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     | Unrecorded Date I am a final year M.B.B.S. student. There is a non-Muslim girl who wishes to marry me. I told her that she must convert to Islam first and also wait till my studies are over. She is ready to do this, although her parents are against the marriage. I have given her books on Islam and feel that she is influenced by them. My parents have grudgingly agreed on condition that I complete my studies first. Please advise.
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| | Unrecorded Date AbdiRisak, if you love each other, everything else is immaterial. Follow your heart, she has indicated to you her willingness to convert to Islam. Don't be too concerned with the inital reaction of other people, they will come around and accept you eventually. Rememeber, it is your life, you choose they way you want to live your live. Good Luck!
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| | Unrecorded Date Brother Abdirizak: Unlike Suban, I would never advise anyone to follow his/her heart. Simply use your brain and think about all positive and negative aspects of this relationship. This relationship is not only about you, her and the two families. There are kids to be born, different and opposing cultures, religions and nationalities. Think about the treatment your kids will receive when they are mixed breed. Do you want to settle in Somalia in the future? Is she willing to live in a country like Somalia? Will you ever feel like one of the family when you are surrounded by members of her family. I am not here to scare you away BUT, please don't ever follow your heart, make simple calculation and statistics then get your answer from there. Suban tala xumaa? ma waxay ku tiri follow your heart? Waxaa kaloo talooyin ka heli kartaa dhinaca jacelka oo Suban iyo ciidamadeeda iyo her opponents aan ka mid ahay figrado is diidan isku dhaafsadeen! One guy in Sweden once told me that he had a Swed wife with some kids. Then the inevitable happened when his cousin visited him. One of the kids asked his daddy (at the dinner table) Daddy, who is this nigger! No, he is not, he is my cousin and if he I am too. No dad, but, but, you are our daddy, I even cry when the kids in our school say that to me. I say No my daddy happened to be black BUT, he is my daddy! And if your sweetheart is black, your kids will never be accepted in Somali community. I am not happy about this but the truth is Somalis are one of the most racist people in the world. You are lucky if your lady is not extreme white or extreme black. Somalis can mix with all other races except the extremes. If this is the case, you still need to think about other things like the culture, religion and so... My final advice: Talk to your sweetheart about what you are about to face when you become a family! It is always better to prepare for what might happen to you. Anon, the X.
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| | Unrecorded Date anonX afkaaga caano iyo malab lagu qabay! I couldn't have said it more..
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| | Unrecorded Date Brother Abdirisak. It is extremely difficult on my part, to the point of irresponsibility, to advise someone to marry another person when i do not know both. Your parents and other elders are in a better position to judge. You must respect their opinion. Also, the disagreement of the girl's parents is disturbing. You have to make yourself acceptable to them. If they realize that she will be in safe hands, that her new religion is based on reason and logic, then, surely, their opposition would be less rigorous. They must also, as your parents have done, give, at least, a grudging consent to the marriage. Anything less than that could lead to very unpleasant situations. The two of you will find yourselves, aloof, cut off from both the families, and, kind of, in a boat in the middle of the river, from where you might admire the banks, but cannot land. Also, the conversion of the girl should be entirely a matter of conviction. If you trace any uncertainty on her part, you better desist. On the other hand, if she convert, for no reason but to be a good slave of Allah, then you may marry her. Finally, i might also add that usually, though i cannot say that it is always the case, doctors have a well trained mind. In women, they don't look so much for beauty, as for sound-mindedness and things of that sort. Further, they can put up with human failures more than others can. They feel that a person with weaknesses. Whether of the mind, or of the body, needs sympathy and treatment, more than a good harangue. They realize that a lengthy argument will only further deteriorate the disease. Therefore, they do not send away women as often with a divorce ticket as others do. Yet. Notwithstanding that, doctors have to normally work very hard and must sacrifice sleep, comfort and pleasure at odd hours. Therefore, they need someone at home who can help dissipate the tensions and fatigue of the day. Such qualities then, you might look for in your future spouse. i have said that because i felt that it could be that you might be wishing to marry "another doctor." Two working doctors can make a lot of money, but not always can they raise a happy family. That requires a wife who will stay at home. NB. anonX taladiisu waxay mudan tahay tixgalin gaar ahaaneed. Ina Kaahin INDIA
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| | Unrecorded Date BROTHER ABDIRAZAK. There's a saying " A strong man is one who goes against the will of the majority & knows when to follow the will of then Majority". My point been, a lot of bro/sis have given you their advice, all seem to be wise inthe there own way. In the end bro the will & wiseness have to come from you. Bro, U R going to see some tough times ahead, believe me. I've been married to a Non-Somali 4 the past 4yrs or so. She converted too. We've had our ups & Downs, but we made it. No thanks to anyone but ourselfs. We somali's love to give advice, as u can see. listen, take the ones u think are right for U. Also remember, she is making the one of biggest scarficies anyone can make 4 U. she converting from the religion of her birth or she"s going to try 4 U, she"s willing to wait while u finish your studies. Honest truth bro, she's already made more scarificies than U. Abdi, life is to short. if this is what u want go for. U can navigate the tough roads together, when the time comes, Lets hope u will be willing to make anything close to what she's done so far.
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| | Unrecorded Date Anon-X, i just posted a message reversing my perception of you as some-one who is emtionally bankcrupt.........maybe that was a hasty observation....LOL. To experience live, one has to make their own decisions...mistakes whatever, you can not go by logic alone.....open up guys and follow your dreams. You can always be logical when you wake up. Don't you want to have stories to tell, when you grow old???? Or is live about avoiding mistakes, at all costs?? AbdiRisak, follow your dream, it is your life.
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| | Unrecorded Date BROTHER ABDIRISAK you have got both advices bad and good think about it
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| | Unrecorded Date Hehee Asalaamu calaykum.. Yaa ahaa Ciyaal Jamaal C/naasir 1990 ..
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| | Unrecorded Date To Abdirizak: Kuguma ogi naag aan dhaqankeena lahayn,maxaa yeelay dhibaatadayday leedahay.Tan labaad don't just follow your heart but follow the advices of people who have done it, waalidkaa,iyo brainkaaga.Finally, ka fakar cidhibta caruurtaada Remembar,caruurtaada mar bay hiilo kaaga baahan yihiin waa marka aad hooyadood guursanayso.Walaalkiis I wish you the best of luck.
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| | Unrecorded Date to. abdirizak saaxiib arrinkan hadduu kugu culus yahay dhan walba ka fikir hana ku degdegin, guurka waa laga fikiraa,talada waxaad u bandhigtaa culumada islaamka. teeda kale arrinkaan hadaad yara jeceshay salaad tuko la yiraahdo salaatul istikhaara ducana wey leedahay, haduu kheyr kuugu jiro inuu ilaahay ku waafijiyo hadduu shar kuu yahayna inuu ilaahay kaa leexiyo. waana talo saarasho alle
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| | Unrecorded Date Sister Suban: Fiiri dadfka Soomaalida ah oo maanta ku jira late 20s, 30s and 40s oo markii hore intay waxayan ka baaraan degin sameeyey hadana meelaha darbiyada madaxa la dhaca. Anigu Canadaan ka warqabaa dad aad u badan ayaa intay taladaada oo kale markii hore raaceen kadibna soo istaagay meel cidla ah ayagoo masuul ka ah ilmo ay adduunkan keeneen. Soomaali badan ayaa is dilay (dhaawac/dhimasho) kuwana waa waasheen waddankan Canada sababtoo ah kuligood guur ayey ku degdegeen aanay ka fiirsan kadibna sheekadaa ku xumaatay markay qofkay noloshooda dhan u dhiibeen uu ku xumaaday. Xataa waxaa dhacday case nin Soomaali ah uu intuu guursaday gabar Jamaiacan ah oo aan sharci lahayn ayadii wadanka laga saaray oo ay noqotay inuu ilmihii single father ahaan ku koriyo ama ay ayadu wadato. Tan hore ayuu yeelay. Hadaa la sheekeysatid dadka Canada degan oo waxyaabo aanay aad uga fiirsan sameeyey korka waxay uga egyihiin dad faraxsan laakiin runtii markaa lasii sheekeysatid waad naxaysaa waxyaabahay ka sheekeynayaan. Soomaalida kaliya maahan laakiin waddankan dhan ayaa family value-gii waxaa ka hormaray material. Meeqa gabar oo qurux badan ayaa intay follow your heart is tiri qabowgan looga dhaqaaqay inay sadex ilmo kaligeed koriso. Imisa nin akhyaar ahaa ayaa bidaari kasoo baxday markuu run umaleeyey inay gabari jeceshahay wax walbana ay u samaynayso. Dhalinyaroy intaydnaan waxyaabahan oo kale ku degdegin la tashta dadka. Brother Ina Kaahin: Waddankan Canada dhakhaatiirtu waxay ka midyihiin bulshada dhinaca family break down-kana qayb aad u weyn ayey ku leeyihiin. Halka dad oo chart-ka furiinka bulshada uga duwan kana yar dadka kale waa dadka ka imaaday Asia iyo dadka tuulooyinka yaryar ka imaaday oo badanaa ninku shaqeeyo xaaskuna caruurta iyo guriga ka shaqeyso. Dhamaan dadka kale ama dhakhtaro ha ahaadeen ama rocket scientist-yaal si fiican ayay u saamaysay furiinka. Waa adagtahay inaad aragto qof 50 jira oo aan at least hal mar wax soo furin. Anon, the X.
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| | Unrecorded Date Anon-X, I appreciate your analysis, and agree with you 100%. Frankly speaking, personally, I have always been in favour of logic over emotion, and have guided my life accordingly, it has not been easy, but today, according to the standards of where I live, i have acheived a measure of success, but I always look back and wonder, if I have missed on life......lots of what ifs and dreams deferred because it didn't fit on my one track schedule. That is why I advise bro AbdiRisak to go with his dreams.
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| | Unrecorded Date Suban: Thanx for the warm response. I really like people like you who like to debate but not argue:-) Maxaa iiga xabeebisay hadaa ogtahay inay wanaagsantahay inaad maskaxda adeegsato markay wax kula soo kumaan:-) Anon, the X.
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| | Unrecorded Date Anon-X, xabeebiska has an entertainment factor; or you didn't know that!!!!:-)
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| | Unrecorded Date A non_X iyo suuban waxaan xaqiiqadii u arkaa inaad tihiin laba qof oo caqli gal ah maxaa yeelay adinkoo wax xumaan ah isku gaysan ayaad isla fahan teen, tankale waxaan u arkaa guurku inuu yahay shay ubaahan in sifiican looga fiirsado maxaa yeelay waa qofka noloshiisa meesha ay kudanbeeynayso inta uu noolyahay dabcan maqabo in qadarta lahor istaagi karo oo aan lays furayn laakiin dadaalku waa shay muhiim ah sidaan u arko. mahadsanidin Asadyare
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| | Unrecorded Date ANONX WALAAL AAD BAAN KAAGA MAHAD CELINAYAA, WARBIXINTA DHAKHAATIIRTA KANADA KU SAABSAN. WALAALKAA Ina Kaahin INDIA
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| | Unrecorded Date To brotha Abdirisak Brotha I wish that I can give you a good advise on this situation, but don't take this as big deal I mean that things and ya always have to face them, This can be part of your desteney so don't put much presure on to ya self though this is very complecated situation but ya always have to take it easy. Trust me brotha think about your children 's future if ya gonna mary this honeyluv, cause you know and so do I that the somalian community are bloody racist people!! Nevertheless if ya really luv this sweetluv do what ya gotta do I mean no body knows exactly how ya feel 4 each other and remember that this is big step that ya have to take. it is upto you to make a move. ma last wads I wish ya all the best and also I wish a happy home!! Good luck brotha BY Nas from Australia
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| | Unrecorded Date Trust me it won't work. Not necessarily because of the religious difference or other things that are different about her. I have found that many Somalians are very unaccepting of people who are different from them. Your family will probably reject her. They may be ok with the children, because of the way the trace their lineage. You should expect alot of comflict to come from the Somalian community. The question is, can you stand the pain? And should she have to be subjected to it?
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| | Unrecorded Date Take it from a guy who has been in your shoes before(me). You should exercise caution before considering marrrying a non-muslim woman or before you try to make a non-muslim woman Muslim in the intenion of marraige. You should not just follow your momentary lust or your heart. I think you are indeed playing with fire if you think it will be good or easy to marry non-muslim or non-somali woman. Marriage is probably one of the most important decisions of your life. You said you told her she must convert and become a Muslim so she can marry you. That is a wrong way to go, my brother. She will enter Islam for you and the idea of marraige, not for Allah. Later when things get touch between you and her and may Allah forbid that she and you get divorce and lets say you have children with her, then you should forget your children in their belief if and when the next time she finds another man with another religion whom she wants to marry, then she will convert to his religion(whatever it may be in the same reason she did to you) and your children will learn that religion. My advice......wait and marry a Somali girl or a girl who has already accepted Islam on her own terms.
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| | Unrecorded Date Abdi Risak. Do not listen to anyone telling you what and what not to do! You will not live or be with them everyday of your life, only yourself and her. Misery loves company and people have a natural instinct to judge other people for the way they live their life and predict what will happen to them. Only GOD can judge you and no one knows the future! Not a man or woman. So follow your your heart, you are suppose to when you are in love and keep other people out of your relationship! If you marry a woman just because of what she is you may not be happy with her. If a community doesn't accept you, her, or your children that's their ignorance. You don't live your life to please a community or others! You can never please all the people all the time. No matter what you do in life or who you marry, someone will complain or disagree. It's something you will realize your entire life especially in America! So listen to your heart, talk to her and you two will decide what's best for you two and pray for strength and guidance for you and your families.
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| | Unrecorded Date last anonymous, remember, abid risak is the one who came here to post a question and asked everyone who comes here online their opinions and judgmenets and that is exactly what he wanted and he got it. however, you are denying for and ordering abdi risak not to take advice and you are ordering him in your misguided judements to ignore what he wanted and asked for. you said only God can judge but you are judging every one who voiced their opinion and the one who requested advice and judgement from everyone here. therefore, you are telling abdi risak to get lost and never come here to ask advice again. so now, who is judging whom?
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| | Unrecorded Date To Umar. I am not judging him or anyone....I am just to the point! There is no sense of "bullshitting" and beating around the bush with grown people. Constructive criticism is a sourceful tool but most people have a problem with someone telling them like it is. They only want to hear what they want to hear. There are 2 types of people; people who do things and people who "talk" about doing things. What I was saying earlier simply was not to get caught up in other people's thoughts and speculations. If you make a decision let it be your decision. Once again Abdi Risak, I wish you the best and happiness!!!!!
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| | Unrecorded Date anonymous, you are advising abdirisak not to listen people who is telling him what to do and what not to do and you said if he takes their advice, he will not live or be with them everyday of his life. now, understand that abdirisak came here online to be advised about something in his heart which he did not know what to make of. i mean he did not know if he should marry this girl or not. some people, including me, said not to marry this non-muslim lady who wanted him as a husband. now, since abdirisak did not make up his mind or his heart, he did not follow his heart and he did not make decision to marry this girl or not. if he his heart was telling him to marry this lady, he would not have came here to seek advice, but you and other people keep saying to him just to follow his heart when in fact what you are advising him or telling him is to marry this lady. now, are not you doing the same things you are warning about him not to do? i mean are you telling him what to do and what not to do? are not you giving him an advice? i mean what makes your advice to abdirsak better than other people's advice to him? if people judged abdirisak's dillemma, you are judging him also. i mean if he follows your advice, he will simply get caught up in your thoughts and speculations also, just as you advised him not to do. you made a decision for him to go ahead and marry this non-muslim lady, but you are pretending that this is his wish when it is not, for he said he needed advice on what to do with his situation....to marry or not to marry this non-muslim lady. so, who is judging whom now, my sister/brother?
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| | Unrecorded Date Asalama Alaykum! L@L! All of you are right...and then wrong...and then right...and then wrong!(now I have headache!) To; Abdirasak, Brother, this day and age, people CHANGE like they change their clothes! The fact of the matter is that she's lawful for you if she's Jewish or Christian and Muslimah...is EVEN Xtra Plus lawful! However, whatever you do---make sure you do a PRE-NUP!!! That is for the protection of your future-children-custody, etc! And, heck no, pre-nup is nowdays...like a marriage certificate---nothing to be ashamed about! Make sure...you live in Somali neighborhood(they'll gossip about you "non-somali" other...but it's WORTH it, trust me!) Make sure your kids have the chance to learn Somali! Religious-School ETC! Make sure you have one of your somali people(family, friend, etc) living with you---so that you can MAKE her learn somali language! :) Oh, heck, you're probably now married...but if you're not, take a month vacation...and THINK and choose your options, carefully and peacefully! :) All the luck in the world, Ramadan Mubarak! Blessed BE! Peace, Ahmad!
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| | Unrecorded Date Umar ; once again it is not my advice, it just simply is. He has to decide no matter what anyone one says. The one thing I do encourage Abdi Risak to do is realize for himself what it is best for him to do and not what is in the best interest of others. There is nothing wrong with him listening to others but he will have to come to the conclusion on this. Not you, me, or anyone else. The reason I am so militant on the matter is that people tend to run things in the ground when it comes to giving and receiving advice. You are the one to live with that decision, not the person who told you to make it. I didn't think he realized that and the responses he was getting may influence him to make a poor decision. Look at Ahmad's comments. He thinks the answers lie in where you live and who you live with and what that person speaks. Who can predict that everything will be okay for them in those situations. Brother, if you are that good please give me the winning lotto #'s for this weeks drawings! Common sense people, common sense. What may work for you may not work for him. Everyone's relationship is unique and different. If they want to decide on something that's their business, not yours. Once again, I am just telling it like it is, nothing more, nothing less. I am guilty of telling him to pray for the guidance and answers because GOD will give you everything you need to have what you want.- People can't do that! GOD Bless to all!!!
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| | Unrecorded Date Anonymous, when someone is giving an advice to another person who asked for advice, it does mean that the person is making decision for that person. yes, the decision and the conclusion belongs to the one who is seeking the advice and yes if Abdirisak wants to decide on something based on an advice he reads on here, that is his business. no one is forcing him anything, but to say to him "follow your heart or do what you wish or do what is best for you" when he has not decided anything about a matter which he is having hard time to decide, is not a good or not even an advice to give, for there is nothing to decide. the fact is that: abdirisak did not say he wished to marry or not marry this non-muslim lady, so he did not know what is best for him in his heart, yet to say to him follow his "empty heart" is like not giving him an advice at all. it is like leaving him in the dark. he did not want someone telling him and saying to him "sorry i can not help you and why don't you just follow your confused heart" abdrisak already knew what people felt about this matter...about him and her(her family and his family). he did not want to be told people will like it or not like it his decision. all abdrisak was seeking was brotherly advice and all he wanted to know was if he should marry this non-muslim girl or not and why...the pro and con of marrying a non-muslim woman, that is all. ramadan kariin.
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| | Unrecorded Date To Umar, point taken well. To Abdi Risak, if your are not sure then it is necessary to consider not marrying of course. Marriage is a life decision and today it is contradicting because so many people get a divorce in all races and cultures. So it can plague others to see that happening to them too. I do feel though that one should be sure that is what they want to do when they make that decision. Peace!!!!!!!!!
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| | Unrecorded Date thanks, my sister/brother. salaam
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