The JOKER | Thursday, January 18, 2001 - 10:57 am -Shamelessly Hilarious Man-bashing... > > > > > > > > > >>Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband > > > > > > > > > >>rolling around in pain on the ground? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Shoot him again. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? > > > > > > > > > >>A. When you can just barely slip your finger in > > > > > > > > > >>between his neck and the noose. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin > > > > > > > > > >>on the end of a man's penis? > > > > > > > > > >>A. His body. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. Why do little boys whine? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Because they're practicing to be men. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. How many men does it take to screw in a > > > > > > > > > >>light bulb? > > > > > > > > > >>A. One - he just holds it up there and waits > > > > > > > > > >>for the world to revolve around him. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>or > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. How many men does it take to screw in a > > > > > > > > > >>light bulb? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two > > > > > > > > > >>to listen to him brag about the screwing part. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Trustworthy. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. What does it mean when a man is in your > > > > > > > > > >>bed gasping for breath and calling your name? > > > > > > > > > >>A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after > > > > > > > > > >>they're born? > > > > > > > > > >>A. To knock the penises off the smart ones. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. Why do men name their penises? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Because they don't like the idea of having > > > > > > > > > >>a stranger make 90% of their decisions. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to > > > > > > > > > >>fertilise one egg? > > > > > > > > > >>A. Because not one will stop and ask > > > > > > > > > >>directions. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill > > > > > > > > > >>their males after mating? > > > > > > > > > >>A. To stop the snoring before it starts. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: What's the best way to kill a man? > > > > > > > > > >>A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in > > > > > > > > > >>front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: What do men and pantyhose have in > > > > > > > > > >>common? > > > > > > > > > >>A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in > > > > > > > > > >>the crotch! > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting > > > > > > > > > >>on the toilet? > > > > > > > > > >>A: Because it helps them remember which > > > > > > > > > >>end they need to wipe. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: What is the difference between men > > > > > > > > > >>and women... > > > > > > > > > >>A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her > > > > > > > > > >>every need. A man wants every woman > > > > > > > > > >>to satisfy his one need. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: How does a man keep his youth? > > > > > > > > > >>A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Q: How do you keep your husband from > > > > > > > > > >>reading your e-mail? > > > > > > > > > >>A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction > > > > > > > > > >>manuals" > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > >>Send this to five bright, funny women you > > > > > > > > > >>know and make their day!! |