     UkMan9 | Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:58 pm
Let me describe a morally dubious scenario. A man in his mid-20s let’s calls him Rashiid. He goes to Scunthorpe to study for a year. He arranges for his long-term girlfriend Sara, his best friend Ali, and Ali’s wife to join him for a weekend two months later.
During the intervening period, Rashiid embarks on a fling with a English girl, Anna. The trio arrives, and Rashiid is ill at ease they have all been invited to a party where Anna will also be present. Rashiid, overwhelmed by guilt-induced nausea, confides all to Ali, swearing him to secrecy.
But Ali promptly tells not only his wife about Anna, but also Rashiid’s girlfriend, Sara. The three visitors leave for home, with Ali heard muttering that it was, “in their best interests”.
You may well feel that Rashiid deserved everything he got, and I blushingly agree: Rashiid is my first name, and the story a true one, but I’m not concerned here with my infidelity rather the question of broken confidences.
Sara and Anna no longer play any role in my life. I forgave Ali’s betrayal a long time a go; he remains my best friend, and I would still trust him with my life. Whether I am right to do so, I am not sure and I have been
Pondering the alternatives. Who makes the best confidant? A mother, a sister, a friend or could it be a lover?
In my experience, just liking someone is not a justification for telling them the secrets of your heart. The most adored relative, the cherished lover, the dearest friend may inspire devotion, yet remain untrustworthy.
The perfect confidant is one who combines several factors:
they need to be a good listener there is nothing worse than settling down with a friend to pour your heart out, along with a marduuf of qaad, and hearing his say, “You think you’ve got problems? Let me tell you what happened to me last week...” They need to care
about you and your life. Ideally, they should have some impartiality to be able to offer you sound advice.
You need to feel sure they will love you whatever you say. In addition, they must be the soul of discretion oyster tight. Therefore, we are looking for a rare beast with big ears, a huge heart, a wise head and a tightly buttoned mouth.
Continuo........ |
| UkMan9 | Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:16 pm
Let us consider mothers first. My mother has always been an excellent confidante; I have lost track of the times she has stayed up until the wee hours listening to me babble on about almost everything, from the playmate that stole my football through countless romantic crises. Her ears are elephantine, her heart is immeasurable, and she is an inordinately wise woman, but she falls down on the mollusk requirement. She does not blab in a careless way, she blabs in a fully calculated way...with my best interests at heart. Moreover, there is the rub.
My mother will always believe that it is “in my best interests” that every member of our family, from my father through to a long-lost cousin in Kenya, knows what is going on in my Life.
She developed a foolproof means of instant communication a eons before the invention of the Internet, and her maternal instinct either to worry or boast puts my slightest failing or smallest triumph on the public stage. The last time I visited, her neighbour recounted every detail of my recent life, from the teeth I had had remove to an embarrassing encounter with an ex-girlfriend. OK, these are not my biggest secrets, but made me wonder what my mother considers private.
Continuo........ |
| UkMan9 | Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:21 pm
Brothers and sisters have a lot going for them, I am fortunate to have two very fine ones, who are professional secret-keepers if you know what I mean. They undoubtedly know me better than anyone, having lived with me for longer, and having the advantage of belonging to the same generation. We move in different circles, so they are unlikely to bump into the people I am talking about. In addition, I do not have to explain all the background when I talk to them we use the same shorthand But good siblings, like mine,
generally play The Three Musketeers game one for all and all for one so if I confide something I’d rather the rest of the family didn’t know, I’m playing Russian roulette in telling my sister. And how those former confidences can come back to haunt you! A very long time ago g I made the mistake of confession to my brother that I had wet my underwear while standing in our headmaster’s office, and then blamed his dog.
To say that my brother has dined out on this story at least 20 times is no exaggeration. Every time you tell a confidant a secret, you are handing information into a filing cabinet from which it can be recovered while there’s breath left in the body. Secrets are priceless currency, sometimes even more valuable than brotherhood, if a laugh can be had out of them.
Lovers we can dispense with very quickly, whether you are married to them or not. They are tremendous at hearing other people’s secrets. For instance, if a friend flags a secret with the warning, “You mustn’t tell anyone”, I d not include my girlfriend in that instruction. I may not pass it on to her, because I don’t think she’d be interested, but I’m not prepared to make that commitment until I’ve heard the subject matter. My girlfriend is an excellent secret-keeper, a veritable clam, but most matters where I would want the secret of the confessional observed happen to concern her, so she ruled out from the start.
Continuo........ |
| UkMan9 | Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:26 pm
That leaves us with friends Ali, plus a few others. Ali now a rock-solid confidante; some of my best friends remain a little leaky, while others are positively incontinent. It is naive to trust anyone until they have proven themselves trustworthy, a lesson Monica Lewinsky learnt painfully. Talking of American presidents, I often remember Benjamin Franklin’s wise wore “Three can keep a secret, so long as two of them are dead, I agree that confidentiality is against human nature; it is a skill that has to be learned and if you don’t believe that, try telling a child a secret.
My eight-year-old knees recently confided his biggest secret — a crush on a school friend to his six-year-old brother. The next day in the playground he was mortified to hear his brother bellowing: ‘Ahmed and Asma, up a tree, K-l-S-S-I-N-G...” I had to warn Ahmed that juicy secrets cannot be entrusted to anyone.
You could always try the professionals. Therapists make a business of listening to secret and their business is booming. The clergy are jolly good; they are professionally trained, and have your immortal soul, not just your interests, at heart. Another option would be the stranger on a train if you see a sympathetic face, why not give it a whirl, providing they are not carrying a mobile phone.
Personally, I turn to my computer. I have a Laptop and normal one who has listened faithfully for 2 years and never betrayed my trust. Just the other day, I whispered a major secret to my computer. All went well until the somebody used it without my knowledge, when I spotted her yapping animatedly to the stranger. The stranger has leered at me knowingly ever since.
So if you ever spot someone typing to a laptop on a train, you’ll know it’s me.
Sounds sick huh looooooool
Theeeee End
So ppl who do you trust? |
| I20 | Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 05:31 pm
I said it
Never trust anybody but yourself
peace |
| 2pac | Thursday, March 08, 2001 - 02:55 am
don't listen to what doppie-daywalker his real name is gary gliter he is a somalian and he is a peterfile |
| 2pac | Thursday, March 08, 2001 - 02:58 am
don't listen to what doppie-daywalker is saying, his real name is gary gliter he is a somalian and he is a peterfile |
| Quarter-Sa | Thursday, March 08, 2001 - 06:57 am
Rashiid! I feel your pain...
Who do I trust?? Hmmm.... Before I'd have said my best friend... Now I say "my-to-be"..... I would tell him, litterly, everything, except ofcourse my darkest-deep-hidden secrets...(which, like you, I keep in my Personal Computer). But unlike you, it has never yapped to anyone, nor has it ever betrayed me...
Dear Rashiid, there is a beautiful saying (said by Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim): "Becarful of your enmey ONE time, but a friend a THOUSAND times"
Do you understand the implications?
If one must trust someone... An important major quality would be "God Fearing" (ie. All Mighty Allah)! Then the rest follows...big ears, a huge heart, a wise head and a tightly buttoned mouth....
I believe that's why we generally tend to have a problem finding that 'rare beast'.
Then comes the next question, do you think that ppl can trust you??! this goes to you Rashiid... |
| Rashiid | Thursday, March 08, 2001 - 02:45 pm
Quarter-Sa answering your question I don't think so |
| RICHGIRL | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 02:08 am
Rashid
Looks to me that U cause all these hassles to yourself bro. How do you expect your life to be a big secret when U R the one advertising it on the "Evening Standard"? U have the audacity to blame people for breaking your delicate trust when U are blatently going around telling your mama, brothers, sisters, your friends and everyone who basically has visual ear-lobes. Well hon if U R so interested to tell someone U should carry a dictaphone, or stick to your Laptop(i.e create a journal of your daily shananigans) or better yet do what I do, get a diary. That way your secrets are safe and you wouldn't have any kind of embarassing situations ever again.
Just a little sisterly advice bro no offence
PEACE |
| gabar | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 02:26 am
Rashiid,
when u want to tell a secret to someone you shouldn't look into the relation between you both..but u should consider whether u feel ease with him/her,and whether he/she tell you secrets about other pp or not. cz who tells u secret cant keep any secret.
something else dont your computer have password?
for me what i do is sometimes i have secret or not secret you can say some feeling about something or someone that i cant tell anyone so i write it down,it comes two or three pages i keep it for days or a week then burn it.that way i cleant my heart and have nothing to fear.
try that. |
| raxma | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 04:17 am
rashiid
we all make mistakes and i think that ur friend ali did u a favour cause if u loved ur girl then u wouldn't of played her.
i was with my boyfriend 4 2 yrs when we both went to uni and he had a one nite stand, a mutual friend told me , i was hurt for a while but i didn't blame them , my ex is one of my best friend and i think that ur lucky to have a friend like ali who looks after ur morals
peace |
| raxma | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 04:33 am
it depends on the secret but like most ppl I’m lucky enough to have friend, family and lovers to support me when i misplace my trust in someone(its the ppl that give u unconditional support and love that really matter in anyone’s life) so we should be thankful to all of friends and family who gave us there ear, heart and shoulder to cry on.
But nxt time im on the train i'll listen out 4 the typin!! |
| Confidential_Guy | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 06:04 am
lol@ the typing  ------->"Raxma"
To Gabar:
that was a nice formula "don't tell your secrets to those who tell u secrets always" and I do follow that formula.
To Rashid:
ppl say about me that I'm a very confidential guy!!! that doesn't mean I don't trust any one but I keep my very personal secrets to myself. But my problem is that I always seem to be over-cautious . |
| J.B. | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 07:01 am
Rashiid,
everyone makes mistakes in trusting their friends with certain situation from time to time. Nonetheless, what you need to do is learn from your mistakes and never confide with anyone who is very talkative. by doing this, you will be able to overcome your fears of people letting out your secrets. |
