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Humourous Anonymous

SomaliNet Forum (Archive): Ila Qosol - Jokes: Archive (August 2000): Humourous Anonymous
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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
CHINESE SLANG

Do you know what the chinese guy called the other guy who got caught with his pants down............."Dum Gai"!

No offense to my chinese peers.

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Tried of Viagra, here come the jokes.


A LIL SOMETHIN' FOR THE ELDERLY FOLKS!!! HAHAHAHA

>An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."The pharmacist said "That won't do you any good."The elderly gentleman said "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore, as I'm over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes".

Sorry Grandpa.....i had to do that one.

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
To the true husbands everywhere.

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW" HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY. "FIX THE LIGHT? NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." "FINE," SHE SAYS "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK." "I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS," HE SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!" SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. 'HONEY, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?" SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE." HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?" SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO....... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"

Hey don't look at me, i am single.

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Learn Chinese in Five minutes

Are you harbouring a fugitive?
> Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.
> Kum Nao
Small Horse
> Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!!
> No Bai Dam Ting!
Did you go to the beach?
> Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table.
>Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift.
> Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here.
> Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed?
> Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorised execution.
> Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet.
> Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone.
> No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?
> Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
I got this for free.
> Ai No Pei
I am not guilty.
> Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer.
> Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week.
> Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived.
> Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight.
> Lei Lo
He's cleaning his Automobile
> Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive.
> Hu Man Go!
Phew! does this bathroom stink!
> Hu Flung Dung?


WHAT DO EXPECT....I LOVE THE CHINESE!

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Learn Chinese in Five minutes

Are you harbouring a fugitive?
> Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.
> Kum Nao
Small Horse
> Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!!
> No Bai Dam Ting!
Did you go to the beach?
> Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table.
>Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift.
> Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here.
> Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed?
> Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorised execution.
> Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet.
> Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone.
> No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?
> Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
I got this for free.
> Ai No Pei
I am not guilty.
> Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer.
> Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week.
> Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived.
> Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight.
> Lei Lo
He's cleaning his Automobile
> Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive.
> Hu Man Go!
Phew! does this bathroom stink!
> Hu Flung Dung?


WAH YU SE-PEK TA....I LOVE THE CHINESE!

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Saxarla (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
salam Muridi ....lol lol Great jokes bro ...the best keeb it up Bro..realy realy loved it

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NeefoowKaniini (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Muriidi Xaaji Goonlaay!!!!!!!!!ahahahahah
abaaba waa iga qoslisi !!!!!welli tan chinese ka
it is really fantastic,,,,,keep up bro,,,,
it is soooooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!GREAT chokes,,

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Maki (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Murudi...it really cracked me up...very funny. I mean the chinese piece...Hey Ai no pei equals I get this for free is really helerious.

Peace

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Hey, hello guys, i have been on vacation....and you know what this means now......right......This here is some of the stuff i learnt while vacationing. i found it funny......u must find it that way too.


If pro is the opposite of con, then shouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?A: The bucket!

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure ofone thing:
>Either the car is new, or the wife is new!

Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"?

>Simple coincidence? ( I Think NOT! )I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve,
Watch it!!! There are plenty more ribs where YOU came from!"

Always borrow money from a pessimist;He doesn't expect to be paid back!

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then,... why practice?

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

A political candidate is a person who gets money from the rich andvotes from the poor to protect them from each other.

>Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?>It was two tired.

>A friend is one who would help you move.
>A best friend is one who would help you move a body.

Women, don't imagine you can change a man -- unless he's in diapers.

Q: An ethical lawyer, and a honest politician fall out of an airplane.Which one hits the ground first?>A: It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
>I don't exaggerate,... I just remember big.

>Support your local Search and Rescue unit...>Get lost!

>"Did you ever wonder where people in hell tell people to go?"

>How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

>It depends on what kind of insurance the lightbulb has.

>Q: What do you call 4 blondes at a four-way stop-sign?>A: Eternity


Wasn't that funny....i don't think so...my life experiences aren't funny at all fellow....take a hike.

Ciao.

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Jaweeriya (Public user)

Unrecorded Date
Murindi...that was sooooooooooo funny!!!!
I looked like a howling old lady on her rocking chair,,keep it coming

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MURIDI HAJI AJUUKE

Unrecorded Date
Well, hello ppl, i have been schooling for a while and didn't get a chance to post anything. But yes, i got something today, and i learnt that only in America schools can u learn this. enjoy


Only in America
>
> Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance!

> Only in America...are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink!

> Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions!

> Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, a large fry,and a diet coke!

> Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters!

> Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless pieces of CRAP in the garage!

> Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place!

> Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight!

> Only in America...do we use the word "Politics" to describe the process so well. "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures!"

> Only in America do we have drive up ATM machines with Braille lettering!

well, i guess u know now, "YOUR OPINIONS ARE VERY INPORTANT TO US". (FOR ALL THOSE THAT GET IT).

BYE

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke

Unrecorded Date
To all the women out there, no offence to ya'all, but u gotta admit we all have fantasies we try to fulfill in this lifetime.

Enjoy

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman inparticular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever
made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man
stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,
and whispers: "Iron this."

so, remeber we are looking for ur opinions on this.

hahahahah

see ya all.

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MURIDI HAJI AJUUKE

Unrecorded Date
i thought this was nice for newly weds.......well enjoy every1.

THOSE FOUR LETTER WORDS

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother."Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother. "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

hahaha lol.......hell i am ready for marriage now

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AYAAAAAAAN

Unrecorded Date
Murdi Haji
You know what you are joker and i lover your sense of humour..hell i will marry you any day..but just promise not to use the 4 LETTER WORDS..LOL..LOL...
looking 4ward to more of your jokes...

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Muridi Haji Ajuuke

Unrecorded Date
This was a question asked in my sexology class......and hell no i didn't agree with any of the reasons they gave.

enjoy.....

Subject: WOMEN ARE BETTER THEN MEN

Man to god: "god, why did you make woman so beautiful?" god to Man: "So you would love her." "But god", Man says, "why did you make her so dumb? god replies: "So she would love you." god created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before creating a masterpiece.

>> Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
>> Dogs are man's best friend.
>> So which is the dumber sex?

>> Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

>> Ever notice how many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology

>> What's the difference between government bonds and men?
>> Bonds mature.

>> What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
>> E.T. phoned home.

>> How are men like noodles?
>> They're always in hot water, they lack taste,
and they need dough.

>> Why do men like BMWs?
>> They can spell it.

>> What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
>> Men always miss them.

>> Why are men like popcorn?
>> They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

>> Why are men and spray paint alike?
>> One squeeze and they're all over you.

>> Why are men like blenders?
>> You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

>> Why is food better than men?
>> Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

>> Why do so many women fake orgasm?
>> Because so many men fake foreplay.

>> Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
>> They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5 minutes.

>> Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
>> At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 10,000 miles, whichever came first.

>> What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
>> Slow.

>> What is the difference between men and pigs?
>> Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

well now u know....my girl friend forced me into posting this one.....u know i would not dare to do dat, but as always she won again.


hahahaha....

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Muridi Haaji Ajuuke

Unrecorded Date
Hello my friends it had been a while huh........kinda busy, well while we are on these bussy months don't expect that much exams and Ramadan u know ...........i just want let u know me and my girl friend broke up after last posting....well

I am not cheap to get but..ah....am on special this month...........lol

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Muridi Haaji Ajuuke

Unrecorded Date
If you are under age don't read this I don't want to get ticketed You can take a glimse at it though.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY STUDYING IS BETTER THAN SEX!

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser"

4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.

3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.

2. You don't have to put your drink down to do it.

1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!

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333

Unrecorded Date
LoL. Hi Muridi! Quite a funny forums you got here.It was all funny specialy the last part lol.


p.s it would be nice if you wrote back to the "fan's'like "Ayaaaaaan"

peace

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MURIDI HAJI AJUUKE

Unrecorded Date
Hi 333....

nice of you to compliment, i guess u like THE HUMOROUS ANONYMOUS. that is soo cool. thanks, i will keep making ya'all laugh.

PS: 333, i apologize i don't have the chance to reply to all the fans. i am specially amazed that i replied to ya today.

ayaan, 333, all the fans, i love ya'all.

now is that cool 333. hey no heart feelings aight.

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MURIDI HAJI AJUUKE

Unrecorded Date
Aight .....ya'all heard about the horrors of AIDS and the people that it affected all over the world, well i betcha you have not heard it this way before.


********EXPLICIT EXPLICIT EXPLICIT***************
___________for humorous purposes only____________


Subject: AIDS

A woman meets Dennis Rodman (famous basketball player) in a bar. After a few drinks they go back to his hotel room. Dennis begins to dress,removing his shirt to reveal a "Reebok" tattoo. He explains, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for the advertisement." Next he takes off his pants to reveal the word "Puma" tattooed on his leg, and he gives the same explanation. Finally, the underwear comes off and the girl sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back, screaming, "You didn't tell me you had AIDS!" Dennis says,"Relax, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS."

HAHAHA
***GUYS NEVER PUT A TATTOO ON U KNOW WHERE***

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Hirsi

Unrecorded Date
lol Muridi bro that is very fun i like the aids one keep it up .....lol

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