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     | Monday, July 10, 2000 - 03:03 pm I read this article in "Saturday Night", a Canadian magazine. I copied it from their website just now so I could share it with you guys. It is very interesting and might even be helful to some folks. I always wondered why Somali couples are always arguing about who has responsibility for the dishes and this and that. These guys may have found the answer to problems underlying the trivial arguments destroying Soamali marriages. Bal ila eega...... TOP STORIES HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE By Carol Milstone If you want to be liberated, treat your spouse like an adult. If you would rather stay married, try treating him (or her) like a child. Seriously. By the time Nigel and Hope Harris of Ottawa decided to seek help for their marriage, things were getting rough. Nothing terrible was happening - no abuse or affairs - but they seemed to be fighting continually. "There were times when we wouldn't even look at each other, we were so angry," recalls Nigel. "It had gone too far." The two would battle over issues as mundane as sorting the laundry or scrubbing the pots. Added to that was the ever-niggling issue of money, which in Hope's case was not so niggling, in that Nigel had quit his job three years earlier, and had yet to find regular work in a new field. "At first I understood his need to change jobs," recalls Hope. "I had been home raising the kids, doing part-time work, and was willing to work longer hours to pick up the slack. But he didn't know what direction he wanted in his new job. I was so mad at him, it seems I was after him all the time. I think," she adds, "we were both at the point of feeling ready to walk away." To see the Harrises now, it's difficult to imagine that their twenty-one-year relationship was on the brink of ruin just eighteen months ago. They laugh together, share intimate glances, and almost boast about their recent dates. "We still fight," concedes Hope, "but it's not the same any more. Things are so different since we began therapy." The therapy that Hope refers to, in obviously glowing terms, is not the generic mainstream marriage counselling that provides intermittent fodder for cartoons in The New Yorker, but a revelation, and a revolution, in the marriage-therapy universe. It's known as "EFT," an abbreviation for "Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy." In lay terms EFT's message could be crystallized as this: forget about working on communication skills, and never mind about your early childhood, the quality of your sex life, or whether you're from Venus or from Mars. Above all, admit that you're emotionally dependent on your partner - just as a child is dependent on his parents - for things like protection, security, and feeling special. This is the kind of thinking that is rocking the therapy industry, for a number of reasons. First, it's saving marriages at staggering rates; an unprecedented 70 to 75 percent of couples report being happy with each other again after they've been through EFT. Second, it's a wholly Canadian-made therapy, invented here and pioneered in practice by Canadians. And third, it flies in the face of accepted wisdom concerning marriage counselling, challenging along the way today's ubiquitous communication skills training, progressive methods of marriage therapy, and, not least, the feminist movement. It's accomplishing all of this by following a deceptively simple principle: that people never really grow up, that even adults need to be nurtured and coddled like children if a relationship is going to work. EFT was developed in the early 1980s by psychologists Les Greenberg of York University and Susan Johnson, at the time Greenberg's doctoral student, and now a professor and therapist at the University of Ottawa. Greenberg, whose orientation was a humanist approach to therapy, believed that self-improvement comes from working with negative emotions like guilt and shame. ("Emotions provide information on how we should conduct our lives," is how he puts it.) Johnson was a trained marriage therapist, and a self-described rebel who was growing impatient with the superficiality of the couples therapies then in vogue. Johnson and Greenberg envisaged Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy as an alternative to communication skills training, the bread and butter of what psychologists call "cognitive-behavioural" therapy. "Communication training is germane to any treatment program for relationship problems," stated one widely read therapy manual of the seventies. Today's marriage guru, John Gottman, echoes that notion in his popular Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: "If you can learn to speak and listen with your spouse without feeling the need to defend yourself and without triggering defensiveness in your mate, you'll do wonders for your marriage." Communication skills range from active listening - i.e., listening carefully to a partner's statement and rephrasing it back for him or her ("Uh-huh, so I hear you saying that") - to conflict-resolution skills ("Look, I'll stop nagging if you come home on time"), and learning to talk without getting a partner's back up, as in the following exchange from one current therapy manual: Wife: When I go out you always quiz me about what I've been doing, who I was with - Therapist: I'd like to interrupt here. Jane, I noticed that one of the words you used may stop your message from getting across. As much as possible, I would like you to try not using the words always or never. They tend to create an argument. Now, Jane, say the same thing but leave out the argument word. Wife: When I go out, I don't like it when you ask me a lot of questions. Therapist: Good, go on. When Johnson and Greenberg were starting to develop their own style of marriage therapy, they were aware of research which showed that behavioural therapy and training were somewhat effective for unhappy couples in the short run, but were susceptible to problems with relapse - shortly after therapy ended, couples were often back to where they started. Johnson and Greenberg, considered somewhat out of step at the time with their focus on emotions, weren't surprised by the rate of relapse. "Many distressed couples already have great communication skills," says Johnson, who has counselled and supervised the therapy of more than 1,000 couples over the past seventeen years. "They often get along fine with people at work. And they used to talk quite nicely to each other when they first met. But when couples are emotionally distressed, these skills are gone. People don't talk nicely when their feet are hanging over a thousand-foot drop." Instead of reminding couples to talk "nicely" to each other again, EFT forces a couple to look at why they so frequently feel that they are hanging over that drop. "The first thing our therapist taught us was to come out of our corners during a fight, and start listening to each other," says Hope Harris. "Actually, listening with our hearts." "Listening with the heart," for all its latent poetry, is in fact one of the concrete cornerstones of EFT. For an EFT client, this means listening not for the "literal" meaning of a partner's words, but for the feelings that lie beneath their words, and answering from the heart in return. This is the "emotional focus" of EFT. "For me it was getting the words out, to express how I really felt," says Nigel. "And soon the therapist was asking me to tell Hope directly what I was starting to express. And then she'd turn to Hope and ask, 'What's it like, Hope, to hear Nigel saying that? Tell Nigel how you are feeling.' It seems like we were always working on the feelings that were beneath our anger." Feelings were the key, but not just any feelings. An EFT therapist is looking for such emotions as vulnerability, insecurity, and dependency, another point that makes the approach practically heretical in today's conventional marriage therapy. EFT is grounded in attachment theory, developed fifty years ago by John Bowlby, a psychiatrist Susan Johnson regards as a "genius" in the field. Bowlby had been commissioned by the World Health Organization in 1950 to study the psychological adjustment of babies and children who were orphaned during the Second World War. Based on his observations from cultures around the world, Bowlby concluded that all humans possess an innate yearning for trust and security, or attachment. Children have needs for attachment with at least one parent, and adults have these needs with a romantic partner. When people can't get attachment figures to respond to them and their needs, according to the theory, they do whatever they have to do to get a response. If a child feels unprotected by his parents, for example, he might become defiant, or clingy, or withdrawn. A child's maladjustment, said Bowlby, is often driven by a broken or insecure attachment with his parents. Attachment distress in couples might arise when one partner is unsupportive or emotionally unavailable, causing the other to experience insecurity. In EFT, any breaches of attachment between partners are called "attachment injuries," and couples in EFT are described as "distressed." "For example," says Johnson, "if one spouse withdraws after the other is diagnosed with cancer, this can be an attachment injury, a break in trust that must be healed or it will undermine the whole relationship." So, for that matter, can a husband who quits his job summarily to change the course of his life. "Hope's need for security with me, and to trust me, were massive for her," Nigel Harris explains today, with the clarity of a bell. "And these needs were violated by my not doing the nine-to-five. She felt that I abandoned her by trying a career change." "We learned in therapy that it's the emotions that are underneath, that are the real reasons for my outbursts about laundry and other things," says Hope. "I was just too afraid to say the important stuff before therapy, things like, 'But I want to be taken care of. What are you doing, quitting your job?' " "And before therapy I couldn't have guessed that such a strong professional woman could be so devastated by my wanting a break from work," adds Nigel. "When these feelings first came out in therapy, my reaction was, 'What's going on here?' When we met in the seventies, couples talked about pitching in fifty-fifty on the chores and raising the kids, but I learned that it isn't really like that - I can't stay home from work for a few years like she could. While we were in therapy, I realized how insecure Hope was feeling about all this." Of course she was insecure. Tapping into an adult's insecurities and emotional dependencies with his or her partner - no different from tapping into those of a child with its parents - is EFT's genius, and its lightning rod. Contrary to telling us to treat our spouses like adults, EFT teaches that we sometimes need to treat them like children, and have them do likewise with us. Marriage counselling is as old as organized religion. As soon as local shamans, rabbis, and priests set up shop, they were mediating disputes between couples - it came with the territory. "If your wife is short," the Talmud encourages husbands, "bend down to listen." Few of these spiritual leaders lEFT us case studies, but from the evidence their advice was as spiritual as it was rational - it appealed to the heart as much as to the mind. If the early spiritual leaders did fall into a school of marriage counselling, it was probably closer to EFT than Behaviour Therapy. What's currently seen as new in therapy - the principles behind EFT - may have been the grandfather, or grandmother, of the whole discipline. The real upsurge of marriage counselling, though, didn't occur until just after the Second World War, when soldiers returned to North America en masse and divorce rates began to increase. In the 1950s, some prominent therapists based their entire orientation on the work of John Bowlby himself, the father of attachment theory. Feelings and dependency were still very much part of their equation. In the 1970s, when marriage counselling grew exponentially - finding its way into television talk shows, self-help books, and lucrative private counselling practices - the tide began to turn. At this point in time, the idea behind popular counselling was to repair marriages in a mature, almost scientific fashion, imposing tact and diplomacy (largely through communication skills training) to calm and save stormy relationships. Even today, if you go to the average marriage therapist, or take a typical marriage-preparation course, it's almost a given that you'll learn about dealing with marital strife in a calculated, rational way. "Nice" words and emotional control are the antidote to problems, you'll be advised; problematic relationships can be resolved, for the most part, when couples learn to grow up. It's not surprising that traditional behavioural therapy and communication training were especially appealing to modern women. Traditional male-dominated marriages had often relegated women to subservient, vulnerable roles, sometimes to the point of infantilizing them. Modern mainstream behavioural counselling advocates dignity and respect between adult partners, emphasizing equality and independence in the relationship. It doesn't teach couples to trumpet their emotional dependency on each other for things like protection and security. But EFT does. It makes it legitimate for adults to be vulnerable; it allows people to sometimes be powerless with their partners, sometimes protective. It teaches that sometimes adults have to listen to their spouses as they would to an emotional child. If an EFT therapist can convince his client that his petulant thirty-six-year-old wife is acting like an insecure six-year-old when she says, "I hate you" - that she doesn't really mean what she's saying, but is lashing out because of unspoken fears - then the husband is more likely to react with compassion than with defensiveness. It's that simple, and that's what gets some therapists riled. Needless to say, not everyone views emotional dependency as something to be encouraged between adults. "Attachment therapies tend to picture adults as needy little children," says psychologist David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage. "Yes, it's important for people to be close in a relationship, but emotional dependency is not a good basis for adult intimacy. Part of being an adult is having the ability to be alone, to be able to stand on your own two feet when your partner is not being understanding, or is unavailable to you. Furthermore, attachment therapies don't take into account the realistic hostility that couples often have for one another, not brought about by unmet attachment needs, but by concrete disagreements over money, sex, and the in-laws." Women might be more sensitive to the notion of emotional dependency than men, and indeed the general feminist argument against EFT is that it's wrong to encourage women to be dependent. Paula Caplan, a feminist psychologist and author of Don't Blame Mother, makes a broader argument: "When you are a child, if your parent hurts your feelings, you don't have many resources to deal with these problems. As an adult, even with emotional problems, you have all sorts of cognitive, emotional, and social resources." Telling couples they're "emotionally dependent" on each other, she says, "sounds infantile. And adults in therapy might interpret their therapist as saying that they are immature and pathological. Rather, healthy relationships are founded upon interdependence." Sue Johnson concedes that "some therapists today believe that feeling dependent in an adult relationship is pathological, something to be ashamed of." But she insists that one of EFT's strengths is that it "depathologizes dependency," rescuing the idea of being vulnerable from the disrepute it's fallen into. As for "interdependence," Sue Johnson doesn't see much difference between it and EFT's principle of "emotional dependency on each other." Nor does she single out women as more dependent than men. "Dependency is an innate part of being human," she says. "Everyone needs to know that when they are feeling vulnerable or uncertain or in danger there is someone who will come to their aid, someone who sees them as precious in their eyes." What's particularly attractive about EFT is that it's the therapeutic equivalent of a cure for the common cold; it works best with the most common strain of marital distress. For severe problems like physical abuse, or protracted infidelity, EFT has little to offer. But the vast majority of couples seeking counselling - like Nigel and Hope Harris - have the kinds of problem EFT was specifically designed to repair. In this dynamic, one partner (usually the wife) nags and attacks, and the other (often the husband) is emotionally inexpressive and either over-defends himself or shuts out the attacking partner. Johnson and Greenberg believe that these responses are adults' typical yet unsuccessful attempts at dealing with their attachment needs and insecurities. "Successful couples," explains Johnson, "can resolve their differences without damaging the trust and intimacy in the relationship. Even if they have been hurt by their partners, they risk talking about their attachment needs, and can expect a soothing, reassuring response." Shari and Pierre Charron, of Orleans, Ontario, who have been married twelve years but have never been to marriage therapy, exude the kind of day-to-day relationship dependency that would do Sue Johnson proud. Shari, a confident and successful company controller, travels frequently for work. "One night at my hotel in Boston," she recalls, "I was tired - exhausted - when these two business-type guys started chatting with me in the restaurant. I can't remember how this short conversation went exactly, but I know I let my room number slip. By the time I got back to my room, I started to panic. My heart was racing, imagining these men breaking into my room in the middle of the night. At first I started moving furniture against the door, and then I picked up the phone and called Pierre." Pierre's immediate reaction could easily have been insensitive. ("Are you crazy?! Why did you tell them that?") But instead, Pierre assured Shari that she was safe in her room, not to worry, that she'd be fine. Shari was comfortable enough in her marriage, that is, to express her fears and turn to her husband for comfort. Her husband was secure enough in his knowledge of his partner to respond as though he were dealing with a frightened little girl. As Susan Johnson would see it, this couple is securely attached and unabashedly dependent on each other, available for comfort and security when the going gets rough. Contrast this with Nigel and Hope Harris, once textbook examples of what Johnson calls the "anxious" and the "avoidant" styles. "Partners with an anxious style tend to aggressively demand reassurances and overreact to threats in the relationship," Johnson explains, "while partners with an avoidant style tend to avoid closeness, ignore their attachment needs, and withdraw." "If I did five loads of laundry, yet didn't sort it right away, Hope saw that as a personal attack on her," says Nigel. "She would just be so critical toward me, and I thought I was doing so much." "You were mad," Hope chimes in, "but you didn't really want to fight. So I started talking to my girlfriends." A behavioural therapist, at this point, would probably have taught Hope better ways to ask for what she thought she wanted - i.e., folding laundry, scrubbing pots and pans - this was, after all, the apparent stuff of their frequent bickering. The Harrises' EFT therapist suggested something different - that laundry was not just laundry, and that the Harrises' patterns of hostility and withdrawal were actually stress reactions to their fears of lost intimacy and security. In doing so, the therapist was, in fact, banking on one of the principal objections to EFT: that couples cannot effectively resolve their superficial problems - laundry, dishes, and so on - until they acknowledge their emotional dependency on each other. But it was exactly this approach that worked for the Harrises. "I think that if we were just taught communication skills, and not to listen with our hearts," Hope says, with something like fervour, "we would be right back where we started." In fact, Sue Johnson claims that she can predict whether a relationship will succeed or fail on the basis of how persistently couples attack/defend, or attack/withdraw. "The more this pattern cycles through, the more it repeats, the more distance is created between the couple," she says. "What really destroys a relationship is this distance." The claim about predicting outcomes seems implausible, but so at one point were EFT's chances for success. When Johnson thinks back to when it started, she remembers that "emotions" and "dependency in relationships" were like dirty words to the more progressive behaviourists, who were banking on communication skills training. "As I write this I laugh," e-mails Johnson, who just returned from Israel, where she was spreading the word on EFT. "I am still basically a scrappy rebel who has always been out of tune with the mainstream." While Les Greenberg has gone on to develop "Emotion Focused Therapy" for individuals as well as couples, Johnson continues to concentrate on couples, and has recently opened the non-profit Ottawa Couple and Family Institute, which acts as a centre for EFT. She was also recently nominated for an award by the American Association of Marital and Family Therapy - North America's largest and most prestigious professional body. And Nigel and Hope Harris? Nigel recently started full-time work again, back in computer technology where he started, but he is also taking on more people-oriented responsibilities this time around - using insight that he gained from therapy. "He's working on his terms," says Hope. "Now we get together to do fun things, and to get to know each other again. We also spend time together just to talk, and we set dates. It's much more of a shared partnership now. The therapy helped us reconnect as a couple." For those who think it all sounds too good to be true, and for the critics who charge that the therapy invites indulgence in childish needs - something today's couples will find unpalatable - Sue Johnson points to the record. "It's the research to support EFT that is making it respected. And no one has come out and actually published any criticism of EFT," she says. This lack of official criticism, along with the weight of supportive research on EFT, is helping to propel its growth. The effectiveness of EFT has been measured in nine published studies. Couples are given the industry standard "Spanier's Dyadic Adjustment Scale," a questionnaire that is completed by both partners three times: before therapy, immediately afterward, and some time later. Results show that nearly three quarters of the couples suffering normal marital distress were "no longer distressed" after EFT, with little indication of relapse. Most mainstream therapies rarely record higher than 50 percent success rates, with significant relapse rates. EFT has also been dissected and analyzed in thirty academic articles, a dozen books, three professional textbooks (with another in the works), a training video, and over 200 guest lectures by Johnson across the globe. There are now thousands of EFT-trained therapists in North America, and hundreds more in England, Europe, New Zealand, and Australia, which has its own EFT institute. Finally, EFT has been recognized by the American Psychological Association as an effective form of couples therapy - making it the only other recognized marriage therapy besides cognitive-behavioural. Still, the poetry is never too far beneath the surface. EFT usually lasts about twelve to fifteen weekly sessions; somewhere around the halfway mark, couples often start facing the vulnerabilities, or attachment needs, that lie below their problematic behaviours. Johnson calls this owning-up stage "facing the dragon." When one side starts exposing her soft underbelly, the other develops sympathy and starts softening himself. As the husband starts seeing his wife's hostility as disguised bids for closeness, the wife realizes that her husband's indifference or superiority actually masks a fear of the relationship failing. The result is a process EFT calls "blamer softening." Blamer softening. Facing the dragon. The terminology is both fanciful and heartfelt, childlike and understanding. Which is exactly the point.
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| | Monday, July 10, 2000 - 03:39 pm Khuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukh Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakh khuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukh Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaq
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| | Monday, July 10, 2000 - 03:42 pm Man I am still laughing.......very funnnnnnny. Damn that was a good laugh.
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| | Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 01:20 am well done xoogsade...... thanks for sharing with us........
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| | Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 08:26 am Thanks for sharing Xoogsade, gorgor kaacay la moodyoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
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| | Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 12:29 pm Xaali: I always thought you were one of those godless, liberal, Somali-hating, femi-nazi-loving modern women but now I see that that is not entirely the case - and I am glad to tell you the truth - because it seems that you know and appreciate the poetry of the Master and Teacher Sayid Maxamed. War ma Dhooddi baa gaamurayoo garabku waynaaday Ma galaasa miidaan ku shubay gamashigii dayrta Gorgor kacay la moodyoow durduro ma'igu gooraamay This passage is from his famous poem Gudban(alternatively known as Gaala-Leged) in which he is heaping deserved praise on his beloved stallion Dhooddi. Gorgor Kacay la Mood, lol. High praise indeed.
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| | Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 02:22 pm Mudane Xoogsade, That was good point. However, the problem that our Somali married bro/sis have is beyond the above mentioned factors. And the main reason that they end up in separation or divorce is simply because of the wrong reason they get married for to begin with, for example pretending, lies, ignorance and baseless imagination b4 the marriage contributes to the distraction of their relationship,and worst of all is hiding their genuine personality and adopting a false personality. Qiyaali Qiyaali Qiyaali............ I think marriage starts with healthy relationship which is the two ppl loving each other sincerely, not just because the guy wants free sex and the woman wanting just to get married, simply to avoid being called Guumeys or something like that. Having been said that they bring innocent children to this world while they got nothing to offer healthy relationship, love, and financial stability for that poor child. I think b4 any marriage takes place both sides needs first to stand in their own feet. Such as having a decent job and education will boost their moral and self steam..... U see After u build the base with enough love, honesty, respect etc both side will be mentally and physically satisfied and that will result and grantee a wonderful relationship. FYI give us a credit we Somali sisters never argue or dispute about the washing dishes or house hold duties regardless how miserable the marriage is.......... No profanity today I am saving it for Xirta! Peace n <3 all
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| | Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 03:39 pm ,,,,,Igu badanyahay ee shirmeen akhriheenaa wakhti aas u baahanyahay ,,,,,,berri ii berri kaleeto aas iigu khaadahaa akhris lee bacdigeed anni ii dammiin dhan aan akhrin karno,,,...
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| | Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 09:30 am xoogsade you still refer that mass murderer "master and great teacher" man you better go back to buuhoodle, cuz that is the only place where that idiot is respected as teacher. have you heard the swearing which goes" eebe iyo ustaatka iyo waa tii ciida buuhoodle midh midh loo tuuraa" lol
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| | Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 12:11 pm Xoogsade: Thanx a lot! She: You said "most Somalis get married for the wrong cause" Can you please share some statistics or other supporting material with us? If not, many people will see your story as personal experience or a tell-a-tale with no significance.
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| | Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 10:09 pm Xoogsade, waa inoo iyo Burco kibir, sheekadaa magazine aad kasoo guurisay inay kaa socoto...lol walee koonihii baan isu kaa taagi...lol..weger. maba oga inaan ahay dibjirkii hore..
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| | Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 02:04 am Lii, lii, lii, lii war Mow baa socdee carar..lol
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| | Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 06:28 pm Should I have to have Marriege before it gets into trouble? Or it doesn't matter?
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| | Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 09:32 pm Hebel, U bro. already in long seminar doesn't matter to marry frequently!?. XOOGSADE, Allah maxaad, baad, luuf, shamadaan, iyo fataatiir iga badisay waa inoo iyo sekatu yuhuud. hadii aad rabto reconcile la soo xidhiidh: mmowliid@hotmail.com
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| | Friday, July 14, 2000 - 03:42 pm Ya rite cause I one used to a frequent-marrier. . . . And sometimes my marriage goes bitter before I even get marry. . . . C?
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| | Monday, July 17, 2000 - 02:15 pm Real Somaali What U expect me to do? Do U want me to go to the welfare office and acquire the record of Soomaali single mothers?It seems to me they are just getting married to rip of taxpayers money..... That is one of the million wrong reasons that they are getting married for and not to mention mooriyaan tii beri i dhici lahey in ay soo badiyan ileen cunug aaan mustaqbalkiisa laga fakarin ala dhalooyaa.....Calaa ayit xaal you already knew about it why bother me?Teeda kale do I sound like some1 who will get married for the wrong reason? Huh?
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| | Tuesday, July 18, 2000 - 04:23 pm Xoogsade First get maried then tell us what to do Bro. Mariage is between Lagdin,Dibir,Gooysmo,Muran and Dhidid,Shuruf,neeftuur. If you need help ask Old Somali boys,They will help you. Forget the fimenist inspired therapy.
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| | Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 11:39 am Real Somali you and your statistics, if someone told you the village is burning, What would your response be ??? Show me Statistics ?????? You like to use that word just for the heck of it dont you ?
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| | Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 02:11 pm to xoogsade run ahantii xoog aadba qabtaa hadii in taan ogaaba qortay yaa aqrinaayo intaas oo dhan wadaayoow yaree sheekada si loo fahmo by the way u are telling somali man/women to save their marriege man don't go their caze somali marriege is like stone . if u know what i mean....duhhhhhhh
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| | Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 04:10 pm Sexygirl(Alla yaa sawirkeeda i tusa, lol): Walaal waa Cut and Paste job, I am not that good at keyboarding. About the stone thing, are Soamali marriages strong like a stone or are they sinking like a stone? Which one is it?
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| | Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 03:00 am ok people i'm begging..on my knees...pleaseeee get alife.....please...sobbing..ferosciously,pleading mercilessly,hoping desperately,counting on tenacitingly..have a life.especially xoogsade.
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| | Friday, July 28, 2000 - 05:54 am TROUBLEGIRL If you read this respond girl. I want to get to know you. I have your info girl. I know your not interested in a guy from the net coz I read that on your messages. If I share myself with you: I am a very handsome, 31 yr old Somalian dude who lives in Chicago. I have been monitoring you for a while and would like to get to know you suga. Friendship maybe more I don't know. I can offer you all that a man can give you sweetpea coz I work 9-5,got my Masters and am willing to settle down. No running around and all that nonsense. A lot older than you I am but an Older wiser man Indeed girl. I haven't met the right gal yet, you seem damn close to what I am looking for. I miled you a couple times and you rejected me time and time again. I shall patiently await your response.
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