     ANAS | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 05:01 am
HI BRO.& SIS.
If you don't find this one funny then, is either U R sycho or SLOW...............
This Actual answering machine announcements recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers:
I hope y'all like it and find useful, my favorite one is the one that says "I am avoiding someone"
* My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to
you as soon as we're finished.
* G is for Gossiping, W is for Work. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
* Hi. This is ANAS. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, I already
sent the money call Albarakat. If you are my relatives from kenya, Somalia, or Ethopia I didn't work for the past
two months, if you my clan and looking for charity "Qaaraan" ask my parents, if you are my financial aid
institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female,
don't worry, I have plenty of money.
* Hi. Now you say something.
* Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
* Hello. I am Anas's answering machine. What are you?
* (From a Japanese man in Toronto He-ro! This is Sato. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave
sexy message, I call sooner!
* Hi! Anas's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one
of these magnets.
* Hello, this is Cambaro's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with
taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
* Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding,
windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They have no intention of switching long distance carriers, do not wish to take out a loan and
don't want to purchase any
light bulbs - even if they do last a lifetime. They give to charity through their clan or their Mosque and do not
need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
* This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought - recording device. After the tone, think about
your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
* Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back,
it's you.
* Hi, this is Anas. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone
until I call you back.
* If you are a Mooryaan or Jirri, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to
the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
* You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your
willpower and your ability to
resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a
message.
* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and
will be used by us.
* Hello, you've reached Wiilwaal and Caraweelo. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing
something we really enjoy. Caraweelo likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you. |
| SENSILES | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 06:32 am
WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU COLLECT FROM ALL THIS GARBAGE BRO. IT IS REALLY FUNY, AND I LOUGHED HEARTLY.
KEEP IT UP BRO. |
| SomalianG | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 09:06 am
woooooooooooooow
wuhahahaha loooooool
anas man you really made me laugh walaahi ..
it's good to have a guy like you around really...
keep up the good work.... |
| ANAS | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 11:55 am
To SomalianG!
Thanks for the complement. I appreciated, but what do you think about this one!!!!!!!!!!!!
> TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU OR YOUR GIRL HAVE PMS
> >1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
> >2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
> >3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
> >4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
> >5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper
> sticker that
> >says, "How's my driving call 1-800-***-****."
> >6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting
> practice.
> >7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
> >8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
> >9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
> >10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it
> yesterday.
> >
> >TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
> >
> >10. Cats' facial expressions
> >9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
> >8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
> >7. Fat clothes
> >6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
> >5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
> >4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
> >3. Eyelash curlers
> >2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
> >
> >AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
> >
> >1. OTHER WOMEN |
| B-MORE | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 03:10 pm
YO I GOTTA GIVE IT TO YOU ANAS THAT WAS FABOLOUS I REALLY ENJOYED IT AND I HOPE U RITE SOME MORE |
| Anonymous | Monday, October 30, 2000 - 03:50 pm
How about the one said you are the crazy person in this world I every heard in my intire life stupid. |
| ANAS | Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 03:53 am
TO Annonymous!
What the ****did you write, Is it English or kurdush, plz if you don't know how to write English, write Somali or you don't know that one either. I think this is what you meant to say: HOW ABOUT THE ONE SAID, YOU ARE THE CRAZIEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. |
| susie | Tuesday, October 31, 2000 - 01:55 pm
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool....damn now coming in this jokes section really has advantages,,,,,keep it up bro, light anotha one for uz. |
| Anonymous | Thursday, November 02, 2000 - 10:50 am
EH YO ANAS WHAT DE FAK IS DIS, YO U SOMEKIND OF COMEDIAN OR SOMIN,,,,,,•••• MAN YO U HAD MESTUP. AM CRACKING UP HERE YO!!!!!!!!!!!•••• MAN THATS WHAT AM TALKING ABOUT. KEEP IT REAL NIGGA......
LET ME HERE SOMEMORE MAN PIIIIIIS |
| MAYMUNA | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 02:30 am
ANAS.......MAN WHAT THA HELL IS WRONG WITH YA?
THIS IS NO JOKE....IT IS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS AND SUCKS...SO WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER NEXT TIME.....EIGHT???
PEACE BRO
AND NO HEART FEELINGS RIGHT? RIGHT |
| MAYMUNA | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 02:30 am
ANAS.......MAN WHAT THA HELL IS WRONG WITH YA?
THIS IS NO JOKE....IT IS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS AND SUCKS...SO WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER NEXT TIME.....EIGHT???
PEACE BRO
AND NO HEART FEELINGS RIGHT? RIGHT |
| lady 2pc | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 03:45 am
you are stupid •••• and gadameshit mother fucker you think your funny so get your facts wrightnext time |
| lady 2pc | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 03:45 am
you are stupid •••• and gadameshit mother fucker you think your funny so get your facts wrightnext time |
| anas | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 03:55 am
To Lady 2pc & Maymuna
Sis. What is wrong? What did I do to you that made upset? Come down girl I didn't mean to make any one mad, if what I wrote offended you sorry, but please don't insult me. Insult is out of the descussion okey sis. I hope you find the joke taht you are looking for that would make you laugh.
Peace Sis's |
| Roze | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 12:20 pm
Anas: Hey brothah, that was one of the funniest answering machine messages I read. Am actually thinking about using one of them..lol. ~Peace~ |
| Roze | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 12:23 pm
Anas: That was some of the funniest messages I've heard.....am actually thinking about using one of them...lol. ~Peace~
P.S.: this is my friend's message:
* Hi! You've reached me, But You've missed Me! |
| Roze | Monday, November 06, 2000 - 12:27 pm
Opppzzz....sorry for the double post! |
| Islaam | Tuesday, November 07, 2000 - 11:36 am
WOO WOOO WOOO....bal halkaa ku jooji...kaftankaagii xadkuu ka baxay markaad faraha la gashay ALLE iyo sifooyinkiisa...saaxiib i have to say this, waad gaaloobaysaa haddii aad waxaasoo kale ku hadasho.
Dambi wayn ayaad gashay markaad tiri "Now you are convinced that God exists and he is male" Saaxiib ALLE u tawbad keen...wax lagu qoslo ma ahan run ahaantii ee wax kale la imoow...
ALLAAHUMA HAL BALLAGTU....ALLAAHUMA HAL FASHALTU.
Salaam |
| sahra | Tuesday, November 07, 2000 - 12:49 pm
that was funny............lol
I was working for a telemarketing company, and u know how it goes, I get to call 10pages of number to see if they wanna pay the product, and I came across this answering machine
" Hi, we are either out drinking,passed out somewhere, or suffering from the biggest hangover in the history, so please do us a favour and dont leave a message, coz we wont be checking it"
now this may not seem funny, but u have to hear the voice to get the full impact............lol |
| LMAO | Tuesday, November 07, 2000 - 01:32 pm
ANAS.......
I LOVED THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nearly peed in my panties!....
Go check the NEVER LIE 2 LIL GIRLS JOKE!!!!!!
LMAO |
| ANAS | Wednesday, November 08, 2000 - 04:03 am
To Islaam!!!!
Thanks I really appriciated for pointing that out, I guess I didn't think about it before I say that. but to tell you the truth I am not that type of person and I will ask god forgivness. Thanks again..................
I also want to thank you all for taking the time and reading my jokes and giving me those complements.............Take care bro.& sis |
| Amira | Wednesday, November 08, 2000 - 06:06 am
Annas walal do you have to answer to every one that comments on your Jokes any ways they were funny I m just wondering how you managed to find the time to write all this, yet alone think about it and dont forget to correct my spelling afterwards.Mr Anaas. |
| M. MACAANEY | Friday, November 10, 2000 - 12:22 pm
WAAWAREEEY,,,,,,MACALINKA WAA IGA QOSLISIISAY,,,,,
XARIIFOW WADANKA WAA KU CUSBAHAY WAXAAN JOOGAA 11 BILOOD INGIRIISKANA SI FICAN MA U KASAAYI, KABACDI KOOYAA IWAREERIYAY CAWO IYO MAALIN WAA ISOO WACAA HADDA WAXAAN BA HELAY SIDDIIN UGU SHEEGI LAHAA. WAXAAN ISTICMAALAA "* Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you". THANKS YAAKHIYOW |
| ifraha | Monday, December 11, 2000 - 01:26 pm
to Amira,
Dear i was asking my self some question,where the hell did he find the time to do all this,
He must be DOUBLE HUMAN.
Anyway i did enjoyed,we all need laughf and u had to be the one to make us laughf.
after a hard day work in the office
gradzie bello
cio |
| JULIET-00 | Wednesday, December 13, 2000 - 05:54 am
DAT WES FUNNY ANAS
AS ALWAYZ. AND U R
SOOOOOOOOO SWEET.
IF I GOT DISSED BY
DEM TWO HATERS I WOULDNT
B NICE TO THEM.
DAMN GIRLS CHILL
IF U DIDNT LIKE DA JOKE,
ITS ALL GOOD. BUT DONT
COME UP HERE ACTING LIKE
TWO LIL KIDS AND DIS DA
DUDE. U DONT LIKE IT
FINE BUT I LUVED IT.
KEEP IT UP BOO.
I LIKE DA ONE BOUT DA SOLDIERS.....AND
AID.AND THE TOOTH BRUSH.....ACTUALLY
I LIKED EVERY ONE OF THEM.
KEEP IT UP.
IM A STEAL SOME OF THEM
THEY FUNNY.
PEACE N LUV
JULIET |
