     Iman | Unrecorded Date
Selaamz,
I just got married a little while ago to the man of my dreams. I met him about a while back and married him a while into our relationship. We both
work, and make good living. We both graduated from college & have good jobs. We live in a very remote town, that has absolutely no Somalis. We both love each other Madly and live comfortably.
But the problem is that lately we argue about the smallest of the things. I mean sometimes I just laugh at what we argue about. We have arguments now & then, but one way or another we appologize to each other. We argue about stupid things like the "Elian Gonzalez" issue. And we both get pissed off, but only for a few hours at most. At first I thought it was usual, since we never lived together before, and that we both have different upbringings and so on, but now I think it may be more than that.
So, what do you guys think? |
| luula+Mulki | Unrecorded Date
Walaashiis Iman,
Asalamu calayka.
Waxaan u malaynaynaa inaad weli ku jirtaan fasekii is barashada kasoo ay soo maraan dadka intiisa badani oo is guursaday, badanaana waxaad arkaysaa inay ka guulaystaan dhibaatooyinka fasekaas la xiriira. Aad bay u fiicantahay inaad weli ka wada hadashaan waxyaabaha nolosha la xiriira, taasna waxaan u aragnaa inaad jid fiican ku jirtaan laakiinse jid dheeri idiin dhimanyahay.
Marka ku dadaala inaad wax kasta oo aad ka murantaan inaad qof walbaa kan kale aragtidiise ku ixtiraantaan oo aydinaan dhihin waa inaad aragtidaydoo kale aad haysataa. Waayo ilaahayba isku si inooma abuurin, thank god.
Waad cusub tihiine, ku raaxaysta noloshiina cusub iyo xoriyada aad ku jirtaan, waayo markay ilmo yimaadaan murankuna wuu siibadan doonaa.
Any way,saad anaga hada noogu sheegtay ugu sheeg xabiibkaaga waxaad arrintaa ka qabtid, OK!
Your welocme for this free marriage-therapie.
So good luck and do your best to get the best out of your marriage.
Wasalaamu calayka waraxmatullaah.
Waa walaalahaa fil islaam. |
| ReaLdeaL | Unrecorded Date
First of all can you please tell us what is the relevance of this statement;
"We live in a very remote town, that has absolutely no Somalis."
So you guys dont count as Somalis ? or what ?
I dont see the point of this obnoxious attitude.
Are you asking us for our opinion so that you can get new ideas and start a new arguement with him???
I think you are one of those who think "they know it all". And honestly, that pisses the crap out of Men, because Men Know it all !! and we hate it when women try to front.
Let me ask you this, Who wears the pants in your house ??? if your answer is "both of us" then, there you go, that is the problem right there.
The exchange of ideas and constructive criticism should be done in a civil manner. But if your attitude is "I know better than you", then that can only breed discontent and lead to chaos.
The reason why divorce rate is soo high in the western hemisphere is beacause they tend to mix the roles of Men and Women. Thats why so many Men are turning into Sissies, and whatever else you wanna call them. This aint about equality so all you Femi-Nazis hold your Horses. We are equal but we have different gender roles.
When we interact as individuals, in a social or in a proffesional context we have our roles and we stick to them. For instance, when in a class or at work, we all know what the rules are. We dont make them up on the spot. Social order is not constructed as we go along, it is well defined at every level and roles are specified at both the individual and group settings.
The roles of Men and Women in a marriage are well specified. It's not my place to tell you what yours is,, you should know it.
So if you are having chaos at your house then there is something amiss.. it needs to be fixed while the damage is minimal. Otherwise you will both join the ranks of couples whose dreams turned into nightmares.
peace |
| Raaliyo | Unrecorded Date
Iman, Luula+Mulki advised you well. Good luck sis.
RealDeal, man you are so bitter. I guess you are the one who needs to learn how to handle himself!
How pathethic to see a man who can't handle a "woman who knows it all" You reminded me of a guy, who once advised me to act "dumb" when around Somali men!!!!! Why should women accomdate men's insecurities and stroke their fragile egos.
Yes, relationship is based on mutual respect and open communication and pleas, don't hide behind the banner of femminists...bla, bla. You didn't even give Iman, the benefit of the doubt. You judged her, assuming that she is the one in the wrong, and even being rude to her by suggesting that she came here for ideas to use against her husband!!! What a twisted moron you are!!!
RealDeal, you ain't dealing in reality, you are dreaming, wake up and smell the coffee. It is the dawn of a new millenium!!!!
Those you can't cope, cop out!!!! Join them, and spare the ladies your drool. |
| Iman | Unrecorded Date
Selaamz,
Thank You Luul, Mulki, and Raaliyo for generous comments. 'RealDeal' the reason I said we live in a remote town is because there are no Somali grilfriends,neighbors, and so on to add chaos to our conflicts. In cities that have large Somali populations, the other Somalis add on to the problems couples have, but not in our case.
I am a Muslim woman who knows her role in society & her house. I don't buy in to Western ideas about family values & so forth. And no one is talking about "Wearing Pants." I left those idealogies in Somalia. You don't have the right to question me, you should also know your place. |
| ReaLdeaL | Unrecorded Date
Iman:
You can run away from Somalis but they are not the problem. Lets focus here,,,focus, you have issues, ok. I do resent the implication that somalis would have added to your problems. We always tend to assume the worse about our own people. And if they are trouble makers are you saying you are the exception ????
AS for the comment about "who wears the pants" I did not mean that literarily,, my point was who plays the role of a Man in the house.
Raliyoo !!
the word "satire" must be alien to you, i suggest you borrow a dictionary and look it up.
You must be Sarcastically impaired.
For ReaL |
| R | Unrecorded Date
Realdeal, satire...sarcasm....that is lame chap! |
| hebel | Unrecorded Date
what do you both do for living? and who's making more than the other? |
| ABU | Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 08:04 am
so Iman where do u live in the US or europe? so ican answer your Qs? secondly u got take care of your husband and respect him and don't argue with him or move to where there are muslims with your own culture so you can socilize . |
| take it | Saturday, June 17, 2000 - 09:22 am
Advice
Sell your soul to the devil and he will make you a happy couple.
Devious, sickening: the thoughts of a mad Man.
But it's true, and this advice is just for you.
Take it. |
