     MadameDeverou | Monday, March 26, 2001 - 07:16 pm
CHEER YOUR PARTNER UP
How often do we consider our partners and include them in our little circle of thoughts? Not enough if ya ask me. Living in our Somalian Community made realise that emotionally speaking some of us are bankrupt. When was the last time U saw your dad asking your mom how she's feeling today, or how was she doing in general? When was the last time your dad offered to look after the kids and let mommy get a night out to herself or with her friends?.........I never said it never happens ....but my point is it rarely does. Anyway here are a few pointers to CHEER YOUR PARTNER UP.
Feeling depressed, unwell or down is bad enough, but when your partner or a loved one is feeling that way it somehow seems worse. The source of their depression can be anything from losing a job, not getting a promotion, getting a cold, or just plain having a bad day. So what can you do to help without the appearance of intruding on their space?
Let's start with what not to do...
Don't draw comparisons.
Affirm and agree with what your partner says or is feeling, but try to avoid drawing comparisons. For example, avoid saying, "I've been there before." A typical person's reaction is to think, "No you haven't!" or, "You have no idea how I'm feeling." Not only will doing this bring a break in communication, but it could also seem like you are invalidating what they are feeling. Instead, try saying something like, "That must be frustrating (or other emotion) for you."
Avoid general statements.
As well meant as they may be, in the middle of feeling down or depressed, comments like, "It will get better," or, "Everything will be okay" can be taken the wrong way. Your partner may feel like you're saying that they can't find their own solution without your help. Instead, ask them questions that will help them come to a positive conclusion. For example, "What are you going to do?" or, "What do you think will happen?"
Don't make assumptions.
So many times we can find ourselves telling someone how they are feeling. For example, "You're scared" or, "You're worried." Even if the person is feeling that way, it isn't your place to tell them so. Your partner will more than likely take it as if you're telling them what to feel instead of offering your support. Instead, try asking your partner what they are feeling and why.
Saying the right things can do wonders for your partner, but when you follow through with actions it leaves a stronger impact.
Offer your help.
The simple act of offering your help, in whatever way they may need it, can make all the difference in the world to your partner. Just make sure to let them show or tell you how to help them.
Offer your support.
Send your partner a card or a letter letting them know you are there for them. Or, allow yourself to be a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on.
Take their mind off the problem.
Plan a special night together that will help distract your partner. Or, clear their thoughts and go on a walk together. You may try visiting a scenic place. Stunning exhibits of nature have a way of making everyone's problems seem small.
Helping your partner with a problem is an excellent opportunity to create an intimate relationship that will last through many trials.
Intimate ways to talk with your partner.
In a bubble bath together surrounded by candlelight.
Facing each other in bed while playing with their hair or hands.
Cuddling on the sofa while giving your partner a massage.
Now learn from all this and go home and make your partners day. |
