     Aboto Xawo | Unrecorded Date
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating
up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains, *that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman*. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.
He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She
can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes at about $100 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept, where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so
excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she does not care.
She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even
play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. He says, "Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." |
| Qanso-roob | Unrecorded Date
Lol@@@Aboto,
Take a sneak at the diary of a Viagra Housewife
Day 1 -- Just celebrated our 10th anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2 -- Today he told me he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break! He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp!
Day 3 -- This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs, you know! Sometimes I need something too! Yesterday, I saw a picture of the
Washington Monument and burst into tears!
Day 4 -- A miracle has happened!! There's an new drug on the market that will fix his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He asked me if this time I would say HIS name at the "glorious moment".
Day 5 -- Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is shining, the birds are singing. My needs have been fulfilled. Everything is perfect.
Day 6 -- Again!
Day 7 -- This Viagra thing is going to his head. (No pun intended) Yesterday, at Burger King, the kid behind the counter asked him
if he wanted a whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one!"
Day 8 -- I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new "friend" as a weed
whacker.
Day 9 -- Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with
hard cider! What am I going to do?
Day 10 -- I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with Black and Decker.
Day 11 -- I wish he were gay. I've bought him the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and he keeps coming after me.
Day 12 -- Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile!
Day 13 -- I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing works. I even started dressing like a nun. He says penguins turn him on.
Day 14 -- I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to have to kill him. I just worry about one thing-how will they ever get the lid to close on his casket? |
