     Abbe | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 10:23 am
Dear Reader,
I am puzzled with this question: "Is dating outside your ethnic group good or bad ?"
I am a young, educated Somali professional who never grew up in Somalia. My contact with Somalis began after the civil war of the early 1990s. I have dated non-Somali and Somali women. In my experiences, I have found that each has a desirable and undesirable characteristics. My main question is why are Somalis who seem to date Non-Somalis insulted by other Somalis. I believe that whomever we chose to date or have relationships with should not be criticised by others. I have heard many people bad mouth Sisters who date American men. Why ? Personally, it is none of my business.
Dating Somali women is very complicated. It involves: a) Deception b) Hiding c) Eventual marital committment and WORSE of all d) GOSSIP. On the other hand: I have found that Somali sisters are a) Loyal b) Trustworthy etc. However the hardest of all was the Gossip. This is not a problem with Foreigners because your business does not reach members of your community. There is no Image to gain or lose if you were in a relationship with a foreigner. There is more privacy.
So please contribute your ideas.
Abbe |
| Diving Chick | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 01:35 pm
hey Abbe
I have never dated a Somali man, I'm nearly 30 and have only visied Somalia once as an adult - born outside Somalia, growing up in Europe and travelling most of my life. I can't imagine dating a somali man because I feel they expect too much and all the above mentioned.
I'd love to meet a Somali that has the same life-style as myself - this making my life easier in terms of family (my family thankfully don't expect me to be with a Somali man due to them knowing and understand my lifestyle, needs and desires) - but as I don't have time to be with Somalis or the fact that I have never met one that doesn't a) make me laugh (idiots) b) lecture me (on religion, my bad Somali, my clothes, my age, my diving, my travelling, my asperations etc,) c) has certain rules of conduct that don't suit my own... I don't think I'll be dating a Somali man.
This is a sad case but unfortuantely TRUE!
Either way, it truly doesn't both me as I feel that I don't have to limit myself to a particular nation. My IDEAL would be to meet a Somali man that fulfills my needs and desires but I'm not holding my breath and like I said ... as I'm not in the circle...
So, in response to your question, I'd argue that it doesn't matter if you date within or out.. it's more inportant that you're happy and in a good realtionship... you don't meet ur maker with your lover.. you're on your own, so what does it matter? so long as you're happy.
As for other Somalis talking/insulting.. hun don't you mind them. I've never heard anyone insult me but then I don't place myslef in a postion to be insulted - AND know about it! Your priority should be on YOUR own happiness and that is defined by what you hold important - other ppl's opinion or what you hold dear?.
I short, be with whomever you find yourself swimming in, who ever makes you feel like diving and wanting more. BE them Somali or otherwise, the one that makes longing for more is the one I vote for.
BTW, we all gossip... not just Somalis!
DIVING CHICK! |
| Anonymous | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 06:19 pm
HI Abbe
walaalo who ever you date is your chose,
but you know deep in your haert that your not
happe with"'''''
Walaalo you said thay gassp latley man gosp moore
I think there's very nice gril in this world and
I think you met wrong onse " !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your question was if is it bad to date
non somalis ?
I think it is ok if there moslim and be hanest with me walaalo do they make you hapy all the way?
I don,t thik so!! walaalo i hope you see us niceway 'thaks walaalo peace/////////////// |
| Diving Chick | Monday, November 13, 2000 - 09:53 pm
oowwwwwwwww!
I just reread what I posted, dear o dear.. does it show that I was a little merry?... lol
well, although it sounds long, I stand by what I said - the person that keeps that smile on ur face regardless of where they're from.
Diving Chick |
| moh | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 04:12 am
to diving chick
i thing U will regutet later what is like not been date Somali man when U end no were Somali man have respect their woman generally and do not ask their woman to sock there dig as you properly experience however no Somali man is interested you now as you went too far so i say one things enjoy it till you die. |
| AC/DC | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 07:14 am
Who cares!!!!!! |
| Abbe | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 08:30 am
Hi All.
Diving Chick, the only time I dived anywhere was in Cancun, Mexico on my senior year Spring Break. It looked easy but turned out to be hard. I understand your point. In life, you want to be with someone who shares similar interests as you do. I personally can't stand women who are not intelligent. Leave it to me to take a dumb woman to the office Christmas party. The poor woman couldn't carry on a discussion for more than 1 minute. I have to say dumbness happens to men and women. I AM NOT IMPLYING that women are not smart.
A woman's intelligence really attracts me. I like to engage in deep conversations. Another attractive quality for me is a woman who likes to go out and travel. I don't want to turn this into a personal ad but give me your views.
Diving Chick, sis, remember there are some brothers who share similar characteristics. They are the foreign born and raised type. No pun intended. I have dated both Somalia born and raised women and foreign born/raised Somali women. I seemed more compability with the sijuwi or other foreign born Somali women.
Abbe.
Abbe. |
| osman | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 09:16 am
To: Diving chick,
I don't think you need any lectures from anyone being thirty and all, but what I don't understand is why are bragging about dating someone other than your own. i have lived abroad for number of years now, and never wanted to change my culture just to be liked by some white person. Please be proud of who you are and where you came from... |
| Diving Chick | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 10:28 am
MOH:
Your the idiots that put me off my ppl....Too long to try and explain anything to you and a waste of my time and energy... pls STAY AWAY.. FAR AWAY!
ABBE:
Did you really take an idiot to the Xmas party? lol o dear!
Cancun?... I lived in Playa Del Carmen (not far from Cancun, wasn't touristy then, but now... u have to go south past Tulum for peace and some exhaling, thats 1 of the reasons y I left. Then about 5 yrs back now, the airport was more like a small bus station.. over the past 5 yrs it changed so much!)... been going on/off for while... back n forth... long story but adore Mexico. Out of the places I've been Mexico is one of the places I'd like to live eventually.... got certified in Honduras - Isla Utila another long story.... wanna go to Colombia next.
My views are - you're spot on!.. as for brothers that do have similiar interests... I don't meet them or sisters for that matter, in fact I don't know many ppl outside my immediate family - that's a large grp of ppl!. :-) (You don't meet somalis in Say Belize, a chicken bus and the like, n they don't tend to go to my kinda hang outs either.... )
Maybe I'm generalising - but from my limited observation - whether born outside or in Somalia, Somalis r Somalis (me inclusive) as we ARE raised by our Somali parents you'd expect something to rub off. From the stories I hear (here's that gossip again) - once married, Somali men regardless of where they r born/raised behave similarly.
I would suggest u don't ponder over it too much and just get on with your life. If your priority is to be with a Somali woman, then maybe u need to weigh up the pros n cons (as I guess u have given ur initial posting) and decide if u can live with the cons. Personaly, I can't count many Pros.. and simply WON'T live with the CONS!
Osman:
lol, (re: age mention, typical!)
I'm not bragging and apologies if it comes across that way. I mentioned (if you missed it the 1st time) that my IDEAL would b to meet a Somali man that matches and provide for my needs (no, not money - I rely on myself!) The case is that I haven't met ANYONE that even comes close! So the options r to either make-do with something that doesn't suit - I CAN'T DO THAT EVEN IF I TRIED LOL or to live my life. I choose to live my life and let everyone else deal with thier issues. I don't feel that I affect anyone by not dating Somali men, I haven't killed anyone! and I won't comply to make some else (ppl that I don't know nor know me) happy at the expense of my own happiness.
As for changing my culture?.. I haven't changed my culture... my whole point is not to force myself into a situation that's not natural to me, hence my not changing anything unless it's a natural progression, not for a 'white man' or a 'Somali man'. Besides who said anything about white men? lol I haven't specified a colour.( I guess the comments will be flying now! I'm ducking!)
GENERAL:
I'm very proud of WHAT and WHO I am. I'm a proud Somali woman and have the right to make my own choices.
If wasn't proud and love being Somali why would I spend time on Somalinet and share my views with (hopefully) other intelligent Somalis? (excluding MOH and his type).. I may have concluded to the fact that it's unlikely that I date Somali men but believe we as a ppl have the potential to be the envy of many a nation.
Diving Chick |
| Abbe | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 11:03 am
Dearest Diving Chick,
I wouldn't suggest visiting Colombia. Things are turning for the worst. Well, in case you are a brave individual and do visit, I would suggest visiting Cartegena on Colombia's Carribean coast. It is suppose to be very beautiful and contain some of the best Spanish style buildings in the Western Hempishere. I was invited to visit Colombia by a friend but I don't think his papa was a Coffee Farmer (lol). Maybe Colombia's other Principal export.
I should start a Dear Abbe Column something like a Dear Abby column in the paper. I thought that some of your comments were very good. I personally believe in Confucius's principles of harmony. One must be happy with ones self at all times.And about the dumb date I got, remember when ppl advise u never to take blind dates. Now I know why.
Well, I wish you best luck in your search. In life, we are travellers in search of something: money, love, etc.
Abbe |
| Diving chick | Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 11:14 am
Abbe
Many be we could do a duo, DEAR DIVING CHICK/ABBE... we'd put the world to right or ship them on a eternal holiday!
I know it's somewhat dangerous going to Colombia, but the same has been said about my other visits to places - maybe that's one of the atractions?! emmm I wonder.. The coast is where I'll be heading if/when I go, Inshallah.
My search right now is for answers to my Prof. Exam as for the general search... I hope I find each as I go along.
sounds like you have come to an understanding to ur original question, hope my views have helped in someway.
Diving chick |
| PURESOMALI | Sunday, November 26, 2000 - 07:55 pm
HI ABBE UR NAME SOUNDS FIMILIAR LIKE YOUR ANCESTORS,I WONDER WHAT THE HELL U WERE DOING IN SOMALIA WHEN UR NOTR SOMALIAN I DOUBT IF U CAN DIVE A TUB I AM SURE UR NOT ASSEPTED BY UR OWN KIND THAT IS THE ONLY REASON YOU MIGHT BE CHASING SOMALIS, GO THAT WAY YOUR RUE GOES STRAIGHT TO HELL. |
