     Mullah | Unrecorded Date
To all The sistah's:
As a SomaliMale, who is comfortable in his own skin, I give you this Male Bashing Joke in hopes that you will reciprocate and give us one on the Females, my aim is not to hardened bias views but humour in our misunderstandings.
Men are like.....Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-blooded, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like.....Commercials
You can't beleive a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Coolers
Load them with "CANO GEEL" & you can take them anywhere
Men are like......Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like......Bananas
The Older they get, the less firm they are
Men are like.....Bank Accounts
without a lot of money, they don't generate interest.
Men are like.....Bike Helmets
Handy in emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like......Snowstroms
you never knowwhen he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.
Men are like.....Used Cars
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable
Men are like......Vacations
They never seem to be long enough
Men are like.....Government Bonds
They take long to mature
Men are like......High heels
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like......Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong
Men are like......Weather
Nothing can be done to change either one of them
Men are like......Blenders
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like......Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard
Men are like......Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, Smooth, and they usually head right for the Hips
Men are like.....Curling Iron
They're always hot & in your hair
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers
If you are not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Men are like......Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright
Men are like.......Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion
Men are like......Mini Skirts
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs
Men are like......Noodles
They're always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
Men are like.....Parking Spots
The Good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.
Men are like......Plungers
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom
Men are like.....Placemats
They only show up when there is food on the table. |
| Female | Unrecorded Date
MAN ARE LIKE A BUSS
IF YOU MISS ONE
YOU CAN DEFENTLY TAKE
ANOTHER ONE!
I DEFENTLY WANNA HEAR MORE ABOUT GUYS JOKE
IT`S MORE FUNNIER YOU KNOW "LOL" |
| Somali SIS | Unrecorded Date
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is
cooking and the other man is cleaning.
Somali SIS
PS- I know you wanted female jokes but make bashing so much more fun... |
| Mullah | Unrecorded Date
Female & Somali SIS
I take it you are copping out, don't force me to dig into my archives & pull-out Female Bashing Jokes :-) |
| Somali SIS | Unrecorded Date
Here goes another one:
- Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany.
-Don't imagine you can change a man . . . unless he's in diapers.
- What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Shut the door!
- If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
- Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
- Never let your man's mind wander, it's too small to be let out.
- Go for the younger men. You might as well; they never mature anyway.
- A man who can dress himself without looking like "Forest Gump" is unquestionably gay.
- Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
-Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
-Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the "do-it-yourself"" type.
-The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
-Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
-If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
-The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
-If he asks what sort of books your interested in, tell him checkbooks.
-If he asks you if you're faking it, tell him no, you're just practicing.
- Sadly, all men are created equal.
- When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you might be, you look familiar."
- Men are like parking spots; the good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
No Offense brothers :-)
Somali SIS |
| Xaali | Unrecorded Date
Have you ever wondered why some of the problems women have start with men??
1. Menstrual cramps
2. Mental breakdown
3. Menace to society
4. Mental redartation ;)
5. Menopause
6. Menigitis
And what about women?? The only negative word that starts with "women" ends in "izer" and even that is their fault.
Mullah digging is a good excercise bro:-) |
| Cibaada | Unrecorded Date
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken, except the Handicapped. |
| SiHaM aka Curious | Unrecorded Date
well here is my male bashing jokes:
Q. Why do men prefer blondes?
A. Men always like intellectual company
Q. Why do men like love at first sight?
A. It saves them a lot of time.
Q. A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
what at does a man of 35 think of?
A. Dating children.
Q. How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
A. In real life, men aren't affectionate
out of bed.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q. Why do men chase women they have no intention
of marrying?
A. For the same reason dogs chase cars they have
no intention of driving.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. What did God say after creating man?
A. I can do better.
Q. Why do somali men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism.
Q. What do you call an intelligent man in
in America
A. A tourist
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that
are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because they already have boyfriends.
Q. Why do men like masturbation?
A. Its sex with someone they love.
P.S. No hard feelings...I'll dig female bashing jokes too!! |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
soomaliyeey af buu Alle idin siiyeye afkiina ku hadla oo waxaan aad ku hadlaysaan joojiya
Alle yuuna nagu kiin halaagine Alle kayaaba
soomaali yar yareey intayna imaan maalintay naftu odhan (yaa xasrataa calaa maa faratu vii jamillaah)hoogayga & ba´ayga`e maxaan Alle lahortagi maxaan Alle ku odhan.maqalka,araga & qalbiguba kuligood waa la ina waydiine Alle kayaaba oo wixii Alle ka raaliyahay kadooda isaga aakhiro & aduunba idin anficiye
wabillaahi tawfiiq |
| Female | Unrecorded Date
somali sis: that fantasy was my dream last night
i had two man one of them was cooking the ather was cleaning "lol" sis that was a good one
hey guys! it was just a joke and part of show.
peace! |
| Mullah | Unrecorded Date
Man!!!
what have I done....created a monster... lol enjoyed your jokes & am glad you guys are having a field day even though it's at our expense..... remember we are your cute & cuddly brothers, fathers, lovers , husbands, sons and we streach our arms to you our Glorious women ..:-) |
| Deeqa | Unrecorded Date
LOL...beginning to recognize the mistake you made, Mullah? It's never a good idea to give women an appetizer, they'll want an eight course meal...
I'll try to un-earth some women-bashing jokes, can't think of any now :-). |
| Aboto Xawo | Unrecorded Date
Here is one on a sistah/
Enjoy!
Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones
ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122
PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the15th
SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde,brown, dark brown, dark black,
gold blonde, dark gold blonde, red, maroon,blue and rainbow colors.
> >
EDUCATION:
THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC.
BIG MAMA'S HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN
N'GREENS (gradmuated with honors for the most extenzions done in a year's time).
WORK EXPERIENCE: Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & BaitN'Tackle Shop
(January 10, 1998 - January 30, 1998)
Reason for leaving: Big Daddy kept hitting on me.
My Baby's Daddy Day Care Center Car Wash & Shoe Repair
(Nov. 2, 1998 - Nov. 10, 1998)
Reason for Leaving: They tri to work a sistuh to death and I got thangs ta do.
> >
The Golden Tooth Dental & Jewelry Emporium
(Mar. 1, 1998 - Nov. 1, 1998)
I loveded this job cause they gaveded me a free tooth every month andnow I can spell my baby daddy name but they done up and fired me cause I let one of my homeboys sniff thatlaughing gas. He just smelt it;he don't do drugs no mo.
> >
Kim Fung Toi's Restuarat & Pet Shop
(you don't even wanna know).
> >
Jimmy's Jheri Curls & Motor Lube
(Nov. 6, 1998 - Nov. 7,1998)
Reason for Leaving: (Hospitalized for spine injury when I slipped on an overflow over activator).
References:
Pookie Terrence johnson (my 1st babies daddy)
Tray Oscar Pickens (my 2nd babies daddy)
Tommy "Slick Tooth" Griffin (my 9th babies daddy)
Lawanda Jenkins (from up the skreet)
Hezakiah Clevestus "the playa" Jones (my mama's sister's brother-in-law, uncle half-brother)
Note: All time periods unaccounted for above when I wasn'tworking are "none of your d___n business but I was not on no welfare cause I done always worked at something nother."
> >
Resume by The Professional Resume People, Inc. of South Central
> > |
| THINK | Unrecorded Date
Aboto:
If this so called joke is intended to insult African Americans, think before you laugh. There more wealthy African Americans than Somalians. More of us are likely to be college educated, and skilled. As for the welfare recipients, there seem to be alot of Somalians on welfare these days right? You abandon Somalian women and children. Your children, quiet as it's kept, are not all legitimate. And you tend to have many more children than we do that you can't feed unless you are on welfare. If it were not for African Americans, these racists here would not even allow you in the country (the country we built). So instead of bashing us, thank us, because some day real soon, you WILL need us. We could not have survived all of this tyranny in America if we were stupid. If you think you can prosper here and live in peace here without us,think again. In your time of need, we may consider how you treat us now and leave you to your fate. |
| Mullah | Unrecorded Date
THINK:
There is no insult intended, specially towards our fellow African Americans, as you can see I am a male & posted male bashing jokes, the point is it's okay to laugh at our selves without taking it personal. We are aware that Heroes like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X & other brave Civil right activists paved the way, some times with their Lives but that doesn't give you to insult the Somali folks, Aboto didn't creat this joke, it has been always out there, so sister chill & have respect. |
| THINK | Unrecorded Date
I have respect, but I get sick of even stereotype jokes, because I don't think demonizing people is funny. This is how all this racism is perpetuated daily in America and around the world. Then people say well it just a joke. Jokes can cause problems. I don't think if I made jokes that implied negative images of Somalians that many of you would be laughing. We hear enough jokes from people who are our enemies. You are not. We deal with enough negativity and hostility from people who don't even know us as it is. It's hard to take this from people who came from the same place we did. If I sounded disrespectful, I apologize, but I am angry. We expect jokes like this from caucasians not our own people. Please don't do what they do. |
| Sss | Unrecorded Date
Think-
The Joke you are reffering to have been written and circulated by Black Americans, and I have recieved it at work twice.
By the Way, Why are u in the Somali Forum? |
| Mullah | Unrecorded Date
Think:
I hear you sister & respect your point of view. Obviously I am of the opinion that we "Africans & African Americans should have more understanding & colloboration to both fight common enemy and improve our lives. As is human nature there are obvious bias on both sides, needles to say that I personally was called Bushman as a joke in College by AA, I could also list all degratory names that is associated with Aficans in this country by not only whites but AA.
While you have relevant point, I still think you jumped the gun but if it will suffice & if any apology is owed then I apologize too.
Take Care. |
| A..B | Unrecorded Date
Hello
Mullah,
Reading through your comments, there is some
familiarity about your approach to the English
language. Could you be DIDIID? If so why did you
change your handle? Is it something to do the
DORMANT NSYL pages? Suban has not changed
hers........Anyway, no offence brother. Actually,
I enjoy myself, reading your thoughts. I also
like the clarity with which you convey your
message. Keep it up.
Nabadeey. |
| Pathetically Sorry Aboto Xawo | Unrecorded Date
I truly apoligize. I did not mean to insult any one of my kind. Actually I recieved this joke from a African American Friend. I have NEVER circulated it to whites or anyone I thought would make fun of us. I was trying to fine female jokes- in the hopes of balancing the male-bashing. Actually what I ahould have said was substitute Somali (?)
War heedhaha! Polical Correction meeshay iiga daba timid! (put my foot in again, didn't I ) |
| THINK | Unrecorded Date
Aboto:
It's OK. I'm sorry for tripping so hard, but this kind of country sometimes makes you do that. I just want us to keep it tight. Thanks. |
| THINK | Unrecorded Date
Sss:
A Somalian friend told me to check out the forums. |
| Fandhaal | Unrecorded Date
Alaahu akbareeeeeey....! Alla maxaa soomaali kibirtay, hadeeyba waxay keeneen in ay ingiriis xaalkiisu Ilaah ogyahay qoraan....waar maad kadaysaan...war af-ingiriis wax lagu qoro reer magaalnimo maaha.
War inta dad luuqad, dhaqan & wadanle inta iska dhigtaan horumariya luuqadiina hooyo. Maanta waxaan mareeynaa hadaad af-ingiriis ku qorin waxaa lagu oray " waxaad tahay reer baadiye"
Dadka qaarkiis waxaa laga yaabaa in ay homepajyo ka soo guuriyeen ama ay qaamuus indha kaga soo dhaceen
Kuligiin waxaad tihiin oo kale islaantii baadiyo ku soo weeynaatay, bil kabacdina ku laabatay baadiyihii, markaasaa la yiri " naa orod oo ariga soo_maal" markaaseey inta oroday orgi xaniinyaha qabsaday oona tiri " Kan muxuu ahaa nooh caanaba kama imaanaayaane!. Hal bil baseey maqneed yaah.
Marka walaalayaal adinkoo xumaan uqaadan isku daya
in aad luuqadiina hormarisaan.
Fandhaal |
| Anonymous | Unrecorded Date
I'm sorry Mr Language Police, We will try to write somali, But Somali does not have that wicked sense of humour?
It will take us ages to get to the point.... |
| Shaxshaxleey | Unrecorded Date
Fandhaal hadaadan rabin meeshii orgiga la qabtay in lagu qabto halkaan ha ku soo noqon. Qudbada meel kale la aad! |
| Lol | Unrecorded Date
ahaha lol shaxshaleey miskiinka waxa meesha lagu taxay inuu wax ka fahmo uu rabyaa |
| SiHaM aka curious | Unrecorded Date
Hi guys!
Here are my top ten facts about women that you should know:
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
4. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man *wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
5. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
6. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
7. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's there in the Quran". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?
8. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
9. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"
10. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.
P.S. ENJOY!....:) |
| female | Unrecorded Date
MAN ARE LIKE ANIMALS
THEY LIKE TO EAT MUCH
AND WHEN THEY FINISH THEY
LIKE TO SLEEP
THANKS GOD WE WOMENS
ARE SO FRIENDLY TO ANIMALS
ENJOY "LOL" |
| Mullah | Unrecorded Date
SiHam:
Hmmmmmm..... very interesting & eye opening, Jotted down few points ..lol, thanks sis |
| Mahad | Unrecorded Date
Guys you forced to to undust my aging 540C Mac laptop and get some gender jokes. I am going to share this one coz it is fair to everyone.
A college professor, who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her." He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women,and the second of men.
Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of WOMEN reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
* In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
* They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
* They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
* As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
The MEN, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
* No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
* The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
* Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
* As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. |
| Fandhaal | Unrecorded Date
To. Shaxshaxleey
...Walaahi waxaas oo kale la iima bilaabo. Caay & til-tilmaan hadaad biloowdo adaa eedi wallah. Anigana meeshaan ku qabanaayo mataqaan ? Laatiiska...waa iga dhacaa & yaan kaa maqlin.
Intiina kale ka raali ahaada luuqada - waxaan ahay oday la gardaraystay....
Fandhaal |
| Xaali | Unrecorded Date
Hi ppl, do u know what men really mean when they say:
1. "It is a guy thing" Realy means ..."there is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"
2. "Can I help with dinner?" means "Why isn't it on the table"
3. "uh huh' "Haa xabiibi", "hee macaan" Really means...Absolutely nothing. It is a conditioned response.
4. "It would take too long too explain" means...'I have no idea how it works"
5."Take a break honey, you are working too hard" Really means "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"
6."That is interesting dear" Really means..."Are you still talking"
7. "that's a women's work " Really means..."it is difficult,dirty and thankless"
8."What did I do this time?" Really means..."what did you catch me at?"
9."We share the housework" realy means "I make the messes, she cleans them up
10. "You know I could never love anyone else" Really means..."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse"
La lutta continua :) |
| SiHaM | Unrecorded Date
Hello Guys.
A woman's prayer
O Lord, you created those creatures called 'MEN'
so simple, yet so egoisticso strong, yet so vulnerable
so confused, yet so plain....if you kiss him, you are 'easy'
if you don't, you are playing hard to get
if you praise him, he thinks you are about to ask him a favor
if you don't, you don't appreciate his 'talents'
if you agree to all his likes, you are too weak-will
if you don't, you are not feminineif you make romance, you are a slut
if you don't, you are pretentiousif you visit him too often, you are obsessive
if you don't, you are two-timing
if you are well dressed, you must have spent your life at the malls
if you don't, you are an embarrassment
if you are jealous, you are unreasonably possessive
if you don't, you must be a dyke :-)
if you attempt a romance, he thinks you are a brainless bimbo
if you don't, he wonders if you are from the monastery
if you are late, it must be intentionalif he is late, it can only be accidental
if you visit another, he accuses you of endless gossiping
if he is visited by another, it's the 'healthy/harmless' male bonding
if you kiss him once in a while, he thinks you are repressive
if you kiss him too many, you are too pushy
if another guy asks you to dance, you are flirting
if he asks another girl to dance, he just socializes
if you talk, he wonders if you will ever stop
if you don't, you just want to give him the 'silent treatment'
Well Lord, teach them to be wiser. Amen!
Later! |
| yariisoow | Unrecorded Date
A little something on the subject: "women"
Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties :
1) Surface usually covered with painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given special treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties :
1) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses :
1) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
3) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
4) Can cool things down when it's too hot.
Tests :
1) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution :
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2) Illegal to possess more than one. |
| Anon | Unrecorded Date
Yariisow, didn't you already post this under the topic you created i.e. "Women" ??? |
| bashiir | Unrecorded Date
"mulah"
hey mulah u sound that u are pasting from rules"feminist" dare not to copy from others.make your own |
| aduunyo-xaalka ba | Unrecorded Date
•••• u man,waryaa wax yahoo doqonka ahi aaway afsoomaaliga miyaad iloowday ,waryaa afsoomaaliag waa qiimo iyo qaali yaah ku soo qor af soomaali
u neger |
