     MissX | Unrecorded Date
ok ,basically i happen to notice that more and more teens and adults as a matter of fact are "doin'" the nasty, and if I ask them why, they say just for the pleasure. well, i want to know the opinions of the people who do it and why they do it and don't they know the consequences (not physical consequences, but after death I mean). pls dont join this discussion if you are going to bash other people for giving their honest opinions. Also, my man was pressuring me lately to have sex with him, and everytime we get into a huge discussion about it, he says, its no big deal and you have fun, and i try to convince him how can you have fun if at any moment you can die and you just commited a big sin, and you might go to hell for that. So i would really appreciate it if you can put your 2-cents in and help me understand the view points of others and what they think about this topic.
~Peace~ |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Simply, don't do it. Our Religion forbids copulation before marriage, afterall what makes us different from the animals whenever we feel the urge satisfy as your friends put the pleasure?
As any married couple will tell you there is more to relationship than displaying love thru sex, if this man of yours really cares about you he will respect your wishes and refrain from pressuring you for it.
Though I am not expert in this field, hope my two cents helps. |
| Somalilady | Unrecorded Date
I absolutely agree with anon69!! I could not have said better.
But I can tell you one thing. Sex has nothing to do with love!, but it is rather a pleasure act. As anon69......"if he loves you he will respect your wishes"..A man of good intentions will never pressure you to such an thing and after all, it is SIN and you have face ALLAH(swt)............
Please lets not abandon our religion and culture...........
We live in a sick and socially dysfunction society whose men and women are endangering or melasting their children day in and day out...
I don't want digress from the subject!
IF WE KEEP THE TAQWA, ALLAH SHALL REWARD US! |
| 4grls father | Unrecorded Date
AL-salaamu calaykum:
As we live in western society it's better to get
information or tips from them, as arabian proverb says:(your graceness is what so ever your enemy
confessed to you).I advise to each son or dougther
to read a very greatful Article once I read on the popular magazine(reader's Digest)The edition dated NOV,1994.THE TITLE was:
(MOM!I LIKE TO LIVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND).
As refrence you can borrow from libararies.
That's homework money can't buy,I hope everybody
will understand what boyfriend's All about in the
western world. |
| SiHam | Unrecorded Date
To:MissX
I agree with what annon69 and somalilady said. But doo what is you think is right...no one is going to live your life for you.
But think about what is a bigger gift you can give your husband than your virginity?
seee ya!! |
| Hibo | Unrecorded Date
SIs MissX,
WhatI think is that this thing sex became part of our mentality the minute most of our people fled the country. The probelm with us is when we come to a place we automatically becoem part of that society and not retain or culture and its values. Many women and men have developed a much worst way of thinking then most Westerners themselves when it comes to these kind of things. WHat makes me wonder though is that we tend to grab real fast the bad stuff and not the good things why is that? Why don't wego to school eduacate ourselves and our kids rather than thinking of sex and its pleasure. I guess we are somehow being punished by God for committing soem kind of crime because none of the other communities convert this fast then we do. I hope sis my opinion not only help u but make u see the world from different angle. And about your man , all I can is that what he wants is sex and the minute he has ithe is out of your life. SO sis u better watch out. Men can be very persuasive. Good luck. |
| Anon69 | Unrecorded Date
Amen sis Hibo,
just one thing, all men aren't Ms X's man.
Thanks though for the thoughful piece. |
| Mr Cool | Unrecorded Date
Miss X
Do you want do it with your boyfriend? Is all about what you want and what makes you feel comfortable and if he can't respect that then I don't know what is holding you back.
So if you are the person that you sound( that is someone who respects religion) then sis you will tell your boyfriend to wait until you guys are married. But watch his answer..... if he keeps telling you ohhhhhh is no big deal again, then just put it in a simple way... "Take it or leave it"( I am not trying to tell to break up with him). If he really loves you he will tell you that he will wait for an eternity for you but hey if he doesn't then sis hit the road cause the guy is after no good.
Hibo
Is all good about everything that you said. But there are people out there(somali people that is) that did not have the chance to change. From the way MissX talks, I am assuming that she is one of those unfortunate people who came to Westerners when they were still kids. Then sis how do you expect a kid in those circumstances to have a tradition or culture? Thank god that we know at least the meaning of being muslims. |
| Yaska | Unrecorded Date
Hi Everybody,
There is something I don't get it.. do what ever U want? It is Your choice? it is Your life? bala..bala., Don't you know/feel it is your responsibility to tell/advice or even to order very strongly to do the right things? Where is Amru bil Macruuf and Nahyi Canil Munkar*****!!!
Tell them true, advice them to the right path, after that remind them IT IS THEIR CHOICE to follow or not. We should remember " ITAQI LAAHI XAYSU MAA KUNTA.. " on cyperspace or in jungle".
to: Miss X, do you know diin? what about sex? if u do then, u know the SINNA*** RIGHT, What abou the qur'an? How many time in qur'an mentioned the term SINNA**, Please and Please don't do it. It is Good for you and for us too. |
| Hibo Elmi | Unrecorded Date
mR. Cool Iam not saying that all Somalis have changed but majority is what counts. I don't live near Somalis b/c I live in a samll town and since its not appealing to most of our people to live where I am, I find myself isolated form others. However when I go to the near state or city that have alot of Somalis, walaahi it shocks me. I wonder if the sight of my people and the situation that they are in is reality or just a nightmare. Sometimes I hesitate to call myself a Somali b/c I fel ashame. We lost faith, culture , sense of dignity and most of all our religion. I saw Somali girls dress like protitutes thinking its a fashion. Why do we always have to go through a rapid change when other societies take it gradually? May God show us the right path soon that is all we hope for. We need to go and find ourselves before we loose track. |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
i couldn't have said it batter
well done ms hibo |
| Ahmad | Unrecorded Date
Asalama Alaykum dhamaantiin!
Miss X,
...don't let him pressure you---tell him that he's not going to get it, period. AND, from this, you will definitely know where he stands for you and your future. THIS is only if you're one who wants to be careful with God's duty upon all of us: TO KEEP AWAY FROM SINS! It's Satan that whispers wicked thoughts to him---and I beleive you can help him defeat that.
Blessed BE!
Peace, Ahmad! *>.<* |
| X | Unrecorded Date
Miss X-
Could you please stop using my alias. I feel this might confuse folks.
Thanks-
X |
| Dr X | Unrecorded Date
Miss X was roaming this forums long before you (X)came to know about Somalinet! |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
And?
Who made you the refree? |
| hadaf | Unrecorded Date
Siham is supporting the opinion of her sisters but let me tell you that islam is not like simple way of life but it comes with it's obligations and it's clear that it,s awful that a married woman refuses to satisfy the demands of her husband. At least she should have good reasons to refuse having sex and he may agree or not the reasons she put forward but the point is she is right to do so.
By the way, beside the point i stated above i agree with sister siham, non69 and the third somaligirl that love and healty relationship that lasts for life between husband and wife can not be based-by no means- only on sexual intercourse.
brother hadaf |
| hadaf | Unrecorded Date
:-> ... CORRECTION: Please read my last message: she has no right to do so.
hadaf |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
TO MR XHi Muddasar!Thank You very much for the game TOM AND JERRY !
i played a little and i liked it.heysend me that game DAVE4 which u were telling
send me the game which u think r good:->thank u very much!BYESaniaMiss ya!===== |
| Ubax | Unrecorded Date
All i know is if my boyfriend asked me to do him while he knew i was after a long term
relationship i would Squeezed his special part like nobody's business believe me.
ohh and boys you must know how much that must hurt |
| MY WORDS | Unrecorded Date
IF YOU PEOPL WANA GO AGAIST ALAH GO AHEAD, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ALLAH SAID IN THE QURAAN AND YOU KNOW THAT SEX IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!! ONCE YOU GO AGAIST GOD WORDS THERE IS NOT TURING BACK
TIME AND YOU KNOW WHAT IS WAITING FOR YOU IN
(HELLLLLLLLLL) |
| OGman | Unrecorded Date
hey all my muslim ppl , I really amized with this discussion , coz you are muslims as I wish and you think like westren and non-muslim ppl ,but what I can say to wise visitors "there is a day
all we human will collect togather and every one will be naked and question what he was done in air
life , so you muslim ppl be a good and worshirp you lord who will rise , I pray allah to give you guidence |
| FYI | Unrecorded Date
MissX, everyone is giving you good advice and the slogan "just don't do it", but if you are talking with this guy of yours whom you called my man(i don't understand how he can be your man if he is not married to you?) and you happen to see him and be with him alone, it is not his fault that he asks you to get intimate. it is the nature that dictates to feel that way. he feels he is sinning anyway by being with you(as you know already that you can't be with an opposite sex alone and even if he does not touch you, the mere fact that you are with him alone and talking to him with your beautiful voice and where he can see your beautiful lips is a sin in ISLAM). that is what drives him crazy and wants to go all the way with you. So what is the solution: either marry this guy if he is a keeper or stop seeing him in person alone. you can't have your cake and eat it too. i mean you can't say my man is convincing me and pressuring me lately to have sex with him when you are with him and then say no. if you are not ready for marriage now, please don't play the guy's emotional needs. sin is a sin...being with him alone even if you are wearing hijab is a sin and having sex with him is a sin--they both called zina. marriage is the solution. the prophet said marry early and not wait. you guys are in the states and you are in the prime time or age to get marry. he can work part time and still go to school to support you or you can do the same things or make nikah or meher if you want to wait the marraige....so if you fear hell as you say you do, the nikah or meher will allow you to get intimate legally without you guys living together or stop this game you are playing this guy. let him go and let him marry you and feel you, period. |
| Honestgirl | Unrecorded Date
Is kissing a man a SIN???
please bro/sis give me your advise
i'm dating this guy and we go out have fun or whatever. we have been together almost a year and i think i'm kind of in love with him. lately instead of going out we started going to his house to watching videos there and we just kiss and hold each other that's all.
he said he will never ask me to have sex with untill we are married but i'm begining to think that what we do is also a sin
so the question is, is kissing and tauching sin in slam??
please don't be afraid to give me your advice
thans in advance. |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
honestgirl,
not only is kissing a man whom you are not married to him is a sin(zina), touching him, or being alone with him, is also considered a sin in islam. for him to say to you "i will never ask to have sex with you until you and him get married" and
for you to accept it as being ok in islam when he and you are kissing and necking each other is
playing dump. but at least you have some doubt about this being ok(of what you two are doing) in islam. if you and him are not ready for marriage and love each other and want to continue to see each other and, then the easy way and legal way for you and him to continue kissing and touching each other is that if you and him a make nikax.....that way it is legal(not sin) for him to kiss you and even go all the way with you. so, stop playing dump. your choice is to either marry this guy or make nikah with him or continue to be sinning with him. |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
when i said either marry this guy or make a nikah wiht him, what i meant was ether marry him and live together as a family........or make a nikah until you and him are ready for a family.
at least do the meher or the nikah which will make it legal(not sin) for your kissing and touching each other. |
| Guled | Unrecorded Date
May the Bless and Peace of Allah be upon you!
well, I trying to be more specific about this hard stipulation issue got no clue to say about it but let me try my best.
Well, As we all do know that our relegion doesn't hold with allowing us to have a copulation before the marriage and we weren't supposed to do that.
why should you let your man have a sex with you? you girls are holding a termendous shame yourselves on the day of resurrection cuz you are not in a position not to let your husband have a sex with you...cuz he is the head of the family and you as his wife shouldn't be more tricky to his dicetions you know why? i was really so surprised by the time you said "my man is presseruing me lately to have a sex with him" why is that? is that means that you really don't beleive in or do respect the old traditions we had? although i have no more experiance about this issue but in my point of view, you ladies in west might have perceived things in a wrong way while what we see is a sight different from what you girls see.cuz in somalia when the man leads his lady to the alter there was no any argument about having a sex with his wife but now, you regard yourself as a western person and wanna deal with your husband like the western do but that is not the truth dear sister. let the faith and respect of your husband be kept and let him do what ever he want excluding when he is wrong cuz everyone in this great show called life makes mistake and has to face a failure at certain times in his/her life. I'm aged now "19 years old and live in Europe" and i hope i'll not see what you see now
dear sister cuz the fears you don't talk about my make you timid at all things so they say " DON'T GO NEAR WATER UNTILL YOU LEARN HOW TO SWIM" and from now on i'm on my way of learning it and i hope you will keep your eyes open to see the world around you and have a bit confidence in yourself.
One more thing i would like to let you know is that Islam is the best way of life,it is what makes us enriched spritually and gives us the happiness,so forget all those things that have no place in islam and follow what Allah and His prophet Mohamed (scwslm) about the life and that will make a sense cuz this life is so temporary.
I wish you all the best dear sister. |
| Yasmin | Unrecorded Date
Hi honestgirl!
Ayub i couldn't said it better bro.
Honestgurl....sista i understand where your coming from i was in the same situation 7 month ago, i dated this somalian brother for 5 month and our relationship became very close so we started kissing ... i stoped and asked myself is this right...i realized not so, i told him to talk with my parents and he did 2 month later we got engaged and insha 'allah we are getting married this summer. One thing i know now that i'm not commiting a (zina).so i pray that GOD forgive me for my sins and yours sis. think about it wallal....take care!
Happy Ramadan~~
Yasmin |
| omar | Unrecorded Date
helly yasmin this is omar so what up I found your email
yasmin listen to me want to tell something you going to be may sweet lady
what you be me lady yasmin you have special like may name is omar
both we have special name.....bay bay yasmin please send me message
may email is sheker10hotmail .com |
| HonestGirl | Unrecorded Date
To Ayub
Thanks bro i really apreciate your time and advise. i will really think about what i'm doing now
and insha allah like you said i will tell him lets's get down to business babe or take a hike
meaning either lets commit to each other for the long haul or no more even being in the same room.
to all happy ramadan |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
you're welcome, my sister. i'm sure he will be happy to hear you say to him "lets's get down to business babe". and if he is not happy to hear what you said to him, then he was really lying to you when he said to you before ""i will never ask to have sex with you until you and him get married". this is how you test a guy. do not ever cheapen yourself, my sister....do not let him feel your body and do not let him waste your time in addtion to sinning without commitment. without commitment is nothing but sining and it is foolish for a lady such as you to accept it. by the i mean, the commintment of marriage. |
| MILK | Unrecorded Date
salaamu alaikum bro/sis
first i have a question which I might b ignorent frm it. and my question is .if u do the nikah.isnt like ok to have "sex"????
just by reading what u guys posted, I wana say something. to those ppl who haven't had the experience and r willing to do if asked by he/she. my advise to u is dont.one since isnt halal u do feel guilt after doing it. and girls most man run away after the feild goal is good so r they which mean there is a 95% chance he will walk away frm u!!!!!!!!!!!
brothers and sisters. everyone is intitle to their own opinion all though freedom of speech have their limitation when it becomes harm to the public.so dont misunderstood my words....girls, keep this in mind how would u like to have a husband that slept with 20 ather females.(not at all) just like u some males dont understand the mistakes u did when u were young.to me which r priceless.because u cant bring back the past can u ?
thank u for ur time
brother MILK |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
once you make a nikah and have sex, you are married...it is not like an engagement, the kind where a guy gives a lady a ring and they then set a date for the marriage. most people make nikah and then right away, they start to live together...other people can not afford to live together some reason or another, mostly financial reasons or they are not in the same location. so if you make nikax, it is perfectly legal to have sex. actually, it is recommended that the act of intimacy should
take place right away..i mean as far as going all the way...as far as having an intercourse in or order the nikax or the marriage can be consummated. if the act of sex does not take place, most people call this just a nikax, but when the act of sex happens, then the nikax or you and him become a man and wife. basically, the nikax is a license to have legal sex in the intention of becoming a man and wife. however, some people(mostly the men) abuse this system and they make the nikax like a legal experiment to have sex...their intention is to see if they would or could be attracted to the person they made the nikax with(physically)....if they like what they have seen or done, then they will make this a real marriage, but if not, then they will not settle down with the person they have sex with..they will say, they changed their mind…..but they do not know that what they just did was not
correct legally or religously; thus, they had just an illegal sex….therefore, they fooled the other person and really themselves, not Allah. |
| Idiris | Unrecorded Date
Hi Ayub!
by reading your comments I really liked your good advice and chosen words.. wise words.
brother let me ask you question and please be realistic for answering it .
I just start seeing a girl, first I've to see her privately coz I don't know her much and she doesn't too. if people get to know that we're seeing each other then they start to say they are getting marriage and that can cause me and her problems because we're not that position yet. can I see her privately but in public places like restaurants?, second I'm agree with you nikax is the best way when you're position of love what about earlier the time of getting knowing each other?.
thanks ones again
Idiris! |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
brother idris, in my humble opinion, since you said you have seen this girl and she has seen you before and you like each other in the physical appearance, the safest thing that you and her could do now is to get to know and find each other while talking over the phone..that way you can find if you and her could and would be attracted to each other in personal stand point and behavior wise also. maybe you guys can talk three to four times a week until you are sure and think you are ready for marriage. this way, you avoid sinning if you two see each other and start to get intimate without nikax and you can also avoid the people talking about you and her when they see you together.
You see, in my opinion, you can get to know a person by talking and communicating over the phone, but avoid sexual tone conversations so as not to sin. Just considerate about the future and how you and her will built a home together. if you agree to things, then no harm done and everything will go find, insha-Allah. just be both patient with each other and may Allah give you what is best. peace. |
| honey | Unrecorded Date
dear ayub.....
i have seen some of the advices you posted on this forums and i would really love to heard your advice on this mattter. I have been seing this guy for about 2 years. I know some people may think it is wrong. We never made love, we only kiss and touch each other. The reason we haven't sleep together yet is i promised myself that i wouldn't sleep with a guy unless he was my husband. The good thing is he never once pressure me to have sex him, he is really a true gentleman. We are really deeply in love with each other. I don't really wanna rush to get marry just to have sex...And i really think a lot of our people get married for the wrong reason. He ask me to marry him at the beginning year and I told him that i will once he finish his degree. Don't get me wrong i wanna marry him , but the problem is that we aren't financial secure to start a family...Sure we can do the nikah and then move in togeter, but i don't like that idea, i believe that once we do the nikah its final. Some people may say that money is not everything in life, but i think that it plays a big part in life....I already got my bachelor degree, so i am waiting for him to graduate this coming may....Maybe once we both secure a good job then we will get marry insha-allah in meantime we wanna both see each other....WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY SITUATION?....AM I COMMITING A SIN? |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
dear honey, since there is only one semester left for him to graduate, this will make it easy for both of you to wait each other. i agree with you that the finance part plays in a big way when building a family, especially if you live in america...not only do you need a place to live, but a medical insurance and the whole nine yards.
now, if this guy is a keeper(a good catch) and you are not worrying about him not waiting, then it is worth the wait since he is not financially secure yet. i strongly believe that the man should be the main(and maybe) the only provider for the family. if he is not able to do that now(since he is still in school) the marriage(not the nikah) is not the right thing to do. maybe i think it will take a year for him to be able to take the responsibility of marriage. i say a year, because you said he will graduate this coming may, then that time, insha-Allha, he has to get a secure job with benefits. the reason i think this is important is that anything can happen once you guys get married...you could get pregnant right away. even if you have a secure job with benefits, he has to be the man who should provide everything. so, my opinion is that the waiting is the best thing for you. however, you said meantime you want to see each other.....well, my advice on this is that the kissing and the touching part could lead to something else and it is not right since he is not ready for marriage. so, i wouldn't advice you being along with him. if you can not help and want to see him, see him once a while but not alone---get a chaperone with you all the time that you are with him. or better yet, make a meher or a nikah but still wait until he finishes school and gets a job, that may work. but i understand that you want everything at once. well, you decide what is best for you. peace and may Allah give you what is best for you. |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
Food for thought: it is reported that the prophet to have said three things shouldn't be delayed:
1-when the salaat time comes, the prayers shouldn't be delayed
2-when someone dies, the burial shouldn't be delayed
2-when a girl reaches puberty and her match is found, the nikah or the marriage shouldn't be delayed.
also, the prophet said:
if a man is not able to or can't effort to get married, he should fast.
so, the only reason a man should wait is to be able to provide the family, but a girl shouldn't wait, provided that she reached the age of puberty and her match is found. |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
correction: "So, the only reason a man should wait for marriage when he is not able to provide the family, but a girl shouldn't wait, provided that she reached the age of puberty and her match is found. |
| hibaaq | Unrecorded Date
hello folks
folks its alight to have sex so dont you threat it like as its a disese.whats wrong with doin it with some1 you love ,lets not be hypocrites and be alittle open minded about sex and sensuality its apart of life.No offence to all of plz dont you take it personal,i am just expressing my view points thats all folks |
| hibaaq | Unrecorded Date
Dear folks yeah one other thing no disrespect intended towards the religion ,i do know as a matter of fact that its considered to be sin in doing such actions,but neverthless its the lust and passion that drives or humanly curiousity towards sex and sexual fantasies.No offence intended people.
pease,love to all. |
| Idiris | Unrecorded Date
hi ayub!
comparing the advice you gave hibaaq and the advice you gave me are different although we're slightly same situations.
you said to me it's better to call her rather than to see her and you said to hibaaq you can see him in public places .
bye
Idiris |
| ayub | Unrecorded Date
idris, i said to honey(not hibaaq): "i wouldn't advice her being along with that guy." but hibaaq herself said she and him "wanna both see each other" anyway. so, i advised her if this is the case and that she can't help but to see him, then she should at least "get a chaperone with her all the time that she is with him"
as for your case and the lady you are interesting, you yourself said "if people get to know that we're seeing each other then they start to say they are getting marriage and that can cause me and her PROBLEMS" so since this was the case, i advised you to just talk to her over the phone...that way there wouldn't any problem.
so my brother idris, that is the difference between your case and the case of honey. you are in different situation, because you are afraid to be seen with the lady you want and honey is not afraid to be seen with the man she wants. |
| Waddani | Unrecorded Date
slmu alykum.....
Salaan kadib, even though I am capable of expressing my ideas in english, I rather preferred to communicate in somali, anybody having problem may ask for a translation!
Dooqa iyo Hawada beni'aadamka ku abuuran waa wax dabiici ah oo rabbigeen sareeye nagu abuuray. Intaa waxaa dheer sheydaanka nafteenna lagu xiriirshay, xikmadda iyo xogta ka danbeysa sareeyaha ayaa og, waxa ayse u badan tahay inay labadaasi yihiin imtixaan adduunka lagu maro si loo kala hufo inta rabbi u dhego nugul iyo inta la-hesytayaasha u ah naftooda. Raaligelinta dareenka jinsiga waxa ay diinteennu u jeexday sharciyo iyo nidaamyo ku saleysan anshaxa wanaagsan, taa oo ka mid ah waxyaabaha uu beni'aadamku kaga duwan yahay xayawaanka. Islaamku kama raali aha, Soomaaliduna hidde uma laha ka hadalka iyo faaqidaada waxyaabaha ka baxsan moorada iyo maangalka caqliga wanaagsan. Waxa ay u eg tahay in badan oo ka mid ah dadkeennii u soo qaxay dibaduhu in ay madax martay duufaanta waalan ee dhaqamadan shisheeye. Waxaan nafteyda iyo walaalaha soo booqda page-kanba ugula talin lahaa iney ILAAHEEY ka cabsadaan. Inta doodda ugu qeyb galeysa si cilmi (islaami) ah waan ka faa'iideysan karnaa, hase yeeshee kutirikuteenta western-ka (xoolanimada) soomaalidu waa iney ka faanto! ALLAHU AKBAR...SLMU ALYKUM. |
| FYI | Unrecorded Date
I agree with what most of Ayub says, but here is something about manners when speaking to women. notice at
the end the sheikh says that the questioners limits should be carefull
to not be taken as excuses to talk to a women but only
limits...meaning he agrees with the limits and doesn't want the people
to use them as an excuse and then go talk to a women.
------------------------------------------
Question:
I have heard a ruling regarding the reasons a male Muslims is allowed
to speak to a Muslim female and want to know if it is correct. It said
that there are only five reasons one may talk to her:
1. to ask how her family
2. for medical purposes
3. for financial purposes (e.g. in a shop)
4. to find out about her personality for marriage suitability
5. to give her dawah (Islamic knowledge).
Is this correct? If it is, please provide the evidence from where the
ruling is made (i.e. Daleel).
Answere:
Praise be to Allaah.
The conditions for speaking to a woman to whom one is not related are
mentioned
in the following aayaat (interpretation of the meaning):
". . . And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them
from behind
a screen; that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts . . ."
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease
should be
moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab
33:32]
Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This
means that
they should not speak softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a
concise and
decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech,
and not be
vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the
face that
could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab
women (before
Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft
like women
who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade
women to
do that.
The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with
desire"
means lest such a person should hope for immoral deeds, indecency or
romance.
"Speaking in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that does
not go
against Sharee’ah or offend people. Women are encouraged when
speaking to
men to whom they are not related and to mahrams among their in-laws
to be
somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without raising the voice,
because they
are commanded to lower their voice.
Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram)
should only
be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling,
asking about
the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be
brief, with
nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.
The idea of limiting speech with women to the five instances
mentioned in the
question needs to be approached with caution, because they could be
taken as
examples instead of limits. One must also adhere to the conditions set
out by the
Sharee’ah even in instances where such conversations are necessary,
such as in
da’wah, giving fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And Allaah knows best. |
| FYI | Unrecorded Date
I will give you an article below on FAMILy visits to the family and this isn't even about strangers, but family. and yet look at what it says:
People are civil and sociable by nature: they must have friends, and
friendship
involves visiting one another.
When visits are between families, we must pay attention to an
important matter
which will close the door to evil, by not allowing mixing between the
sexes. One of
the indications that mixing is haraam is the aayah (interpretation of the
meaning):
"… And when you ask (the Prophet's wives) for anything you want, ask
them
from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their
hearts…"
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
If we examine the evil results of mixing in family gatherings, we will find
many
examples of corruption and immorality, for example:
1.In most cases, women's hijaab in mixed gatherings is either
non-existant or
not correct. These women display the beauty which Allaah has
forbidden
them to show to anyone before whom they are not allowed to uncover,
as it
says in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): "… and not to reveal
their
adornment …" [al-Noor 24:31] It even happens that women who adorn
themselves in mixed gatherings never adorn themselves for their
husbands.
2.When men see women in mixed gatherings, this destroys their
religious
commitment and morals, and provokes forbidden desires.
3.Terrible arguments and marital separations may result, when one
looks at or
winks at the wife of another, or they laugh and joke together. When
the
couple returns home, the settling of accounts begins:
Man: "Why did you laugh at so-and-so's words, when he never said
anything funny?
Woman: "And why did you wink at so-and-so?"
Man: "When he speaks you understand him readily, but when I speak
you
never understand me!"
So the exchange of accusations goes on, until it ends in hatred or
even
divorce, in some cases.
4.Some men and women may begin to regret their luck in marriage,
when they
begin to compare their spouses with those of their friends. A man may
say to
himself, "So-and-so joins in discussions and is well-educated, but my
wife is
ignorant and is not educated at all…" And a woman may say to herself,
"So-and-so is so lucky, her husband is so eloquent and smart, and my
husband is so boring and speaks without thinking…" This destroys the
marriage relationship and leads to bad treatment on the part of both
spouses.
5.Some may show off to others by making false claims about what
they do not
have, so that one man may issue instructions to his wife in front of
other
men so that he can pretend to have a strong personality, when at
home he is
like a tame ***** -cat. A woman may borrow gold so that others in
the
gathering may think she owns so much, but the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The one who claims to have
what he
does not own is as it were wearing a garment of falsehood." (Reported
by
al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 9/317)
6.These mixed night-time gatherings are often a waste of time, filled
with idle
gossip and other sins of the tongue, whilst small children are left at
home (so
that the gathering will not be spoiled by their crying!)
7.These night-time gatherings may become even worse and involve
other
major sins, such as drinking and gambling, especially among the
so-called
upper class. Another of the major sins that may result is the desire to
follow
the kuffaar and be like them in dress and other habits and customs.
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Whoever imitates a people is one of them." (Reported by Imaam
Ahmad,
al-Musnad, 2/50; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 2828)
In family gatherings, women should be separated from non-mahram
men, and the
gatherings should serve some useful purpose, such as remembrance of
Allaah
(dhikr), seeking beneficial knowledge or discussing social problems or
things that
can benefit the family in this life. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and
healthy. May
Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
* Translator's note: "mahram" refers to a blood-relative to whom
marriage is
permanently forbidden, such as a woman's father, brother, son, uncle,
etc. |
| FYI | Unrecorded Date
Waddani, do you mind if i translate your Somali writings into SIMPLE english for hibaaq?
"Only when the instinct is excited, it will require
satisfaction. And once the instinct requires
satisfaction, it will push the human being to
acquire it. The human being will experience
anxiety as long as the instinct is excited. Once it
calmed down, anxiety will no longer exist. Non
satisfaction of this instinct will not result in death
or any physical, mental, or psychological harm.
Harm will be merely anxiety and pain.
Consequently satisfying this instinct is not
inevitable like the organic needs. It is rather a
satisfaction to bring about tranquillity and for
comfort.
Two matters excite the instinct: 1. The tangible
reality and 2. Thought and association of ideas.
One of these matters in the least must be present
for the instinct to be excited. Meaning, it is not
excited due to an internal motive, as is the case
with the organic need, but rather from an external
incentive, namely the tangible reality and
association of thoughts. This holds true to all
instincts, namely the instinct of survival,
sanctification and procreation with no difference.
Since the procreation instinct is similar to the
other instincts where if it is excited it will require
satisfaction and since it is not incited except by a
tangible reality or association of thoughts, then
the human being is able in controlling this
satisfaction. As a matter of fact, the human being
is able to initiate this satisfaction or prevent it
from taking place except in such a manner that it
is always geared to preserving the human race. It
is due to this reason that seeing the opposite sex
or any tangible reality that is related to the
procreation instinct will excite the instinct and
make it require satisfaction. Consequently,
reading sexual stories and listening to sexual
ideas excite the procreation instinct. Inversely,
keeping away from the opposite sex, sexual ideas
or anything related to the procreation instinct will
prevent the instinct from being excited. This is
because, the procreation instinct can not be
excited except by a tangible reality or a sexual
thought.
Hence, if the community’s view to the relationship
between the man and woman is focused on the
male-female relations, i.e. the sexual relations, as
is the case in the Western society, then creating
the exciting tangible reality and sexual thought is
necessary to excite the procreation instinct for
the man and the woman, so as to require
satisfaction and be satisfied, and thus this
relationship is achieved and comfort is gained.
Contrary to this, if the view of the community to
the relationship between the man and the woman
is focused on the purpose for which this instinct is
created, namely preserving the human race, then
keeping the tangible reality and sexual thought
away from the man and the woman in public life is
a necessity. Otherwise, the instinct will be
aroused and require satisfaction that is not
available, a matter which causes anxiety and
pain. Also, restricting this exciting tangible reality
to the case of marriage is necessary to preserve
the human race, and produce tranquillity and
comfort by satisfaction once demanded.
This is a clear indication of the extent of effect the
community’s view to the man-woman relations has
in directing the public life in the community and
the society. The Western as well as the Eastern
view to the man-woman relations is one that is
sexual not one geared to preserve the human
race. Hence, they purposely worked on finding the
tangible reality and the sexual thought for the man
and the woman to excite this instinct in order to
satisfy it. They claimed that if this instinct is not
satisfied, this will lead to suppression which leads
to physical, psychological and mental harm. As a
result, one finds in the eastern and western
communities and in the Western and Communist
societies many sexual thoughts in the stories,
poetry, and literature. It is the norm to have
unnecessary free mixing between men and
women in their homes, parks, roads, and
swimming pools for example. This is because they
consider these things a necessity which they
purposely create. It is part of organising their life
and part of their life style.
Muslims who believe in the Aqeedah of Islam and
the validity of its rules carry a different point of
view. Meaning, Islam’s views the man-woman
relations as for preserving the human race. The
Islamic point of view does not focus on the sexual
aspect of the relationship though considering it an
inseparable part of satisfaction. It is not, however,
the motive for satisfaction. Consequently, Islam
views the presence of sexual ideas and the
tangible reality that excite the instinct as a cause
for corruption and harm. Hence, it forbade the man
and woman to be in seclusion (Khulwa), the
women to show her charms and ornaments to
strangers (those whom she can marry) and the
men and women looking to each other in a sexual
fashion. Islam also has defined the co-operation
between men and women in the public life and
confined the sexual relation between men and
women to two situations, namely marriage and
ownership (Mulk ul Yameen).
Therefore, Islam works to prevent the procreation
instinct from being excited by anything in the
public life and works to confine sexual relations to
specific situations. Contrary to Islam, Capitalism
and Communism work to create things that excite
this instinct in order to satisfy it and to set it loose
in everything. Also, while Islam views the
man-woman relations as only for the purpose of
preserving the human race, Capitalism and
Communism view the man-woman relations as
male-female one, i.e. a sexual view. It becomes
evident the wide difference between what Islam
aims to achieve and what the other two ideologies
are designed to achieve. This reflects the Islamic
point of view to be one of purity, righteousness
and chastity. It is a point of view for the
tranquillity of the human being and the
continuation of his race.
With regard to what the Westerners and the
Communists claim that suppressing the sexual
instinct in men and women alike causes mental,
physical and psychological disorders to the
human being this claim is wrong and conflicts
with reality. This is due to the fact that there is a
difference between the organic need and instinct
in terms of the inevitability of satisfaction. The
former, such as need for food, drinking and
relieving the nature, must be satisfied or will
result in physical harm that may lead to death. As
for the instinct, such as of survival, sanctification
and procreation, if not satisfied will not lead to
any physical or mental or psychological harm. It
will merely result in anxiety and pain and nothing
else. This is proven by the fact that a person
might spend his entire life without satisfying some
of the instincts and no harm befalls him. Also their
claim that physical, mental and psychological
illnesses occur when the procreation instinct is
not satisfied is false since they only happen to
some individuals, not the human being at large.
This shows that such illnesses do not happen
naturally due to the non-satisfaction but rather
due to other factors than the suppression. If such
complications were a result of suppressing the
instinct, it would happen in every situation of lack
of satisfaction by law of nature. Such illnesses
have never occurred. They admit to the fact that it
does not occur naturally due to the lack of
satisfaction. Therefore, such illnesses must be
due to factors other than the suppression of the
instinct.
Furthermore, an organic need requires
satisfaction naturally from within. It does not
require an external stimulant, though an external
stimulant incites it when the need is present. This
is different from the instinct which does not
require satisfaction naturally from within, without
the presence of an external stimulant. As a matter
of fact, it is not stimulated internally unless there
exists an external stimulant which results either
from an exciting tangible reality or an exciting
sexual thought, part of which is the exciting
association of thoughts. When the external factor
is absent, there will be no stimulation. This holds
true to all instincts with no difference between the
instinct of survival, sanctification or procreation
with all their manifestations. Therefore, if a
stimulant for any instinct is present, the person
will be excited and the instinct will require
satisfaction. Once the stimulant is kept at bay or
the person gets occupied in something that is
more important, the demand for satisfaction will
disappear and he will calm down. This is different
from the organic need where once excited, it will
never go away till satisfied.
This clearly demonstrates that if the procreation
instinct is not satisfied, there will result no
physical, mental or psychological illness, since it
is merely an instinct, not an organic need. What in
fact happens is that once a person is confronted
with an exciting tangible reality or sexual thought,
which stimulate the procreation instinct, that
person will be excited and demand satisfaction. If
the demand is not met with satisfaction, that
person will experience no more than anxiety. With
repetition, anxiety will turn to pain. However, if the
stimulant is kept away or the person is kept
occupied with something that dominates the
instinct, the anxiety disappears. Thereupon,
suppressing the procreation instinct once aroused
will result in anxiety and pain, and if not excited,
nothing will result, not even anxiety or pain.
Therefore, the proper solution is not to excite the
instinct. This is achieved by preventing anything
from exciting it as long as it can not be satisfied.
This shows the fallacy of the Western and
Communist point of view, which made the
community’s view to the relations between
man-women focused on the male-female relations.
Consequently, it shows the falsehood of the
treatment produced by this point of view by
stimulating the instinct in the man and the woman
via highlighting things that would stimulate it,
such as free mixing, dancing, games, stories, etc.
It also shows the truthfulness of the Islamic point
of view which made the community’s view to
man-woman relations focused on the purpose for
which this instinct was created, namely
preserving the human race. And it accordingly
shows the correctness of the solution produced
by this view by keeping away any kind of
stimulating tangible reality or sexual thought
when legal satisfaction through marriage or
through concubines are not available. Therefore,
Islam alone is the one, that is able to completely
and correctly treat the corruption caused by the
procreation instinct in the society and among the
people. Such correct and complete treatment will
result in piety and elevation in the society and
among the people." |
| Waddani | Unrecorded Date
slmu alykum.....
Bro FYI, thank you for the time you've put in the translation. I am so thrilled to see an educated, religouos, somali youth sharing his views with his fellows from an islamic prospective. You've translated and even added more! I will inshalah read it. It is pleasure to have you in the discussion. JAZAAKALLAHU QEYRAN.... |
| FYI | Unrecorded Date
Brother Waddani, I read the English writing before and just copied it here. I didn't write it. I wish I could write like that. Anyway, I just thought that what you wrote in Somali and what the English writing says were same in their broad meaning. |
| Yasmine | Unrecorded Date
I'm really shocked! What is this dating and boyfriend/girlfriend crap? Have you lost your identities as Muslims
and as Somalis when you all came to the US Canada Europe or wherever? Our country may be inaccessible to us
at the moment, but the least we can do is uphold our culture and our traditions. Take advantage of the
opportunities that are available to you in these foreign lands, pursue your educations, support your families, but
NEVER forget who you are. Somalis have thus far made a name of shame for themselves, that we're lazy,
directionless, ignorant, and always looking for handouts. Let's end this stereotype and reclaim our pride as a
people. One day we will go back home -- let's hope that when that day comes we've all made something of
ourselves and have something to contribute to our precious land. Insha Allah Tacaalah.
Isku xishooda! |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
dear miss x,
u are a moslim women u should be ashamed of u`r self u know u`r religion u can`t get a boyfriend and u can`t kiss him and do not stay with him alone. he is stupid because he asked u a Biiiiiiiiiiiiig siiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Dr Suleqa Hamiid | Unrecorded Date
Dear Sister,
I don't expect my advise should be any more significant than the ones that have already been presented to you. Anyway, your boyfreind maybe doesn't mean to presure you into it, but simply wants know where you stand. However, regardless of what people tell you follow your basic insticts but remember the key success to a relationship is the mutual agreement between the two parties. True love is not based on sex. |
| xirsi | Unrecorded Date
Dr. Suleqa, you said to her follow your basic instincts. What if her basic instincts is just to love her "man" without marriage, is that okay with Islam?
Dr Suleqa, tell me, can true love between a boyfriend and a girlfriend, who are Muslims, be acceptable in Islam? |
| hebel | Unrecorded Date
:-) xirsi let yourself go, i mean yourself go, cause it seems that our sister doc spoiled the place. |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
To: Miss X
I have nothing more to say than the others did but just I would like contribute my 2 cents.
Based with my experience many man just like to distroy your dignity and lead you to stray,
but on the other hand the are some basic ethics that we should have to look after, every child has two basic fundamental rights, he/she has a right to have Pure Father and Mother so that he can inherit them, and according to the Islamic faith any child who born before marriage has no father and even if the mother know the biological father of this child and the father him self is accepting that he is the father the child has no right inherit such father so sister X please never accept such aproach, and you have the responsibility to keep your cultural heritage and the boarder of Allah.
by amiin |
| Amiin | Unrecorded Date
To: Miss X
I have nothing more to say than the others did but just I would like contribute my 2 cents.
Based with my experience many man just like to distroy your dignity and lead you to stray,
but on the other hand the are some basic ethics that we should have to look after, every child has two basic fundamental rights, he/she has a right to have Pure Father and Mother so that he can inherit them, and according to the Islamic faith any child who born before marriage has no father and even if the mother know the biological father of this child and the father him self is accepting that he is the father the child has no right inherit such father so sister X please never accept such aproach, and you have the responsibility to keep your cultural heritage and the boarder of Allah.
by amiin |
| la jecel | Unrecorded Date
abaayo run ahaan waxaa jira in nimanka soomaaliyeed ay jecel yihiin in ay been sheegaan oo nin aad guri la gashay oo ku dhaafaya ma jiraan ayagoo og diinta ISLAAMKA.
marka abaayo hadaad wiilka aad jeceshahay iniid nolol la wadaagto kolayba nin iyo naag way isu baahan yihiine (iska sii baahasha)
aniga abaayo waxaan ahay gabar 24 jir ah saaxiibna leh ilaa iyo mudo 4 sano ah oo markii aan isla soconay mudo 9bilood ka dib,we make love and waxaana isku jecel nahay sidii maalintii ugu horaysay. iyo si ka fiican, marka abaayo fiiri ilaa halkuu marayo jacaylkiina. kolayba go'aanku waa kugu kaligaa... |
| kuneceb | Unrecorded Date
lajaceley aniga waxaan ku oranlahaa waxa hadal xikmad leh meesha lagu qorayey bal fiiri waxa aad ku soo qortey isku xishoo bulshadane meel ha ugu dhicin |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
hi everyone just checking if this is working |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
hi sister as i am muslim woman myself,i will advice not to do anythings with this guy. because if he really care about you he should have asked to do anything. and you know that you might to do sex before marrage. |
| Asha | Unrecorded Date
I can't believe what I'm readin....you pple are actually sitting there and lying thru you teeth...How can a somali woman enjoy sex with her husband, you pple seem to forget that somali women "wey gudanyihiin", and that they need to go to the doctor a to be opened a week before her wedding, otherwise, she is death for sure....so if you gonna let you doc upon you up like 7eleven, why not do it before and enjoy yourself, either way, you arent gonna get married "adoo sidii laguu guday ah"....so please dont lie to the young girls, maybe they escape the worse (fircooni), but never the less the deed is done, and waiting for an unknown husband does not make it especial....little advice MissX, soomaali waxey ku maahmaahdaa " mire geed saaran, kuwa dhabta saaran looma daadiyo"...saa doonto u fasiro, but the bottom line is....make sure you dont regret your decision....imagine waiting for some husband to be, and finding out he is total loser in bed, then what, you arent gonna divorce him for that, and he is gonna blame you for your inexperience......so think and think hard...... |
| Gorgor Kacay la Mood | Unrecorded Date
I have nothing to say on this subject. Thanks for your courteous attention. |
| khalil | Unrecorded Date
To all:
Are you guys being serious huh? or just being hypocrites?. if you being serious, then that is good to see that we still have more people who care their culture. otherwise, let's not be hypocrites.
Ruqiya: can't you lend your man for few nights dear?. *it* is his after all?. you will give him sooner or alterlol.
khalil |
| amino | Unrecorded Date
i would say that every body need to stay awayfro sin becouse it is no right thing to do.it is better u to save it for your husband.that the person who suspose to get it not sameone that ain't your husband. |
| Naciimo | Unrecorded Date
Asalamu calaykum.
How are you all my Muslim sisters and brothers, I am so thrilled to see this discussion that is going somewhere and is helping millions of people all over the world. Somali people are so flexible, they get changed so quickly when they come to a foreign countries and they they abonden their religion and culture. I want to congratulate all of you and tell you that what you are doing is right.
Bye. |
| tell me | Friday, June 16, 2000 - 01:02 pm
i question for ayub...
what if you are too young for marriage ...
i'm 17 yrs and i have a boyfriend we didn't had sex and i don't want to have sex at all but we did kiss...
how can we get married my parents would never allow me ...
thank you for your time... |
| GABARDADOW | Friday, June 16, 2000 - 02:03 pm
ALLA!!ARKABO??
MEESHA MAXAA LA ISNACASEEYEY!!!!
WHAT NOW?YA'ALL TELLING ME U DONT KNOW THAT "SEX" IS ULTIMATE SIN??
UAHAHAUAHAHAHHA GET REAL!
YA'ALL NEED "SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT" |
| GIRLiNJEANS | Saturday, June 17, 2000 - 04:55 am
miss X
Personally i think u shoud kick the guy out.Caantuuuf kutuuuf then say good bye.Dont have sex..........sex stinks! Get married and have sex say .....once every five years.....read lots of nice books...have fun..okey! thanx |
| ayub. | Monday, July 10, 2000 - 10:06 am
tell me, if you are too young for marriage, then there should not be a marriage. if you are 17 years old, that means you are in high school. finish the school first. you said you have a boyfriend whom you had noth have sex with yet but have kisses with him. well, what kind i say except that you are playing with fire. kissing can lead to sex. if you are letting this guy to kiss you, that means you are not making good decitions--which means you are not ready for marriag. you know kissing and sex without marriage is not allowed in islam. maybe your parents know you better than you know yourself and that is why they would not allow you to get marry to this guy whom you are fooling with. |
| awa | Monday, August 21, 2000 - 08:30 am
If there is a marrage promise, i think love making or sex will strenghen the relation more. this is an experience and investigations. |
| Anonymous | Thursday, August 24, 2000 - 12:35 am
Salam All,
I personaly believe that love and sex are two different things. If you really love someone and want to spent the rest of your life with, you should wait till the day are will get married to that someone, but if you are after so called thing "SEX" you shouldn´t waist your time with a realetionship that u can´t continour. For us all both women and men is a very important when they got married that thier partner is virgin, coz that`s the greates gift you can give your partner.
MISS-X
Dear sister do not do something ALLAH said not to do, as you already know it´s a big sin to have sex before marrieg. Tell you man to wait and if he can´t so that´s up to him. I have nothing else to say coz you already awar of the consicvenses after that, so i wish you luck.
P.S: I agree with the first sisters. 
PEACE |
| T.L.C. | Wednesday, November 08, 2000 - 05:31 am
DEAR SOMAILIAN FOOLS OUT THRER
SEX is wonderful thing , whether you wait until marriage is your business but i would have with my boyfriend if it is what i want. I know it's forbidden in Islam but God forgive me , i just can not keep out of my system, cause my boyfriend is handsome and talks about all the time how good he is in bed but currently i have not sex with but plan to soon . Ijust DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE POSITION OF THE ANON69 GIRL GET A LIFE BITCH !!!!!!!!! IF CAN NOT BUY IT RENT BITCH AND THAT'S TO ALL OF YOU WHO OPPOSE TO THE IDEA
BYE-BYE STUPID NIGGERS AND NIGGERTTES |
