     UkMan9 | Tuesday, March 20, 2001 - 02:03 pm
WHY DO WE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?
I NEED ANSWERS PLZZ MY BELOVED PPL |
| TroubleGirl | Tuesday, March 20, 2001 - 04:56 pm
UKMAN
Coz we R scared of responsibilities that lie ahead of us. I cannot speak for all the Somali women, but I am really scared of the "M" word. Wow that really freaks me out........To me marriage is the end of your innocence, your ability to have fun and your FREEDOM....There I said it.
Prove me wrong people........ |
| Fatima | Tuesday, March 20, 2001 - 05:10 pm
TO TROUBLEGIRL
That the some reson i`m not ready to get marry. all the responsibilities that lays a head freak me out too!! I`M still young i want to have fun and do i wanna do in my own time. not to have to please anyone it`s FREEDON alone. |
| abaay | Wednesday, March 21, 2001 - 04:07 am
Salaamacaleykum!!
sababta iigu weyn oo aan guur iyo commitment aan ugu baqaayo, waxeytahay..What if qofkaan oo aan nolosheyda u dhiibay, oo aan wadnaheyga siiyey, haduu dhaqaaleywaayo kawaran??
Ka waran haduu qofkaan sax ii aheyn aniga??
ka waran haduu qofkaan, `"I love you" igu dhahaayo haduu run ka aheyn....
How do you know if this person is right for you??
SO YOU SEE MY BROTHER, wax yaalo badan oo laga baqo ayaa jiraa, sababo badan oo aana loogu ordin commitment.... |
| Ismalura | Wednesday, March 21, 2001 - 02:25 pm
The way I see is most of women they have been bad experience or bad relationship. so it hard for them to trust to commit anything. And for men some thing at the some time responsibility and staying with one woman, As some they say you do not want to eat pasta everyday.
peace and love. |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, March 21, 2001 - 08:50 pm
HEY ISMALURE FOR WOMEN SAME WE CAN'T EAT RICE EVER SINGLE DAY LOL |
| UkMan9 | Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 10:02 am
Girls are you afraid of
1. Caring enough to take the risk.
2. Owning up to that responsibility.
3. Making communication key.
4. Maintaining monogamy.
5. Intense emotions.
6. Talking openly about everything.
7. Moderation.
8. Empathy and understanding.
9. Never take each other for granted.
10. Teach and learn. |
| LiBiN | Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 11:04 am
I think some of us are afraid due to lack of confidence in other partner but i believe if two ppl deeply in LOVE, honest and sincere to one another,they wouldnt hesitate for a sec! i think even being in deep relationship is commitment, dont you think??
i gotta go now,i will comment more later. |
| LiBiN | Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 11:11 am
may be those of us, who r afraid of commitment and feeling insecure to love, will benefit this love installation(someone e-mailed me).hope you like it, till then....
Love Installation:
A step by step guide to installing love on the human machine.
CUSTOMER:
I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
TECH SUPPORT:
The first step is to open your HEART.Have you located your HEART ma'am?
CUSTOMER:
Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
TECH SUPPORT:
What programs are running ma'am?
CUSTOMER:
Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE,
LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
TECH SUPPORT:
No problem. LOVE will automatically
erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE However,you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs
prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
CUSTOMER:
I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
TECH SUPPORT:
My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
CUSTOMER:
Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
TECH SUPPORT:
Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
CUSTOMER: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
TECH SUPPORT:
Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
CUSTOMER:
Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
TECH SUPPORT: What does the message say?
CUSTOMER:
It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON
INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?
TECH SUPPORT:
Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem.It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means - "you have to 'LOVE' your own machine before it can "LOVE" others."
CUSTOMER: So what should I do?
TECH SUPPORT:
Can you find the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
CUSTOMER: Yes, I have it.
TECH SUPPORT:
Excellent, you are getting good at this.
CUSTOMER: Thank you.
TECH SUPPORT:
You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and
GOODNESS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE
from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
CUSTOMER:
Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
TECH SUPPORT:
Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go
CUSTOMER:
Yes?
TECH SUPPORT:
LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet.They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
CUSTOMER:
I will. Thank you for your help. |
| Ismalura | Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 02:16 pm
to liban wooooooow Iam impressed that is really good I my read more. |
| LiBiN | Friday, March 23, 2001 - 10:57 am
UKman9,
heres the Answers:
we(hope majority of us but i cant speak for anyone) are not afraid of:
1.Caring enough to take the risk but we wanna be sure he is worth it!
2.owing up to that responsibility,honestly speaking we(men and women) r afraid of responsibility but i think with the right person it wont a burden but a pleasure and smooth journey.
3.making communication key coz if both partners are honest and sincere to one another they wont be problem(hopefully guys will stop their belief "gabar been baa lagu soo xero galiyaa runna waa lagu dhaqaa" )
4.maintaining monogamy;i believe most of women are content with their husband(esp somalis).this might be men`s problem(slip here and there or marry more).i believe same reward should be expected from you too dont u think??
5.intense emotion;well you r kinda right women are bit more emotional than men,but when you say "intense" that will be related to problems in commitment.i will be afraid of that somehow wouldnt you too?
6.talking openly about everything;i guess i can say its all back to honesty and sincerity and how close the couples are!
7.moderation has a lot of meanings ,i dont know what exactly are you referring to?!
if you ment avoiding extremes and being average,well i think ppl are different,some ppl might be short tempered whereas others might be all 'baraf'!but then i believe the saying "shimbirba shimbirkiisuu la duulaa",so we arenot afraid of moderation.
8.empathy and understanding;these are part of my deifinition of love.if one cant have these he/she is not ready to love!
9.never take each other for granted;this is something i saw alot of somali couples.its sad!
10.teach and learn;thats what love is all about!to learn from one another!did you ever think what if guys cant learn??
lets put the shoe on other side, see why are you afraid of commitment??after all you started the topic,it must be something deep down in your conscious! |
| LiBiN | Friday, March 23, 2001 - 10:58 am
Ismalura,
thanx sis.i liked it too!hopefully it will be a help ;-) |
| Anonymous | Friday, March 23, 2001 - 11:07 am
LiBin guess what? i think u and Ukamn9 are true soul mates becuase u see the same thing, u talk the same and who knows u may have lot of common.
Girl get him, i want him but i dont talk the same as you do. so go girl get him. |
| girl | Friday, March 23, 2001 - 11:18 am
I am not afraid of commitment...I'll look into his eyes and try to see if he's for real..
People always tell me I trust and care too much but I'm also known to easily walk out if that trust is mistreated.
I am a risk taker, I'll risk giving my heart to someone,,,, |
| Basra | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 06:03 am
Why i am afraid of commitment? SIMPLE!
a) I dont want to feel Clustaphobic from sharing a habitation with him.
b) I absolutely DONT want to share a TV remote control with him.
c) I dont want to loose my habbit of throwing my versace shoes on the living room carpet on expence of fearing to annoy him
c) I dont want to share a clothe closet with him- "This is important"
d) I dont want to worry about cooking for him.
e) I dont want to change the tense reference from "I" to "WE"
f) I dont want to share a bed.My bed most of all.SIlk satin sheets with a queen size melodrama art of a bed.SUPER!
g) I dont want to waste time looking for diapers.
h) I have to grow up, first.
i) I have to look life through a pair of eyes,rather than two pairs.
j) I am simply NOT ready! looooooooooooool
By Basra |
| LiBiN | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 08:41 am
anon,
i dont believe in "internet" or "far distance" relationship!
i simply believe in getting to know someone "next door" (some one in same city) !!
by the way i think UKamn9 is too old!! watch out girl, unless you believe "old is gold" ! hehehe
girl,
i think being a "risk taker" is not something really good.that could lead alot of heart breaking relationship and in trouble. dont trust anyone soo easily. the world has changed! everybody shoud double check who he/she is going with.
anyway i wouldnt risk my heart sooo easily.
Basra,
sis i think you should`ve said your point(h) first!
h) I have to grow up, first.
that says all. but i would say "dont let an opportunity pass you by" !
its not always the "right person shows up in your life in the right time" !
anyway there will be time you will want to look life thru 2 pairs of eyes ,till then happy growing!
PS: i think using "WE" is alot better than "I" coz you know you r not never alone !!
SUPER BED can be lost and found( as we all lost our stuff in somalia) but REAL LOVE will always be there. who knows you might even prefer "his shoulder" to sleep on than "super bed" ! ;-) |
| Amal | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 09:14 am
basra
LOOOOOOL I hear ya .....i dont want to share the tv remote control too. He wants sports .....i want days of our life...tell me who will win? lol |
| T-GIRL | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 12:16 pm
BASRA
Specially if Ally Mcbeal clashes with Football... this could get ugly....LOL
LIBIN
What R U The Local PUT-DOWNER appointed by the Council? |
| LiBiN | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 12:29 pm
T-girl,
hehe, of all ppl you calling someone else PUT-DOWNER!!
i think you didnt read what i wrote well.
in every sentence i said "i think" or "i believe"
all that says is my way, not PUTTING DOWN anyone.
you dont have to agree with me!
I am not afraid of commitment, may be its my way of proving you wrong(as you stated in your first posting "Prove me wrong people" )! |
| Anonymous | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 12:41 pm
LiBin there is only one person who can stand against you, guess who? who else the only one and i think that one God create him just for you truly ((Ukmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan9)) |
| Basras Admirer | Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 01:15 pm
I propse these solutions.
Sharing a big house between us,plenty of space,buy two tv remote and two tv's,build two closet,i'll pick the shoes for you,two beds to sleep with in the night,but when we want to do it,we use the floor,we'll call pizza no need to cook and you can call your self 'I' anytime you want,just let the marriage paper say 'we'.Oh..you dont need to ggrow up,i like you the way you are just fine.How about it? |
| KAARTER | Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 05:14 am
to UKMAN9 bro u heard markey somalida dhahaan
(HA MOODIN DHEDHEEL CAANA BOORAHA? MARKA GUUR CIYAAR CIYAAR MAHAN |
| Anonymous | Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 06:13 am
Women are afraid of commitment because most guys nowadays turn out to be game players. They are all lost in space... |
| UkMan9 | Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 01:07 pm
Anonymus loooooooooooool sxboow maxaa ka wadaa qoftaas LiBin maa igu diri rabtaa mise waxaad rabtaa inaad isku kaaya hook up garaysid ....
LiBin aniga gacan aan kuu taagay yaan laygu kaa dirin iskama kaa celin karo gabdhuhu iga adag aniga...
LiBin..
looooooool I'm too old huh nice one tnx...
but u forget am ugly toooooooo loooooooool.. |
| Anonymous | Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 01:21 pm
UkMan, Eeeeeeeeeeeeenglish, Pleeeeease...??? |
| LiBiN | Monday, March 26, 2001 - 03:06 pm
UKman9
lol,you could be ugly too,you know theres a saying "guilty until proven innocent" . now your case is "there is probability until proven wrong" ! hehehe
anyway bro you didnt say the reason "why r you afraid of commitment"? after all you set up the topic.we are still waiting... |
| UkMan9 | Monday, March 26, 2001 - 04:58 pm
LiBin my dear sis there is so many tiny things make me afraid of commitment.
When I was student I used to live with a family every time I come home, they were arguing something looks so simple, and the way they were behaving oh lord! It was unacceptable. So anytime, I see family they make me hate to have a family.
Because I do not like arguing, I do not like shouting, I also do not like mistrust, dishonest and so on.
I want my wife to be friend, someone I can share everything, someone I can trust, someone I can talk to, even when I am watching TV I want to watch with her while she is sleeping on my lab, I want to miss her every minute when I am away from home.
So my beloved sis LiBin is that possible. The answer is clear nooooooooooooo. |
| Sim | Tuesday, March 27, 2001 - 03:43 pm
aniga waxaan uga baqaa nin aadan kasaynin u bareer dhib ahaa habeenka koowaad aaban ka soo bixi karin dhib waa soo socdaa waxay noqotaba ha ahaatee. lol |
| milk man | Tuesday, March 27, 2001 - 03:59 pm
why buy the cow when the milk is free!!!!!
simple math |
| Duqyar | Tuesday, March 27, 2001 - 05:05 pm
UKman looooooooooooool. aar maxaad iga qoslisay. talk sense. dont tell me u have a cuqdad of commitement because of one family come onnnnnnnnnnnnn. ta kale u can have all these things in a wife but not all the time. that is the reality of life. carab iyo labadiisa daan way is qaniinaan. u cant have peace and love at all times with ur loved ones including ur wife. u know what i mean so dont tell me that long nooo and be realistic. God now u are being naiveeeeeeee. madax kutti waaxid
Milkman
heheheheh there will be a time that u wont get any free milk because u be to damned weak to get anything and be just happy to watch that milk. mayla socotaaa maskax waynee |
| Abaay | Tuesday, March 27, 2001 - 11:30 pm
Salaamacaleykum!!
Duqyar, abow in aad isku bixiso Duqweyn ay aheed, laakiin waxyaalaha aad dhaheysey waxbaa ka jiro..
Sababtoo ah qof bini´aadan ah oo manta dhan loving ahaa karto majiro.... Bini´aadinka mar ayuu xanaaqaa ow dhahaa wax yaalo badan oo aadan dhihi laheyn, adigoo madaxaada tamaamyahay..
Ukman waa runtaa abow markaad aragtid family is dagaalaayo, waxaad ka fakiraysa, markaad guursatid adigana sidaas maad noqon, aniga waxaan ka figiraa ma ninkeyga sidaan aan u caydoonaa oo aan u nacaladeyndoonaa..iyo waxaas oo dhan.. |
| UkMan9 | Wednesday, March 28, 2001 - 05:21 am
Duqayar ar hadaan ku gartay ar adigaa waji loox waaxid igatag ha isoo marine reerkaas kaliya maahe day lama tirin karo intaan arkay oo gafuurka iyo madax isu tuuraya aniga cabsaday anyway......
H.........................z
looooooooool
madax dooli waaxid |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, March 28, 2001 - 05:51 am
As for the sister that think's marriage will end your free dome
there is no such thing as free dome my sister when it comes to Islam and if you are a Muslim girl then this won't be hard for you to understand.marrig are a Rahma that Allah blesses us with is the one and the only one that keep 's a family from falling aport. when you say free don it all most sound like you are thinking about seeing someone else while you are with someone already! am I right?To prove you wrong ppl are scared because they think to much of the futuer and what might happen or what if this person you felled in love with changes but if you trust Allah completely then you have nothing to worry about so have a little faith in Allah my sister and stop talking like a kufar woman which I know you are not and start talking like Muslim lady.no fiance. |
| Mr. T | Wednesday, March 28, 2001 - 08:07 am
I am to young for committment. I am only 22. I have to hit my thirties before I think of marriage. First of all, I barely make ends meet between my student loans, car payments, rent, the occasionally poor relative. Second point, my career is about to take off. Since I am a single bachelor, my mobility to relocate is easy. So I can accept an assignment in Bangladesh or Madagascar. I have no family dragging me down.
My third point is that I have not had relationships with Somali women. So I have to make up for years lost in the wilds of Suburbia. I am just figuring out the protocols of Somali dating.
All in all, when you are ready, you should commit. If someone is pressuring you, remember marriage is a prison sentence. You want to end up in the same cell with someone you can stand for the next 40 or so years.
Thats my story, and I am sticking to it !
Mr. T |
| Anonymous | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 12:36 am
Heheh, Mr.T, well said! I agree with you! Go have fun while you're young! You only have 1 life.... |
| ChicaBonita | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 07:33 am
Hello my fellow Somalis,
Mr.T: I agree with you, and I feel the same way too. But there's nothing wrong with getting to know an individual before you decide to commit.
In general, You could say that I am also not ready for marriage. I am in my early 20's, almost graduating, and have yet to explore the world. When you're married, you have to be considerate of your mate. I doubt if I ever tell my husband(in the future)"I'd like to see Africa for a half a year" that he'd be too enthusiastic. I'm sorry, but I have goals to accomplish before I can be "tied down". But at the same time, if I feel that there's some1 out there worth getting to know........Hell I'd take the chance. Tolerance is Key. Be peace my p-pul |
| Anonymous | Monday, April 02, 2001 - 02:58 pm
Mr.t
by the time you are 30 you are what we call in
in somali(gumas or gumeeys)
think bout it you have all chances in the worls when you're young and peopel don't think so much of the futuer is in Allah's hands just hope for the best! |
