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AGAINST ARRANGED MARRIAGES

SomaliNet Forum (Archive): General Discusions: Archive (Before Sept. 29, 2000): AGAINST ARRANGED MARRIAGES
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MARIAM

Friday, September 01, 2000 - 02:43 pm
I AM DEAD AGAINST ARRANGED MARRIAGES. THE LIVES OF TWO PEOPLE DEPEND ON A MARRIAGE. NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ANYONE THE WAY THEY SHOULD SPEND THEIR LIVES.

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gurey1

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 04:26 am
Asalaamu Aleeykum

to:mariam

waxaad aheed qof markay joogtay dhulkeedii hooyo aaminsan dhaqanka ayleedahay,kuna kalsoon talada hooyo iyo aabe.waxa hada hadlaya adiga mahaa madaxaaga waxa dhex fadhiya ninkii sharta badnaa!!!! asagaana kaa dhex hadlaya,odaygaas meesha uugalo ciyaar ciyaar loogama saaro gaalna kaama daween karo,oo wuxuu kuleeyahay xoogaa way buuqdoo dagaaladii sokeeyaa khalkhal galiyay inanta,laakiin sheebkaas waaxaa daween kara oo ku filan meel dheer adoon aadin qulhuwalaha.waakabaxay

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kariima

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 07:35 am
Hi Mariam, you might be against arranged marriages, but be aware that they have a very high success rate in terms of commitment. Of all the arranged marriages I am aware of, none have ended in divorce, whereas the other marriages, whereby the couple choose each other the divorce rate is high! I wonder why is that????????????

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Mahmood

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 08:06 am
Why is that?
The reason is that arranged marriages exist for long established relations, durable reasons (ex : respect, money, family) whereas non arranged marriages exist for non durable reasons (like love, sex, fame) which are temporary reasons, and can change with time. That is why arranged marriages long laster, and I support them as long as the woman or the man are not forced and they have the choice to accept or refuse their future companion.

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khalil

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 12:43 pm
mahmood;


you got my vote. And you are absolutely right!. But hey, those teens doesn't know the philsophy behind it. It is just natural that every new generation rebels old cultures. And i guess this whole idea is from rebellion teen by the name of maryan. maryan please wait till you reach middle age you will realize and appreciate the meaning behind arranged marriage.


Khalil

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MARIAM

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 03:21 pm
I AM NOT AGAINST A MARRIAGE WHERE THE PEOPLE INVOLVED ARE OK WITH THE SITUATION. THE ONES I AM TALKING ABOUT ARE THE ONES WHERE A MAN DECIDES IT IS TIME FOR HIM TO MARRY AND ASK PEOPLE TO FIND HIM A GIRL. THE MEN ARE USUALLY AT THE AGE OF MARRIAGE. AN INNOCENT YOUNG GIRL IS THEN CHOSEN FOR HIM. YES SOMETIMES THE GIRL AGREES BUT MOST OF THE TIMES THE GIRLS ARE EXPECTED TO DO AS THEY ARE TOLD, AND THE PARENTS FEEL HONORED BY THE FACT TAHT A MAN CAME FOR THEIR GIRL.THEY DO NOT CONSIDER THE POOR GIRL'S FEELINGS, THEY DO NOT QUESTION ABOUT PLANS SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD FOR THE FUTUR. IN MY OPINION A GIRL SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE FOR HER LIFE.SHE SHOULD BE THE LEAD OF HER LIFE.SHE SHOULD DECIDE WHEN IT IS TIME FOR HER TO STUDY,WORK, MARRY ETC. I AM SPEAKING OF OBSERVATIONS AND I AM OVER 20. I KNOW SO MANY GIRLS WHO HAD THEIR LIVES COMPLETELY TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM,COS THAT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN ALL UR DREAMS HAVE BEEN THROWN AWAY. SO MANY FRIENDS OF MINE WERE PLANNING FOR THE PERFECT LIVES WHEN SUDDENLY AT THE AGE OF 16 OR 17 THEY WERE HANDED OVER TO MEN THAT THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF BEFORE. AND AFTER THAT WHEN THEY DO GO TO THEIR NEW HOMES THEY ARE RECITED WHAT IS EXPECTED OF THEM AS THEY ARE BEING GIVEN ASSIGNMENTS TO WORK ON ( ASSIGNMENTS FOR LIVE ).
COME ON U ALL KNOW, IN OUR TRADITION, PARENTS CARE SO MUCH ABOUT TRIBES, THIS PERSON IS SO CLOSE TO US, THIS GUY'S FAMILY IS NICE. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT FEELINGS ARE UNCONTROLLABLE. I WISH IT WAS EASY BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. SOME GIRLS DO THIS TO OBEY THEIR PARENTS AND I APPLAUD THEM BUT LETS FACE IT,IS IT FAIR TO THEM? SOME GIRLS GROW UP WITH THE IDEA OF THIS HAPPENING SOMEDAY IN THEIR LIVES AND WHEN IT DOES IT IS NO SHOCK TO THEM I SAY GOOD LUCK TO THEM. BUT FOR OTHERS WHO HAVE OTHERS GOALS IN LIFE, THEY SHOULDN'T GO THROUGH THIS. I HATE TO SEE A GIRL SACRIFICE HER OWN HAPPINESS FOR HER PARENTS'S.I MEAN PARENTS SHOULDN'T EXPECT THAT. AND THE OTHER THING I OFTEN SEE AND HATE IS SOMALI MEN PUTTING DOWN THEIR WOMEN.
ANSWER ME THIS , ISN'T PAINFUL TO SEE A YOUNG BEAUTIFULL GIRL THROW ALL HER AMBITIONS AND DREAMS AWAY TO SPEND HER LIVE WITH A TOTAL STRANGER AND THE ONLY REASON SHE IS INTO IT IS BECAUSE OF HER PARENTS SAKE? AND FOR THE MAN TO TREAT HER BAD? AND BE HONEST , DON'T SAY IT DOESN'T EXIST COS IT DOES.

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JEEGOXIIR

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 05:26 pm
I GUESS ARRANGED MARRIEGE WILL WORK FOR ME CAUSE I DONT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO GET MY OWN, HAHAHAHA IAM DEAD SERIOUS, SOMEBODY ARRANGE IT FOR ME, HAHAHAHAH

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Mahmood

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 05:46 pm
Dear Mariam,
I think Mariam that are still young and idealistic, and you will comprehend more in life as you grow older. Woman in Islam have the right to refuse their husband.
If the woman had dreams and hopes but is too scared and too shy to refuse and disobey her parents, that's her problem. She should talk and be courageous ! A father would make a sin if he married his child by force. Often men have proposed marrying my sister, but she refused, and my father didn't make a fuss about it : he just gave the hopeless men a negative reply. So if a girl is too scared to say no, that's her problem. We can't go and read into her mind to know what she is actually thinking, and if what she is saying is actually the opposite of what she is meaning. We don't have the time for that. If she can't think about herself, who will think about her ? You say " I hate to see a girl sacrifice her own happiness for her parents' ". Do you think it's the girl's happiness or the parents' ? Shouldn't a lady ought to have a suitable husband, who will take care of her, and treat her with respect, and provide shelter, money, clothes ? Some ladies from arranged marriages don't have those, but most of them do. Don't parents know what's best for their children ? Instead of fucking, going to clubs and the woman working for the guy, it's the guy who should work hard for his woman.
You say "THE OTHER THING I OFTEN SEE AND HATE IS SOMALI MEN PUTTING DOWN THEIR WOMEN. ". How many Somali men do it. My father has never put down my mother, and nobody I know of in my large family nor in my friends' circle have had fathers putting down their mothers. Maybe 10 % , 20 % of men put down their women, but it is the same percentage in all societies, so please don't follow gossips and grapevines.

I agree that I don't feel happy to see a woman's dreams destroyed and vanished by a marriage, but I won't be glad to see either a single mother aged 25 with three children to take care of, no family, no job and no money. That is what happens often when young girls fall in love with their boy friends and decide to marry him without her parent's will. So they end up having no close family and divorced because it turned out the guy was a crook, and a con artist. I think it's much more painful cause very often other men don't want to marry those kind of women. So the women turn out poor, living on welfare, uneducated and with children to take care of, and these children will grow up and become thugs too, because a father wasn't there to educate them. I think that is much worse than having dreams vanished.
Do you agree with me ?


Mahmood

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Bashir A.

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 07:00 pm
Mahmoud A wise man indeed. The kind of guy I would like my sister marry him. Thanks and god bless you. I wanted to respond to sister Marium. I am glad I didn't because my posting would seem ugly paralleled to yours. I would also tell that the prophet peace be upon him told a young girl once who was married without her approval to either accept her father's decision and stay with the husband or say no. He made the whole matter in her ball park to decide what she liked. So in true Islam everybody has a choice. We can say no to anything that doesn't bring desblieve or disobidience to Allah. Those who dislike islam are the ones spreading that women have no choise in islam taking advantage of islamic people's ignorance of their religion. I wish people would learn their rights and understand them fully through the islamic window. A parent doesn't have a right to force a girl into marriage but can give advice and good guidance. They feel for their kids so it is natural for a parent to become nosy into their children's lives. I wouldn't mind that. It is all about love though sometimes misguided.

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jini wal insi

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 09:16 pm
Maryan;
please would you stop using caps?.It is damn annoying!

jini wal insi

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BROMO

Saturday, September 02, 2000 - 11:38 pm
TO MY SISTER MIRIAM:
ARRANGED MARRIAGES ARE NOT THE RULE IN THE SOMALI SOCIETY THEY'RE THE EXCEPTION (AT LEAST FROM WHAT I KNOW)MOST SOMALI'S BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NOWADAYS CHOOSE THEIR FUTURE PARTNERS ,HOWEVER ARRANGE MARRIAGES MIGHT EXIST ON A VERY SMALL SCALE DEPENDING ON THE FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENT ,I HAVE 7 SISTERS NONE OF THEM WERE FORCED TO MARRY A PARTICULAR PERSON IT WAS FREE WILL.

+AND ALSO NOT ALL SOMALIMEN PUT THEIR WIVES DOWN DISCOURAGE'EM........DON'T GENERALIZE ITS BAD.

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HODAN99

Sunday, September 03, 2000 - 11:23 am
TO SITER MARIAM

MARIAN SIS FIRST IF I GUESS HOW IT USED TO BE AND HOW THING ARE GOING NOW IS DEFFERNT,IAM NOT SURE THAT IF MY PARENTS WOULD CHOOSE MAN FOR ME HOW OR WHAT KIND OF LIFE I WOULD BE,AND IAM GLAD THAT I NEVER EVEN WORRY ABOUT THAT,I THINK WHEN PARENTS ARE THINKING THEY DOUGHTER TO GET MARRY IS WHEN THEY DONT TRUST GABADHODA> AND IAM SURE IF YOU EXPLAINED TO YOU MOTHER SHE KNOWS ABOUT
HOW IT FEELS,ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THEY OLD SCHOOL KNOW ABOUT IT,

SIS IM WISHINHG THE BEST OF ALL
FROM YOUR SIS HODAN

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somalisister

Sunday, September 03, 2000 - 11:26 am
O.k., ppl..I had no intention of joining this converstation but I couldn't pass it up.
Mahmood-You sound very intellegent and your argument makes sense, but I have to ask you something:Why did you choose fucking,clubbing, single motherhood, and welfare as the only other choice a woman has if she doesn't find a husband immediately?Another thing, you say that in Islam the girl has the right to say NO and choose--my reply to that is that yes, in islam she does, but who follows all the rules of islam??..I mean there are rules set for us in Islam,but u have to admit that the idea that islam rules our somali culture is idealistic...there is the "ideal islamic lifestyle"..and then there is the "real islamic lifestyle"..and take this for example:Islam says we have to obey and honour our parents wishes...so if my mom begged me, and my father told me i'd hurt his reputation if I didn't accept..what am I left to do??..refuse and break my mother's heart??..have my father disown me?....even though the rasuul (scw) says i have a right to refuse?Can u see what i mean by "ideal islamic lifestyle"vs."real life islamic lifestyle"...there are rules that are written down which few follow, the rules that protect the weak.

You see I didn't want to join this conversation because I thought that those that were at risk of being forced in to marriage had the better argument..in which case I'm not at any risk..but I like a good debate..besides you using islam in your argument struck a nerve. I have this close female relative..she had everythin going for her, she was in medical school,she had ambition, she was a top student...until this so called "wadaad" guy started paying attention to her..he had never married..even though he was about 50-something..loner...he didn't know anything about the world around him,a homebody really. And here was my close relative that knew too much about the world and was strong enough to fight everybody and their momma for the right to keep her head up. Anyway she didn't want the guy..she actually couldn't stand him....in stepped her mother begging and pleading and praising..her mom told her she couldn't do any better...I mean look at him he's a wadaad...how bad could a wadaad be?.
Anyhow after about 2 years of begging and pleadin my close relative married him........Guess what???he's beating her up!!...I don't mean a little spank hear and there..i mean a blood red eye with a black ring around it...I mean total heart break....so tell me mahmood:I though Islam said you can't beat your wife like that...what happened??..now my relative is under total house arrest..she can't find work (islam says u have to listen to your husband)..she can't leave him because she doesn't want to raise her children by herself and be a single mother (u with me?)..oh yeah..and her mother??..she says to put up with it. he isn't the first and last man to beat up his wife...so mahmood ..I ask again...what happened to Islam??..I mean ppl still call this creep a "sheikh"..sheikh my ass...

I know I'm probably going to be accused of hating islam...but i sincerely don't...I just beleive that we don't live by islamic rules, and if we did, the weak would be protected..not battered and abused by an individual that has all of society proclaiming him as a saint.You see ??
I REST MY CASE

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cawad

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 07:00 am
somalisister

Your close relative would have been a total disgrace to a medical school because she lacked personal will and the courage to stand her own ground.

how come someone who is in medical school accept the will of someone who knows nothing the world around him? In my not so humble opinion that sort of women needed all the help she can get, to find husband and if her family managed some dodgy geek that busted her up, so be it.

It's well know conventional wisdom that wadaads only go for shy and less confident women, they never ask for confident and out going girls, that scares the hell out of them because it will probably bring out their twisted and often Contradictory life style. Wadaado are often filthy characters one minute they preach ALlah's way and next minute practice totally opposite. I'm sorry to hear your close relative learnt the hard way.

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Xoogsade

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 07:29 am
SomaliSister:

I think you should stop entertaining those medical school ambitions because your real talents lie in creative writing and fiction. Judging by your posting here and the poem in the other place it is obvious you have the imagination and technical skills necessary.

And how about that subversive style of yours where you pretend that you are sympathetic to the religious folk while sticking the knife where it hurts the most. A superb ironist you are but next time don't lay it on so thick. Not everyone is a dupe like Cawad.

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BROMO

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 08:07 am
DEAR SOMALISISTER

I READ UR POSTING AND THEIR'S POINTS THAT I LIKED SUCH AS HOW ISLAM PROTECTS THE WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE HER FUTURE PARTNER,ALSO ON THE OTHER HAND WE HAVE UR HIDING COUNTER ATTACK ON THE MAN'S RULE IN ISLAM

(ISLAM SAY'S U HAVE TO LISTEN TO UR HUSBAND)........ISLAM SAY'S LISTEN TO HIM NOT BE ABUSED BY HIM,IF UR RELATIVE DECIDED TO LET GO OF HER DREAM'S THEN SHE ONLY HAS HERSELF TO BLAME DON'T BLAME THE POOR WADAD 50 YEAR'S OLD MAN WHO PROBABLY COULDN'T STAND A WOMAN WHO'S MORE EDUCATED THAN HIM .


+1 LAST THING IS FOR WOMEN TO BLAME THEIR POWERLESSNESS ON MEN IS LIKE BLACK PEOPLE WHO BLAME ALL OF THEIR'S AND THE WORLD'S PROBLEM'S ON THE WHITE MAN...I THOUGHT IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND SOMALIWOMEN BEAT UP THEIR HUSBAND'S R U SURE UR RELATIVE IS PURE SOMALI SOMALISISTER CUZ FROM WHAT I KNOW IT'S WOMEN WHO'RE HUGE AND BIG THEREFORE THEY ABUSE THEIR HUSBAND'S ,I HAVE THIS MALE RELATIVE WHO'S WIFE BEATS THE LIVING CRAB OUTTA OF HIM THE LAST TIME SHE PUT HIM IN AN INTENSIVE CARE......BOY THAT HURTS

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Alipapa

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 08:54 am
xoogasade:


Dude, does ever occur to you that you reading too much into this woman's piece. And it is maybe you saw many good pieces that she wrote before. In fact, what she wrote down here is bunch of contradictions.

But i do agree with you on one. This woman is so fucked-up and so twisted inside up to a point that she can keep on preaching ilaa yawmi diin.

by the way xoogsade, how come you all over sudden turned to be dhulbahante advocate when you guys got only 6 seats?. Aren't you the one who used to preach us anti-clanism ideology?. Right there, you hypocrisity is revealed!.


Alipapa

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somalisister

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 08:58 am
Alright..here i go.
Cawad-that was cruel, My relative is not weak..on the contrary, she's really strong but she honors her parents--something that the younger generation has a hard time understand. I can't say anymore cawad because i'm afraid I'll say things out of anger, and it's not good to argue out of anger.

Xoogsade;why the hell are u following me around?..I won't even waste my breath on you...been there and done that.

Bromo-lol..i often think that he can't stand a woman more educated than him. But she didn't give up her dream -she's getting ready to take her m.d. exam..then she has a license to practice.
I don't think women blame thier powerlesness on men..I believe it's also women't fault--instead of wanting better for their daughters, they just program them to accept their lot. So I don't know.

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somalisister

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 09:01 am
Holy crap..ali papa..u following me around too??...time for me to find a new hang out!

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Xoogsade

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 09:44 am
Silly girl

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Xoogsade

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 09:54 am
I have been and will forever be a Dhulkahante advocate. That does not mean I have to kill, abuse, denigrate, rob or disenfranchise other people. There is good tribalism and bad. It is also not a zero-sum game where my gains have to be other's losses.

I have written many places that Somalia's ills could be fixed by returning to our old tribalistic ways. It is the height of conceit for us to imagine that we know better than our ancestors who used this same system for more than a millennium and then all of sudden we discard it because some uncircumcised infidel came along with a new formula?

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Saddam-Hussein

Monday, September 04, 2000 - 12:12 pm
Hello guys this subject is really interesting one.
I am totally agree with brother Mohmood whom I would call the most intelligent, wise man and Somali families counsel and mediator.

This message goes to as follow:
Somalisister,Xoogsade,Alipapa,Cawad and Jiin-wal-insi...................................

The above-mentioned subject is to give an advice to sister Marian or debate the whole subject but should not have been to follow one another or insult.I suggested you guys respect each others as fellow Somali sisters and brothers.

To Somalisister,with respect in your statement, I can see that you are very upset,agitated and may be paranoid please cool-down and respond your opinion in diplomatic way and not to use in any course-language.

To Miss Marian: Arrange marriages is not based on Muslim rules nor religion purposes but cultural matter.

And not only Somali culture but includes East, Central and West African Countries and includes Middle East which is worse then Somali culture.

There is no way an educated woman or man in Western countries could marry others who have no background education in what so ever period.And if that happen,the relationship for (arranged marriages) will not last even three months I guaranteed you that.

Recently,I was told over-the phone that my uncle who is 62 years old marriage an 19 years old girl in Mogadishu, Somali.Because he is a wealthy and the girls's family are poor that is a stupid idea. The whole concept of (ARRANGED MARRIAGES) are pure money and materialistic that is all.

In this world,there is no face and personal value but money talks.I hate the words MONEY TALKS.

I thought money talks are dealt only in North America and Europe but are everywhere today.

Thanks

Regards

Sadaam-Hussein

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Alipapa

Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 08:18 am
Little b;(somalisister)

Yeah, i 've been watching you!
every move you made
every smile you faked
every fucking guy you holla at

yeah, i 've been watching your ass all the over places. You better watch out! little bitch!

...and yeah you best bet is you better look for another motherfucking place to hide your tail.


Alipapa

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hebel

Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 10:06 am
And when reached 40 what are ya going to do Mariam?
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.
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See if ya don't want people helping U with yar freaking marriage other less fortunate people need it.
.
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If U tell yar parents; Thanks but no thanks well no one can force U to do anything with yar black-behind.
.
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But we do need arranged marriage (Just 'cause) it always helps people other than U who’re in different situations.
.
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Also if parents want to relate to another family
For: Apriciations, Wealth, Name, Etc. Yar parents can use yar black ass as a Live-Bait.
.
.
.
C?

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somalisister

Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 10:44 am
You know what???I'm tired of debating with guys that can't show respect what so ever!..let me ask you all something:have I insulted any1 here in my vote against arranged marriages??I have simply stated my beliefs is all and my reason for having those beliefs....so kindly explain to me why you boys aren't being civilized????..the only person that has replied to my argument with out insulting is Bromo..he stated his beliefs and reasons why he didn't agree with me. So is that too hard for you all to do????..Cawad;you started out good then you insulted my relative , next time babe if you don't have anything decent to say to me, don't address me at all!!!. I really have had it with your immature behavior boys..pls..grow up or shut up where it concerns me.!

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Mariah

Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 01:50 pm
ooh my god........Hebel.........what is wrong with
you......tired of playing your dolls..............LOl........Maybe you need your parents to found someone for youLOl...........Because you can't do it yourself........


SIS Mariam.......I am against too..........

Sadam......are you kidding...........me

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cawad

Wednesday, September 06, 2000 - 04:44 am
somalisister


sorry if offended your rather unfortunate close relative. I just said what i thought was the case considering your story, that kind of things don't happen for no reason. somalis say"ishiisa laga arkaa ushiisa lagu tumaa". I personally don't like people who are so obedeint that they allow someone else to make life long decision for them, and unlike you I don't really know when to apply the brakes just in case i say something out of anger. I think i need to have a word with you about the anger management. Now if anyone allows someone else i.e. parent to make such decisions for them, i would expect them to make sure that the person they trusted has at least the decency to pick up the pieces when things go wrong. i was suprised to read someone educated haven't even thought about that, as for the wadaad business, i think its fairly obvoius to everyone that i don't like wadaado at all, and feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to marry one. They are mostly creeps that take advantage of human nature, since humans are fearfull of the "unknown" these guys make career out of it.

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hebel

Wednesday, September 06, 2000 - 09:33 am
Mariah, leave me alone.
.
.
SomaliChick U have to remember that, these culture laws are in place for reasons, and whoever misuses them are in violation of the whole concept, and the original idea of "What if" starts to loose in a fading stage.
Now when yar saying "Arranged marriage" U have to understand that there are people who benefited from it and those who were less beneficial (Thanks to misuses and abuses).
.
.

Even the whole meaning of Islam and "Allah" becomes questionable when misused and misrepresented.
.
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Ya see how ya can convert Goodness into sadness and Evil, when misused for yar own personal benefit?
.
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Example:
.
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Yar Parents...Just look how smart U are.
.
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Imagine if yar parents weren't setup...
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My second scenario would be insulting.
.
.
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Since, truth became an insult nowadays.
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May God bless U child.

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somalisister

Wednesday, September 06, 2000 - 06:01 pm
Cawad-thanx, I'm glad we haven't yet resorted fists. lol...difference of opinion.

Hebel;I hate to burst your bubble babe, but my parent's marriage wasn't "arranged"..infact my father's parents thought that my mother wasn't good enough for him..and vice versa for my mother's parents..so there..That's why I don't think I'll be forced by any of my parents into a marriage I don't want.
But yeah tradition does stand...but sometimes tradition is started by the strong to keep their position of power and to oppress the weak...

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cawad

Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 03:17 am
somalisister


hey I can live with that, even thought i prefer you under stress.....lol

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helplessrescuer

Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 06:51 am
Somalisis:

Is what u said about your cousin(close relative) realy true or you are trying to depress me, if this is not true then it must be, like the dude above comments said, the most creative work ever. danm, cant you hell help her get away from the hell hole she is in. I hope your lying cause this is somehow becaming too personal. fuk all aqwaans.

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somalisister

Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 02:32 pm
Lol Rescuer-as true as you and me. How am I supposed to help her???..besides she's older than me and there is a generation gap between us..in other words she can tell me what to do..but i can't tell her what to do.I don't think you should say "all" aqwans..they ain't all bad..

Cawad-under stress??..lol...nice to know you care about me (sarcasm)..lol..thanx though

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hebel

Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 07:50 pm
Somali-Sis.....How lucky can anyone get?
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.
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Yar the luckiest person in the whole wide world.

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SuBaN!

Saturday, September 09, 2000 - 09:36 pm
Salaam,
It seems like the men in this joint are taking this discussion waaay to personal.Somali sister was arguing her points in a decent manner, not insulting n e 1, not using profanity, and certainly not hurting any1's character. So to the men who seem to dominate this conversation......Stick to the topic and talk like civilized people. Remember, there will will alwayz be difference of opinions,and there will be critics. I thought it was a debate?
I had to let that get out of my system.
To Sis.Maryan and Somali Sister Maryan: I agree with most of your points. 1st of all, I am a religious young lady, on the road to education,and I do have ambitions of my own. I won't marry ne1 who I feel will degrade me or make my life goals suffer. As Somali Sister mentioned, somali culture isn't necessary based on Islamic Sharia(rules), so, being obedient to your parents is a big thing in our culture, thus understanding ur close relative's decision. Eventhou, my parents will never arrange 4 me, I wouldn't marry some1 who totally displeases them. I wouldn't sarcrifice my eternal bond with my parents for a man. However, personally, I wouldn't do arranged marriage, and I don't disagree with arrage marriages totally. It works 4 some, it doesn't for some. Ex. an educated girl like me, can't stand some1 whom my parents think is rite 4 me, cuz I have to draw my own conclusions on that person. I think its all about the individual. that's all it boils down to. Oh, to the men who are blind to marital abuse.....Please don't act like ignorant pigs..really, take one of 'em workshops about this ever increasing problem..you'll be shocked how high the rate is. Oh yes, it happens in Somali and Muslim communities. So be INFORMED. One more thing, Islam elavates women's status, but sadly, the muslim world, including somalia, don't demostrate that. So, lets not generalize all Wadaads. I agree MOST wadaads are arrogant and rigid when it comes to Deen......but we need to improve our personal lives, and spiritual...no one is perfect. Peace.

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MARIAM

Tuesday, September 12, 2000 - 09:17 am
SUBAAN SISTER U GOT MY POINT EXACTLY, THX. I WISH U LUCK WITH UR PLANS AND KEEP THINKING THAT WAY COS IT IS THE POSITIVE ONE.

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MARIAM

Tuesday, September 12, 2000 - 02:42 pm
TO MAHAMOOD
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
WHAT I AM SAYING IS MARRYING A GIRL OF THAT AGE SHOULD BE OUT THE QUESTION. PARENTS SHOULD GIVE THEIR DAUGHTERS THE OPPORTUNITY TO GROW AND LEARN ABOUT LIFE. WHAT I AM AGAINST AT IS THINGS LIKE THE EXAMPLE SOMALISISTER GAVE US. AND IT IS VERY TRUE ,IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY. I AGREE WITH YOU ON WHAT U SAID ABOUT ALLAH NOT ALLOWING A MARRIAGE HAPPEN WITHOUT THE AGREEMENT OF THE TWO PARTIES. BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT OR MAYBE THEY DO BUT DON'T THINK IT REALLY MATTERS. ON THE SOMALISISTER' EXAMPLE COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHERE IS THE HAPPINESS HER PARENTS WANTED HER TO HAVE COS THEY KNEW BETTER THAN HER. COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT A 20SOMETHING YEAR OLD HAS IN COMMON WITH A 50 YEAR OLD. IT IS TOTALLY DISGUSTING. ALLAH ORDERED WOMEN TO OBEY, RESPECT, AND HONOR THEIR HUSBANDS. THAT IS DOABLE ONLY WHEN U LOVE THE PERSON. IT COMES NATURALLY THEN. BUT WHEN IT IS AN ACT U CAN NEVER KEEP IT UP, AND SOON IT WILL FADES AWAY CREATING MORE PROBLEMS THAN EVER. THE FINAL SITUATION WILL BE A HUSBAND AND WIFE WHO ARE UNHAPPY WITH EACH OTHER AND KIDS IN A BAD ENVIRONMENT. THAT IS NOT NICE LIFE AND NEITHER OF THOSE PEOPLE PLEASED ALLAH. PARENTS ARE REPONSIBLE FOR THAT.
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT IF A GIRL CHOOSES HER HUSBAND SHE WILL END UP A SINGLE MOTHER, THAT IS NOT THE ONLY WAY IT WILL GO IF HER MARRIAGE WASN'T ARRANGED. IN A WAY THE INDIAN CULTURE IS BETTER THAN OURS IN THIS ISSUE COS BOTH THE GUY AND THE GIRL ARE FORCED INTO IT, WHEREAS OURS IT IS ONLY THE GIRL. AND THEY ARE AROUND AT THE SAME AGE. THEY COULD THEN SHARE THINGS AND IT IS POSSIBLE FOR THEM TO FALL IN LOVE AT THE END.

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