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     | Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 08:50 pm Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu Insha-Allah, you are all in an excellent state of health, and moreover emaan... ameen! Well, it is my first time here. Subhannallah, I don't know where to start!?!?! Neverhteless, masha-allah! Insha-allah, I just want to share with yall a poem that my sister wrote. It is entitled, Reflections. I'll leave yall to ponder and reflect! Oh... one last thing... visit my site insha-allah, "Ebadar-Rahmaan" @ http://www.angelfire.com/hi/islamway/index.html Wassalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu REFLECTIONS... People of our past have done their time But there is still some left of yours and mine For them, it is too late to ask for another second To pray, supplicate before their final reckon But as for you and me, we still await The truth of death and lack to appreciate The blessing of time we still have on earth We are forgetful of the purpose of our birth To worship Allah is the purpose of creation Not to greedily indulge in worldly temptation Satan is our enemy and so we all should know But we have befriended Him, although he is a foe Allah said that Satan threatens us with scarcity But truly it is Allah who provides out of poverty We have listened to Satan’s advice regarding money Not giving Zakat, neglecting prayers, sounds funny, But some Muslims fast and make Hajj in this state And Ignorantly about Islamic requirements, debate True religion is neither sometimes nor some places But it is for all times, all places and for all faces Color and physical looks mean little in Islam Allah scans the heart, not the body of man He created and fashioned in whatever form He willed Yet we believe in definitions of beauty that man instilled Disbelieving that all of Allah’s creation is beautiful Truly, variation is attractive and diversity is wonderful Yet the most beloved to Allah are the God-fearing ones Who worship Him alone and with Him associate none Wake up! We will all follow our predecessors Our actions will make us pious or transgressors Thereupon, we’ll either be in eternal hell or bliss Then, we will regret the chances for worship we now miss Lets keep the Shahada at our tongues and establish the Salat Muslims, let’s fast, give Zakat and make Hajj to Allah Furthermore, let’s do righteousness and make it a priority To please only Allah, even if we are a small minority Islamic Sciences have been abandoned for secular education With misguidance as pillars and no sex segregation And we smile with the achievements…BA, MA, PHD With scarce understanding of our own Deen No awareness of Tawheed so in Shirk we drown When the angel of death does ultimately come around Calling us to our dark, lonely grave with free admission But now no wealth, status or degrees will be sufficient Only good deeds and continuous charity can ease The solitude, offering hope, comfort and peace But that is only for those who used their time wisely And a few are they, who lived this life piously So we ask Allah to guide us to the true path And to protect us from His eternal wrath We pray that our humble efforts be sufficient To enter us paradises that are surely magnificent My sisters and brothers in faith please lets contemplate Now, not later, or else it may be just too late
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| | Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 09:14 pm Stranger, is your sister a Somali lady and is she available? I'm already in love with her. I wish to marry a lady like your sister. Btw, I'm somali who is available to communicate and looking for his calaf.
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| | Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 09:31 pm Btw, speaking for reflections, i was just reflecting how it is difficult for me to get marry a nice lady. My biggest problem is the money the sisters and her family demand. I stopped marrying many prospective ladies just because they and their mothers/fathers wanted money from me. Since they know I have a good job, they think I have plenty of money in my bank account. I support my mother/father and siblings who are in Somalia. I can not support my future wife's family and I can not afford to spent $7000 to $10.000 dollars in weddings/meher together. I do not want to get marry lady who is not my type. The ladies who are willing to get marry without too much money are the ones who are not my type. These ladies do not want from me to cough up too much money because they either work, not religious or they just have their families in the states who do not need to be supported. I wish the ladies who are my type, the religious ladies, stop demanding too much money from the guys who are willing to marry them.
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| | Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 11:13 pm Strange, Maa-shallah...Jazzakum Allah kul kheer. You just made my day beautiful. Muslimbrother, Money is not the key to happiness. I pray from Allah that you find your mate. But patience brother, patience.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 02:08 am Muslimbrother. Brother, Suppose the woman who wrote isn't a somali?. Just a thought. The issue of supporting your would be wife's family is a must. You need to keep that in mind. The same way you support your family does your future wife needs to support her family. Marriage is like a contract where you have to weigh and try to accomodate all the needs that comes with it. Put yourself in the shoes of a needy family who is waiting for a daughter they raised?. If you can't support the family of your wife, then you obviously don't want a somali woman. I am lAte for a passdown and can't continue this BUT YOU NEED TO RETHINK ABOUT YOUR DECISIONS SAXIB.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 05:41 am Masha Allah, What a beautiful words and how true! May Allah reward the sister plenty on her lines. I'm gonna print this and put them somewhere where i can reflect on the words many days. Thank you. Muslim Brother, Think about the words of brother FG. He is so right that I don't think much needs to be added. I agree with him.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:53 am You people do not know your religion and the obligations on a husband. "LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA". You people make the religion difficult for many young men like me. Maybe you are like the mothers/fathers who refuse for a man to marry your their daughters because he can only afford to take care of his wife and children, including his mother/father.! You want your daughters someone who can affort to spent $7000 to $10.000 dollars and more in weddings/meher, plus $200 or $500 dollars a month that needs to be send to Somalia on top of what he is already sending to his own parents. You make it difficult for a man like me to get marry. What is a man like me to do if he can only support his wife and his mother/father back home when you refuse for him to marry your own sisters/daughters? Marry non-Muslim women or get a girlfriends? I think you people need to think over this and what you are doing to the religoin. The Prophet did not say what you people are saying. If his means are enough, his first and formost obligation is to support his own house and his immediate family, his own mother/father. Where does say in the religion that a man who wants to get marry to a lady of his choice has to support her family? If he can, yes he has to support, but if he can not, he does not have to wait the marriage because he can not bear the responsiblity of supporting his future wife's mother and father. You guys need to learn the religion. Idea, thank you. Are you available sister? If you are let's talk if you are not like these people.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 08:02 am Muslimbrother. Don't just get angry brother. I am telling you a fact that you will have to live with if you get married to a somali woman. You can't forget that we are society in need. You have a point when you complained about the dowry. It is the women's right and they should be modest about it. But it is theirs. It can be a pain. Some guys are lucky enough to have paid nothing or little while others get hit so hard that they think about it for the rest of their life. It is pure luck. Besides, depends on the woman whom you want to get married to. If she is understanding, there is no much difficulties in the way. She solves proplems that would come from her family side. May be you never met such a girl. That is why I think you have this proplem. Culturally, somalimen are accomodating to the families of their wifes. Anybody trying to rethink about it will have troubles. Remember, you met your wife when she is grown up and an adult. Think of her as you would of yourself when it comes family relationships. Isn't she gonna have your babies?. You must be willing to endure a lot for the sake of your children's mother. Don't misunderstand me please. You must be willing to make sacrifices. I understand the burden of the support. But it is something, we somalimen must be willing to do. A lot of marriages are dissolved because of this issue. Be careful saxib. BTW, I would have never asked a young man to pay me to get married to a relative woman of mine. He will have my blessings if am the one responsible for the girl's hand in marriage. Hope you forgive me if I am out of touch. Be a smooth talker, may be you can convince the girl you want to fight for you. Islam offers women the freedom to choose whom they want to get married to. So, if a woman is willing to get married to you, her family is just there under the sway of her. May you meet the right woman that can help. Also, you need to back off a little from this economic comments. It ain't pretty. It is all there but we ignore it. Not good for your resume. I apologize. I see I am pain. Sorry. This is my last post in here. May be?. Depends. I think Idea is single looooool. I am not sure though. She has one hell of a character. Good luck brother. Cafwan walaal.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 08:39 am Stranger, your sister is very talented manshallah. May Allah(swt) reward her and forgive her of her sins
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 02:11 pm FG guy, like i said you and those who are like you need to learn the religion. Supporting your would be wife's family is not a must if you can not afford it. Any parents who sell their daughter or give away their daughter in order to get money are wrong. Meher money is for the girl who is getting married only. She can do that money whatever she wants to do. If someone makes the marriage a contract where a man must support financially the family of the lady he is marrying, this marriage is wrong. This is not islam. If i support my parents and the money I have is not enough, i do not have to support my future wife's family. Do not mix religion and culture.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 02:37 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Insha-Allah, you are all in an excellent state of emaan and health. MuslimBrother: May Allah make your quest in searching for a suitable wife easier for you... Ameen! Yes, many sisters are picky in terms of their dowry (and a lot of times, it has more to do with her family thn her). However, there are those sisters that ask for a Qur'aan, or even a date. It is usually the religious ones that ask for the least... may Allah (swt) bless them for that. After all, the prophet (saw) did say: "The best dowry is the most easy." (Abu Daawod, Ibn Maajah) as well as, "A women is married for four reasons: for her property (wealth), her rank (lineage), her beauty and her religion. However, you should marry the one who is religious and you will be satisfied." (Sahih Bukhaari, Sahih Muslim, Abu Dawood) So, insha-allah, look for a religious sister, and you will be satisfied. In addition, here is a fatwa that was given by Sh. Ibn Uthaymeen, which relates to some of your financial concerns. ____________________ Question: What is your opinion of the large dowers and expensive parties and honeymoons that cost a great deal of money? Does the Sharee’ah approve of such things? Response: Having very expensive dowers and extravagant wedding parties is something that goes against the Sharee’ah. The marriage that has the greatest blessings is the one with lesser financial burden. Any time the burdens are lessened, the blessings are increased. This is a matter that is many times caused by women. Women are the ones that often insist upon their husbands to set a very high dower [for their daughters]. If a lesser dower is offered, they will say that their daughter is deserving of such and such. Furthermore, expensive and luxurious wedding parties are prohibited by the Sharee’ah. They fall under the command of the verse, "But be not extravagant. Verily, He loves not those who are extravagant" (al-Anam 141). Again, many times it is the women who force their husbands to do such things. They say that in so and so's party they had this and that. However, such gatherings must be according to the Sharee’ah. The person should not spend what is beyond his means. He must also never be extravagant for Allaah has prohibited extravagance. "Verily, He loves not those who are extravagant" (al-Anam 141). Honeymoons are worse and even more evil. This is because they are an imitation of non-Muslims. They also are a waste of lots of wealth. It also leads people to being lax with respect to their religious duties when such honeymoons take place in non-Muslim areas. The people come back with customs and behavior that are harmful for them and for the Muslim community. This is something that is to be feared for the Ummah. However, there is no harm, Allaah willing, if a man travels with his wife to make ‘Umrah or to visit Madinah. __________________ In regards to you having correspondence with sisters with the intention of marriage without the presence of her wali, I don't think that is permissible/liked brother - wallahu 'alam. Please go to www.fatwa-online.com, marriage section for the daleel insha-Allah. Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Your sister in Islam. Oh ya... my sister is Somali. Nevertheless, she is already married.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 02:52 pm Stranger, thanks very much. I wish to find the sisters you mentioned. Is there a fatwa that tells a husband has to support his wife's parents back home? Like the FG guy and New Deal guy are saying, is it true that if a husband is supporting his parents back home, he has to support the family of his wife too? I mean i already send $400 dollors a month to my parents. I pay $630 a month for rent. I can support a future wife and if God give us children, but I do I have to send another $200 or $300 dollars a month to my future wife's parents? You said there is something wrong if I talk to ladies I am considering for marriage, but how can I know what kind of a lady she is if I do not talk to?
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 02:55 pm Salaama Aleikum FG total your wrong this issue to support family of the wife. Where did you get this please prove us insha Allaahu. Second Prophet said that "If there comes to you one whose attitude and commitment to religion pleases you, then marry him (to your female relative), for if you do not do that, there will be much trouble and corruption in the land." Last word know one things Getting married is Compoleting your Religan Third one another Hadith prophet said that "Women are married for four things: wealth, lineage, beauty and religious commitment. Marry the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust! (i.e., may you prosper)." Ladies of Strong Imam you should help our brother if its thrue what post here, if not as prophet said corruption will spread likewise Fornications and so on May Allaah prptect us. Last word getting married its likewise completing our Faith.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:00 pm Muslimbrother. Assalaamu caleykum. You need to differentiate between a dowry that is asked by the girl, the help of a family under the name of your wife both of which you are having proplems with, and illegal money demanded by the family of the would be wife of yours. They are all different things. I was a addressing the help. Does someone who understands islam perfectly ignores the needs of others?. What happened to the altruistic teaching of islam and asceticity if we complain about every penny we spend on our wives. May be we don't have the same understanding of a wife. Who doesn't need to learn the religion for god's sakes?. And thanks for the reminder that I need to understand and learn more about the religion. I never claimed I know a lot in the first place. If you understand the islamic aspect of sharing and helping those in need, you would have a different perspective and wouldn't gramble about few dollars you will send back home to a needy family in the name of your wife. Your wife knows how far you can support her family and won't demand what is out of your reach unless she is twisted.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:10 pm FG guy, first, if I can afford to send money, I would send in the name of Allah, not in the name of my wife. If I can afford and ignore the needy people, I'm doing sin, but I said the money I make is not enough for three families. I can support my own parents and my home (wife and children), but I do not think I can send another $300 or $400 dollors a month to her family. Ladies who say if I do not do that, they will not marry me are wrong and if you agree with them, you are wrong. What you are advocating is not Islamic. This I know. Culture and Islam is different.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:10 pm Ahmed jama. Okey, I agree it is not Mandatory, but let us face it, IF YOU GET MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE WANTS TO WORK so that she can support her family, ARE YOU WILLING TO LET HER WORK?. If no and you tell her she would better serve her islam staying home, THEN YOU MUST FILL IN THE VACUUM. Is that Illogical?. Let us not blind ourselves to the facts of the somalis. If you can find a woman that is willing to let her family sleep without food and provision when she is in a position to help, You would be blessed. And go for it. Addressing the importance of marriage and not willing to put the current conditions in mind won't work. Why not guys marry and arab woman or some other woman whose family are well off and don't need your helps?.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:19 pm Muslimbrother. I understand you do things in islam in for the sake of Allah. My point was, you didn't know the people of your wife before you wife. Second, I am not advocating for anybody. I understand the difficulty of supporting when you can't. However, your family won't survive, so what do you do?. It is a fact in North America. It is tough I know, but you would solve matters according to your best. What happened to the patience and enduring hardships that will ultimatley serve your interests?. If kids are there, it is even worse, you are a prisoner. This is tough issue. It is solved only if you have the right wife. As I said walaal, May you find the right woman you are looking for.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:19 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu MuslimBrother: Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to avoid getting into the conversation about whether or not you have to support your wife's family. I haven't came accross any fatwas mentioning this issue. First and foremost, I just want to make it clear that I am not a scholar whatsoever. My answer to this whole debate regarding supporting your wife's family is ALLAHU 'ALAM. However, I haven't heard any such thing as it being waajib to support one's in-laws. Maybe its cultural and is common in Somalia (I never lived there, so I don't know; Correct me if I am wrong insha-Allah). Personally, I wouldn't expect my husband to support my family, nor would I expect my brother to suppport his in-laws. If my husband or my brother wants to do it for the sake and pleasure of Allah, masha-Allah. Now, in regards to the correspondence, the sister's wali has to be fully aware of all that is going on. If you do not want to approach her wali bc you do not have enough info about the sister, then try to find out about the sister. See who she hangs around with, and how she carries herself. If you are pleased with her, then approach her wali. From there, then you can correspond with the sister. Nevertheless, there has to be a third party, otherwise the shaytaan will be the third - this is to guard your, and her modesty. This is my OWN suggestion. You can take it, or leave it insha-allah. You asked for advice, I gave it to you, since it is one of your six rights  . Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Your sister in Islam
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:23 pm FG guy, what you are advocating is prostition. Pay my parents such and such money every month. If you do not that, you will not marry me. So they girl will look for another man who can afford to do that. I'm left in the dark.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:26 pm Stranger, thanks again. I guess at least I would think telephone converstation with them is fine. I hope.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:38 pm Muslimbrother. It is the expectation of the somali woman that you will support her family whatever it takes. So, how do deal with it?. I told you what I thought. Again, may you find who you are looking for.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:46 pm Stranger, I do not need to correct you. You are right. Its cultural and is common in Somalia and in everwhere else where Somalis live for a man to cough up in money every month. I'm glad that you said you wouldn't expect your husband to support my family (btw, are you already married)? For me, the way I see things is that the obligations on a husband is clear. to support his own family and his parents. If he can afford to help his wife's family, he has to help, but if he can not he does not have to. "LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA". some people make the religion difficult for many young men like me, though.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:47 pm Salaama Aleikum Sister Stranger you write, if its pleasure, you should do that put the place like your parents. As we all knew Somalia we have good custom sharing so when ever you send some money to your parents we should do also her parents too, that will create happiness between couple. FG please stop creating every difficulty situation to get married. Muslimbro open your hand brother too, I advice you fish around Somali sister from Kenya less difficulty Sister from Somalia, that my own thinking my be I'm wrong, Allaah knows best
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 03:54 pm FG guy, you asked me how do I deal with the situation. I will marry a lady like Stranger who wouldn't expect her husband to support her family. Thanks anyway. Ahmad Jama guy, I will do whatever I can, but I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents. I do not believe NAAG BEENBAA LUGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA. I would tell her up front, I can do what I can do, but at the moment, I do not think I can affort to do she is demanding.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:09 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu FG and MuslimBrother: You two obviously have opposing stances. Alhamdullilah, you both expressed your opinions... so insha-Allah, leave it as that. MuslimBrother: As FG said, try to "fish" around for a sister whose family you don't have to support (they don't necessarily have to be from Kenya). If you can't find one and you have the means to suport them, then purify your intentions and do it for the sake of Allah. In regards to speaking on the phone w/ the sister, with the knowledge of her wali, and without a third party - Allahu 'alam. That is a question that needs to be addressed to the 'Ulamaa. I am not too familiar with the whole marriage process myself since I am not married. Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Your sister in Islam!
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:10 pm Salaama Aleukim Muslim Bro your doing great keep pushing stranger may Allaah change her heart, As prophet said Hadith "Heart is between fingers of Allaah he turn the way he wants" its my own translations.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:10 pm Btw, FG. Do you have any idea where is Idea? You said is she single. I think I can handle her if she is not like the ladies I know. What kind of charecter does she have? Isn't she good Muslima lady?
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:14 pm Stranger, I'll try my best to find that special lady. But you said you are not married. Is it possible that we can communicate? Do you have a wali? I live in Florida. Where do you live? Ahmad Jama, pray for me.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:15 pm Salaama Aleikum Muslimbro Why don't you drop your email as we can see so far Sis Stranger said that she is single. About Phone talks I heard Muslim Scholars said that is not good It can lead bad stuff. You should talk Room with another ppl around not prively
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:20 pm Salaama Aleikum Muslimbro From sun shine State, I'm in Minnesota lot sisters here with Hijab, also Toronto is best what heard to fine soulmate
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:23 pm GUYS. Let us not use islam for our interests only. Islam serves all parties concerned. If you get married to a woman HER PARENTS ARE AUTOMATICALLY YOUR PARENTS. A penny you spend on your wife's parents are a penny you spent on your mother. You can even make the sending of the money in turns if you can't afford to send everymonth. A believing wife can understand that and should help her husband. Muslimbrother. I hope somali women who read your post don't think that all those who claim to practice islam are like you. If you beleived that what you pay is for the sake of Allah you wouldn't complained but you think you are investing some place where you will not be thanked. Your thinking is what is causing you to see the support of your would be parents to be a proplem. Ahmed Jama. I am not creating a proplem brother, I see someone who wants to use religion to ignore the need of someone else. Marriage is something everyone should do if they can afford to protect themselves from satan and the desires of themselves. However, when you get married, you have acquired other parents that have rights on you too. Why does islam teach to help the disbeleiving parents?. Let us be honest in our dealings with people. Be it a wife or a parent. I didn't know there was someone like Muslimbrother guy. I gathered around the computer people who are more knowledgeable than I am and they agreed muslimbrother should not use islam to serve his weakness if he doesn't want to support his inlaws since They will be legally in islam be his parents. What relationship does a man has with his mother-in law?. Isn't she like his mother?. I am not surprised why there is much blame aimed at the so called muslim brothers. As much as you guys hate the truth, I am telling you, DEAL WITH IT. IT EXISTS AND WILL EXIST AS LONG AS WE RUINE OUR COUNTRY AND ARE REFUGEES IN OTHER COUNTRIES. Who caused all these obstacles in the first place? It US and we should deal with it. Whoever turns away from the remberance of Allah has a very difficult life. And this is indeed a very difficult life for the somali man if he wants to marry a somali woman. It is our creation and we should deal with it as positively as we can.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:24 pm My email address is yunis@alhaj.com Btw, my age is 27. If phone conversation is not permisible, how about email conversation?
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:31 pm Salaama Aleikum I'm out over here guys take care may Allaah forgives us our Sins. If I said something wrong its from my soul and Satan, I ask Allaah forgives. See you next time.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:32 pm FG guy, what do you mean when you said >You can even make the sending of the money in turns if you can't afford to send everymonth.<? Btw, Somali women who read my post agree with me. You don't. One sister already said she wouldn't expect her husband to support her family. She thinks to expect is to not Islamic, but cultural. And I think she practices Islam. FG, maybe you are having hard time understand this: "LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA". My advice to you is do not make the religion difficult for many young men like me.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:40 pm FG guy, take the advice of the sister who opened this page when she said >You two obviously have opposing stances. Alhamdullilah, you both expressed your opinions... so insha-Allah, leave it as that< Don't mix culture and religion together.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:47 pm Muslimbrother. You making this difficult for yourself. If Stranger agreed with you, it doesn't mean she said you can't help your in laws. She said she hasn't seen what makes it mandatory. Besides, all women don't have the same views in life within the islamic community. They have different levels of knowledge and understanding of islam. Even if somali woman understands islam and is pious muslimah, still she might have proplems addressing the need of her family back home. Since you want to get married to such a woman, ARE YOU WILLING TO HELP?. That was my point All along. Why not froget about the somali woman and get married to any muslim woman willing to get married?. Easy way out don't you think?. Somehow, you decided to take this thing personal. I am telling you the facts walaal on the ground which you are forced to deal with in the future. You can't go into marriage currently thinking you can get away with what you want to get away with. How can you send money to your mom and not send money to her mom is the question. What I meant by "turn" is, You can convince your wife that this month the support goes to her family and the next yours based on your economy. Remember walaal, this is not a verdict I am giving but how I would solve the proplem of spending what I don't have. Don't we need to avoid crisis in the family?. You can't walk out of a relationship just becuase you can't do it. You have to stick in there as long as you can. Saying NO won't make marriage last long. My personal views TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:54 pm Stranger, I hope it is alright. I sent you email . islamnet_98@hotmail.com. I found your email address on your website. Is that email address correct? http://www.angelfire.com/hi/islamway/index.html
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:55 pm Blessed be the culture that encourages the support of islamically legal parent. Money shouldn't be our guide by which we decide how our lives should be run.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 04:59 pm FG guy, you still do not understand me. I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger. She is a Somali lady. She said she wouldn't expect her husband to support her family. She thinks to expect is not Islamic, but cultural. And I think she practices Islam. Again, what you are having difficult is this: LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA". Ask me if you do not know the meaning of that. My advice to you again is do not make the religion difficult for many young men like me.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:12 pm http://www.uh.edu/campus/msa/articles/marr-rel.html Islam has put great stress on the relationship of husband and wife. It has clearly laid down the respective rights and obligations to avoid confusion and complication in this regard. The role of husband normatively revolves round the principles that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honour and patience, to keep her honourably of free her from marital bond honourably, and to cause her no harm of grief (Quran, 2 : 229-32 and 4 : 19). The wife's position has been explained in the Quran by saying that- "Women have similar rights over men as men have over women." (2 : 228) The husband in Islamic law is under obligation to maintain her wife. Maintenance includes the wife's right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, care and well being. The wife has a right to enjoy all these things according to her status and according to capacity of her husband. In case of husband's recalcitrance to maintain wife, the law enforcement agencies are required to enforce maintenance. The majority of Muslim jurists also allows the wife the right to seek divorce in such a case. If she wishes so, the court must comply with her request and grant her the divorce. The wife has also the right to receive dower from the husband at the time or in consequence of marriage. The dower is a gift of husband to his wife. This symbolises an assurance of economic security from the husband towards wife. The amount can be big or small depending on mutual agreement and economic condition of the two parties. The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She should be attentive to the comfort and well being of her mate. The Quran mentions good wife as "comfort of eyes." (25 : 74) The husband has been stated by scholars as the head of the family in Islamic family system. It is the duty of all family members to obey him in lawful matters. However, Islam has enjoined on all Muslims to manage their affairs (which includes family affairs) by mutual consultation. However, in case of disagreement, the head of the family should be obeyed. The mutual relation of men and women in Islam is that of "friend" and not of master and servant. The Quran says, "Believers men & women are friends to one another (Wali), they enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish Salat, pay Zakat ,obey Allah & His Prophet" (9 : 71) This is the last verse of the Quran on man-woman relationship and it shows that duties of men and women are basically same. (Please also refer verses 30 : 21; 3 : 194; 2 : 187; 33 : 35) Islam has given the correct principles and instructions regarding rights and obligations of husband and wife. These principles, if obeyed in true spirit, would ensure better family and social life. A good Muslim husband is not chauvinistic or arrogant, or puffed-up with his own opinion of himself. He is also under authority, don't forget - the highest Authority of all. That Authority has commanded him to be humble, modest, gentle, kind and compassionate. It has not required him to go bumbling around issuing orders right, left and centre, the whole object of which might seem to be to get out of doing work himself, or to see all the activities of the members of his household centred around his own comforts and pleasures. Muslim husbands have the Blessed Prophet himself as their example, and they are expected to try to be like him; and to the extent that they succeed in being like him, do we find the respect issuing naturally from their Muslim wives. The more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is, and the more worthy of being her leader. Most men, when they first marry, have to learn how to take hold of that position of authority. They have usually not been in such a position before, but were merely young men in someone else's household. They may never have held the position of boss at work, or in the office, or in the factory. They may have little or no idea about `public relations' exercises and tactics, and so may well go blundering into terrible staff revolts, strikes and other difficulties and dissatisfactions. The new husband has to realise that when he has just been promoted to a position of `boss' of a household, he has to learn the skills, or he will encounter the same staff problems. Let us consider a few of them. First and foremost, I suppose, the `workers' like to see their boss being fair, honest and of sound judgment. These things are absolutely vital. The moment a boss is known to be unfair, incapable or dishonest he is in for big trouble. People will see nothing wrong in their own dishonesty, getting away with whatever they can. Honesty is the key. Without it, the rest of one's religion is worthless. How can a wife truly respect her husband (or vice versa), when she knows he lies, fakes illness, fiddles the tax returns, or even pinches things? `People make long prayers to Allah although their food is haram, their drink is haram, and their clothes are haram. How can their prayers be accepted?' (Hadith in Muslim and Tirmidhi) Imam al-Ghazali records: `When a certain man went out of his house, his wife and his daughter would say to him: "Beware of illegal earning, for we can endure hunger and hardship, but we cannot endure the Fire."' As for the incapable boss, once workers take the point of view that he is an idiot who is going to make a mess of things, they start looking out for themselves to make sure that they, at least, come out of it all right. Next, the boss must never exploit his workforce, or expect unreasonable things of them. Loyal workers will labour way over and above the call of duty for a manager who is decent, just, and gives them fair reward. Once they begin to feel exploited, trouble starts. The first thought is usually to consider if it is worthwhile financially continuing in such a job, if one is slaving away all hours for a pittance, and others are getting preferential treatment over you, and so on. `He who cheats us is not one of us.' (Muslim.) There are so many forms of exploitation in the workplace. And there are so many in marriage. The husband who is `out at work' from, say, nine to five, and then comes home and puts his feet up for the rest of the evening while his wife continues to work has forgotten something - she was also working nine to five, and very likely started long before that. This applies not only when the wife has a job outside the house, buf also when she is working in the house. Many men find this hard to grasp, for some reason. The simple way to prove it would be for the wife to leave him for a few weeks and let the household run down, as it would swiftly do; and then suggest that perhaps the husband should sort it out by hiring someone to come and take over the wife's jobs. As we have seen (page 22 above), it was not the Prophet's sunna to sit back and watch his wives getting exhausted in his service. The boss that really draws out loyalty from his staff is the one who shows his own self sacrifice. He is prepared to get his hands dirty. He will not ask anyone to do what he would not be prepared to do himself. `An employer should not ask a worker to do anything beyond his capacity. If that which the employer demands is necessary, then he himself should lend a helping hand to the worker,' (Bukhari) He will not sit behind the closed door with his feet on the desk, but will be a worker alongside the other workers (bearing in mind his rank and job differentials, of course). He will not exploit or abuse his staff, and - very important - he will pay them their due, justly and in good time. The Blessed Prophet was very clear on all this: `Give the worker his wage before his sweat dries.' (Ibn Maja.) Husbands usually understand all this as regards their place of employment, but many need to realise that the main worker within the family is the wife. She must never be taken for granted - for her payment is so often not money at all, but being noticed, appreciated, and loved. Due to his imperfection and selfishness, there are many times when the husband, while wanting very much to be respected as the head of the family, fails to show the needed consideration and love to his wife, and thus `shoots himself in the foot'. No matter how much a man may actually love his wife, if he doesn't show it, she will not feel loved. No matter how much he does appreciate her, if he doesn't show it, she will not ,feel appreciated. She may deduce from his attitude that the only things that matter to him are his own pleasure and satisfaction. `Among my followers the best of men are those who are best to their wives, and the best of women are those who are best to their husbands. To each of such women is set down a reward equivalent to the reward of a thousand martyrs. Among my followers, again, the best of women are those who assist their husbands in their work, and love them dearly for everything, save what is transgression of Allah's laws.' (Cited in Doi, Women in Sharia, 9) What else makes bosses unpopular with the workers? When they are domineering. To gain respect, a man has to show himself steady and strong and able to take decisions, but that does not mean that no one else is ever to be consulted, or that no one else's opinion counts, or that the wife's opinion should never be seriously considered because it doesn't happen to agree with the husband's, Of course, this does not mean that a husband has to put himself out all the time making himself a slave to his wife's wishes. A domineering wife is worse than a domineering husband! Moreover, wives do not usually appreciate a man who abuses his position of headship by leaving everything to her, and passing over to her all the decision making. When that happens, the wife soon begins to wonder what use the husband is, and whether she might not actually manage better without him. If the answer to the question, `What is your husband for?' is along the lines of `making a mess, creating chores and problems, filling up space, making you do things you don't want to do, and creating a lot of work you wouldn't have to do if he was not there', then sooner or later a woman is going to wonder why she is doing this - and the marriage is on the rocks. `Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more strength, and because they spend of their property. Therefore righteous women are the obedient, guarding in (the husband's) absence what God has guarded.' (Quran,4:34) The man has to show the protection, the maintenance, and the strength before he receives the obedience and the cooperation. Just because a man is head of the household does not mean that he is issuing commands at every hour of the day. Usually it simply means that when the two of them at times disagree, and a row threatens, he has a casting vote. The husband does not always have to give in to his wife's wishes; but he is a fool if he does not listen to her reasons why she wants a certain thing doing, or wants it doing a certain way. Good Muslim husbands and wives both realise that everyone is capable of making mistakes, of not being perfect, and both should consider each other's rights and requests with an open mind and humility. The Prophet (s) emphasised this time and time again. A modem Nigerian scholar remarks: `It is a fact, however, that sound administration within the domestic sphere is impossible without a unified policy. For this reason the Shariah requires a man, as head of the family, to consult with his family and then have the final say in decisions concerning it. In doing so, he must not abuse his prerogative to cause any injury to his wife. Any transgression of this principle involves for him the risk of losing the favour of Allah, because his wife is not his subordinate but she is, to use the words of the Prophet, the "queen of the house", and this is the position a true believer is expected to give his wife.' (Doi, Women in Sharia, 10) Even if the man has more responsibility than the woman and therefore has a `degree over her', this does not necessarily make him better than his wife. How can you tell if you are being a good husband? What does a good husband have to do? Well, he has to be a good provider, to the best of his ability. Islam is very keen on men earning, striving and supporting, and not depending on others. `What a man spends on his family is a Sadaqa, and a man will be rewarded even for the morsel that he raises to his wife's lips.' (Bukhari and Muslim) `He is not one of us who possesses money but keeps his family away from his wealth.' (Mustadrak) A celibate man once told a scholar: `God has given me a share in every good work', and he mentioned the Hajj, the Jihad, and so on. `How far you still remain,' replied the scholar, `from the work of the saints (abdal)', `And what is that? 'Legitimate earning and supporting a family.' (Ghazali) `Supporting a wife is not only a training and a discipline, but also a providing and a caring and a form of worship in its own right.' (Ghazali.) A man's wife and family have material needs, and things cost money. It is a poor husband who keeps his pay packet to himself, if the wife has no independent financial means of support. It is very galling for most women to be forced to ask their husbands for a bottle of scent, or new underwear, or new clothes for the children, let alone adequate finances to buy the food and pay the bills. Husbands should be alert to the cost of living, and make sure that the allowances they give their wives are reasonable. If the husband just hands over the barest minimum, and keeps everything else for his own pleasure, this is not fair. He can only do this by having a wife who is a slave worker, and not a wife! Once again, it would be a good exercise for him to work out how much it would cost him to replace his wife with hired help. Being a good provider also means that the husband should not waste his money, or fritter it away. Obviously a man cannot be blamed for being a poor man if it is not his fault; but he can be blamed for being idle, and greedy, and mean, and selfish. In the Western world, many wives are disappointed by husbands who waste their earnings on alcohol, gambling and `nights out with the boys'. Muslim husbands should obviously not do this, but if the husband innocently goes out three or four times a week to a hired sports centre, he should consider what he is allowing his wife for her relaxation, and whether his use of time and expenditure is fair. A wife who notices her husband spending all his time and money on things like indoor sports is not going to be very thrilled with him for long, as she sits at home alone darning the socks! Muslims should learn to live within their means, and this is often difficult for a new husband and wife. It is so easy to get into debt, especially in modern societies that encourage you to `live now, pay later'. Muslim couples should be awake to the fact that if they live foolishly and irresponsibly, they will indeed `pay later', and not just in cash! The true believers are `those who, when they spend, are neither prodigal nor miserly; and there is always a firm standing place between the two.' (Quran, 25:67.) At the same time, they must take care not to become materialistic. There are things which are more important than keeping up with the neighbours, and having all the latest expensive gadgetry and cars. Riches are a temptation and a snare. So many sayings of the Prophet (s) point this out: `Riches are sweet, and a source of blessing to those who acquire them by the way; but those who seek them out of greed are like people who eat but are never full.' (Bukhari) `It is not poverty which I fear for you; it is that you might begin to desire the world as others before you desired it, so that it destroys you as it destroyed them.' (Bukhari and Muslim) `The love of money is the source of all wickedness.' (Bayhaqi) `Richness does not consist in the abundance of worldly goods; richness is the richness of the soul.' (Muslim) No matter what wonderful possessions a materialistic way of life may bring, they can never compensate for the pain of seeing family relationships weaken and break down. What is the point of spending so much time at work in order to gain the physical things of life that you have no time or energy left for the spiritual things? And no time or energy to build up love and compassion and friendship in your household? It is up to the husband, as head of the house, to be alert to this and make sure he is doing his spiritual and loving duty. Yes, he should work hard to provide the physical needs of his household; but he should put his ultimate effort not into riches and material things which will pass away, but into the service of God through loving his wife and family, teaching them, and building up their spiritual lives together. `Nobody shall meet God with a sin greater than that of having left his family in ignorance.' (Imam Daylami) It is vital to realise that this means praying together often, which is actually one of the things so appreciated by Muslim wives who, with the decline of the extended family, so frequently have to pray alone. It is such a lovely thing to kneel behind the head of your house, your husband- imam, and worship with him from time to time. However, your husband- imam must also bear in mind the principles taught by the Blessed Prophet himself, who made his prayers fit the needs and necessities and hardships of the congregation behind him. `I standup to pray and I intend to pray at length; but when I hear the cry of a child I shorten it for fear that the mother might be distressed.' (Bukhari and Muslim) Prayer is not meant to be done out of duty or boredom, but out of love. The fiqh of Islam (carrying out the ritual details) is one aspect only; a no less important aspect is the inner dimension of faith, the tasawwuf, which brings spiritual insights and true devotion of the heart. If a husband is obsessed only with the fiqh (outward) aspect, whereas his wife is drawn more towards the tasawwuf (inner) dimension, then here is an opportunity for the devil to creep in between them; for there is a natural tendency for each side to think that their own preoccupation is the best. The tasawwuf worshipper will have a loving awareness of God's presence throughout the day, and as well as performing the basic obligations will pray in short (or long) bursts of great personal devotion. The worshipper limited only to the fiqh will regard it as beneficial to perform as correctly as possible, and earn merit, by increasing noncompulsory prayers and rak'as. But what Islam requires is that we combine the two. Both fiqh and tasawwuf are dangerous without each other: the inner form of the soul during the prayer and the outward arrangement of the body must be in harmony. The heart must prostate as well as the body. One fruit of this balanced spiritual activity will be that each spouse is able always to consider the hopes and faith of the other, and to be open hearted. One partner should not be so preoccupied with his or her own spiritual progress that they fail to show sincere concern for the other. If the husband does not give sufficient attention to his wife's spiritual needs, then in time she may no longer cherish the same goals that he does. If parents do not take enough personal interest in the spiritual growth of their children, they may find their hearts and minds being drawn away by the materialistic world which surrounds them. This will be almost inevitable unless they take the trouble to explain not only the `whats' but also the `whys' of Islam. Finally, it is very important for a boss to show respect and honour to his workforce. They are not slaves- they are living beings with their own hopes and feelings, fears and frustrations. This applies particularly to husbands honouring their wives in the sexual relationship, about which more will be said shortly. So much frigidity and lack of interest on the part of wives is caused by husbands who are ignorant of a woman's physical and emotional makeup. Some husbands are harsh and demanding, satisfy their own needs without considering those of their wives, demand sex when their wives are tired or feeling ill, or when they have earlier upset them and put them right out of the mood. They have not grasped the words of the Blessed Prophet who counseled men not to leap upon their women like animals, but to `send a messenger' first. He also used to say that a man who beat his wife like a slave during the day could hardly expect her to fall happily into his arms later that night. By a simple process of analogy, one must extend this hadith to those men who treat their women like slaves. The same applies: they will only gain disappointment and resentment, not love. Muslim men should obviously not look outside their own home for sexual enjoyment of any kind. If they did, that would certainly not be honouring their wives. The Prophet (s) wisely said on one occasion: `Whenever any one of you comes across an attractive woman, and his heart is inclined towards her, he should go straight to his wife and have sexual intercourse with her, so that he might keep himself away from evil thoughts.' (Muslim) The husband who honours his wife does not treat her as an inferior being. The Prophet (s) told men to feed their wives with the same sort of food as they received themselves (not obliging them to give them the best all the time, while the wife gets the leftovers!), and clothing them with the same sort of clothes - in other words, if the husband likes expensive and stylish things, he should not spend so much on himself that his wife is reduced to hunting around for cheap bargains and making do. The principle is fairness - yes, the husband may have earned the money, but the woman has made it possible for him, and she has rights over it. `You shall give her to eat when you take your food, and you shall clothe her when you clothe yourself.' (Hadith from Abu Daud) If the wife falls short of expectations, it is stupid to treat her harshly and make her life unpleasant. Try to improve matters by tact and gentleness and encouragement - as you would like others to do for you when you fall short. Don't start trying to run the kitchen or the household yourself, pushing her out of the way and making her feel embarrassed and small. Bosses who do that to their workers soon find their staff depressed and in revolt, and they usually walk out sooner or later. Far better to communicate, train gently, explain things, and make appreciative noises when things are going right. `Whichever man is patient with the bad character of his wife shall be given a reward like unto that which Job shall receive; and whichever woman is patient with the bad character of her husband shall be given the same reward as Asiya, the (saintly) wife of Pharoah.' (al-Ghazali) Love may be based on many things, but to be of true value it must go beyond mere human affection or mutual desire and be governed by what is for the highest good of the loved one. That kind of love can sometimes call for reproving or disciplining, just as a parent reproves or disciplines a much loved child. But in Islam it is important to be long suffering and kind. Even when a situation provokes you, and perhaps unfair accusations are being made, you must show restraint and generosity. Remember the saying: `The true Muslim is like the earth: everything foul is thrown upon it, but only what is beautiful grows from it.' True love is not impatient, or `picky'. It is not jealous or suspicious or possessive. Those things are signs of insecurity, fed by the imagination, and should be watched out for. It is so easy to see other people's faults and failings, and so hard to acknowledge them in ourselves; but if we are good Muslims we must make the attempt. As a hadith says, `Blessed is he who is so concerned by his own faults that he cannot see the faults of others.' (Daylami.) True love does not behave indecently or with vulgarity. A good husband or wife does not discuss the shortcomings or intimate skills of their spouse with others, which would be so hurtful if found out. Nobody likes being laughed at, especially for things which are personal and private. The Blessed Prophet said: `On the Day of Judgment, the lowest person in the sight of God will be the man who is intimate with his wife and then broadcasts her secrets.' (Hadith narrated by Muslim) And Imam al-Nawawi says: `Know that a husband should never discuss sexual matters with any of his wife's relatives.' This principle applies even after a divorce. Imam al-Ghazali tells a story about a pious man who wanted to divorce his wife, and was asked: `What have you against her?' He answered: `A man of understanding does not reveal his wife's secret.' After the divorce, he was asked why he had divorced her, but he merely said: `What business of mine is another man's wife?' The good husband comes home from work tired, but he does not forget his duties and his love for his family. He may not be in the least eager to chatter, and needs to take rest- but his wife may have been treasuring some detail to tell him all day; and whereas he may have been surrounded by adults to whom he could talk and enjoy conversation, she may have had no one to talk to but the baby, the cat and the curtains! Honour the rights of your wife, and be kind. And what about the children? If the father makes no time for them, and fails to teach them to respect their mother by his own attitude towards her and treatment of her, then sooner or later he will pay the price for it. Children need to see their parents' love and respect for each other, their united cooperation, and their willingness to help each other. Phrases like `wait until your father gets home.' and `Go ask your mother!' inevitably cast the person who has to do the disciplining, or has to say `no', in the role of villain. If there is to be family happiness, each parent should receive the child's love and respect. On no account should mother and father allow a child to pit one against the other - a skill they pick up very easily, sad to say! If children are expected to respect their parents, then the parents must live in such a way that they are deserving of respect, and provide a good example for the child to follow. Selfishness, bad temper, unreasonableness, laziness, dishonesty, abusiveness: these are all qualities swiftly picked up and copied by children. Earn respect by providing a peaceful and loving Muslim home, a good set of standards, a good and consistent example in your own conduct, sound training in manners and morals, and loving and gentle discipline when needed. Children learn about love by seeing it, and they learn to give love by receiving it. Love cannot be bought. Neglectful parents may shower gifts upon their spouses and children, but to try to buy love only cheapens it. It is not gifts but your time, your energy and your love that are needed - giving, helping, serving, sharing. Watch out for that big person-replacer, the TV screen. TV watching and computer games can become an addiction which replaces doing and living with merely seeing - and most of that seeing is pretty rubbishy, especially mass-produced children's programmes! It also replaces talking together and playing together. In some cases, it even replaces communication while eating together! One day, you might switch the screen off, and find out that your whole family has changed, grown old, and maybe fallen apart. Never underestimate the bonding value of the family meal. Sufyan al-Thawri said: `I have heard that God and His angels bless a family that eats together.' All human beings need some recognition, to be accepted and approved, to feel that they belong. To get those things, of course, the individual must bear in mind the whole group to which he or she belongs, and to feel valuable, they must contribute to it. Children must learn to take responsibility, to belong to and support the family, and eventually do things for themselves so that they will be able in due course to support their parents and set up families for themselves. Finally, the little `extra' touches can really lift up a humdrum relationship. The Blessed Prophet said: `Even to put a morsel of food into your wife's mouth is a sadaqa' (Bukhari and Muslim). This indicates the kind of tenderness which should exist in a Muslim marriage. The squeeze, the arm around the shoulder, the touch of the hand, the pinch on the cheek, the little gifts that show you have thought about your wife during the day - these are the messengers that really get the message across. `There is no woman who removes something to replace it in its proper place with a view to tidying her husband's house, but that Allah records it as a virtue for her. Nor is there a man who walks with his wife hand in hand, but that Allah sets it down as a virtue for him; and if he put his arm round her shoulder in love, his virtue is increased tenfold.' (Doi, Women in Sharia, 10) No husband or wife is ever perfect; but when a husband shows love and thought for his wife, and acts in accordance with the principles of Islam, he will surely earn not only her love and respect, but that of Allah Himself.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:33 pm Muslimbrother. I am not making it difficult for you. You are making it difficult for yourself. I already stressed that this issue is one facing all somali men. Besides walaal, if "strange" is destined to be your wife, no one can stand infront of it. Let me point out that I have no objection but be happy for you. Why would I mind?. Since you are so interested in the Quran to settle the dispute why not read these verses that talk about giving rather than keeping IF YOU CAN. You should seek your wealth with Akhira(hereafter). "28.77 "But seek, with the (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on thee, the Home of the Hereafter, nor forget thy portion in this world: but do thou good, as Allah has been good to thee, and seek not (occasions for) mischief in the land: for Allah loves not those who do mischief". You should spend in adversity as well as in prosperity. "3.134 Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah loves those who do good;-" "2.177 It is not righteousness that you turn your faces towards East or West; but it is righteousness- to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and give Zakat (regular charity); to fulfill the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the God fearing." Pay attention:"to spend of your substance, out of love for Him". In fact, islam is about caring for others while you care for yourself too. From Saxix Muslim: Book 5, Number 2178: Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying that Allah, the Most Blessed and High, said: O son of Adam, spend. I will spend on you. The right hand of Allah is full and overflowing and nothing would diminish it, by overspending day and night". Since your in laws will be part of your family how ABOUT THIS HADITH: Book 5, Number 2180: Thauban reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The most excellent dinar is one that a person spends on his family, and the dinar which he spends on his animal in Allah's path, and the dinar he spends on his companions in Allah's path. Abu Qilaba (one of the narrators) said: He (the narrator) started with family, and then Abu Qilaba said: Who is the person with greater reward than a person who spends on young members of his family (and thus) preserves (saves them from want) (and by virtue of which) Allah brings profit for them and makes them rich". Brother, listen to me very carefully. Somalis should understand that they shouldn't bother the husbands of their daughters and become demanding. However, the husband out of his will and for the love of Allah, should help if his wife's family is in need. How difficult is THAT?. Let us separate between demand and what YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO given that those people NEED YOU. All along, I am saying that I understand your proplem but you choose to ignore the point I am trying to convey to you. I can recline to my seat here and not get involved. I see though, that you are using a username attached to ISLAM. Islam is a helping religion. What about if One sees a MUSLIMBROTHER is complaing about helping others?. May be I understood you wrongly. That was my two cents saxib. BTW, I will make sure I learn what the verse you always quote means inshallah in further detail. In no way did I mean to hurt your feelings walaal. Let us all be careful what Impressions we give to the readers about those who practice islam. I apologize if I hurt your feelings walaal. Sorry walaalkiis. That is it for the night wasalamu caleykum.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:43 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuhu Insha-Allah, I am writing this so that my words are not taken out of proportion. In regards to the husband supporting the wife, I said: 1)I haven't came accross any fatwas mentioning this issue. My answer to this whole debate regarding supporting your wife's family is ALLAHU 'ALAM. However, I haven't heard any such thing as it being waajib to support one's in-laws. 2)Maybe its cultural and is common in Somalia (I never lived there, so I don't know; Correct me if I am wrong insha-Allah). <---- This is MY assumption... it doesn't mean that it is correct! 3)Personally, I wouldn't expect my husband to support my family, nor would I expect my brother to suppport his in-laws. If my husband or my brother wants to do it for the sake and pleasure of Allah, masha-Allah. <---- Nevertheless, that is me - one sister. You can't generalize from this. Nor can you generalize and say that all Somali women want their husbands to support their family. Personally, the majority of my family is not in Somalia; and the ones that are, are distant family members that I do not really know, since I never lived in Somali. But, for a sister who's family lives in Somalia, then her situation maybe different then my situation. Nevertheless, if you are able to support your wife's family, then yallah - go ahead. That would even strenghthen the bond b/w the two families - wallahu 'alam. But it is truly up to YOU. It is YOUR choice - wallahu 'alam. Once again, this is what I, ____ bint ____ said. It doesn't mean that it is correct! FG: Regarding "if strange is destined to be your wife" ....... huh?!?!? Is there something going on that I am not aware of?!?!??! Anonymous: Alf Jazakallahu khairan! Excellent article, mahsa-Allah. Ok... wa billahi Tawfeeq. Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh Your sister in Islam!
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:47 pm FG guy, admit that you do not know the meaning in "LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA" or you are ignoring it. I mentioned to you to ask me if you do not know. Can a person who does not have give, FG? Know that in Islam, no one will be held answerable for things he has no capacity to do. Know that one is only responsible for what he can do. Thus, LAAYAKALIFULAAHI ILAA WUSCAHAA. Again, you have to read what I'm writing to understand where I'm coming from before you give me situations that are culturally. Again, don't mix religion and culture together. If you do that you are making the religion difficult for many young men like me.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:01 pm Stranger, FG reached premature conclutions by saying <if strange is destined to be your wife>. He thinks when I said I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger, he thinks I want you to be my wife. What if I said I do not want any other woman, but a woman like my mother? Would he think I am destined my mother to my wife? Also, when I said you THINK to expect support from husband is not Islamic, but cultural. It is just what you THINK. It is like you said >Maybe its cultural< It is you assumption which is the same assumption I have.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:26 pm http://www.mukmin.com/channels/myfamily/pages/Dealingwith/Marriage/dewc2000073101.php3 SPOUSAL OBLIGATIONS The obligations of both husband and wife is that they must fullfill their respective amaanah or trust towards each other. A wife has a role of her own such as obedience, and the husband is to lead the family accordingly. The Qur'an states that: "Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those, to whom they are due" [An-Nisaa': 58] THE WIFE'S RIGHTS - THE HUSBAND'S OBLIGATIONS Maintenance The husband is responsible for the wife's maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim, non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as qawwaam (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly. The wife's maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife's lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence. If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husband's duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The Prophet SAW is reported to have said: "The best Muslim is one who is the best husband." Mahr The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. Mahr is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the bride's parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved. Non-material rights A husband is commanded by the law of Allah SWT to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The Prophet's SAW Last Sermon stresses kindness to women. ADVICE TO HUSBANDS I start my advice to couples by talking about World War II, The British military and the Egyptian desert! One of the most decisive battles of WWII was the battle of El Alamein which took place at El Alamein in Northern Egypt on the summer of 1942. It is well known that the Germans had occupied North Africa and advanced into Egypt (hoping to take control of the Suez Canal, then occupy the oil fields in Iraq and Iran, then attack the Soviet Union from the south, etc) The British were determined never to let any of that happen, so they summoned their best soldier, General Bernard Montgomery and mustered an enormous force to stop the German relentless advance. It was a big battle. The German dreams were shattered, the British won, and so many soldiers died and were buried in the desert of El Alamein. What concerns us here is not what happened next to the British or the Germans. What concerns us now is that after the war, the families of the soldiers who died in El Alamein came to visit their graves. Some of them left few words inscribed on the tombstones of their loved ones buried there. School children in Egypt (where I come from by the way) sometimes go on trips to the site of the battle of El Alamein and read the words written on the different tombstones. Among these are the words inscribed by a young English woman who came to visit her husband's grave. She wrote: "To the world, you were just a soldier. But to me, you were the whole world". By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world. The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says, "They are your garments and you are their garments" [Al-Baqarah: 187] Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments!. Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaska journey. The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of God. Only God Almighty in His infinite power, boundless mercy, and great wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact God is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Ar-Room: 21] However, the human heart is not a static entity, it is very dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, and nurtured. Therefore, I will now give couples a few tips on how to keep the tree growing. In our world , we live a hectic life surrounded by tight schedules and bombarded by deadlines. For couples, this means that you might not find enough time to spend together, alone, away from the endless work commitments. You must never allow this to happen. Try to periodically secure some time to do some special activities alone away from the rest of the world. Remember that our Prophet Muhammad SAW had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aishah (r.a.) She outstripped him but later after she had gained some weight, he outstripped her. Do go out with her regularly and frequently to do all sorts of activities, go to the mall, visit family and friends, go to the mosque, have picnics, etc. Remember that the Prophet SAW took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. Always keep some romance in your life. Modern life has almost transformed us into robots or high tech machines without emotions. Show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by God for any emotions you show to your wife. Jaabir Narrated that the Prophet SAW gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of God." [Mishkat] Little things mean a lot. Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet SAW used to extend his knee to his wife to help her ride her camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and God is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with God will always result in having more peace at home. Remember that the Prophet SAW gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet SAW even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face. Always try your best to be be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet SAW said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives." [Tirmizi] Love what she loves. It is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring. The best example in this regard is the Prophet SAW whose love to Khadijah (r.a.) his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send parts of it to Khadijah's (r.a.) friends and whenever he felt that the visitor on the door might be Khadijah's (r.a.) sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala". Love your wife and love what your wife loves not only until death but until you be together again in the next life inshaaAllah. By Sherif Mohammed http://www.mukmin.com/channels/myfamily/pages/Rel_Res/Spouse/index.php3
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:27 pm Assalaamu caleykum to All. Muslimbrother. I don't know is part of knowledge. AND I DON'T KNOW THE COMPLETE MEANING OF THE VERSE. ALLAH KNOWS BEST. May be tommorrow I can translate it for you either in english or in Somali. How is that?. I feel tranquility when I DON'T KNOW SOMETHING and can say that I don't know. If that is a weakness to you, IT IS MY STRENGTH. Stranger. The need of the support is one caused by famine, tribal wars, lack of government that provides jobs and security to the somali people for the last eleven years. Since some of somalis ended up in the west, we are in a better position financially. Both men and women are refugeess in the West. If a man and woman decide to get married in the legal manner of islam, still the need to continue the support exists except those whose parents reside within the western countries. How do a husband address the continuation of the support of his wife's family?. See, that is the point here. The demanding families have no support in islam. Shouldn't a husband support his wife's family if need be?. Or should he complain what he is paying for the sake of Allah anyway?. The wife is the closest person a man has. Closer to him than anybody. If A man can't leave upto the marriage standards, let him blame himslef but not the giving. The giving is Legal islamically. Did I say there was something going on between the two of you?. Or did I say if it was destined after Muslimbrother showed an interest and addressed the subject to me as well?. Like I was an obstacle?. Accept my apologies if my re-asurance to muslimbrother made you feel I was transgressing on you.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:37 pm Muslimbrother. I have lots of pages through the Intercom to do some work. I getta go and do some work here, and make some Money, lots of it so that I can support myself and those who are in need. I tell you, I will back to address your complaints later in the morning inshallah. Your mother is dignified to me. I am starting to see the true picture of yourself emerging slowly. Lets us hope that you don't do more damage to yourself than you already did.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:43 pm FG, when you get knowledge tomorrow, let me know if a person who does not have enough can give things, alright? If he can only spare the little money he as, which persons is he obligated to give first? Also, find out if one will be held answerable for the things he has no capacity to do. Also, find out in Islam if it true or not if one is only responsible for what he can do, alright? LAAYAKALIFULAAHU NAFSAN ILAA WUSCAHAA. 2:286
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:53 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu FG: As you said, it is part of knowledge to say "Allahu 'alam". May Allah reward you insha-allah <<The demanding families have no support in islam. Shouldn't a husband support his wife's family if need be?. Or should he complain what he is paying for the sake of Allah anyway?.>>> The husband should support his wife's family if need be - wallahu 'alam. Furthermore, if he is doing it for the sake of Allah, then he shouldn't complain! Nevertheless, you've read what I said in the above posts. Do you see my point? You apology is accepted. And please do forgive me for jumping to conclusions as well. Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Your sister in Islam!
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 07:55 pm FG, looks like you are also doing the grave-yard-shift hours as me. Are you married and if you are how many children do you have? How much money to you send to your in-laws? Does your wife work? Maybe you are not married since I see your name on Somalinet a lot. You said i have done some damage to myself. What do you mean by that or is it just some statement of yours that you think may make you feel good? Did you think you won anything?
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 08:02 pm Stranger, the imaginary husband (me) is not married yet. This imaginary husband (me) can only support future wife's family if has can. If he can not, he does not have to. if he can do it, he will only do it for the sake of Allah, not for the sake of the wife.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 08:30 pm Stranger, did you get the email I sent to you? Is this email address islamnet_98@hotmail.com that I retrieved from your website which you posted on here correct and yours? Please answer. Thanks.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 09:46 pm Brother MB. I can give you some info about me which will help ytou understand my frequent presence on the net; I work nights from 6:00pm-6:00am Wed, thur, fri, and "sat" in one week, and I start working 6:00pm thursday through the weekend in the other week of the month. I work 15 nights a week and I am off another fifteen. Since I work with computers and mechines, I have an access to check the websites I like. If I am not here I am reading these days my text books or surfing the islamic nets to learn more about islam. I also read newspapers around the world so that I must be informed in politics. We gotta keep UP with the new world order and their plans. I haven't heard complaint yet about me being on this net too many times lol. Am I causing trouble here for some people?. I send a lot of money back home and my account never got the chance to get fat with money saxib. I was student 1996-97-98 skipped two years and went back to school this year. That is because I am paying my school fees as well so I can't finish my education on time. Also this was my fifth year in US and haven't been to any other country as of yet. Walaal, there is real proplem that we have okey, I am aware of it, I wasn't ignoring. The thing is, let not those proplems spoil our piety. Money is nothing. I throw my arms up sometimes when I can't keep the bills. I call about three to six times a year the phone company to inform them a delay of my bills. You know how huge phone bills are when you have relatives back home. May Allah help those who are in need of a help. Allah is the one who truly can help somalis. I have yet to see any change that they want to undertake except few of us who are steadfast in their religion(moi not included). That is why we need stop this tribalism that caused the damage and screwed so much of our lives. Brother, May Allah help you find what you like. The proplem is we can't select our mates based on the qualifications we want them have. It is kinda luck that you get what you like. There is no perfection out there in people. We must accept the proplems sometimes to achieve our higher goals of practicing islam as we can. The fact that you work to earn a living IS A HUGE BONUS. Not everybody is like that. Consider yourself lucky brother. How about I take off sometime from the net?. It helps my homework and grades. I will be here the weekends when I don't have classes inshallah including fridays which I intentionally didn't register. I am kinda getting addicted as you pointed out. Wassalaamu caleykum. Forgive me saxib. I was inconsiderate sometimes in my messages.
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 10:55 pm FG, I send a lot of money back home too and I'm doing little saving for the future. I am glad that I finished school, though. I've four married sisters in the states and none of them help out. I am the only who sends money to our parents since they do not work. My father and mother never demanded money from my brothers in-law. Thank God that I'm here for them. I don't think it is fair or it's reasonable for me to support someone else's parents when I am struggling to support my own parents by myself sending $400 every month. Money comes and goes. You can not believe how many times I thought I saved what looked like BIG MONEY, but come to find out little later the money gone---family and emergencies. I believe the dua my parents send me is the things that keep me strong. I guess if I don't find a lady who does not expect from me to support her parents, I'll have to marry one who expects from me to support her parents, but I'll have to work lots of over time or I'll have to get a second job in order to help her parents. I guess some guys are luckier than me like the guys who are married to my sisters. They have a brother in-law (me) who makes easy for them.
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| | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 03:31 am MuslimB. Tell your family back home to initiate bussiness so that they become independent to some degree. It worked for a lot of guys I know. Instead of sending every month it is better to save and give them a bundle once so they can do bussiness. You might still need to contribute but at least sometimes you can quit sending. Have you ever tried that?. No one knows how long will the conditions of the somalis change for the better. Patience is the best way to handle the adversity and may Allah reward those who are patient in full. You don't give up hope on the future wife. Prayer is the best. And you might find whom you looking for. wassalaamu caleykum.
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| | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 05:06 am FG, you musunderstood me. I love sending money to my parents. As long as they are alive and I'm healthy, I'll continue to support my parents in wherever I'm and whatever situation I'm in. It is a must for me to support them even if they don't ask my help. I think sending money to them (besides keeping in touch with them) is what keeps me going and making me strong. I love to receive their duas. I'll never complain about what I do for them, but it is just not my obligation to support my future wife's parents, especailly when my income is not enough. I know I could have married many Somali ladies and lied to them by promising what I am not capable of at this moment and said I would send $300 to $400 dollors to their parents every month. However, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be up front with them and not lie to them. I'm not going to employ NAAG BEEN BAA LAGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA. The only contract in marriage I'm going to agree is to support her to the best of my ability, but I'm not going to promise to her that I'm going to send money to her parent every month. I'll be patience and wait until the right person comes along who will not expect from me to support her parents.
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| | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 05:52 am Assalamu alaicum, Assalamu alaicum, Muslimbrother, Walalo, FG said all and I think he is right in terms of religion and moralty. Allah knows best. About sending money, walalo, I think we should not taken grant for what we earn or have. And we should not think that those in needs would always be needy. The wordl have ups and downs and we should not take anything for grant. Your future parents ( inlaws) my not need you after a short time. what about if your wife goes out to work? rely allah and do not think that everything gonna be bad. Walalo, I came from somehow well-to-do family but now we are all living all over the world including Somalia. I have sisters and brothers who work hard and have good jobs but yet do not save any money. we keep sending money. and beleave me those we send them, do not appretiate, they keep telling us to do and if we do not, we also do that for the sake of allah. My parents used to suport these poeple and they live around them nowadays. . I think that is charity. Do not think that way as we never know what will happen tommorow. we walk we talk we eat by Allah's wishes. walalo, it is a bit strange the way you are thinking. I would anytime marry ( I am engaged now) a brother whose parents are in Somalia. NB I agree spending too much money on weddings when we cannot avoid. By Arawello
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| | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 06:08 am Arawello or Anonymous, FG did say a lot but he didn't say if a person who does not have must give things. Can someone who does not hav give? FG guy didn't say if one who can only spare the little money he has which persons is he obligated to give and which family does he not have to give. FG didn't find out if one will be held answerable for the things he has no capacity to do and if it true or not in islam if one is only responsible for what he can do. Since you agree with FG, can you explain to me those things, Arawello or Anonymous? Also, do you think it is good for me to lie and say to a lady that will support her family and send $300 dollors a month to her parents when I can not do that? Do you believe NAAG BEENBAA LAGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA? LAAYAKALIFULAAHU NAFSAN ILAA WUSCAHAA. 2:286
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| | Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 04:50 pm MuslimBrother, I haven't read all you guys posts but though it is true that Allah(swt) said :Laa Youkalif Allah nafsaan ila wiscaha"? Why on earth are you burdening urself. The ayah that you are using is ironically against your case...ie you are going after ladies whom you can't OFFORD to give what they are asking for. So, patience my brother. No one gets it all. People has to do compromising. If you can't afford a lady wanting a wedding that costs $30,000...i am pretty sure you will find one that agrees no penny should be spent! Look for those who you think you can reach a middle ground.
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| | Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 07:20 pm Idea, I see that you are making the same mistake people before you made for not reading what I wrote. You yourself said you have not read it, so let me help and show you what i wrote: How am i burdening myself when I said these: >I stopped marrying many prospective ladies just because they and their mothers/fathers wanted money from me< >I wish the ladies who are my type, the religious ladies, stop demanding too much money< >I will marry a lady like Stranger who wouldn't expect her husband to support her family.< >I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger.< >I will do whatever I can, but I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents. I do not believe NAAG BEENBAA LUGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA.< >The only contract in marriage I'm going to agree is to support her to the best of my ability, but I'm not going to promise to her that I'm going to send money to her parent every month. I'll be patience and wait until the right person comes along who will not expect from me to support her parents.<
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| | Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 07:24 pm Btw, Idea, since FG said you are single, are you available to communicate and will expect from your future husband to support/send money to your parents every month? Also, what does FG mean when he said you have one hell of a character?
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| | Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 09:23 pm Brother MB. I didn't wanna get involved in this subject again. I already put my two cents down in the earlier posts. I just need to address one of your comments since IDEA can't know what I meant. Also, I said I am not too sure of her singularity. So, don't take that for my word and ask her instead. I meant one hell of a character, a good character based on what I saw from her writings here. Nothing personal. In retrospect, I shouldn't have made that comment. I feel it wasn't right now since it might become a displeasure to IDEA or an infringement to her privacy rights. I am awfully sorry. I know idea just like I know a lot of people from here including you. Please, next time, either address me directly so I can talk to you whenever I check out here, or stop bothering others with FG said this or that. I can't be the subject of the debate. It is about money and marriages so let us keep to just that.
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| | Sunday, February 04, 2001 - 09:42 pm Muslim Brother, I am very disappointed in your stance. You may have a point that you are not required to support your wifes family (they key word is may). I am not sure but I shall ask the imam of our Mosque. It is very funny the manner in which you started the topic. “The ladies who are willing to get marry without too much money are the ones who are not my type. These ladies do not want from me to cough up too much money because they either work, not religious or they just have their families in the states who do not need to be supported. I wish the ladies who are my type, the religious ladies, stop demanding too much money from the guys who are willing to marry them” So dear brother, you have your answer in your original post. The sisters have their needs and are free to choose and ask. You are free to accept or reject their demands (prior to the wedding). The ball is in your court. Do not burden yourself with the sisters you cannot have. Idea, is correct. May Allah make it easy for you to find a good Muslim wife who has a rich family. The only problem is that they may not always remain rich and may at some point ask you for help. Akhi make sure you get the sister to sign a contract stating don’t ask me for money. This is very sad akhi. The Prophet once said, "Whoever has food enough for two persons, should take a third one (from among them), and whoever has food enough for four persons, should take a fifth or a sixth (or said something similar)." Abu Bakr brought three persons while the Prophet took ten…” (Bukhari). Akhi, It is better to get a second job than to let your in-laws starve to death. Please reconsider.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 03:03 am FG, I did not only take your word. I did ask Idea about her status before you volunteered to tell me about her charecter and what you thought was her status. I said to her >Are you available sister? If you are let's talk if you are not like these people.< Then, when you mentioned about her, I said to you >I think I can handle her if she is not like the ladies I know. What kind of charecter does she have? Isn't she good Muslima lady?< FG, As you can see, I addressed both of you. Do not get angry and do not be sorry. You and I didn't say anything bad about her. Anonymous (girl or guy), you are disoppointing yourself because you are also misreading my writing on the subject of marriage. There is nothing funny about the way I started the topic. This is how I started which is different than the way you put it. >Btw, speaking for reflections, i was just reflecting how it is difficult for me to get marry a nice lady. My biggest problem is the money the sisters and her family demand. I stopped marrying many prospective ladies just because they and their mothers/fathers wanted money from me. Since they know I have a good job, they think I have plenty of money in my bank account. I support my mother/father and siblings who are in Somalia. I can not support my future wife's family and I can not afford to spent $7000 to $10.000 dollars in weddings/meher together. I do not want to get marry lady who is not my type. The ladies who are willing to get marry without too much money are the ones who are not my type. These ladies do not want from me to cough up too much money because they either work, not religious or they just have their families in the states who do not need to be supported. I wish the ladies who are my type, the religious ladies, stop demanding too much money from the guys who are willing to marry them.< I'm not forcing any lady, but I'm free to choose and reject any lady. I'm not burdening myself, because I said >I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents< Looks like, you, Idea and others missed to read what I said. I'm not concern about if the family of the lady is rich or poor and what will be their status in the future. I'm concern about what I can and can not do for them right now. I do not know what is going to happen in the future and I'm not going to lie to her and promise what I do not know I can deliver. >The only contract in marriage I'm going to agree is to support her to the best of my ability, but I'm not going to promise to her that I'm going to send money to her parent every month> >I do not believe NAAG BEENBAA LUGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA.< I rather be >patience and wait until the right person comes along who will not expect from me to support her parents.< >I will do whatever I can, but I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents. I would tell her up front, I can do what I can do, but at the moment, I do not think I can afford to do what she is demanding.< Btw, Anonymous (guy or girl), let me know what your imam of your Mosque says about the subject, alright?
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 03:36 am Btw, Anonymous (girl or guy), I forgot to comment what you said the Prophet once said, "Whoever has food enough for two persons, should take a third one (from among them), and whoever has food enough for four persons, should take a fifth or a sixth (or said something similar)." Abu Bakr brought three persons while the Prophet took ten…” (Bukhari). Looks like to me, the reason you qouted what the Prophet said is that you think I'm refusing to help the needy. Like I said you and other refuse to read what I wrote. >If I can afford to send money, I would send in the name of Allah, not in the name of my wife. >If I can afford and ignore the needy people, I'm doing sin, but I said the money I make is not enough for three families. I can support my own parents and my home (wife and children), but I do not think I can send another $300 or $400 dollors a month to her family. Ladies who say if I do not do that, they will not marry me are wrong and if you agree with them, you are wrong. What you are advocating is not Islamic. This I know. Culture and Islam is different.< Anonymous (girl or guy), since others failed to address these questions I put to them, let me ask you about them: >Can someone who does not have give? If one who can only spare the little money he has, which persons is he obligated to give and which family does he not have to give? Will one be held answerable for the things he has no capacity to do? Is it true or not in islam if one is only responsible for what he can do? Do you think it is good for me to lie and say to a lady that I will support her family and send $300 dollors a month to her parents when I can not do that? Do you believe NAAG BEENBAA LAGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA?< LAAYAKALIFULAAHU NAFSAN ILAA WUSCAHAA. 2:286
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 04:36 am Muslimbr Waar iiman Lidi iska dhaafo.ama Somaliya Tag oo mid Ka soo Guurso......ama Nin noqo oo Lacag ha eegine Jacayl Eeg........weli Ma ka fekertay.....in beri Xanun kugu dhici Karo oo aanad qofnaba Caawin Karin? mase ka dhigi Kartaa Grantee inaad weliga Caawin Karto Waalidkaa iyo Xaaskaaga.....arsaqata Ilaah baa Hayeeee.....meesha Ha ka Cararin Xilkaaga...iyo Xidinimada...waa maxay sidani!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 04:39 am MuslimBrother, As the saying goes "Faaqit al-shay laa youctiheh" ie you can't offer what you don't have...how true. Then, wait and be patient till your right mate comes along. "inaa al-cajala meen al-shaydan". Brother, honestly you are not alone who is looking for the right person. You are looking for a person who is religious and "don't ask you too much money". And i am looking for a person who is religious and highly educated. What i do find is those with the education standards i am looking for,are not religious and vice versa. For me "money" is not an issue. And God Forbid, my family doesn't need any financial assistance from no one including me, alhamdulilaah. But if they do, i will offer them my LIFE if that is possible. I believe marriage is not just two people rather a union of two families. I am obliged to love, respect and help my "future husband's" family and i do expect from him the same. I will not bear seeing my husband not giving a hand of help to a member family from my side (if he can)as i WON'T ask my husband to do things which he can't offord. If a wife can't be loving and caring to her husband, who will be then? the next door neighbor!!!<smile> Regarding your question, yes brother i am single. And FG don't worry brother; there is no need for you to be sorry. I know you meant well. Jazzak Allah kul kheer.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 07:18 am Nin Yaaban, waxba ha yaabin ee aqri waxa aan qoray. >If I can afford to send money, I would send in the name of Allah, not in the name of my wife< >>Can someone who does not have give?< >"Faaqit al-shay laa youctiheh" ie you can't offer what you don't have< Xilkaaga ma aha haddii aan waxba haysan. Will one be held answerable for the things he has no capacity to do? Is it true or not in islam one is only responsible for what he can do? Idea, I agree. You can't offer what you don't have. I'm not going to ask my future wife to send money to parents every month even if she has money. On the other hand, If I have money, I will support her parents, but if I do not have money, I will not send her parents money.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 08:06 am Assalamu alaicum, Muslimbrother, The answer to your question is no.However, you should try your best not make it a big issue. try your best. if you have it you have if you do not have it you do not. I also think, you should marry someone who you think you could understand without looking her fanintial circumastanza. If you look for a woman that her parents do not need any finantial support. what could happen is that she can turned to be selfish person who thinks only for herself. REMEMEBER THIS; WE LIVE, EAT, TALK, WORK ETC FOR ALLAH'S WISHES. Good luck and take the chance it seems thee are some understanding sisters over there. Forgive me if I said something that may not be approprotaite. nB CALL ME aRAWELLO
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 08:49 am Muslimbrother You really have a lot of issues to deal with. Good luck man.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 09:09 am Muslimbrother, look for and marry an orphan! Then you don't have to worry about parents, and who knows maybe you will get an ajar for marrying an orphan. Problem solved. ps: name your first born son abdi-RIZZAKH
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 09:14 am LOL@sista Abdi Razakh! I'm on the floor laughing!!! Slave of the provider. It is a good name but the circumstance makes me crack up!!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 09:54 am Brother MB. I wasn't angry. Just wanted to make sure that I have no part in the interrogation proccess although I think IDEA is scared to DEATH. You might have scared other women too. "Sista" gave you the best advice so far. Search for an ORPHAN get double AJAR.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:05 am FG, lol..."scared to death" looooooooooool. To tell you the truth i was but i was scared that i might hurt muslimbrother's feelings. I am a very moody individual and only Allah knows what i might write sometimes. MuslimBrother, Walaahi, i will pray for you for the sake of Allah. And please don't be that pessimistic. Sista, lol...well truth has to be said. That is an alternative.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:16 am When someone speaks from his heart, however, wrong may sound to you. you should not be judgemental on him or her. A person may have some weekness but who is perfect. no-one. brothers and sisters may Allah help you be nice to each other.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:27 am Dissappointed sister. MB doesn't mind is my guess. If he complains I will apologize. Don't be disheartened so much. And thanks for the reminder that we should be nice to each other. Speaking of imperfections, some of them are really dead harmful. We should avoid them according to our best abilities and should not make them sound reasonable when they are not. When islam is involved espacially, we should admit our weaknesses if we can't change.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:31 am FG, Bro God bless you agree with you. It was the sist that was abit too hursh on him.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:32 am Idea. Sorry, can't acccept the temptations anymore. I already made a mistake. Let me do my lols in private.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 11:48 am disappointed sis, how was I harsh? I was being helpful by givng muslim brother options to consider! Intersting how you are disappointed about the notion of one marrying an orphan......Now I am disappointed in you!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 12:12 pm hey let me catch this train of thought for a min. Dear Muslim brother Hi saxiib how are you, lets talk for a while from an Islamic perspective wealth a loan from Allah (swt)is it not?...and Allah (swt) provide us only with what we can use, we do not own the rest of what we aqquire. For example if we live in a house with 57 rooms, yet we only use 15 of this rooms, Allah has provided us for only those 15 rooms. I think the concepts of ownership and wealth are different in Islam, therefore the concept of giving - be it to your wifes family or not is different. Indeed you should not be giving to your wifes family for the "sake of your wife", everything you do in life should be for the sake of Allah (swt) I think you are right but this.. includes money to your own blood relations. Yet lets not be crude. The wealth isn't ours, it is a loan, surely giving it out will not decrease the loan from Allah, and poverty will not come from it. Poverty will come from our bankrupt soul, if you think you can't afford to give something, then your are a poor person, and the one who is not generous denys him/herself first the pleasure of giving. This isn't purely a montary matter. You are looking at it from the wrong angle, this is a chance for you to do some good in this world create some beauty. Make your wife smile. give money to her family, what is the big deal, if she thinks you are a sucker for it (which i don't she would) what do you care, you and your lord know the truth and your soul is content, would you rather on jugdement day when your wife is asked whether you were kind to her, she says no? No one is making religion difficult for you but your self brother. try and understand that religion is not a tool for you to cultivate a envirnment for youself, nor a activity which puts you in the right vius a vis your future wife. I think before you look for a wife, you need to look at yourself, and search for a good soul, a pure soul, who would treat a wife well...don't look for a good women, look for the good man in you bring him out and make him shine...inshallah then finding a good wife will be easy Its about the choices you make, if you can afford a T.V you can afford to send the money to your wife family. i am not saying you have to do this, but at least recognise the choices you are making when you make them. Don't think in terms of i can't afford to do this, and if i had the money i would... the shaiten loves to tell us things like that. $20 dollars seems big at the masjid and small at the mall. Don't make your life the mall, while your wife is at the masjid. Your brother in Islam hey brother forgive me for the bad langauge , i am getting married too, so if you have any advice for me swing it my way...please don't be angry with me. ja zaku allahu kahir
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 01:07 pm Common (girl or guy), and the rest. I got confused reading your writing. It was gibberish. I didn't ask your advice or who to marry. You should have read what I wrote: >I would tell her up front, I can do what I can do, but at the moment, I do not think I can afford to do what she is demanding.< >>>Can someone who does not have give?<. >>I will do whatever I can, but I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents. I do not believe NAAG BEENBAA LUGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA.< >The only contract in marriage I'm going to agree is to support her to the best of my ability, but I'm not going to promise to her that I'm going to send money to her parent every month. I'll be patience and wait until the right person comes along who will not expect from me to support her parents.< >>I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents< Looks like, you, Idea and others missed to read what I said.< >>If I can afford and ignore the needy people, I'm doing sin, but I said the money I make is not enough for three families. I can support my own parents and my home (wife and children), but I do not think I can send another $300 or $400 dollors a month to her family. Ladies who say if I do not do that, they will not marry me are wrong and if you agree with them, you are wrong. What you are advocating is not Islamic. This I know. Culture and Islam is different.< >I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger.<
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 03:08 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Insha-Allah, you are all in an excellent state of health and emaan. I see that you guys are still at it eh. Subhanallah! MuslimBrother: Correct me if I am wrong insha-Allah. This is what I understood from everything that you have been saying. First of all, you do not see that it is waajib for you to support your wife's family - and that it is cultural. Secondly, you don't think that you are capable of supporting your wife's family at the moment, so you are searching for a sis in which you do not have to support her family. Lastly, if you had the means to, and your wife's family needed support, you would. Correct? If this is so, then why are we still at this? Why repeat the same thing over and over again? (I am not only talking to you bro, but to all in general.) Many have given him (i.e MuslimBrother) the advice to get married to a sister that he wont have to support her family. From my understanding, he already said that he was. Other's have given him the advice to be more generous. Again, from my understanding, he said that he can't afford that at the moment, but would if he could. So, as I said before, why are we still at this? I honestly think that there are more important things that need to be discussed, rather than repeating the same things over again. If I have offended anybody, then please do forgive me. My intention was not to offend anyone. Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh Your sister in Islam!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 03:23 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu I just thought that I would share a couple of ayahs that touched me while I was listening to the Qur'an, isnha-Allah. Yes, as you may have guessed, I am trying to change the topic  - I hope that you guys don't mind. Well, in any case, you can always continue anyway. Let us reflect on the following ayahs insha-Allah. It is in Surahtul-Qaaf, verses 16 - 35. Here is the translation (it sounds much better in arabic!): 16. And indeed We have created man, and we know what his ownself whispers to him. And We are nearner to him than his jugular vein (by our knowledge) 17. (Remember!) that the two Receivers (recording angels) receive (each human being after he or she has attained the age of puberty), one sitting on the right and one on the left (to note his or her actions) 18. Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it!). 19. And the stupor of death will come in truth: "This is what you have been avoiding!" 20. And the Trumpet will be blown, - that will be the Day whereof warning (had been given) (i.e. the Day of Resurrection). 21. And every person will come forth along with and (angel) to drive (him), and an (angel) to drive (him), and an (angel) to bear witness. 22. (It will be said to the sinners): "Indeed you were heedless of this, now we have removed your covering, and sharp is your sight this Day! 23. And his companion (angel) will say: "Here is (this Record) ready 24. (And it will be said): " Both of you throw (Order from Allah to the two angels) into Hell, every stubborn disbeliever (in the Oneness of Allah, in His Messengers etc.). 25. Hinderer of good, transgressor, doubter, 26. Who set up another ilah (god) with Allah, then (both of you) cast him in the severe torment." 27. His companion (Satan - devil) will say: "Our Lord! I did not push him to transgress, (in disbeleif, oppression, and evil deeds) but he was himself in error astray." 28. Allah wll say: "Dispute not in front of Me, I had already, in advance, sent you the threat. 29. The Sentence that comes from Me cannot be changed, and I am not unjust (to the least) to the slaves." 30. On the Day when We will say to the Hell: "Are you filled?" It will say: "Are there any more (to come)?" 31. And paradise will be brought near to the Muttaqun: not far off. 32. (It will be said): "This is what you were promised, - (it is) for those oft-returning (to Allah) in sincere repentance, and those who preserve their covenant with Allah) in sincere repentance, and those who preserve their covenant with Allah (by obeying Him in all that He has ordered, and worship none but Allah Alone, i.e. follow Allah's Religion, - Islamic Monotheism). 33. "Who feared the Most Beneficient (Allah) in the Ghaib (unseen): - (i.e. in this worldy life before seeing and meeting Him), and brought a heart turned in repentance (to Him), 34. "Enter you therein in peace and security; this is a Day of eternal life!" 35. There they will have all that they desire - and We have more (for them, i.e. a glance at All-Mighty, All-Majestic). Not one of us knows when our time will come - it maybe in a few years, tommorow, or in a couple of seconds. Let us be of the Muttaqun, insha-Allah, who enter therein in peace and security. This advice is to myself as well as you, the reader. For, (a) "Religion is sincere advice" (1) and, (b) It is one of YOUR rights upon me. Narrated Abu Hurairah (radiyallahu 'anhu) who said that Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said: The rights of a Muslim upon another Muslim are six. They asked, "What are they O messenger of Allah?" He said, "When he meets him he greets him with salaam, when he invites him he responds, when he asks for his sincere advice he sincerely advices him, when he sneezes and praises Allah he asks for Allah's mercy for him, when he is ill he visits him, and when he dies he accompanies him (i.e. his funeral)." (2) Time is short, shaitan's ways are many, so let us hold on tight to the Qur'an and Sunnah, so that we might one day, get a glance of the Most Beloved. Ibn Mas’ood (RA) said: "The messenger of Allah drew a line for us and then said: ‘This is the straight path of Allah.’ And he drew lines on the left and the right of it, and then said: ‘These are paths of which there is not one except that there is a devil upon it calling towards it.’ Then he recited the statement of Allah: ‘And verily, this is the straight path, so follow it, and do not follow (other) paths for they will separate you away from His path." (3) And what is that straight path... that of the Qur'an, and Sunnah. May Allah guide us all unto the straigt path and keep us on it... Ameen! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (1) [Saheeh Bukhaari] (2) [Saheeh Muslim] (3) [Saheeh Bukhaari] Fee Amanillah Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. Your sister in Islam!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 04:06 pm Salaama Aleiukum Hello Sister stranger Mashaa Allaah your doing great effort Walaal keep doing. second things is why don't you help our brother Muslimbro, he was looking for good sis like you. Helping your Allaah will grant you his merci so do something Walaalo.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 04:45 pm Salaama Aleikum My sisters if you don't help our brother may be Satan will lead him bad stuff may Allaah protect all off us.So do something Insha Allaah. PS: sis Arrawelo why you hire your name sister We miss you when you change Nick.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 04:46 pm Asalaamu Alaykum Br Ahmed Do you know Muslim Brother? If he is your cyber only your brother I suggest you don't recommend people you do not know. Marriage is a serious matter. I would say the same thing if you recommended me as well. Your actions are inappropriate brother. I do not know him, he may be good or even excellent but I do not know him and his state. So I will remain silent. Based on what he has said it seem like he would let his in-laws starve to death because its not wajib to support them! He has stated that if he was to support them, then he would have to get a second job. So get a second job and help you mother and father in law. Or at least let your wife work so she may help her family. You have two options open to you. 1) Let her work 2) get a second job! Allah will repay you back in full. If you keep talking like you are, even the sisters who do not want you to support their families will reject you. Seriously consider marrying an orphan.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 05:15 pm Salaama Aliekum Sis Anonymous my action was a good attention not as you called inappropriate I think you close to insult me. Second Walaalo knowing is not big thing ppl can me meet here Allaah knows what is inside but so far he doing great, he is trying to accomplish half of his Deen. Prophet said if someone with Deen and Good Manners comes to you marry for him (my translation).If sisters with strong faith sits around who wana build good Islamic environments and product those who will defend Islam Insha Allaahu.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 05:23 pm Stranger, you are correct in reading what I wrote, but many people are giving advice and others are telling me who to marry as if they are blind. Like the last Anonymous (girl or guy), he or she is saying is I'll intentionally starve my in-laws. He or she is either blind or has have not read what I wrote. >If I can afford and ignore the needy people, I'm doing sin, but I said the money I make is not enough for three families. I can support my own parents and my home (wife and children), but I do not think I can send another $300 or $400 dollars a month to her family> <I will do whatever I can, but I would not get marry to a lady who says to me I've to pay $300 or $200 a month to her parents. I do not believe NAAG BEENBAA LUGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA.> <I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger.<
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 06:09 pm Salaama Aleikum MuslimBro bro stop these odds your making All sisters run from you cool down don't talk about money.Guur is not money, I think you need consulting someone who already married. Guur is simple as our Prophet said many times, Make Iztikhaar that duaa insha Allaahu will guide you and leave these ladies from here.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 06:43 pm Ahmed Jama, I think you are agreeing with me when you said guur is not money. If the sisters are runing away a guur that which is not based on money, I don't need them. I'm confident that I'll get what I want and ask for Allah as long as I'm patient and wait what I want and as long as I avoid what I don't want, guur based money.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 06:55 pm 20 Questions for Evolutionists (atheists) Where has macro evolution ever been observed? What's the mechanism for getting new complexity such as new vital organs? How, for example, could a caterpillar evolve into a butterfly? Where are the billions of transitional fossils that should be there if your theory is right? Billions! Not a handful of questionable transitions. Why don't we see a reasonably smooth continuum among all living creatures, or in the fossil record, or both? Who are the evolutionary ancestors of the insects? The evolutionary tree that's in the textbook: where's its trunk and where are its branches? What evidence is there that information, such as that in DNA, could ever assemble itself? What about the 4000 books of coded information that are in a tiny part of each of your 100 trillion cells? If astronomers received an intelligent radio signal from some distant galaxy, most people would conclude that it came from an intelligent source. Why then doesn't the vast information sequence in the DNA molecule of just a bacteria also imply an intelligent source? How could organs as complicated as the eye or the ear or the brain of even a tiny bird ever come about by chance or natural processes? How could a bacterial motor evolve? If the solar system evolved, why do three planets spin backwards? Why do at least 6 moons revolve backwards? Why do we have comets if the solar system is billions of years old? Where did all the helium go? How did sexual reproduction evolve? If the big bang occurred, where did all the information around us and in us come from? Has an explosion ever produced order? Or as Sir Isaac Newton said, "Who wound up the clock?" Why do so many of the earth's ancient cultures have flood legends? Where did matter come from? What about space, time, energy, and even the laws of physics? How did the first living cell begin? That's a greater miracle than for a bacteria to evolve to a man. How did that first cell reproduce? Just before life appeared, did the atmosphere have oxygen or did it not have oxygen? Why aren't meteorites found in supposedly old rocks? If it takes intelligence to make an arrowhead, why doesn't it take vastly more intelligence to create a human? Do you really believe that hydrogen will turn into people if you wait long enough? Which came first, DNA or the proteins needed by DNA--which can only be produced by DNA? Can you name one reasonable hypothesis on how the moon got there--any hypothesis that is consistent with all the data? Why aren't students told the scientific reasons for rejecting all the evolutionary theories for the moon's origin? Why won't qualified evolutionists enter into a written, scientific debate ? Would you like to explain the origin of any of the following twenty-one features of the earth: The Grand Canyon and Other Canyons Mid-Oceanic Ridge Continental Shelves and Slopes Ocean Trenches Seamounts and Tablemounts Earthquakes Magnetic Variations on the Ocean Floor Submarine Canyons Coal and Oil Formations Glaciers and the Ice Ages Frozen Mammoths Major Mountain Ranges Overthrusts Volcanoes and Lava Geothermal Heat Metamorphic Rock Strata Plateaus Salt Domes Jigsaw Fit of the Continents Fossil Graveyards If so, I will point out some obvious problems with your explanation and refer you to 77 pages that explain them all as a result of a global flood.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 07:01 pm Accurate definitions are difficult to come by. When one hears the word "humanism," several different ideas may come to mind. For example, Mr. Webster would define humanism something like this: "any system or mode of thought or action in which human interests, values, or dignity predominate."[1] Others may think of a liberal arts education. Both of these are well and good, but what we are seeking is a definition of the worldview known as Secular Humanism. First, Secular Humanism is a worldview. That is, it is a set of beliefs through which one interprets all of reality - something like a pair of glasses. Second, Secular Humanism is a religious worldview.[2] Do not let the word "secular" mislead you. The Humanists themselves would agree that they adhere to a religious worldview. According to the Humanist Manifestos I & II: Humanism is "a philosophical, religious, and moral point of view."[3] Not all humanists, though, want to be identified as "religious," because they understand that religion is (supposedly) not allowed in American public education. To identify Secular Humanism as a religion would eliminate the Humanists' main vehicle for the propagation of their faith. And it is a faith, by their own admission. The Humanist Manifestos declare: "These affirmations [in the Manifestos] are not a final credo or dogma but an expression of a living and growing faith."[4] What are the basic beliefs of Secular Humanism? What do Secular Humanists believe? Theologically, Secular Humanists are atheists. Humanist Paul Kurtz, publisher of Prometheus Books and editor of Free Inquiry magazine, says that "Humanism cannot in any fair sense of the word apply to one who still believes in God as the source and creator of the universe."[5] Corliss Lamont agrees, saying that "Humanism contends that instead of the gods creating the cosmos, the cosmos, in the individualized form of human beings giving rein to their imagination, created the gods."[6] Philosophically, Secular Humanists are naturalists. That is, they believe that nature is all that exists - the material world is all that exists. There is no God, no spiritual dimension, no afterlife. Carl Sagan said it best in the introduction to his Cosmos series: "The universe is all that is or ever was or ever will be."[7] Roy Wood Sellars concurs. "Humanism is naturalistic," he says, "and rejects the supernaturalistic stance with its postulated Creator-God and cosmic Ruler."[8] Secular Humanist beliefs in the area of biology are closely tied to both their atheistic theology and their naturalist philosophy. If there is no supernatural, then life, including human life, must be the result of a purely natural phenomenon. Hence, Secular Humanists must believe in evolution. Julian Huxley, for example, insists that "man ... his body, his mind and his soul were not supernaturally created but are all products of evolution."[9] Sagan, Lamont, Sellars, Kurtz - all Secular Humanists are in agreement on this. Atheism leads most Secular Humanists to adopt ethical relativism - the belief that no absolute moral code exists, and therefore man must adjust his ethical standards in each situation according to his own judgment.[10] If God does not exist, then He cannot establish an absolute moral code. Humanist Max Hocutt says that human beings "may, and do, make up their own rules... Morality is not discovered; it is made."[11] Secular Humanism, then, can be defined as a religious worldview based on atheism, naturalism, evolution, and ethical relativism. But this definition is merely the tip of the iceberg. A more complete discussion of the Secular Humanist worldview can be found in David Noebel's Understanding the Times, which discusses (in detail) humanism's approach to each of ten disciplines: theology, philosophy, ethics, biology, psychology, sociology, law, politics, economics and history.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 07:10 pm "I have seen anti-creationists claim that all true scientists support Evolution, and that those who support Creation are not really scientists and that their credentials are less than legitimate. Is this true?" -Frank It is true that during the 20th century, many scientists accepted Evolutionism, in part or in whole. As secular science writer Richard Milton recently observed: "An important factor in bringing about the universal dominance and acceptance of Darwinian evolution has been that virtually every eminent professional scientist appointed to posts in the life sciences in the last 40 or 50 years, in the English-speaking world, has been a convinced Darwinist. ...These men, as well as occupying powerful and important academic teaching positions, were also prolific and important writers whose influence has been widespread in forming the consensus." 1 These names include such men as Gavin de Beer, Julian Huxley, J.B.S. Haldane, C.H. Waddington, Ernst Mayr, Theodosius Dobzhansky and George Simpson. Despite strong pressure to accept evolutionism, many intelligent and experienced scientists either openly or secretly dismiss Evolution as highly unlikely or impossible. In the 1980s, researcher and lecturer David Watson noted an increasing trend that continues today, disturbing those who want evolutionism to be perceived as the accepted scientific consensus: "...A tidal wave of new books... threaten to shatter that confidence - titles like Darwin Retried (1971), Macbeth; The Neck of the Giraffe: Where Darwin Went Wrong (1982), Hitching; The Great Evolution Mystery (1983), Taylor; The Bone Peddlers: Selling Evolution (1984), Fix; Darwin Was Wrong - A Study in Probabilities (1984), Cohen; Darwinism: The Refutation of a Myth (1987), Lovtrup; and Adam and Evolution (1984), Pitman. Not one of these books was written from a Christian-apologetic point of view: they are concerned only with scientific truth - as was Sir Ernst Chain when he called evolution 'a fairy tale'." 2 As Science Digest reported: "Scientists who utterly reject Evolution may be one of our fastest-growing controversial minorities... Many of the scientists supporting this position hold impressive credentials in science." 3 One example is the late Dr. Arthur E. Wilder-Smith, an honored scientist with an amazing three earned doctorates. He held many distinguished positions. 4 A former Evolutionist, Dr. Wilder-Smith debated various leading scientists on the subject throughout the world. In his opinion, the Evolution model did not fit as well with the established facts of science as did the Creation model of intelligent design. "The Evolutionary model says that it is not necessary to assume the existence of anything, besides matter and energy, to produce life. That proposition is unscientific. We know perfectly well that if you leave matter to itself, it does not organize itself - in spite of all the efforts in recent years to prove that it does." 5 Secular researcher Richard Milton summarized the current world situation: "Darwinism has never had much appeal for science outside of the English-speaking world, and has never appealed much to the American public (although popular with the U.S. scientific establishment in the past). However, its ascendancy in science, in both Britain and America, has been waning for several decades as its grip has weakened in successive areas: geology; paleontology; embryology; comparative anatomy. Now even geneticists are beginning to have doubts. It is only in mainstream molecular biology and zoology that Darwinism retains serious enthusiastic supporters. As growing numbers of scientists begin to drift away from neo-Darwinist ideas, the revision of Darwinism at the public level is long overdue, and is a process that I believe has already started." 6 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Partial list of Creationist scientists (past and present) 600+ voting scientists of the Creation Research Society (voting membership requires at least an earned master's degree in a recognized area of science). 150 Ph.D. scientists and 300 other scientists with masters degrees in science or engineering are members of the Korea Association of Creation Research. The President of KACR is the distinguished scientist and Professor Young-Gil Kim of the Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology. Ph.D. in Materials Science, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute / highly distinguished / inventor of various important high-tech alloys. (Note: The following list is very incomplete. Inclusion of any person on this list is in no way an endorsement, nor does it necessarily indicate anything about their religious beliefs.) Gerald E. Aardsma (physicist and radiocarbon dating) Louis Agassiz (helped develop the study of glacial geology and of ichthyology) Alexander Arndt (analytical chemist, etc.) [more info] Steven A. Austin (geologist and coal formation expert) [more info] Charles Babbage (helped develop science of computers / developed actuarial tables and the calculating machine) Francis Bacon (developed the Scientific Method) Thomas G. Barnes (physicist) [more info] Robert Boyle (helped develop sciences of chemistry and gas dynamics) Wernher von Braun (pioneer of rocketry and space exploration) David Brewster (helped develop science of optical mineralogy) Arthur V. Chadwick (geologist) [more info] Melvin Alonzo Cook (physical chemist, Nobel Prize nominee) [more info] Georges Cuvier (helped develop sciences of comparative anatomy and vertebrate paleontology) Humphry Davy (helped develop science of thermokinetics) Donald B. DeYoung (physicist, specializing in solid-state, nuclear science and astronomy) [more info] Henri Fabre (helped develop science of insect entomology) Michael Faraday (helped develop science of electromagnetics / developed the Field Theory / invented the electric generator) Danny R. Faulkner (astronomer) [more info] Ambrose Fleming (helped develop science of electronics / invented thermionic valve) Robert V. Gentry (physicist and chemist) [more info] Duane T. Gish (biochemist) [more info] John Grebe (chemist) [more info] Joseph Henry (invented the electric motor and the galvanometer / discovered self-induction) William Herschel (helped develop science of galactic astronomy / discovered double stars / developed the Global Star Catalog) George F. Howe (botanist) [more info] D. Russell Humphreys (award-winning physicist) [more info] James P. Joule (developed reversible thermodynamics) Johann Kepler (helped develop science of physical astronomy / developed the Ephemeris Tables) John W. Klotz (geneticist and biologist) [more info] Leonid Korochkin (geneticist) [more info] Lane P. Lester (geneticist and biologist) [more info] Carolus Linnaeus (helped develop sciences of taxonomy and systematic biology / developed the Classification System) Joseph Lister (helped develop science of antiseptic surgery) Frank L. Marsh (biologist) [more info] Matthew Maury (helped develop science of oceanography/hydrography) James Clerk Maxwell (helped develop the science of electrodynamics) Gregor Mendel (founded the modern science of genetics) Samuel F. B. Morse (invented the telegraph) Isaac Newton (helped develop science of dynamics and the discipline of calculus / father of the Law of Gravity / invented the reflecting telescope) Gary E. Parker (biologist and paleontologist) [more info] Blaise Pascal (helped develop science of hydrostatics / invented the barometer) Louis Pasteur (helped develop science of bacteriology / discovered the Law of Biogenesis / invented fermentation control / developed vaccinations and immunizations) William Ramsay (helped develop the science of isotopic chemistry / discovered inert gases) John Ray (helped develop science of biology and natural science) Lord Rayleigh (helped develop science of dimensional analysis) Bernhard Riemann (helped develop non-Euclidean geometry) James Simpson (helped develop the field of gynecology / developed the use of chloroform) Nicholas Steno (helped develop the science of stratigraphy) George Stokes (helped develop science of fluid mechanics) Charles B. Thaxton (chemist) [more info] William Thompson (Lord Kelvin) (helped develop sciences of thermodynamics and energetics / invented the Absolute Temperature Scale / developed the Trans-Atlantic Cable) Larry Vardiman (astrophysicist and geophysicist) [more info] Leonardo da Vinci (helped develop science of hydraulics) Rudolf Virchow (helped develop science of pathology) A.J. (Monty) White (chemist) [more info] A.E. Wilder-Smith (chemist and pharmacology expert) [more info] John Woodward (helped develop the science of paleontology) A more thorough list of current (and past) Creationist scientists is not provided for two reasons: (1) A complete list would be extremely lengthy, and (2) Some scientists would rather not have their name made public due to justified fear of job discrimination and persecution in today's atmosphere of limited academic freedom in Evolutionist-controlled institutions.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 07:05 am Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Insha-Allah you are all in excellent health and moreover emaan... Ameen! This post is in regards to the following insha-Allah: - Stranger, I'll try my best to find that special lady. But you said you are not married. Is it possible that we can communicate? Do you have a wali? I live in Florida. Where do you live? (MuslimBrother) - I don't need to get marry any other woman, but woman like sister Stranger. (MuslimBrother) - why don't you help our brother Muslimbro, he was looking for good sis like you. Helping your Allaah will grant you his merci so do something Walaalo. (Ahmed Jama) - My sisters if you don't help our brother may be Satan will lead him bad stuff may Allaah protect all off us. So do something Insha Allaah. (Ahmed Jama) First and foremost, I want to say barakallahu feekum. Indeed, marriage is part of the sunnah, and is regarded in high esteem in this beatutiful deen of ours. The prophet himself said: When a servant of Allaah marries, he has completed half of his religious obligations and he must fear Allah in order to complete the second half." (Collected by Al-Bayhaqee and authenticated by Albaani) Ibn Masud reported that the prophet (saw) said: "O gathering of young men! Whoever among you has the means and ability to get married should do so, and he who is unable should fast for verily it is a guard for him" (Saheeh Bukhaari) Once again, barakallahu feekum for wanting to establish the sunnah. May Allah shower you with His blessings and peace... ameen! Marriage is a serious commitment that one makes. Consequently, it is vital that we examine our to-be, since they are going to be the father/mother of our children, and insha-Allah, by the mercy of Allah, will be living together for the rest of our lives. In this regard, I personally am extremely picky when it comes to marriage... especially in terms of the persons deen and adhaab. In respect with myself, yes I do have a wali. Nevertheless, I don't think I am that "special sister". Once again, may Allah (swt) make your quest in searching for your desired wife easy for you... ameen! Ahmed: Insha-Allah, if MuslimBrother is strong in his faith, then the shaytaan will not lead him to do "bad stuff". My sincere and honest suggestion would be that that Allah has prescribed. To guard your own chastity and modesty: 1) Fast (from the hadeeth mentioned above), and 2) Lower your gaze [Surat an-Nur (24): verse 30 -31] If I have offended anyone, then please forgive me, I did not intend it. If I didn't, then alhamdullilah. Fee Amanillah Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu Your sister in Islam!
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 08:04 am Stranger, thanks for the dua you sent me. Unlike others, you do not ignore what is written. You always address the point. I'm glad you told me that you have a wali. Since you didn't respond to the email I sent you and didn't tell me if you have received it or not, can I communicate with your wali? He will tell you where I'm coming from. He will find out for you more of my intentions in marraige, especially my adhaab and deen. Is this email address of yours correct islamnet_98@hotmail.com? Are you in the states?
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 11:02 am Muslimbrother. Why not say what you want to say to the sister in private?. Islam doesn't teach that we bother people no matter how good is our intention. You must also know that you can't talk in here what goes in private between you and someone else. Haddaadadan jawaab helin garo macnaha.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 11:55 am Anonymous (girl or guy), I did say something to the sister in private when I sent email to the email address on her website. I told her that I sent email to her and I didn't tell what I said to her to anyone else on here. I asked her if she received the email or not and if that was her email address or not. I didn't know asking questions like that bothered people. So far jawaabaha ayaan ka heley gabadha. Waxa ay ii sheegtey in ay wali leedahey. She told me (not in private, but in public) that she is not "special sister", but >extremely picky<. If she was bothered, she would not have answered my questions. . How do you know it bothered her? Anonymous (girl or guy), read what is written on here before you suspect things.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 12:27 pm Sister Stranger, it's it strange that some people are asking you to help muslimbrother and others think he is bothering you? MuslimBrother himself thinks you are his type. And you say you are not a "special sister" !!
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 12:57 pm Kamal, you are right. Stranger appears to be my type. I asked her to communicate with me via email since she thinks speaking on the phone requires with the knowledge of her wali. Then, I asked her if I can communicate with her wali so he will tell her where I'm coming from. I also asked before if phone conversation is not permissible, how about email conversation? What does the fatwa say about forum communcation or chat rooms? Btw, I have AOL Instant Messenger. My AOL Instant Messenger nick name is >yunis31<
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 02:37 pm Salaama Aliekum Muslimbro Keep Pushing Insha Allaahu you will reach your goal. Strange How is Toronto did you go weekends Khalidmosque I hear lot Dawa is going there I mean Dawa Salafiya.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 02:39 pm Salama Aleikumn I try to reach you but your Messeger is not working recheck please yusis31
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 03:15 pm Salaama Aliekum, MuslimBrother your either just plain dumb or are suffering from a disease I call illiteracy! The girl repeated many times and bluntly might I adds she said that she is not interested in marriage!"In this regard, I personally am extremely picky when it comes to marriage... especially in terms of the persons deen and adhaab. In respect with myself, yes I do have a wali. Nevertheless, I do not think I am that "special sister". Once again, may Allah (swt) make your quest in searching for your desired wife easy for you... ameen!" I don't know what planet you happen to be from but were i'm from that spells out something I call R E J E C T I ON! Cheer up though I am sure there are plenty of other sister's willing to seek your marriage proposal but stranger is not one of them. Stranger was just trying to give you a helping hand not her hand! Do not think I am pessimistic or anything I just like being honest I do not sugar coat things for anybody. Inshallah we all will some day will find that special someone...but the road there will not be easy. I guess the sisters happen to be pickier when it comes to those types of sensitive issues then their male counter parts. Anyway, that is my two cents. Peace out
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 03:19 pm I hope you have a good sense of humor. I was just joking about the stupid part. But I hope you get the point I was trying to get across.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 04:19 pm Salaama Aleikum Sister GhettoGirl I have seen what you wrote lot you always insult ppl without knowing what is the situation is. You have started from sis Lady Jane and Now to Muslimbro so I advice you open heart carefully before you write. The Prothet Said(Kamlimatul Dayaba Sadaqa)
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 05:07 pm GhettoGirl, I'm not dumb nor illiterate. You misread what you misread. I also didn't propose to Stranger. I ask if it is possible to communicate. If some guy asks you if he can communicate with you, do you think he proposed marriage? I do not know Stranger, so how can I ask her hand? Other had problem not reading things, but unlike others, your problem is that you read too much into what people said which is making you insult people. Insulting people is never a joke. Ahmed Jama, it is not yusis31, it is yunis31.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 05:21 pm Please answer this if you know. If phone conversation is not permissible with the opposite sex, unless permission is taken from wali, how about email conversation? What does the fatwa say about forum communication or chat rooms between the opposite sex also? Does a girl need permission from wali?
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 06:42 pm Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh I hope that everyone here is in excellent health and emaan. MuslimBrother: Yakhi.... in regards to the above questions.. allahu 'alam. If you want... you can check the following sites for info on that insha-Allah. http://www.fatwa-online.com http://www.islam-qa.com http://www.al-manhaj.com Nevertheles, let us just remember this, "Inna a'malu biniyaat... (Verily, actions are judged by intentions)" No, I did not get your email, and yes, that is my site's email. However, I would appreciate you not emailing me insha-Allah, wa jazakallahu khairan. Ghetto girl and anonymous were right. I thought by ignoring this whole issue, you would get the point. Then, by my last post, I thought you would finally get the point. However, it seems that you haven't got the point yet. I guess I have to be straight up then (in which I was trying to avoid). Brother, as good as you are, I don't want you contacting my wali, nor do I want to engage in any conversation with you with the intention of marriage, or otherwise. Lastly, take FG's point in terms of the "profile", that is a BIGGY. I am not saying that I am an angel or anything, nor that I am better than you. Allah knows best what and who I am, and I ask Allah, the Most High, to forgive me for that that people do not know about me, and increase me in piety. I did not mean to offend you in anyway.. but bro.. I tried to make it as nice as possible (well, I didn't put a cherry on top)! Sorry, and please forgive me if I have offended you. Ahmed Jama: Toronto is the same old same old. Yes, I do go to Khalid on the weekend, walhamdullilah. They have excellent classes going on there - May ALlah reward them for their efforts.. Ameen! In regards to you signing my guestbook, read my reply insha-Allah. Ok... got to get back to my assignment that's due tomorrow... Fee amanillah, Wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh Your sister in Islam.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 07:44 pm Stranger, when I ask questions about ladies or I approach them or I ask permission to talk them, I know that I'm not going to offended when or if their answer is negative. You were not the only one I asked questions about her. >Idea, thank you. Are you available sister? If you are let's talk if you are not like these people.< So, Stranger, don't think you offended me in any way. There was no reason for you not to be straight up with me and there was no reason for you to avoid the answer for fear of offending me. I'm not afraid of rejection of any kind. I've gotten many of those and I've done rejection also. If I was going to get offended, I would not have asked the questions.
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 08:07 pm MuslimBrother, I have to give it you, man! You're a cool camper. You are consistant in your language, your response and your reaction to things and what others write and think about you. Even when people insult you, you handle them pretty good by showing them them what they are missing. As AhmadJama said, "Muslimbro Keep Pushing Insha Allaahu you will reach your goal.".
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| | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 09:03 pm IK and Ahmed Jama, I'll do what I will do as long as my goal or my intention is not to hurt people. However, people can react to things I say in a negative way or in affirmative way. It is not my desire to bother or hurt them. I ask questions which needs answers. When I ask questions, I don't worry about the answers I'm seeking and people should not worry about me. You are right in one thing. I'm consistent in what I say. I'm cogent in my language, but I know I've done something that has aroused anger and resentment in people here by asking questions and bringing up what people go through in marriages. If people misunderstand me, my job is to correct them and show them how things really are. I express my ideas persuasively in a way that calls evidence, what the record says, what is in the record. My job is not to insult back. People let their mind play over some of the things I say, which makes them react in a particular thing I say, but I realize their disinclination to the whole picture. This makes them confused which makes them unfriendly. When people react to things in certain way and see things as they are not and resort to insults or when they are not straight forward with me, they are causing themselves problems, not to me.
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 04:39 am Dear Muslim Brother Salaam Seeing as you confuse concern and tentative advice as confusion, i will blunt. It not that anyone is suggesting that you pay a fixed amount to any future wife,which was purely a hypothetical issue which you created Its your attitude that appears degenerate not your wallet, do you now see the point? The issue is not money it is your attitude.It doesn't matter what you can afford, or can't, by saying that have no obligation to help anyone, you are spellling out your view on that subject which would be unlikely to change even if there was a change in circumstances No one is confusing Islam and culture here. Yes somalis make a big deal of weddings and the like for economic motives, but why is this your sole area of concern? Do you challenge the fact that many somali men beat their wifes?. Do you challenge the fact that some somali girls are not given education. I think it is riddiculous when you turn around and say "don't make religion hard for men like me" you think you have it bad? Instead no one said this,...we all said rather...looking for a wife in terms of her postion on how receptive she will be to your machaveillan plans your future inlaws may perhaps not be the best aims for your goal. So what if you do not have an obligation to them, why can't you do it anyway? surely your prayer your life and your sacrifice is for your Lord. Your i would if i could blanket doesn't hold water if you never can.. and seeing as you decide whther you can or not...the catch 22 is your little nest egg. You caught up in this idea that you are a persecuted little man held to ransom by the somali community . If you work on your skills, then a sister will wanna marry you regardless put up with the family requests... or stay single, sadly you will probably resent your future wife either way and turn into the usual oppresive little muslim brother who is a supermuslim when he steps outside the hosue, and casues pain inside it. You probably will never even get close to recognising how your wife feels, what she is worried about and what makes her laugh and smile....but all that doesn't matter becasue you will be in the right "you have no obligation to support her family". Ya Allah!
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 05:01 am is Muslimbro.......................some how =Asad???? just wondering!...cuz he seems confuzed little one.....as common says it is your attitude that Counts.......cuz you came across in Laws hater! hey Is any women want a Man who is worry about the Peny he may spent whit her Parents?. It seems to me you have 2 Choice........ 1-Look 4 working Women who will Help you whit your Financial difficuilties...... 2-Married Non- Somali N Explain Latter 2 your future Children the Reason u did not want Married ....a somali women.....N be honest whit them!!!!LOL....what a GUy!
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 05:45 am Common (girl or guy), I see that you are still confusing yourself by missing the point. I didn't create hypothetical issue. I mentioned what actually happened to me. I said >I stopped marrying many prospective ladies just because they and their mothers/fathers wanted money from me< When I asked how much money are they talking about, they gave me an average between $400 to $200 a month. There is nothing wrong discussing any situations or concerns people have before two people go ahead the marriage, but I know what is Islam and what is culture. I don't want to lie or burden myself and they rather desire someone who is capable of meeting the stipulations. I don't know what this has to do with abusing or beating up wives or if the girls are given education or not. Religion does condemn beating up wives for no reasons. If people put culture in front of religion, they will have problems. Religion does not teach that girls or their parents should demand money from the men who want to marry them, except meher money, especially when the men can not afford things that are outside of their obligations. There is no machiavellian on the part of these girls and their parents no is it mine. I can understand the reason the ladies issue of stipulate. They tell me the situation they are in and I tell them my situation. I'm not going to lie to them. I tell them that at the moment I can not afford or meet the stipulations they put in front of the marriage. I can not control the future and if the situation in the future may change. I'll do what I can if things change, but at the moment, I'm concern what I can or can not do right now. I'm not going to employ what many men employ >NAAG BEEN BAA LAGU SOO XERA GELIYAA RUNNA WAA LAGU DHAQAA< and I'm not going to burden myself by taking a big loan. You keep saying >So what if you do not have an obligation to them, why can't you do it anyway?< and I keep saying >Can a someone who does not have give? If one who can only spare the little money he has, which persons is he obligated to give and which family does he not have to give? Will one be held answerable for the things he has no capacity to do? Is it true or not in Islam if one is only responsible for what he can do?< Again, read things before you say >why can't you do it anyway< My skills have nothing to do with what the religion teachings. Maybe the culture demand that I work on my skills in order to marry a lady since the girl's family need money. If skills and sending money to the in-laws were part of marriage in Islam, so many men would be single or >oppressive little Muslim brothers< because they could not afford to send money to their in-laws.
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 06:05 am "is Muslimbro.......................some how=Asad????" no, he is not, but let me ask you this: who are you? i mean what other username(s) did you use? ;-) "just wondering!" keep wondering (speculating), okay? ;-) "cuz he seems confuzed little one" lol----->confuzed little one. ;-)
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 06:35 am just a sister!, I'm not Asad. I guess it would confusing if I was two people, but I don't want you to keep wondering so why don't you ask the Webmaster or Adminstrator of Somali-net. Ask if Asad guy and I are posting the same place? Common (girl or guy) and you are right. My attitude counts, but you are wrong to think I hate in-laws. I'm not worrying about the >penny< I might spend with my future in-laws. If I'm worrying about anything, I would worry about lying to the my future wife and giving false hope to the girl's parents for promising what I can not deliver. Just a sister, like I said to others, I'm not seeking advice and I'm not seeking a lady who will help me financially. Read what I said and you will know where I'm coming from. Don't be like those who are confusing themselves for not reading what I wrote. I said I will only marry a Somali lady who is not expecting from me to support her family since I can not afford to do it. I don't need to marry a non-Somali lady. I'll be honest and up front with my financial situations. Non-Somali women are not the only ones not expecting from their husbands to support their in-laws.
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 06:42 am Assalam alaykum ya akhi wa ukhti fee-llah Another of the Most beautifull poems we should be reflectant on is: DEATH The Righteous will die, and the wicked will die .... The warriors who fight jihaad will die, and those who sit at home will die .... Those who busy themselves with correct belief will die, and those who treat the people as their slaves will die ... The brave who reject injustice will die, and the cowards who seek to cling onto this life at any price will die ... The people of great concern and lofty goals will die, and the wretched people who live only for cheap enjoyment will die ... Every soul shall taste of death ... - from the book 'DEATH' by Shaykh 'Ali Hasan al-Halabi For more info: www.troid.org www.salafipublications.com www.islam4kids.com www.noblequran.com are available. Jazaq-allahu khairan wa-zadakallahu bi-taqwa. (ameen)
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 09:26 am Assalau alicum, Bro Ahmed Jama, I have chosen to write under anynomous while at the sametime identifying myself. I think there are some poeple who disagrees with me but again do not differentiate disagreement and insult. For the sake of not letting anyone to sin, I think this is better. Bro I realised there is an anynoums who nearly insulted you wallahe that is not me. Me, I either say By Arrawello or do not post at all. Muslimbrother, I pray for you. My advice is rely on Allah and everything that destined for you will come to you sooner or later. Salaams Arawello
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 10:19 am Anonymous or Arawello, thanks for the prayers. I need them.
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 04:55 pm Salaama Aleikum Sis Stranger sister I hate homeworks.If you have class without homework I'm ready to take it.
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| | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 05:40 pm Salaama Aleikum Brother Muslimbro check out this page lot somali sisters looking for Soul mates. http://www.somalinet.com/mat
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| | Tuesday, March 13, 2001 - 11:09 pm when you see some sisters they look SO pious... but scratch a little beneath the surface and you'll see what their commitment to deen really is. The brother doesnt have a beard? Never mind, he's got SUCH a good job The brother sometimes doesnt pray? Thats OK - he's got a nice car and house. Any chance to swap akhirah for immediate dunya and they jump at it. What about marrying this brother whose practising and humble ? Nah.. he's not rich. How about sacrificing a little material comfort for the deen?.. No thanks I like my expensive clothes and furniture too much. Marry someone for the sake of their deen? Of course deen is important - but they have to earn like Bill Gates. Ah welll...a bent rib is a bent rib
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 12:39 am MR Dot, So, what is your message here? Do you think that whoever jots down some phrases in the net is to be trusted by giving him/her your life!Subhan-Allah akhi. It is mentioned in the quran that"God has created for you spouses, of your OWN KIND" and Mr Dot you said:" a bent rib is a bent rib" now i can see how acknowledgeable you are in deen! our beloved prophet(pbuh) said: " a woman is LIKE a rib, if you try to straighten it, it will break" This is nothing but a metaphor and i believe what the prophet was trying to refer to was the delicate nature of women and how should men should try to treat her with the utmost respect and honor. But nay, would the kinds like Mr dot understand and take the prophets orders, guess not! Subhan-Allah.
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 09:50 am "Do you think that whoever jots down some phrases in the net is to be trusted by giving him/her your life!Subhan-Allah akhi." idea---are you saying that all hijab wearing sisters ( who look so pious) are what they seem to be, that their commitment to deen is real, that they don't go for only the brothers with good jobs..... even if the brothers do not perform the prayers? ;-) also, idea, do you have any idea if the dot person is mr, mrs, or ms? ;-) "Ah welll...a bent rib is a bent rib" ms,mrs,mr----are you saying women are like a rip---thefore, they will *bent* rules since their commitment to deen is not real? what about the men who *bent* the rules and whose commitment to the deen is not real, the brothers who appear to be pious, but marry women who do not wear hijab and women who don't pray? don't these men also have *delicate nature* like women-----because of the rib and who should treat them with the utmost respect and honor? ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 11:25 am ANON, Mr.Dot is a DOT...that's the bottom line..... Maybe DOT.CUM?? Heheheh! "ms,mrs,mr----are you saying women are like a rip" Yes, women are quite loose... ;-) Dot loss??
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 12:32 pm "ANON, Mr.Dot is a DOT..that's the bottom line..."" mr? ;-) "Maybe DOT.CUM?? Heheheh!" where did you learn about this? ;-) ""ms,mrs,mr----are you saying women are like a rip" Yes, women are quite loose... ;-) Dot loss?? do you mean all women or norwegian women? ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 12:42 pm ANON, at least I get your attention...hehehe! "where did you learn about this? ;-)" May I suggest Somalinet Dot Cum?? Oh no, a new wrinkle.... Yes, Norwegian women are all fucked up... Oh, and you missed the dot loss....
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 12:58 pm "ANON, at least I get your attention...hehehe!" is that what you were after? ;-) "May I suggest Somalinet Dot Cum??" and you are here to teach what you learned? ;-) "Oh no, a new wrinkle...." lol "Yes, Norwegian women are all fucked up..." including you, right? ;-) "Oh, and you missed the dot loss...." that you said you, as a women, are quite loose? ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 01:09 pm ANON! Yes, attention!! I love attention! So conceited...Can you believe it? Anyway, I don't know why, but you amuse me so much, wrinkleface... I cannot teach you what I know, it will make you blush...Quite embarrassing for a man (?), eh? If I'm fucked up?? You mean a Loose Goose?? lol dot loss = you missed the dot...
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 01:23 pm "ANON! Yes, attention!! I love attention! So conceited...Can you believe it?" i didn't know that you were this desperate! ;-) "Anyway, I don't know why, but you amuse me so much" are you that i amuse you? did you say i'm Mr.Bloodhound...that i harrass you? ;-) "wrinkleface..." lol "I cannot teach you what I know, it will make you blush...Quite embarrassing for a man (?) eh? " do you mean you will make my wrinkeface blush. ;-) "If I'm fucked up??" well, what can i say?----tough luck? ;-) "You mean a Loose Goose?? lol dot loss = you missed the dot... " you said "women are quite loose....;-) with wrinkleface. ;-). i didn't miss that. ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 01:31 pm Oh yes, now you learned something new about Norwegian gals...hehehe! Learn and get wise. Do you know what a bloodhound look like? Always lucky... Lucky Loss... ;-) Hahaha, and I thought I was the conceited one.... Oh, I forgot about the men and their magnifying glasses... What a mistake! ;-)))
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 01:43 pm "Oh yes, now you learned something new about Norwegian gals...hehehe! Learn and get wise." so far, i've learned and told me that you are a desparate norwegian looking for attention. ;-) "Do you know what a bloodhound look like?" did he harass you or amused you? ;-) "Always lucky... Lucky Loss... ;-) Hahaha, and I thought I was the conceited one...." say more like desparate. ;-) "Oh, I forgot about the men and their magnifying glasses... What a mistake! ;-)))" you are getting too many wrinkles! go look yourself in miror.....and don't forget to take off the glassess. ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 02:07 pm ANON, See, you're getting wiser every day... ;-) (hm, now I started doing this ;-) thing too, damn, you taught me a bad habit here, guess I have to watch out for wrinkles...) The bloodhound did definitively amuse me, he is so full of wrinkles...hehehe! Oh, it looks like my EGO-trip is over for today :-(, time to go to bed... I guess I will have a nightmare again... ;-))) Thanks for your attention, I needed that one... ;-) And your right; I really have to watch out for wrinkles...
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 02:24 pm "The bloodhound did definitively amuse me" he didn't harass you? ;-) "he is so full of wrinkles...hehehe!" i thought you said you have to watch out for wrinkles. ;-) "Thanks for your attention, I needed that one... ;-)" you are thanking me for teaching you a bad habit or you are thanking me for showing you that you have lots of wrinkles? "Oh, it looks like my EGO-trip is over for today" do you mean your desperateness to get attention? ;-)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 02:36 pm ANON, no, I don't get easily offended, and yeah, NOW I definitely have to watch out for wrinkles... I am thanking you for showing me that I'm not the only one with wrinkles.... I already do have alot of bad habits, so a few more doesn't matter... I do get attention every time I am desperate... Nice to see that we are 2 of a kind... I hate to feel lonely...! ;-) Now, will you please shut up so that I can go to bed... (sorry, can't help it...)
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| | Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 05:25 pm "ANON, no, I don't get easily offended" it was not my intention to offend you. ;-) "and yeah, NOW I definitely have to watch out for wrinkles..." lol "I am thanking you for showing me that I'm not the only one with wrinkles. I already do have alot of bad habits, so a few more doesn't matter" you're welcome. ;-) "I do get attention every time I am desperate." from anyone, right? did you say you are loose? ;-) "Nice to see that we are 2 of a kind" do you mean you are a bloodhound too? ;-) "I hate to feel lonely...! ;-)" as long as you are seeking attention when you are desparate, you would not be lonely. ;-) "Now, will you please shut up so that I can go to bed" am i harassing? i thought i was amusing you! ;-)
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| | Thursday, March 15, 2001 - 11:44 am ANON, Cutie, how are you doing today Wrinkleface?? I am never lonely with you around...lol
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| | Saturday, March 17, 2001 - 09:23 am Mr ANON, and what is your message in your post, insha-Allah?
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| | Saturday, March 17, 2001 - 01:39 pm Idea, how can you ask such a question... ANON has no idea...
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