     sahal69@yahoo.com | Monday, October 09, 2000 - 09:44 am
RULES AND INSTRUCTIONS ON BEING A MAN
1. Don't call. EVER.
2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun
to let her figure it out by herself.
3. Lie.
4. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell
them you mailed it to them/already gave it to them.
6. Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone
about it.
7. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter
what, it isn't your fault.
8. Lie.
9. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women
than baths.
10. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help
- don't ask. People will think you have no penis.
11. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
12. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone,
use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises
are permissible.
13. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his
name in urine.
14. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her
best friend. She will then see what she's missing and
love you for not giving up on her.
15. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.
16. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your
girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style
on picking up chicks.
17. Lie.
18. Deny everything. Everything.
19. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about
her. Especially female friends you suspect may have a
crush on you. (Probably all of them - you're a man
remember?) They really want to know.
20. Don't have a clue.pretend you have
21. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
22. No means yes.
23. Yes means no.
24. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will
shrivel(get smaller). You may get sick or even die. This is one of
the most important rules.
25. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible
positions and locations.
26. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak,
sex often signifies the end of a relationship.(hell yah)
27. Feelings? What feelings?
28. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than
you at something, either pretend it's not true or kick
their ass.
29. Lie I tell you!!
30. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are
backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If
you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a
loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Honey, will you
take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you
can guess how many sperm I produce each day."
31. Every sentence that anyone says can be twisted to have
sexual meaning. Twist.
32. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like
various genitalia. (If, by chance, you have Play-Doh,
make sure you make a replica of your penis. Exaggerate
the dimensions by 25%).
33. Lie.
34. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about
saying it.(big time)
35. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not
satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not
worth it.
36. Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her
back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle.(it works)
37. Lie.
38. Apologize whenever it's expected. NEVER mean it.
39. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
40. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget
trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day
and eye color.
41. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they
can't see you.
42. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your
actions.
43. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex,
semen, etc.(mac dady)& baga bo)
44. Lie.
45. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place
with people you don't know.
46. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are
doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.
47. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without
virginity.
48. You are male, therefore you are superior.
49. Agenda for a typical evening: Get halimo. chow qad .Have sex.
chow more qad. kick her out.
50. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they
get to please you.
51. Don't ever notice anything.
52. If you're going out with someone but you love someone
else, don't say anything. Wait until the girl you are
going out with falls in love with YOU, and then tell
her.
53. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.
54. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.
55. Lie.
56. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then
technically you've done nothing wrong.
57. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what
do you have to cry about, anyway?
58. If her question begins with "why," the answer is "I
don't know."
59. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.
60. Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.(big time)
61. Don't ever let anyone say "I told you so." If you hear
this phrase and it didn't come out of your mouth, go
ballistic.
62. If your woman makes you go shopping with her, drive
around until a parking spot right near the door opens
up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the
coveted "door spot" and others will worship your skills.
63. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement.
Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh heartily.
64. Lie.
65. If anyone asks you for a favor- a) make a big deal about
how hard it is for you to do it, b) remind them of this
huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes
for the rest of their life.
66. If you do something really mean to a girl, and she
doesn't want to talk to you, pretend nothing happened.
If she still doesn't talk to you, casually ask, "is
something wrong?"
67. Three words: Let's be friends. Translation: I never want
to speak to you again, but it's bad for my nice-guy
image if you are mad at me, so I'll pretend I want to be
your friend.
68. Lie.
69. 69
70. If you're on a date, and there is a lull in the
conversation, tell the girl how many different dorms
you've been laid in.
71. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to
leave for a few minutes and when you come back, you want
her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave, and go into her
dad's room and tell him he should go check on his
daughter. Then drive like hell. (True story.)
72. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with
someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you
know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship.
73. The best sex position is you, lying face up... and
twenty girls on top.
74. Default facial expression: blank stare.
75. Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them
up your butt. Then, whenever you need a good excuse, you
can pull it out of your ass.
76. If you are asked to do something you REALLY DON'T want
to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If
that doesn't work, go ahead and do what you were asked
to do, but complain that you don't know how to do it and
continuously ask questions on how to do each little
part. If no one rushes in to do it for you YET, finish
the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and
then say, "SEE?? I TOLD you I couldn't do it."
Eventually, people will stop asking you to do things.
77. lie
78. Do not listen to "pussy music" such as Erasure, Color Me
Badd, or Oldies.
79. womens. Then more womens.
80. One word: FOOTBALL!
81. Real men beat up others who are inferior. I mean, we
don't want the inferior of the species to get to
reproduce ever, do we???
82. and finnally the most important rule LIE.
peace and love 4 my niggas
e-mail me with u jokes |
| Anonymous | Monday, October 09, 2000 - 12:29 pm
I JUST HOPE U R NOT ANY THINK LIKE THAT COS IF U ARE THEN U NEED HELP SO GO TO UR SHRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNK |
| pussy-hunters | Wednesday, October 11, 2000 - 06:24 am
are u sure you are a man fool |
| SAHAL69 | Wednesday, October 11, 2000 - 09:19 am
WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
ANONYMOUS: DON'T JUMP ON ME LIKE I KNOW YOU
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT
AND BY THE WAY IT SUPOSE TO B A JOKE IF U DON'T FIND IT FUNNY THEN SHOW WHAT U GAT OF JOKES
PUSSY THAT WHAT U R CUZ U CANT MISS WITH ME |
| WuDog | Wednesday, October 11, 2000 - 11:14 am
Hey look Sahal69! u better stop giving idea's&info these fools how to be playa!b4 i know they gonna be CRAMPING MY STYLE!!!
Bytheway it's off the hook, keep it up Igga! |
| amina | Thursday, October 12, 2000 - 04:50 am
Sahal your a joker. But i hope for ur sake thats its only for laughs bro.
from a gals perspective i think only a loser would folow these "player" rules.. but hey i c the humour aight, i ain't mad at yah.
Keep it up
amina |
| sahal69 | Thursday, October 12, 2000 - 09:07 am
An engineer with international contacts was invited to dinner at the Iranian embassy in London and found himself sitting opposite a woman clad from head to foot in the black garment decreed by the Islamic fundamentalists. All he could
see was a pair of beautiful dark brown eyes, which seemed to look right through him. He tried to catch her attention but to no avail so decided on more direct action.
He 'accidentally' dropped his soupspoon and, apologizing to his neighbors, crawled under the table to retrieve it. On reaching the woman of his desire at the other side he gently caressed her slender ankles. On returning to his seat
he looked across and -- absolutely no response!
Deciding on another try, he 'accidentally' dropped his knife and, apologizing a gain, crawled under the table to retrieve it. On reaching the other side he felt inside the flowing robes
and gently caressed her shapely calves.
On returning to his seat he looked across and -- still noresponse!
An engineer does not give up easily, so accidentally' dropped his fork and, with more apologies, crawled under the table to retrieve it. This time he felt higher inside the black
robes and lovingly caressed the insides of her delightfully soft yet firm thighs.
On returning to his seat he looked across and -- no more
response than before!
An engineer never knows when to quit, so he 'accidentally' dropped his dessert spoon and, with profuse apologies for his carelessness, crawled under the table to retrieve it. This time
he was rewarded with a little note fluttering down from above. He eagerly opened it and read the following: "When you get to my balls, show no surprise." signed Carruthers, MI5 |
| Amina | Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 12:09 pm
Sahal bro i like ur jokes but this last one is a bit offensive. Fundementalists, dress code, islam: Do You get the link.
Better luck next time.
Peace
Amina |
| SAHAL69 | Sunday, October 15, 2000 - 07:03 am
AIGHT AMINA DON'T TAKE IT THAT WAY EASY GIRL
I KNOW WHAT U TALKING ABOUT ANY WAY IF U GAT A JOKE U R WELCOME BABY
PEACE & LOVE
SAHAL69 |
| Amina | Friday, October 20, 2000 - 04:04 am
Now its pick on the geezers time:
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A:Trustworthy.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A:You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q:Why do men like smart women?
A:Opposites attract.
Q:How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit baad odours and half the time they don't work.
Q: How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
A: We cook - they eat; we clean - they dirty; we iron - they wrinkle.
Q: How do men exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.
Q:How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? A: Make him wear shoes.
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys to mijins of Qaad instaed of one..
Q:How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.
Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A:Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A:"My wife says . . . "
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A:To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q:Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A:
Because not one will stop and ask for directions. |
| cabdi | Friday, October 20, 2000 - 11:53 am
lol
you got us wrong sis,,,,,,
one half of my sperm can make you have qadurble babies.
and by the way, stop this •••• you copied from the internet, if we want we can get it everwhere in the internet |
| amina | Tuesday, October 24, 2000 - 05:08 am
Cabdi still made u look fool. it wasn't even meant to be for u. and NO thnx i don't want no babies or even contact with u!! |
| SAHAL69 | Thursday, October 26, 2000 - 09:43 am
TO AMINA
Guys... We Can't Win
If you try to protect her from other men approaching her you're a wimp. If you don't she says that you don't love her.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male
Indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing. If she thumps you, it's self-defence.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a
Decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favour.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape you're sexist. If you don't,
You're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not
Ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else. |
| Amaal | Wednesday, November 01, 2000 - 04:11 pm
Amino, sis I love your joke, and keep it up sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u rock, AND ONE MORE THING PPL WHO HINK THEY R PLAYERS, THEY GET PLAYED, SO KEEP IT ON MIND. GOOD CHOICE OF WORKS AND NICE TOPIC PLAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TAKE CARE |
| Amina | Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 02:44 pm
Tnx Amaal sis!!
I hear wot u say my sis jsut keep ya head up n eyes open!!
Sahal my bro.
I like that i've seen ur other post though!!
Tell me mo!!
Peace |
| Yasmine | Monday, December 11, 2000 - 11:38 pm
boy give me a brake u
r a looser who think that a girl
would have u like a friend ...ahahah....
dont think so |
