     Mehraawi | Monday, September 25, 2000 - 10:42 am
To sister Cazizo
Aslam aleykun W W
I am so happy to see young lady (somali) seeking an advice puplicly alle mahadi, what i see about you is that you are very strong and careful, and that is a sign of fine Marwo, you got it all sister.
Anyhow about Chat, when I analysed it is stimulant, of drug called speed, which gives nerve cell to react faster, which also causes person to be more active, talkative, and so on.af somali waxaa lagu yiraahdaa wixii badala maanka Maandooriye, kaasoo ah xaaraan, according to our fine religion, jaadku wuxuu kaloo keenaa xaga raga dhaawac depending dose that have been used, dear it looks like also your husband likes going to party, which means he is looking for more happiness I dont know why, but if he married to you he should stay with you, but try to talk to him in a nice way, and approch him differnt ways. thing may not be easy for you, but you have to be petient, and specific, and share with him your feeling, so at least he knows it.
dont be sorry if you had to speak up. somalidu waxay ku maahmaahdaa "nina garasho ayuu leeyahay nina garaacashuu leeyahay" if your husband does not meet his reponsibility then you are more than a baby factory, but listing to your husband is alot to the religion of Islam, you should know that.
Your bother Mehrawi
Good luck and god bless you |
| Faisal | Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 09:43 am
Ikhwatifillah,My sister in Islamic.
I would like to share this with you also which I copied and forwarded to you from a islamic homepage because of the horrible situation you are in and I hope it's benefial to you as it was to me......... and be pateint to read this long message,insha allah
""How to Make Your Husband Happy"".
In the Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Most Compassionate
Assalamo Alaykom Warahmatu Ullahi Wabarakatuh
--------------------------------------------------
To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,Who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia.
The two books are:
1- "How to make your wife happy"
2- "How to make your husband happy"
These are the best Arabic books I have seen on this subject. They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life.
The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done.
Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book.
This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission.
How to make your Husband happy !! (Part 1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your husband happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
1- Beautiful Reception
----------------------
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting.
* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
2- Beautify and soften the voice ------------------------------------------------
* For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).
3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
--------------------------------------------
* Taking good care of your body and fitness.
* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
* Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces
or bad smells.
* Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
* Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
* However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
4- Intercourse--------------
* Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
* Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
* Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
* Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
* Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,
and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.
5- Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted
--------------------------------------------------
* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember
Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
* You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
6- Indifference to Worldly Things
* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
7- Appreciation---------------
* By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways.
* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?
8- Devotion and Loyalty
-----------------------
* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
9- Compliance to Him
--------------------
* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.
10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
------------------------------
* First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
* But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize.
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some oneinsulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened?
2) I must know what made you so angry.
3) You are hidding something, and I have the
right to know11-Guardianship While He is Absent
----------------------------------
* Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know.
* Take care of the house and children.* Takecare of his money and properties.
* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab.
* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.
12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
----------------------------------------------
* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife.
* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
* Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc..
13- Admirable Jealousy
----------------------
* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc..
* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
14-Patience and Emotional Support ---------------------------------------------
* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
* When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases,accidents, death, etc.
* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.),
be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
15- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
--------------------------------------------------
* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
* Encourage him to pray at night.
* Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
* Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
* Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
16-Good Housekeeping
---------------------------------------------
* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
* Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
------------------------------------------
* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc.
Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc.
Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
How to Make your Wife Happy
The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
1. Beautiful Reception After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you: * begin with a good greeting. * Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well. * Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations * Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones. * Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks. * Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands. * Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
3. Friendliness and Recreation
* Spend time talking together.
* Spread to her goods news.
* Remember your good memories together.
4. Games and Distractions
* Joking around & having a sense of humor.
* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
4. Assistance in the Household
* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
5. Consultation (Shurah)
* Specifically in family matters.
* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
* Studying her opinion carefully.
* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
6. Visiting Others
* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
7. Conduct During Travel
* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
* Ask her to pray for him.
* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
* Give her enough money for what she might need.
* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
* Return as soon as possible.
* Bring her a gift!
* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
* Take her with you if possible.
8. Financial Support
* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
9. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
* Always being clean and neat.
* Put on perfume for her.
10. Intercourse
* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
* Begin with foreplay including words of love.
* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
* Relax and joke around afterwards.
* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
11. Guarding Privacy
* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
12. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
13. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
* Give them presents on special occasions.
* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
14. (Islamic) Training & Admonition This includes
* The basics of Islam
* Her duties and rights
* Reading and writing
* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs * Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
15. Admirable Jealousy
* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are: 1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.
16. Patience and Mildness
* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
* How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the hsuband should consider the following:
- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
*************************************************************************
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer,brother Adam Qurashi.
Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.
Muslim Students' Association
University of AlbertaEdmonton, CanadaFebruary, 1999 |
