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     | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 03:31 am Recently I have been hearing many cases in which our older generation have been acquitted of.... let be clarify my statement.. Hypothetically speaking lets say My mother and father have been together for approx 30 years...Now a lot of you are thinking that is a longtime to be with someone..well the average Somali couples have been together even longer..but lets not going into that...After coming to the western countries my father decides he is not cut out for this...is too cold is un-Islamic and he had enough, he wants to go back to sunshine and hanging out with his fellow Somalis. well on the other hand my mother is finding it very comforting and she is getting the hand of thing...she learned the language made new friends and wants to stay here. However is not as simple as that.. what about the children I hear you ask? well they have six kids all teenagers and above and they seem to b like the western country too, so it is 7 against 1, but that doesn't stop the father from packing his bags and leaving... Couple of year have gone by the children grown and the father is still back home while the mother is here raising 6 sons and daughters and at the same time sending money to the father each month via Dahab Shiil.. That is life I hear you say, well as if that wasn't enough few months later the mother found out that he had re-married a girl not so much older that I was, some of you are saying " but a Muslim man can marry up 4 women" well he can providing that his first wife knows about it instead of hearing it through the grapevine. So the Question I would like to put to you guys is that Who Is To Blame?? No insults please..REMEMBER this is Hypothetical Situation, so NO personal Attacks. It is just a case which is becoming very common amongst our older generation. Peace
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 03:55 am what can u say except ••••">that@•••• happens' and if ur lookin for blame then its the fathers fault, yeah u can have 4 women but only if u can provide for all of them and more imporantly respect them all as the same. somali men have learnt to hit and run!!
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 04:27 am I PERSONALLY BLAME SAYAD BARY...HE FUCKED SOMALI AND NOW THE SOMALIS ARE SCATTERED AROUND..... TO ANON JAMCAN MEN HIT AND RUN AS WELL MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TRY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 06:25 am NINXOON baby i aint gota try no one i like Fine somali men thanx, but i see ur point, maybe its the situation that ppl are placed in and not the ppl!!!
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 08:46 am My dear sister,Todays-girl, Unfortunatly these things happen,whose fault it is that I can't say,few months ago my 62 year old uncle went back to somalia and married a 17 year old girl,I was so socked when I found out he did this.That poor little girl deserves a young man like her,Also we have to keep in mind that men are sexually compatible until they die when women lose it after 40 maybe that's something to do with it....... But still there's no excuse to leave your life time partner for a younger one.
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 09:16 am bad2thebone, i agree its unfortunate and sad about it but i dont think women loose their sexuality after 40 and men`s are still same. scientifically speaking men are more sexual in younger and their sex drive declines by the time they r 40s and 50s.... whereas womens` increases toward middle age.....they cant conceive a child after 50s but still....sexually active! by the way most of older somali men marry coz they wanna have more children(sons) not coz their sexuality.
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| | Friday, March 09, 2001 - 09:29 am today`s girl, may be both parents r to blame in someways. but then if father leaves the kids behind,and he marries again,thats his loss of 7 children which is wrong!fathering a child is not simple,one should take responsibility of being a father. on top of that those kinda men father another 4-5 kids from second wife and then probably die leaving these young children behind too!!! i think its very wrong and unfrotunate what those men do!!those kinda men will expect his other children who he left behind to raise these others! what a irony!
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| | Saturday, March 10, 2001 - 02:50 pm Today's Girl The sad thing is that he married the younger woman with his previous wife's money. That musta hurt. I have seen cases like that...ie; the Somali man hits Mid-life crisis and trades his old Ford Fiesta for an Audi Convertable. Well that's life sis and U know what though.........Allah is generous and one day the older wife will be rewarded......Inshallah Peace
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| | Saturday, March 10, 2001 - 03:06 pm lol@trouplegirl You are mad ehhhh. hey I think they put U out of business. Don't worry I will come to your rescue.
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| | Saturday, March 10, 2001 - 04:15 pm Today's-Gal......sistah i like the way u put ur post together........!! In my opinion.....i would blame both parents.... 1- When the husband said he doesnt wanna live in the West no more.......his wife is his wife she has to listen........islamically a woman can not say no to her husband unless he is telling her to do something that is against Islam......right.,.!! She should have thought of it b4 she said no and let her husband live alone in another country......!! By sending money to him every month she is not satisfying him as a wife...!!! 2- When the old dude marries a girl that is his daughter's age......yeah sure its xalaal......but he has to be able to provide for her....and his older wife.........is he able to provide for the first one b4 he sarts looking for another one....!! Of course not......she's the one who is taking care of his broke a$$.......!! He has no right to merry another one....!!!!! Bad2thebone..........i honestly thought such marriages did not exist no more.......but what can we say.......its the way our culture works and we can do nothin' to stop it....!!!! TroubleGal........sistah whas uuuuuuuuuup....miss ya and ur funny posts u know....!!!! adios
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| | Saturday, March 10, 2001 - 05:44 pm I blame your mother for sending your father the money.But that will seem mean to not send him.So i am left to say . I DONT KNOW .lol GOOD LUCK ANYWAY.
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 06:28 am the looser dad should have got his ass back and took care of his duty. if i was the woman, i would let him STARVE. why should she have to carry out her duty as a wife when he doesn't do his as a husband? and who do you think will be stuck providing for this new family? it will be a burden not only for the mother but the kids!!!
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 07:09 am Somalian men said to the Somalian women Please do not hurt us Do not make our heart bleed Please do not punish us Because it's you that I need We cannot take it when you blame us For all of your stuff You make us feel worthless Or Just not good enough We just want to be treated The way that you do God do you know that sometimes You can be so damn cruel Do not mean to make you mad Everytime that we cry But some of the things you say Make us want to die Please do not push us away We are desperately holding on But with your baracades It's hard for us to be that strong Please do not try to change us This is the way that we are We love you the way you are Do not try to make us a better men Please put your arms around us It's not hard to do Just tell us that you love us That is all we want from you
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 07:28 am Todays-girl Sis, althought it seems so sad,this kind of sitiutions happen our Society every day. But let me tel you something, in Islam your Fathers action is wrong...You know why? the men may allow to marry 4 women in Islam, but that is if they can provide 4 them....they can,t even marry "one" if they can,t... let alone 4.....so, althought it will not be Ideal.. Islamicly your MUM have a right 2 seek a divorce from him...and re-marry who ever she want....and about sending a MONEY 4 him...that is really up to her.....in Islam he Have no Right over her...Full stop. ..what is MORE....that your Father have to anser to ALLAh....In chagement day....that is if he neclegted his children....which seems the case.....the Sad thing is Somali women don,t their rights in Islam....and that is why MEN have walk all over them....Islam loves US.....it is about the time we Womens EDUCATE ourselves to Islam....and learn our Rights.....Do you guys know that....in Islam althought MEN can marry 4 Women.....they can,t do it whit out telling you first....and if they do you have a right to leave him?....tell me how many of you know that..lol....I LOVE Islam.
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 08:24 am damn wrong place sorry folks that poem above one should not be there damn.......
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 09:29 am lol@ukMan9 Listen br, I did not mean to disapoint you..and I guess you r full of LOVE poems....but I was only Pointing....our Rights which ..Allah give uS.....who are you Guys to denay us that Right????it Hiurst when I read this kind of Stories....and you know what? it is the FACT of our Society....so Ukguy.....do you think is Fair to ask Women...LOve and Effection.......when you guys don,t show? and then blame the the Dryness?
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 10:19 am guess wut Wonders i did not read ur lines honest ooooooooops sorry miss undersatnding.looooooooooooooool
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| | Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 02:28 pm I blame Our lame culture. If somali stoped following culture like it was revelation and started following our beautifull deen and common sense_____WE WOULD GET SOMEWHERE!!!!! I think there are wrongs in both sides  Peace, Love and Happiness
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| | Monday, March 12, 2001 - 01:36 am Well what can I say...most of you have posted some interesting comments...but more or less you have all come to the same conclusion...some of you say our culture is to blame for, some of you think one of the parent is to blame (mother or the fathers) and some of you say they are both to blame...but come to think of it all of the above could be the course of the brake up of this marriage..why? Firstly because our culture has an anourmous impact on our daily life style, it has become almost un-noticable to differenciate between our Region and our "Culture". Secondly both the parent should have carried their duties as muslims by listening to one another rather than doing their our thing, marriage is a life time commitment not a hobby. At the end of the day it was meant to happen..Ilaahay ayaa qoray..however god didn't tell you to lay in the middle of the road so a car can crash you brains...what am trying to say is that both parents should their best not to get themselves in that situation, but as long as we continue to be 50/50,...50% culture, 50% Islam we as somalis will not benefit in anyway. p.s. let me remind you again Basra sis...this is a Hypothetical situation these are not based on My parents.. thank god my parents are still together.. peace
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| | Tuesday, March 13, 2001 - 04:37 am Dear sister Today's-girls Your story remains me another case happended here in holland similair to yours dear sister, in the first step i think about you and ur other bro's/sisters!it aint an easy life experience, i agree with honesita, i guess both of your parents are guilt. The father is not allowed to take his muslim childeren/wife to the west and leaving them here, cuz whereever he goes, he is still responsable for all of them. the mum is less guilty in my personal opionion becouse the husband has to care for all kind of problems and how to solve them not to run away. somehow the mum could play an importan roll to fix it up. What made me more sad when i read ur story dear sister Today's girl is the victim "the young new wife" i hear that always, old guys go marry teenagers, i wonder r there no old women, i bet there r lots, i think you's a wise and educated girl, and able to help your brothers with holding their relegion and culture. Take care sweety and we all pray for you, ur brothers from holland think bout you wherever u r at sis. All the best. Atam
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| | Tuesday, March 13, 2001 - 06:34 am atam2010, todays-girl didnt talk about her personal life(family) she just expresses her concern about majority somali problem! just in case you didnt see scroll up and see her last posting PS!! this is just discussion or debate.
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| | Tuesday, March 13, 2001 - 11:53 am Asalaamu Caleykum Let me point out two things that seem most of you forgot abou it. Islam is a religion of peace, passion and love not some excuse when you run into a problem. Both parents can be somehow blamed for. You can blame the father is he took his wife and children into some KUFAAR western country knowing that or having a doublt that they will lose their religion or live there for good. Islam don't allow to live in KUFAAR country period. If only the purpose of traveling to Kufaar country is to spread Islam, medical reasons or running for your religion or war (this is somali situation) all the above are acceptable after fulfilling three requirments. I kind of forgot them but will post later. So you can say the father is to blame for if he by any chance knew wife will refuse to go back and chilren will be messed up. The biggest mistake is the mother.....for not only disobeying her husband but disobeying him when he calls to her a must-do-thing that will please Allah and that (Hijrah) and setting a bad example for the kids showing their father is no good and left them alone. The family is torn apart who could save it, probably her. She could reach suggest alternate root and reside somewhere better may be middle east or africa if she doesn't want to do it at all, she can use some brain and go with him for couple of months and later change his mind and came back. She could do all the necessary things just to save the marriage. I would also blame the kids if they are grown up coz you can use some magic to make daddy & mommy to stay together. As for marrying another wife, nothing is clear, had he provided everything for here, had he saved all the money from his wife or is he still getting those checks from the govnment and pleasing that money to his new wife. I mean I don't see anything wrong with that, put yourself in his shoe, a guy that lost his family and feel he's nothing and at the same time, those hormones are arising every morning and then what? Get marry that's how it goes but I would not advise him to do it as he just a lost a great family, let's first get things worked out and may be consider marrying later. And Finally, don't ook only one side, we had seen girls that were engaged and their future husbands working in the factor just to send the bill to her.....guess what the next morning you hear she is pregnant, you go what? That's right no wonder she got married with your money.....what can you do....I mean the other day you were calling the immigration just to get out her visa so you can enjoy life...what's the next thing comes to your mind....call her as a surprise and congratualate her for her husbad as you break the news that you're atleast better than her by forgiving her shameful act.(that's what I would do) Wonder----gotta question. I want to know who give out the FATWA where a women can seek a divorce if her husband marries another woman by not knowing her? Don't be faminist.....this is a religion, no upside down.....we are talking about the rule of Allah and his messenger. Sister, I would appreciate if you could just name the Sheik or the source where you got such information. I am here to know not to argue. Sorry to say but Muslim men lost one big responsiblity when they came to this corrupted western world. it's the capabiltiy of providing for the family and this is where most of the divorce come from. Husbands don't need to provide coz wifes have all sources of income so men feel irresponsible. Waxaa uu ilaahey uga sare mariyay dumarka waa labo waxyaalood, mida hore oo ah fadliga Ilaahey iyo mida labaad oo ah ayagoo maalkooda ku bixiyaya dumarka yacni nafaqada xaaska iyo ciyaalka. Markii halkan la yimid tii masuuliyada dambe wey ku daysay maxaa yeelay dollar ayaa meesha yaacsan hooyo ama gabar uu Ilaahey u naxariisatay ayaana musiibada garata dhibka iyo ciribtirka ay leedahay ee marooleey guryo badan inteysan dumin aanu badaadino kana laabano.
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| | Monday, March 19, 2001 - 03:17 am wadad ku sheek Typical.
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