     just kidding | Thursday, July 06, 2000 - 11:08 am
>>>St. Peter came to the Lord and said, "Lord, I have to talk to you. I
>>>have a problem.
>>>
>>>I know we didn't have many Jamaicans in heaven so you instituted an
>>>affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have 10,000 Jamaicans
in
>>>heaven. But they are causing so many problems!
>>>
>>>They have torn down the Pearly Gates by swinging on them. They have
let
>>>in
>>>another 10,000 of their bredrin through the fence. They are
constantly
>>>standing by the gate disturbing Angel Gabriel begging for "bly"
>>>
>>>Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in
good
>>>looking women and fat women. They have stolen my harp. They have
gotten
>>>jerk
>>>sauce all over their white robes. Drumpan chicken is being sold all
over
>>>the
>>>Streets of Gold.
>>>
>>>Some are walking around with only one wing because they are
"styling".
>>>Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of them have put chrome
>>>rims/spines
>>>on their wings and are dazzling the other angels when they are
flying.
>>>
>>>The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day.
Some
>>>haven't washed their robes since they arrived because they didn't
come to
>>>heaven to do "day's work". Some have refused to take their turn in
>>>helping
>>>keep the Stairway to Heaven clean because "dem ah no helper".
>>>
>>>Many who came here because they used salt are still using it because
they
>>>don't like "ital" food. Some refuse to wear their halos because they
>>>don't
>>>fit right over their hairstyles. Others are wearing their halos
backways.
>>>Others are wearing their halos with the tags still attached to them.
>>>Others
>>>have discarded the white halos and are wearing gold ones instead
because
>>>they claim these are "bashy"
>>>
>>>Reggae music is blasted at all hours of night at their "bashments",
>>>disturbing all the other residents. Their cellular phones are worn
on
>>>their
>>>robes and keeps ringing during prayers.
>>>
>>>Recently their was an altercation between Adam and one Jamaican who
>>>claims
>>>he was only "checking" Eve. They have planted marijuana in the
Garden of
>>>Eden since the soil is so fertile claiming "man and man haffi
hustle".
>>>
>>>What should I do?!" The Lord said, "It wouldn't be fair to not let
>>>Jamaicans in heaven. They have just as much right to be here as
other
>>>nationalities. Maybe we just don't know how to deal with them; maybe
we
>>>are
>>>using the wrong approach. We need to check with someone who has more
>>>experience dealing with them. Let's call the Devil."
>>>
>>>The Devil answered the phone and said, "Hello, Lord. What can I do
for
>>>you?"
>>>
>>>The Lord said, "We have a problem up here, and we'd like to talk to
you
>>>about it."
>>>
>>>The Devil said, "Just a minute, I've got to put you hold." The Devil
was
>>>gone five minutes. He came back to the phone and said, "OK Lord, I'm
>>>back.
>>>What's up?"
>>>
>>>The Lord said, "Well, I would like to talk to you about a problem up
>>>here."
>>>
>>>Once again the Devil excused himself and put the Lord on hold. This
time
>>>he
>>>was gone for fifteen minutes. Finally, the Devil came back to the
phone
>>>and
>>>said, "Lord, I am really sorry, but I can't talk to you right now.
I
>>>have
>>>to go. These damm Jamaicans down here .....Yesterday they just had
air
>>>conditioning put in. Now they have just put out the fire!" |
