and stories.
yours,Abdi |
| Anonymous | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:45 am
Lol...buddy....I do feel sorry for you...I've experienced something somewhat the same. Your lucky it was as short-lived as it was. Imagine that deception lasting several months, that this was someone you were actually seeing and almost even got intimate with. Almost got engaged to. Now, imagine you have been suspecting her deception for a few months, but even her friends and family are supporting her lies. Everywhere you look for a shred of truth is so well covered up you can produce nothing more than mere doubt. Imagine that she has a so-called twin sister who has just gotten engaged to a friend of yours who lives out of town.
Now imagine the Metro Police handing you a report saying that her job is not real, that she has no twin sister, that everything you knew about her was wrong. Imagine how disgusted you would be at her, and her family, and her friends for all helping to deceive you, for nothing more than their own petty entertainment! Be lucky that you only had to imagine all this. Unfortunately this happened to me, so I don't have that luxury.
Be careful. The internet, somalinet, the phone, are by no means a safe way to build a foundation of trust, which should be epicentre in any relationship. Lol..unfortunately I made a very bad catch and this damned fish could not be trusted in real life either. |
| dr.qalbi | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:47 am
To
Mandela jr.
The one I talked about claimed her "twin sister" was a Crown Attorney...(gee, that would be a federal offence now, wouldn't it? Lucky me she'll never dare cross my path with that type of leverage)...and that she herself worked for the Maple Leafs. What a laugh. She nearly got away with it too.
I realize you are interested in this person who's hurt you's mentality. What drives a person to show dishonesty like that? What motivates a completely heartless, remorseless, and cruel person to do this? Some do it for money. It is, at best, a very sadistic form of entertainment.
It took me a long time to recover from this...and a key thing that helped me with that is the knowledge that she could never do what she did again (and this one won't dare cross my path...believe me)...and that it is not likely anyone will ever do the same to me again...not because my heart has grown cold, because it has not. But because I value trust even more so now than I ever did before...and expect every bit as much honesty as what I dole out. I know in my heart that this is not a bad or unfair thing. I now know at which point trust must be earned for there to be any relationship.
by dr.qalbi
Thanx |
| Anonymous | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:50 am
To
dr.qalbi
thanks so much for talking about what happened to you. It left me a little startled. And really in many ways it reinforced Vince's point that basically some people are fucked - isn't really an explanation for it. All I can say in response is that it is refreshing to see you have such a great attitude about the experience - especially your attitudes pertaining to trust. |
| Lorenzo | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:55 am
First of all i wanna say thanx to the person who brought this topic to us,and also say how sorry im to hear this thing happend to you guys with the same kind of problems.
i think the people from the other topics about online love, need to come over here and do a little reading. they feel their so much in love but dont stop to think this will happen to them.
i also had a rally big disapiontment. what i thought to be my "true love" ended up being nothing more than a lieing b*#ch. and sorry for the language, but i dont understand how someone could lie like that.
i guess that was a lesson that i needed to learn. now i know not to trust anyone before really getting to know them in person. you could trust people on here but to some extent. to trust them with feelings, i belive it has to be in person not here.
Mandela jr., you asked why they lie. i would have to say because they had nothing to do. for them i guess it was like this imaganery love. maybe they needed someone to talk to and someone who would care about them i think they may not have it in real life so they saw this as a way to feel loved. who knows, every mind is its own world, only they know why they did it. as for me i know i will not be as trusting anymore.
by LL |
| Anonymous | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 05:59 am
I had a somewhat similar experience. I was in an online relationship and things were getting kind of stale -- this new guy showed up in chat one day and I kind of 'talk' to him.
We ended up chatting a lot and then I called him. I was horny and we ended up having phone sex. Our first call lasted 3 hours. I got along quite well with him. He had a very cool accent. We ended up talking on the phone 2 or 3 more times.
Back to the story -- he was at school in Vermont. He told me he was originally from Boston. He described himself as 6'4 220 pounds ... One time he disappeared for a few weeks and I was mad when he re-appeared. He said he had hurt his knee playing football for his college and he had to rest since his team was going to the playoffs..they'd need him healthy!
Then it got weird. We were talking serious stuff one day .. he tells me he's upset because -- get this, he used to be a part of the mob! LOL! He had broken ties with them, but they occassionally call and MAKE him do certain things .. and he'd be going away for the weekend to do something -- he couldn't tell me what, but he was really upset.
Needless to say, I thought he was full of crap. While he was supposed to be away, I called him and HE ANSWERED!!
He gave me some story about his car breaking down or something.. whatever!
Somewhere around that time, I told my real online sweetie about this guy ... I felt really bad for what I had done and for not telling him right off the bat. I was really confused about a lot of things.
My sweetie decided to give me time to work things out .. and to be there for me as a friend. He's a big football fan.. pro and college. When I mentioned the part about the guy hurting his knee playing football and then being needed because the team was going to the playoffs, he jumped in with "that college doesn't have a football team!" !!!! UGH!!!
So I somalinet'ed the guy and asked him how football season was going.. he told me they had just won their first playoff game. I said, hey I went to your school's website and they don't mention having a football team..what's up with that?? He said that was because they're phasing it out and this was their last year!
Sooo the next day I told him I called the school and GUESS WHAT! They don't have a football team and I told him he was full of crap and that was that.
He still hung around the chat room ---- his next 'target' was a 16 year old girl! Ugh! Creep!
Nothing would ever have come of it, but just the fact that he lied.. ugh!!!!!
PS.. my online sweetie and I are now living in the same city and planning our wedding! That whole mess just gave us a chance to seriously realize how much we meant to each other! |
| Lost Son | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 06:01 am
To
Bro/Sis
I did that online lying ••••. And let me tell you what it got me. I thought hell no harm in a few lies.. Well this lady I met was a beautiful, intelligent, person, she was self employeed and looking for just a friend, had no time to date.. we chatted for 6 months, and guess what I fell for her, then i had to come up with the why I lied to her, this was unforgivable to her, she has not talked to me since, I lost what could have been a great relationship for a few lies!!! I regret it.
by L.son |
| Anonymous | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 06:04 am
Well the bit about being scared is true to some extent...i believe there are both....the con artists and the for real (but with lies) I know this because I am still in the process of lying.
Let me explain...I have been talking to my online friend/lover for 6 months now.....i have fallen for him hard and he appears to be the same........i am waiting until we meet to be certain which will be in 6 months time definitely.
I have lied about my age at the beginning...it is never brought up any more...I am 4 years older than him not two years younger.....but I look two years younger...8 years my friends say and he has a pic of my face so does not know the difference. This I will tell him in person.
I have lied about my weight...I have told him I am large but not overweight and pics of my body were sent that were taken 6years ago because i was not overweight then.
However I do genuinely care for him and I am making good my lie....I needed to lose 3 stone and have already lost 2 stone. I have been determined to make it a reality. 1 stone to go and time enough before the meeting to lose it....perhaps I shall even bring forward the meeting date as this is why I have made it for so long.
With all the replies here maybe you think I am dishonest..yes to an extent but I am rectifying that I shall be what I said I was...everything else I said about my life is true so it is only the weight issue.
Why did I do it again!!! Plain scared because by the time we got to the exchanging pics thing...I had well and truly fallen for him with all my heart. |
| Hibo | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 08:20 am
Mandela: Sorry aboowihiis, .... to hear about what ur girl...did to u...however.. many woman feel intimidated by their age...&..weight for most part... n ...the society is to be blamed...Aggregation of age & weight has been made such a big issue... women mostly feel...insecure...n suffer from low self esteem...I can understand where u r coming from.. I am sure if u had taken the time....to really rationalize the main reason as to what....had caused her...to act in such a manner... u would definitely had come to a different conclusion...I personally don't support 'lying' perios.. i would rather not tell u then...lie....Don't just judge bro....reason out first... My advice to u would be... call her...n ask her why she did what she did??...Then draw ur conclusions....Till then,.....salaama...
Honestia: lol....sis but way to go... I agree with ya..
Xayaat: lying is ceeb sis... quit...don't tell them....what u don't want them to know....but don' lie either! |
| Nuune | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 08:49 am
Minw was more than lying. I met a lady on the net. She gave me her phone number i gave her mine and well we contnuously called each other everyday. I sent her my pictures and having asked her to send hers , she didnt on the excuse that she doesnt have a scanner. But i told her i would give her my physical address and shouldnt have to worry about a scanner,. I was saying this cause i was trying to make things smoother and easier for her. Instead of trying to find friends who got scanner, she should simply have to post it directly without hussle. But it never happenned.
And being a person who is shy and understanding, i took the pain of ignoring the issue for sometime.
I lived by then in Ottawa, around herron area. She lived in BC vancouver.
Almost six month passed when i asked her if i can come and visit her, and she really said well, you should since we have been talking for long.
She gave me the address and everything else.
November last year, i arrived in Vancouver and took a taxi to the address she gave me.
But to my dismay what io met was quite different than what a normal human being would do.
tHERE WAS A SOMALI FAMILY LIVING IN THE HOME BUT THEY TOLD ME THE PERSON I AM LOOKING FOR DOESNT LIV HERE AND THEY DONT REALLY KNOW ANYONE BY THAT NAME.
To me it was really a bad moment that i think i will never forget in my life. I have narrated my story to the family and they were really shocked.
They told me to stay with them and perhaps they would try to find out who might that person be since the somali in Vancouver are few and know each other. I thanked them and stayed with them.
Well to be frank, they tol me that the person lied to me ,,or perhaps the person lives in this city but doesnt wanna come forward.
I am an attractive young handsome, very handsome indeed, and i am not flattering myself, just assertiing the fact.
Four days there after i returned to Ottawa where i have met het online again,
When i told her what she did to me, she simply said walaalo i wasnt expecting you would get so serious as that and she was just thinking that i wouldnt show up. But when i told her i had in fact come to Vancouver she was shocked and was amased by my sincerity. She oppologied but then Dont you think that it was too late.
I believe onething in life that there is no sorry after death, once a harm is done, it is done specially when the other knows that she/he is causing the harm.
To me it was an experience that showed me what the average human person is capable of doing, it was a time when i realized the total chaos in this world we live.
Of course, i told her that it was nice knowing her but then i avoided further contact even being online for morethan an hour.
It is sad really, sad indeed,
I wanna thank u guys and girls wh brought this subject, it really helps us to share our experiences and what we have gone through,,
A doctor once told me, laugh a lot and cry a lot, and talk a lot, surely he said it is healthy.. |
| Honesita | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 09:41 am
I am so surprised most of the pple that went through the lies online r men.......what is up with us somali girlz nowadayz.......what is fun about hurting a brotha that truely cares for ya........
And to u girlz that think lying online is just fine since he is not a real person....well believe in the saying...What goes around, comes back around to ur a$$ oneday sweety.......so wake up and smell the coffee and the canjeelo.....stop lying..!!
Nuune......brotha i dont even think u should talk to her for an hour.......she's a lousy lax....walaahi....and she does not deserve to talk to a sincere brotha like u!!!!
Anonmous...2/19..11:04am......abaayo ma waalatay.....a guy who is 4 years younger than u maxuu kuu sheegaa.......
I can understand when girlz and guys lie about thier weight or hight.......but what is up with lying about the age.......u're neva too old or too young......so be happy that u r alive..!!!
Mandela......i agree with Hibo bro....why dont u call her up and see what she gots to say about da whole thing..!!
adios |
| xayaad | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 10:09 am
Honsita & Nia
I never lied about my ideas and and my thoughts, i did about my name and qabiil. why i should i tell a peeson i just met everything about me.
i once told a guy i chatted with for six months my name do u what happend the whole guys he told all his friends my name and qabiil. since that time i understood the game very well, i learned a lesson. I really turted that guy!.
Honesita & Nia are you telling me u never told a lie while using the chat?! |
| Nia | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 10:46 am
Xayyad, I never use the chat. Too impatient for small talk with boys. |
| Jamal | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 11:13 am
To
Bro Mandela
I have some experience in this area, asked the same question, and came to the following blindingly profound conclusion: PEOPLE LIE BECAUSE THEY'RE LIARS. Spare yourself the process and go straight to the epiphany. |
| Mandela jr. | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 11:21 am
I appreciate the responses so far, thank you all!. I think though I'm looking for a little more understanding - hoping to get right into the head of a person who would do such a thing. To clarify my point: First of all I am not talking about simple untruths such as age, or number of friends. This person basically made up a life. She wasn't 25 she was 38 - the pictures she sent were of another person - she talked regularly about her second year in law school but in real life is a florist. once it seemed like there was an interest in each other she removed her personal ad. Basically she fabricated her whole life - made up a fantasy of who she was and spend a considerable amount of time to make it all happen. And she did this just to deceive me? She never intended to pursue me in a relationship, from the beginning she only intended to play this grandiose game with me. And yes I understand she was a liar, but I really am interested in the why's. Why would someone spend so much time deceiving me. I guess I am really hoping someone who has themselves done a similar thing write me and explain what they got out of it, was it a thrill? was it fun? was there a satisfaction with being anyone they wanted to be. |
| Adam | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 11:28 am
To
Mandela
What difference does it make why? The point is that she did. She played you and she conned you and then she didn't have the sense God gave dirt to even change her nick after the meeting date came and went. Conclude that it was a game to her and now it's game over. If you ask yourself the eternal question "why" you'll tie yourself up and stay stuck there. It happened, you lost some time, it could have been worse.
Move on and next time do your investigating in advance of getting involved and planning meetings. |
| Mandela jr. | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 11:31 am
To
Adam
Adam - I'm curious, I'm interested in knowing what the hell a person is thinking. It's not a matter of being stuck there - its a matter of wanting to understand the mentality. And I appreciate your suggestion about doing my investigating first but I don't agree with you at all. I am not going to turn into a skeptical, hardened, bitter person because of one idiot. My creed is to approach people with honesty, openness and give them the benefit of the doubt. I understand that leaves me open to wackos but at the same time I'm a big boy I can take it. Mostly at this point I'm interest in some insight - given this is such an annonymous place I'm hoping someone who has played such games will tell me what they got out of it. |
| Winnie | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 11:58 am
Mandela jr. The same thing happened to me.
Only this guy was trying to proof something to his friends and 'making me pay' for (in his immagination) dissing his tribe!!
The lesson I learned was: "You can't avoid meeting jerks in this world"
The good thing that came out of this is that, now I have more appreciation for the love of my live, my soul-mate. |
| M/X | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 03:45 pm
we go to chat rooms just for fun not for lookin relationship. i was really surprised when i read most of the postings, u guys seem like u go to the chatrooms to meet ur future room mate or something like that. i don't think that's what chat line is about. chat line is about having fun for while u r on it, and by time u log it off, u should forget about who u where talkin to, what u have been saying to that person or the excitments u have had with that person.
i never go to the chatline for looking a girl, the reason i go to it, is just to have fun with somalis, that's all.
another thing, how could u trust someone u never know what personality he/she got. some1 u don't know who she/he is. some1 u never met before.
don't believe everything u read, see or u hear guys.
u guys sound like hunters over the chatlines, i don't think chatline is good place to meet some1.
couldn't u met girls face to face??, what a losers gather on here.
give the girls break guys. if the girls dumbed u, u guys deserved it coz u r not enough smart for them or should i say u weren't enough man for them.
if u think all the somalis r honest, think again bro. |
| moedy | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 03:58 pm
What do you expect people to be honest in chat rooms 
;;;;:::::;;;;;:::::
I can tell you all the lies in the world
and no one would know ha ha
To tell you the truth I've indulged in this anonymity pleasure more than once
Confession time: in another forums I made up a story that I have a white girlfriend to get a point across big deal fools are meant to be fooled
Don't hate me cause I can play with your mind
People this is a fantasy land i can be whatecer i wish
mi yllaer yag dna duorp tub i dluow reven timda siht ot a hcnub fo esolc dednim sloof hcus sa sevlesruoy! |
| RealLover | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 12:15 am
Mandela jr. ,Seriously, where is your selfrespect man? You must be desperate? Or are you so hopeless that women in your own envireonment don't look at you twice?? 2 phonecalls and a couple of e-mails,and you are hooked?? Man, that's something..... You are fooling yourself, Dreamboy. And I bet she is laughing her ass off now.... You wont find real life on the net, dude!
GET A LIFE! |
| Honesita | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 02:56 am
Xayaad.....when i "used" to chat....i once told this guy i was 19 when i was actually 17...after about 20 minutes of chatting.....i told him....brotha sorry i lied....i'm really 17.....u know what he did.....he just laughed at me and said well i'm 23 too.....cuz he told me he was 26.......we just laughed at each others....
Why da hell in da world would u ever lie about ur qabiil.......that is the dumpest thing to ever lie about..!.....It seems like the guy that was tellin' his friends about u was just a "kid" so just avoid talkin' to kidZ sistah.......and that is easily done...!!
Mandela......my goodness....the lady is having problems with her own self esteem and self confidence........a 38 year old woman shouldnt be playin' such childish games.....she shouldnt even be online.......i'de tell her go get u a real man or take care of ur kids.....ceeb badanaa..!!
ciao |
| Haji Sea Man | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 08:38 am
I am 40 and she is 38. It is evident she was never what she said she was although I denied this reality for the sake of true love.
My advice to all men and woman is this: If you do feel love with someone on the internet, make sure you both act as responsibly at distance as you would up close and together. A relationship is real if the feelings are vested. Anyone who does not place value in the other is not committed. If you reach a committment level, consistency and honesty is the cornerstone.
Haji sea Man
Shukraan |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 08:41 am
HAJI GET REAL.LIE IS PART OF THE GAME OF CYBER LOVE. |
| FW De Clark | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 11:40 am
To
Mandela
Let me put my 2 cents in. I won't go into my long story nor comment on yours except to say. Promises are words, so easy to say. It's the actions that are truely hard to survive in reality. Please move on. It's hard. Believe me I know. But I can tell you that it's a lot easier to move on when you have never met in person and shared physical intimacies, than to move on if you have shared intimacies. I was so thankful for that bit of mercy. Don't waste your time and in future, please take internet relationships for the most part as what they are. Daliances. Should one become more, good luck to the couple. But should it not, if treated as what it is, it will be a little harder to get hurt. Go into it with open eyes and be very careful of your heart.
By FW De Clark |
| UNICORN | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 03:07 pm
SAME OLD STORY.
Thats why I dont chat no more,because nobody is telling one single truth not even about their opinion, I know this cause I did the same too.
I got tired of people askin me about what I do where I live and bla bla bla,cause all I wanted was just some one I could have unserious and casual chat with. I met some cool guys but I never gave it a second thought even though we emailed each other. But that does not mean I engaged them unto something, but brother Mandela I know for sure why that lady lied about everything because she knows she can.Trust me I know some ladies thats on the chat all the time all of them single mothers, no job,no school and plenty of time on their hands also its a good entertainment isent it...Some of are really sad they are not what they say they are but they stil like you.I dont get why do you care so much about her thoughts and entering her brain,its so obvious she either pysco, she is a lowlife a liar, she have no confidence,she has a boring life,she is too dumb to understand when she crossed the limit from casual chat to being serious, and she obviously doesen't reckon your presence or existence all that time you were chatting. Ask me I say she is not interesting at all so dont try to figure her out plain like that.
Better luck next time. chaaaaw |
| shorty gotta eye on u | Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 05:34 am
hi nuune whats up that was really a sad stroy, i can not belive that a person can do something like that,bro i really feel for u, if u wanna chat then holler back.
peace yol |
| kamal | Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 06:28 am
So i am not the only one it has happened to then? All i can say is the friends i have made as a result of being honest about myself and the particulars of my life were worth the bother. Those that lie spend a lot of time and effort to stay in the conversation. They always slip and then they look like the fools.
Anyone that likes them for the fakeness will only endup walking off once they discover they are infact dealing with a gost. Some believe lies can spice up a conversation, well some just don't know the limits to spicyness and endup burning themself.
We should feel sorry for those that have little confidence in the truth of their matter. My advice to them would be to accept themself before anyone else can accept them. |
| AMERICAN GAL | Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 06:40 am
MADELA MANDELA MANDELA PEOPLE LIE BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO BE MORE INTERSTING....THEY WILL SAY FOR EXAMPLE I GO TO COLLEGE AND I SAY NOW NOW U KNOW U DON'T MR QOOXOTI....SEEE IF HE JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH THE FIRST TIME.....THEN I COULDN'T COMMENT BACK ON HIM....I MEAN THE MAJORITY OF THE NIGGAZ AND FEMALES WHO GO ON THE NET LIE.... AND THEN THEY LIE SOME MORE....SO BE CYNICAL...DON'T BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE TELL U....IF U TOOK THAT ADVISE AND THEN U WOULDN'T BE HURT NOW WOULD U??? I LIE AND NIGGAZ LIE BUT IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME....
P.S. WHAT THE HELL A 38 YEAR OLD FEMALE DOING ON THE CHAT?? WAS SHE SOMALIAN CUZ DAMN YO THEY USUALLY STAY HOME WITH THE TWENTY KIDS THEY HAVE WHILE THEIR HUSBANDDS GO MARRY FOUR WIVES
1CYNICAL AMERICAN GAL |
| MULKI | Tuesday, March 06, 2001 - 03:37 pm
TO MR madale.
Bro I'm so sorry what happen to you,if you are realy honest. indeed there is alot of ppl metioned their past experinces i readed and i astonished some of them. I want say sorry again bro from ottowa and traved whole down to see the person he turst.
In my expericnce on the net i met alot of guys,the first guy i met on the net It is realy suprised it'was my first night i tried to visited the chat rooms IT was a year ago. and i met a guy who is realy intelgant, have sense of humer. realy he was nice good looking young man and very understandble and very thurthfull man. to be honest with he made me to think whole my future to trust him and i become in love.
after we sees each other in live and everythink comes how we excpect one onother everything much and greatfull i can say i was sucsess to that i spend with him.
after a 8mnoths of the realationship we decided to talk about the life and how we gone make the futrue we statified the personlaity and macthed each other unfortunatly we couldn't success about the futrue jus becsoue where we live we were far away each other.
we keep in thouch and we will never forget eeach other i have a great respect for him and he does sometimes i wonder how lucky i was and how i missed. he was the first person i chatted and he was truthfull person.
after that i haven't tried serious realtionship with net and i already know some of the problem can occour. I hate the lairs and i never lair any one either he is from net or live. and it's one of the things if I CATCH will never neverforgiven.
so mandle we all have expericnce but pls don't tell ever someon and don't be disoppinted you are who you are if laid to you she didn't respect her self. |
