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     | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 04:32 am Hey ppl.. i saw this n thought of ya, hope u enjoy it.. There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, unless she wanna pick a fight!!! The five questions are: 1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?" What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example: 1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful,intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: a - Football b - Baseball c - How fat you are. d - How much prettier she is than you. e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died. According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "d be talking instead of thinking." The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers: 2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include: a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes. c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - Who, me? 3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include: a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." The wrong answers would be. a- I would find myself a prettier, younger woman. b- I don't know, i do You suggest i do? c- I would buy me a porch with your life insurance. D- Could u repeat that i was thinking about your insurance policy. The last might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke: "Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the Pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left handed"
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| | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 07:20 am amina!!! loooooool. that was funny and its true. I always find very difficult to answer these questions specially Q3 and Q4. because it is an answer that requires a lier, means if she is fat, I have to lie and if she is not pretier than other person I also have to lie. But my problem is I don't want to lie to anyone I always like to tell the truth. How did I sound let me know? since you've mentioned age as well, let me share with you a joke about age and woman. till next time peace and love Guess My Age A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand Up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."
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| | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 07:56 am To Amina: Girl that was a brilliant analysis of the crisis that men go through to answer questions that we WOMEN would consider NO BRAINERS!!!You know that was the most hilarious thing I've come across since I watched Mad TV and Saturday Night Live over the weekend.That was just sooo honest and yet so funny I think that was what did it for me.Anyway,HATS OFF TO YOU GIRL!!!I MEAN IT!! To Anas: Need I say anything...however I must say that I've heard this joke before and it was a bit different but the idea was the same...still it was funny.Oh perhaps that is a warning to us and rather a cry for help on your part that you will also be resembling the old man in your joke in behaviour,you know like an OLD DIRTY BASTARD!!! Keep it up man! Until next time comrades,peace,love and craziness! Muna.
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| | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 08:14 am well said sis, but i want to know what would a guy say if i asked him if my bum looked big in a dress,but there is no need to ask that because i can just see what the answer would be. 1. No, not at all, it just need to be smaller here, here and here. 2. Not quite as big as the world but you'll get there. Men are sad but what can you do, is a case of you can't live with and you can't live without them.
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| | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 07:06 am Amina looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool Tell me more that was great haney.
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| | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 07:48 am Tnx for the appreciation my bros n sisters. Anas after reading that i think that u is a dirty o'l man... 60+ lol. Lol@ Mariam (my tip never ask a man!!!) Muna - keep up the cariziness my sis. Here is a typical scenario of a somali couple; Guy: (getting smooth)Honey u look so beautifull, u make me wanna.... Girl: (Jumpy) Boy, u better get ur nasty hands of me... wot kind of dirty slut do u take me for? Guy: (suprised n confused) sorry baby i, i, thought that...... Girle: (angry)well u thought wrong....if u think paying me flowers, taking me out and sweet talking me, is gonna make me give it up then u better think again!!! Guy: (defensive)no,no,no honey u got me wrong, i would never think of u in that way at all!!! Believe me honey that was the last thing was on my mind... (yeah right n my name is micheal) Girl: (even more angry) Last thing?...Last thing..? are u trying to say that i am ugly.. unattractive... is there another woman?....... To be continued.... Peace
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| | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 08:20 am Hey Amina I wish I could be that old man, Girl I am not that lucky. My hands haven't being those places. I didn't have intimacy relation ship with that lady. I know I am under oath. Let me clarify my age with you I am only 59 and months, hasn't turned to 60 yet. thanks for adding that yr to my age. One more thing I think you are very funny Take it eazy now.
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| | Wednesday, November 15, 2000 - 02:34 am Muna Muna Muna Damn I'm crackin sis I liked the first one at the ending "What would u do I f I died" Damn seems sad but funny in a way looooool The second story "Somali Couple" lol hahahaha u know what I wouldn't disagree with what the story is about, coz walahi I'm sure it happens in reall life loool makes me think "are women and Men from different worlds" looool I'm still laughin about I will actually copy this and print it if u don't mind coz I find it damn funny.... sis give us more and yes I'm looking forward the continued part next time can't wait Keep ur head up Love rules the world One Peace N Love
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| | Wednesday, November 15, 2000 - 09:02 am To Amina: That was just hilarious girl!I can just imagine the Somali man and woman getting into that heated argument over NOTHING!!!Seriously though that is exactly how Somali couples interact...but I must say that sometimes I really feel for the brothers.I for one am very straight forward about how I feel especially when it comes to the physical stuff..but other Somali women just aren't like that...man do the brothers get abused for even bringing up that oh so delicate and touchy subject!!It was very,very funny Amina..loooooooooooooool!!!! Until next time,peace,love and craziness! Muna.
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| | Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 04:10 am Muna babes tnx my sis!!! I feel 4 the brother 2. A.J i am sure u mean Amina... tnx anyways. they say women r from venus men from mars.. it mightjust be true!! lol@anas 59 n no women, what r u in saudi or s'thing? i feel 4 ya my bro!!! But iam sure if an opportunity like that presents itself, you take full advantage!! lol. P.S I am only an ammature compared to ya..so if u wanna give me any tips or tuition. i'm all ears. Heres another about age! A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $10. Exhausted, she says: "What rotten luck! What in the world I'm I gonna do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests: "I don't know. Why don't you play your age?" Then He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies: "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!" Peace
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| | Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 04:57 am HEY AMINA!!! thanks for the comment, but I never said anything about me having no woman, so where did you get that from I don't know. All I was trying to say is I don't get woman's attention that easy, I always have to struggle and go through a lot of..... an you are already on of the reason is age the other one is I am the ugliest man alive uglier than "Patrick Irwin" if you know who am talking about. I have a very beautiful woman and she is only 22 every time age issue comes up in conversation, she tells me Age ain't nothing but a number. of course my favorite sentence. hey this is a joke, it has nothing to do with the age but I thought you may like it. Enjoy it There was this drunk guy at a bar talking to the bartender about how much he loves gambling, and that he never loses. Just then, this other guy walks in bragging that he can sit eyes closed with his back facing the bar, and name what kind and how old any beer or wine is that you give him. Only by taste and smell. The drunk who had been there before heard and thought to himself, "this would be an easy way to win some money" so he goes over to him and says,"I bet you that I can give you a drink that you can't name." "You're on," replied the bragger, "as long as you pay." "Deal!"So the gambler puts the first drink on the table. The guy closes his eyes picks up the drink and takes a sip and smells it thinks for a while and says, "imported white wine 3 years old." Stunned the gambler pays for another drink and puts it on the table, the man picks it up sips it and smells then replies, "Jack Daniels 2 years old." Stunned once more the gambler realizes that he is short on cash so he gets a glass and pisses in it and gives it to the guy. Again the guy picks up the glass and sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like piss!", the man says." "Yeah", says the other, "now guess how old I am!"
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| | Friday, November 17, 2000 - 06:40 am Anas. Amina is sorry for misunderstanding u uncle gee!! Plz forgive me. Partric irwin ... r u sure, no somali man can be that ugly really. anyways u must have something 2 have a beutifull 22 year old n at ur age.. Is an old mans paradise unlce. eaZy
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| | Monday, November 20, 2000 - 02:46 am Amina you are soooo funny and every thing you think is true darling gacan ayaa gidakey logna waan guga darey tacker you self
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| | Monday, November 27, 2000 - 05:45 pm so amina, does that mean that a guy is telling lie when he tells u he loves u? i never been inloved but if that is true i get to get away from them. lololololol!
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| | Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 10:28 am Let me DRIFT into this conversation...that's some funny stuff....Now u see what we go through. We are put in a no win situations and then we are expected to come up with the right ans>>>I liked the somali situation too...I felt like u were talkin about me...I think the hardest people to understand r Somali girls>>>NAS, Keep dem jokes comin...{{{{PEACE}}}}
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