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     | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 12:47 pm A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the Light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so." "Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break.: I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of this. I'm going to the bar!: So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get abeer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?" She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Helloooooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so!"
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 12:51 pm LOL@ spike.....this was funny reallly!
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:04 pm i couldnt help but share these with you guys.... 1)Act of Generosity: A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum." "You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks." 2)Everything Men Know About Women The following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General: Everything Men Know About Women . . . . . . . . . . End of Report U.S. Attorney General's Office
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:10 pm LiBin...man welcome to the war..you are one funny son...oops. i really liked your jokes lol
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:14 pm thanx spike, here we go...... 10 Reasons Women Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys: 10) More fun to complain about them to their friends. 9) Guys who actually like you just aren't challenging or exciting. 8) When you do date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place? 7) You won't get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so you'll be more in control. 6) All the other women want them, so they must be worth having. 5) Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn't normally give it. 4) Guaranteed to cheat on you so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time. 3) No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them. 2) Jerks will actually tell you when they don't like what you're doing instead of getting mad about it six months later. 1) Looking for someone you can't trust, and won't care about too much, who will abuse you mentally and financially, but you don't know any lawyers.
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:26 pm ok ok, we got ourselve a live one. What happin to muna though.. A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry? "After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship." "If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?" "We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?" "Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" "Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:32 pm hehehehehe LOL@Spike.......this threw me off my chair!!! Muna, where are you sis?? we need you here ...give us some of your hillarious jokes.
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:53 pm 2 Doctors went on a date. B4 the they left female doc`s house,she washed her hands. In restruant,she washed her hands Twice.... After they ate,they went to her house ,then she washed her hands again.... they spend the nite together and after Sex,she washed her hands.then ... the Man goes: I can bet you are surgeon?? Woman says: Yeah I am, how do you know??? Man said: coz you kept on washing your hands all nite long. Woman said: I can bet you are Anaesthesiologist? Mans said: Yeah that is right,how do U know??? Woman said: Coz I didnt feel A thing..... 
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:00 pm damn ,i did not feel anything that was the bomb. man o man , u killing me
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:03 pm lol to u all and muna (although she is not here)so let me contribute A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.'' ''That must have hurt,'' said the judge. ''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:04 pm Hey,This is not fair.. You're ganging on poor Muna.. Where are my girls at??? I have to admit though,they're soooooo hilarious...
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:05 pm Beer Study: Yesterday scientist for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pint of beer each wihtin a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:13 pm LOL@Somalicream Habon, I am on Muna`s side dear....... my nick is Libin ,girls` version of Liibaan... 
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:20 pm Spike,here is another one... Woman takes her Husband to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The Woman says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive him way out into the country, kick him out of the car, and if he finds his way back, don't ever have S** with him."
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:27 pm LOL@ Xoogsade,i hate to admit but it was funny though NOT true(lol)
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 05:16 pm Lol@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ you guys are funny!!!! One of my all time favourite joke is: Learn Chinese In Five Minutes!!!!!! (read these out loud, it helps) He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka. This is a tow away zone. No Pah King. Is there a fugitive here? Hu Yu Hai Ding? Small Horse. Tai Ni Po Ni. Your price is too high!!! No Bai Nut Ding!!!! Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan? It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim? I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching? They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum. Your body odor is offensive. Yu Stin Ki Pu. You know lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? Stay out of sight. Lei lo. Phew! Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?
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| | Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 09:42 pm Nia.. Damn...I can't write.. I am crying.. Xoogsade..lol..You make me think. Libin..lol..Did he found his way back?! Spike Your a cool guy.thanks for the Jokes..
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:22 am Hi Spike, I am down but certinely not out...so here I go.A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of the very fancy clean streets of Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly. After along search he could not find any, And eventually couldn't control and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself. Once he had just started, a police official approached him, Hey, What do you think you're doing here? Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P" Police: No PP here okay? Follow me... The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birdsaround....Police: PP here.. have a nice day police said. Pakistani tourist: Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is this Indiancourtesy? Police: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:00 am A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't wan to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts. And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:00 am hoogsade and nia that was funny. welcome muna I see you getting up fine..good one. Libin where are you getting all this. somalicream what the hell were his fingures doing there...oops forget I ask...lol. ok. this is not a joke as per say, but still funny and it is for our arabic speaking sista Honesita...enjoy this sweety. turn your speakers on http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf I hope the link works
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:06 am ok. I'm sure you've heard of this one but here goes: A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa ta spella Mississippi."
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:43 am This one is for the ladies to enjoy....I am sure the guys are not gonna be happy...enjoy. Spike lets see how you rebound from this one...Hey ladies I need help, we can't let the man win... The only thing that New Labor and Inland Revenue have not taxed yet is the penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10%of the time it is in a hole. On top of that it has two dependents and they are both nuts. Effective from January 1st 2001, a Penis will be taxed according to SIZE. 10 - 12" LUXURY TAX 8 - 10" POLE TAX 5 - 8" PRIVILEGE TAX, & 4 - 5" NUISANCE TAX Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. (PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION) We are still awaiting clarification on a number of questions raised on this new tax, including: Are there penalties for early withdrawals? What if one's Penis is self employed? Do multiple partners count as a corporation? Are condoms a deductible as work clothes?
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:51 am I am a jerk . I am just going to be same person like my DAD? it scare me. The word she call me is "dhagax ". Sometime I forget that I have children. Why my woife likes me anywhy 1) I do not even mention my wife and children when I meet other people only if they ask me. 2) never complain the bad side of my wife 3)give her lot of responsibly. The worst thing is. a Somali women cannot handle lot of responsibility 4)do some some work at home only when she angry 5) no physical abuse and when she is not good mood, I become different person. actually it is only time we have conversation, except the bed time
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:14 am looooooooooooooooool Muna. you must have been saving this for the knock out. I better get to work. man this was priceless. lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:15 am Lol You guys are hillerious, How about this ones. A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher jokingly asks. "Want to buy some meat?" "Woof!" barks the dog. "Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak..." "Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound..." "Woof!" signals the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves he decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor and begins scratching at a door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent animal I've ever seen!" "Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:32 am All ...check this link out.http://www.sol.dk/sjov/perfect.html
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:42 am LOL@Muna.....I,LOL@Muna.....I am laughing so hard........ girl tax joke was funny,hmm it should be enforced lol....... and the Link was cooool woooow Spike, tell us which answer you picked?!
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:43 am It Means... An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:45 am Lol You guys are hillerious, How about this ones. A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher jokingly asks. "Want to buy some meat?" "Woof!" barks the dog. "Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak..." "Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound..." "Woof!" signals the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves he decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor and begins scratching at a door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent animal I've ever seen!" "Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:45 am No offense to the guys,It is just a Joke.... ladies and gents........ An old man went into the social security office and filled out an application. He was too old to have a birth certificate, so when he was asked to prove his age, he opened his shirt and showed them his gray hair on his chest. They accepted that as proof, and gave him his first check. He went home to his wife, showed her the check, and explained to her what had happened. She replied, "well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can also get disability!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:47 am Lol @Sister this was funny.........
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:52 am I found something on the web, it's pretty funny. You should go check it out =) It is called Babies Fight, and they are so cute! The address is: http://www.bilibala.com/babiesfight. I think you will like it! Enjoy =)! LOL....Liban and Sister.....that was funny.....please keep them coming.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:56 am "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 27 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shitt..! THAT'S the word!”
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:03 am damn. SweetNatured. i can't stop laughing. lol poor steve!!!
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:08 am Fot the ladies, careful when asking questions and be specific. A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room. When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me." So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested. The husband says, "I can deal with that." He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you nyway." The husband says, "I have something to confess also." She says, "No matter what I will still love you." He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there." She says, "I can deal with that." So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up. She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?" He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:11 am Muna. i swear, i can't get over the penis tax. I am going to buy a tape at lunch hour. You know you can't messup with the IRS so I got to see what kind of tax i will be paying I hope , I do not have to pay a NUISANCE TAX and definately I do not want a refund.loooool
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:28 am Replacing lost equipment There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs, hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal. Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:34 am FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG WHILE IT WAS WORHWHILE TO READ SOME OF YOUR JOKES. THERE,THERE, I THINK WE'RE ALL HUMAN INSIDE WHEN TRIBE ISN'T AN ISSUE. MOE
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 08:55 am LOL@...Spike...I told I was down but not out...I still have tricks in my bag....lol. While measuring take into consideration mass, and width….bring up those issues to see if they can make adjustments accordingly...lol, and remember inquiring minds want to know what you going to file under.. If I offended anyone, let me sorry in advance.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 09:20 am LOL@sweetnatured and Ayaana. Muna i am still laughing at the TAX... Pinched!! One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could ge rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 09:30 am Muna. measurement not is working smoothly. i forgot i needed help to get the full ..... lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 09:42 am Spike....habaytak...thanx bro....i liked da song..!! I must say u guys r hellerious....keep up da humor....we need it up in here...!! Muna.......sistah dont worry.....u r winnin' without da help of anyone.... !! LiBin.....sweet name sista.....is it really a name or u just made it up...!! Salaam
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 09:50 am Honesita, thanx sis.It is Real old Somali name which means "Guul"........ I am the anonymous sistah who finally came up with name.....you can see what a slow brain i got....hehehe
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:07 am Keep it running....... It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a young, twenty year old woman. A year later, she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse walked into the waiting room and congratulated the old fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" The old geezer answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year, the young woman gave birth again. Once again, the same nurse approached the old guy and begged the question, "How do you do it?" Again, he replied, "You've got to keep the old motor running." Well, sure enough, another year passed and the young woman gave birth yet again. The nurse said to the old fellow, "I don't get it - you must be quite a man." The old geezer again reasoned, "You've got to keep that old motor running." "Well," said the nurse, "you'd better change the oil in that old motor because this one's black!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:13 am I know this is not the first time , that this little humer posted in this forums, but it is a good repeat though I, the penis, hereby request not to be taxed for the following reasons: * I do physical labour * I work at great depths * I work head first * I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays * I work in a damp environment * I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties * I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation * I work in high temperatures * My work exposes me to contagious diseases
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:26 am A girl got married and she never had *** you know What*** and never knew the different tax brackets of penis A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:54 am Spike this is in response to why your request not to pay tax joke is rejected...lol Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing You'll retire well before reaching 65 You're unable to work double shifts You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed The day's work And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:12 am Nia I shared your chinese joke with my colleagues at work and we could't stop laughing. The office receptionist made a copy for everyone so we can all momorize it. cheers.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:25 am hay that is not fair. I already left that part on purpose.lol Honesita , after doing a little detective work I found out which city some one lives and also their age***9 to the nearst 10** and and and their email address lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:27 am FAT MOE...IS HOMO
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:28 am Sorry Spike all is not fair in war....
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:34 am For u all those fun luvin peepz, check this one out...I didn't say da main character of da joke is Somali, let me think, well, u neva know these dayz...Anything is possible..... The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!"
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:37 am Muna,inquiring minds might get an answer tomorrow. The measuring party might get lucky tonight...lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:43 am Another da ONE...... This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ''Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive.'' The doctor smiled and said, ''Have you tried to give him Viagra?'' The lady frowned. ''Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,'' she claimed. ''Well,'' the doctor continued, ''Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing.'' The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. ''How did it go?'' the doctor asked. ''Terrible, doctor, terrible.'' ''Did it not work?'' ''Yes,'' the old lady said, ''It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years.'' ''Then what is the problem, ma'am?'' ''Well,'' she said. ''I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again.''
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 12:01 pm lol@spike.....ok bro ...no comment...but take SweetNatured advice...CONDOMS....remember "no glove no love...
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 12:05 pm Muna . it was a joke. I am a wadaad. I do't even know what a condom means. lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 12:08 pm LOL@spike and Muna and sweetnatured.......
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 12:12 pm That's my boy! A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby weighing twenty pounds. "WOW!" from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds." The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised! Spike, yeah rite?!you are wadaad ,you do no know no .....
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 12:14 pm Spike wadaad ....yeah right...Libin and Sweatnatured tnx for the support. I think we kicked their blink...lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 01:11 pm Muna, sweetnatured is on my side girl. do't rob me blind.lol LiBiN and Muna...Did you see the joke about the innocent girl that have never done it and saw it...that is me..except that, i am a male lol
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 01:22 pm Spike thankz for da clarification brother...Damn, am I havin identity crisis or what? It seemz dat this name needs to be changed, no disrespect to da sistah that gave me da name but I can't take it no more...Sistah Muna, last time I had a reality check on myself, three thingz were there eventhough one thing was bit longer than other two... T-Girl, I thought u would die for da cause and stand by my side just in case somethin like this comez up...Where u at?? A brother is havin an identity problem cuz of u!!!!!! Respectz SweetNaturedBrother
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 01:30 pm now you got it, add the brother thing at the end of your name SweetNaturedBrother
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 03:02 pm Sweetnatured didn't I told you that you need to be changed your name. You see, you have identity crisis now. Sweetnatured sounds more like female name. like my brother Spike said add something like brother from the back.. Spike, muna, ayaan,Sweetnatured and libin thanx you guyz for the funny jokes, check this one out.. A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would." He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:10 pm Lol@spike, Innocent Man huh?! lol Sweetnatured, sis,Identity crisis? lol oops, you are man!lol Lol@gaajo....bro what a reality!
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:22 pm RHYMES WITH NIAGARA: With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer(pharmaceutical Company) is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society.... DIRECTRA— A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA— Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and “little accidents.” COMPLIMENTRA— In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hair style. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. BUYAGRA— Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store’s return limit. NEGA-VIAGRA— Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. Presidents. NEGA-SPORTAGRA— This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members. FLATULAGRA— This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides. FLYAGRA— This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra. PRYAGRA— About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.” LIAGRA— This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:44 pm A boy says to his mother, "Mom, is God a man or a woman?" The mom thinks a while and says, "Well, son, God is both a man and a woman!" The son is confused, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" The mother replies, "God is both black and white, honey." The son, still curious, says after a while, "Is God gay or straight, mommy?" The mother, getting a little worried, answers, "Son, God is both gay and straight." The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: "Is God Michael Jackson?" Subhanallah!
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| | Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 05:56 pm Lol@@@@ Muna, really funny ha! ha! Did you guys know that there are 5 kinds of sex: 1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen. 3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F--- you!" 5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 12:31 am Hi,i wanna post my favo jokes too! How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable. --------------------------------------- Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman. ------------------------------------------------ There were 2 little kids in the sand box at the park they were about 2 years old all they had on was a tee shirt they were sitting there playing and the little girl got curios and looked down at the little boy and asked him what that was between his legs. The little boy said "I dont know I'll ask my dad when I get home." Then the little boy asked her what that was between her legs. She said "I dont know I'll ask my mom". So the kids went home and the little boy asked his dad what it was and he said "Its your truck you're susposed to park it in as many garages as you can." The boy said he understood. When the little girl got home she asked her mom what it was and she said "it's your garrage. Never let any trucks park in it." The little girl said she understood. A few days latter they were at the park again the little boy asked the little girl if she had found out what it was. She said "It's my garage and I'm not susposed to let any trucks park in it." Then the little girl asked the little boy what he had found out. He said "it's my truck." A few minutes later the parents heard the little girl scream, and then the little boy scream. Then ran right over and asked what happened. The little girl said "He tried to park his truck in my garage so I riped of his wheels" ------------------------------------------------ My favorite!!!!!! Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 05:33 am Hello guys, How about this one. Hey Muna did you figure out what kind of tax that the guy who was built like a baby would pay? lol 1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die. 6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does. 9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 07:09 am loooooooooool@Ifis......miskiin the kid...wheelskay ka banjarisay...!!lol SweetNaturedGuy......i now know what u meant.....lol....sorry....but u took out da andtotallycoolguy out of it so u live with da pain sweetie...lol....!!! LiBin.....loool.....i'm glad u came up with a name.....i always called ya AnonymousSistah....nice name u came up with though...very unique...!! Salaam
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 08:57 am Happy friday everyone....I am looking forward to my weekend..I hope you all are.... Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't: > 10. I need to whip it out by 5. > 9. Mind if I use your laptop? > 8. Just stick it in my box. > 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! > 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! > 5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid! > 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. > 3. It's an entry-level position. > 2. When do you think you'll be getting off today? > And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but > isn't: > 1.It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there! > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FOR THOSE golf lovers: > Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't: > 10. Nuts...my shaft is bent > 9. After 18 holes I can barely walk > 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker > 7. Look at the size of his putter > 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more > 5. Mind if I join your threesome? > 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it > 3.My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip > 2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be > desired And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't: > 1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FOR Lawyers: > Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't: > 10. Have you looked through her briefs? > 9. He is one hard judge! > 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers. > 7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. > 6. Is it a penal offense? > 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. > 4.For $200 an hour, she better be good! > 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? > 2.The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. > And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but > isn't: > 1.Think you can get me off?
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 12:41 pm very funny stuff,thanz guys
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 01:27 pm ok it is friday and it is time to punch the clock. their i go, back my bag to this park called "yosamitte" that I like very much to go for camping. So see you or read you on monday. Honesita, Muna, LiBiN, and sweetNaturedBrother Wish you guys were going with me. anyway..this one is for the girls to have a little laugh on US boys: All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts. This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way. This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Republicans." Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Democrats." A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as..... "Mr. President."
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 05:15 pm That was the first time that I actually came across funny and worthwhile discussions or jokes here at somalinet. Muna i have 3 words for you "YOU GO GIRL"  ! You are really doing an awesome job.-so are the guys- keep up the good work people
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| | Friday, April 13, 2001 - 07:51 pm Lol@spike.........now we know why guys dont think with their heads?? lol Any chance of tranferring cells back to their original places?? would that cause more harm?!lol Wish All of you guys, Good weekend.....
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| | Monday, April 16, 2001 - 05:42 am Good one spike, you trader. I guss they transered a lot of my brain to somewhere else
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| | Monday, April 16, 2001 - 07:34 am Good Afternoon Everyone, I hope you a great weekend...I know I did. Anyways here is a little something to start the week with. 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) 5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS? (because they don't have penises to put them in) 6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON? (they're intended for children, but men usually play with them) 7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock) ~You're laughing, aren't you?!?! 8. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE? (it is sex with someone they love) 9. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties) 10. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 11. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE? (so he can tell if he's coming or going) 12. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (???, it's never happened)
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| | Monday, April 16, 2001 - 08:54 am Muna, where do u live, I want to come and get you. now you are in big trouble. ha ha lol. I like it though. good one I would tell you the part I liked most.. And I had a fun weekend
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