     ADVICE SEEKER | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 09:30 am
SALAAMS,
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ABOUT FAMILY ARRANGEMET MARRIAGES. I PREVIOUSLY DATED WITH FEW POEPLE FROM DIFFERENT RACE. BUT I WAS ALWAYS GOOD NEVER CLUB THINGS ETC IT WAS JUST GOING THEM WITH LOCAL PLACES WHERE WE CAN TALK A BOT ABOUT FUTURE THINGS. MY FAMILY DID NOT LIKE THAT SO I STOPED. NOW I AM GETTING MARRIED IN JUN INSHA ALLAH. BUT I THINK I AM A BIT UNSURE ABOUT THAT. MY FAMILY LOVES ME SO MUCH AND THE PERSON IS A VERY GOOD BROTHER AND I WILL MAVE NEAR TO MY FAMILIES. WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE ON THIS. I AM JUST ABOVE 23 BUT I FEEL OLD. I THINK WOMEN SHOULD GET MARRIED EARLY AS POSSSIBLE.
PLEAS ONLY GIVE ME AN ADVICE IF YOUR HEART IS GOOD.
YOUR SISTER IN ISLAM |
| MuslimBrother | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 09:13 pm
My heart is good, but I don't know what kind of advice you are seeking. Are you saying the guy you will marry and you didn't talk about the future? What is making you unsure about the marriage? You didn't say if you like the guy or not. Does the guy know that you have an experience with dating and had been with different guys from different ethnic groups? What do you know about him? Do you know if he has experience with the dating also? About the age thing, that is just a number. Btw, how old is he? |
| ADVICE SEEKER | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 04:15 am
MUSLIMBROTHER,
THANS BROTHER.
DATING CAN HAVE DIFFERENT MEANINGS. TO ME IT IS JUST GOING SOMEONE WITH A LOCAL PLACES OR WALKING DOWN THE RIVER. THEY WERE ALL MUSLIMS INFACT GOOD MUSLIMS THREE OF THEM CONVERTS FROM OTHER RELIGIONS. THEY USED TO TELL ME ABOUT THE HIJAB BUT I BELEAIVED THAT I WILL DO ONE DAY. SO THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. I MEAN I DO NOT NEED TELLING HIM ABOUT THAT MAY BE LATER. BUT WHAT I AM UNSURE IS THAT WETHER I STILL WANT MARRY THE LAST BROTHER, WE STILL KEEP IN TOUCH AND HE WAS/IS VERY DISSAPPOINTED BY ME NOT MARRYING HIM. I THINK HE IS GOOD BUT NOW I HAVE TO MOVE ON.
THE BROTHER, I SPOKE TO HIM AND WE TALKED. HE SOUNDS GOOD AND I SAW HIM BEFORE AND AFTER. I THINK HE IS 31.
I WANT SOME ADVISE ABOUT WHETEHER I SHOULD GO AHEAD OR NOT. |
| MuslimBrother | Saturday, February 03, 2001 - 05:34 am
Advice seeker, doing romantic things while walking down the river and going local places like movies and bars with Muslim men and non-Muslinm men whom you are not married to is the same to me. If I'm going to do this, I'm might as well go all the way, because both actions are considered to be doing zinah if i'm not mistaking. It is like saying QAANSIIRKA MA CUNO LAAKIIN FUUDKIISAAN CABAA. For me, if I'm go out with a lady who is not wearing hijab, be her a Muslim or non-Muslim, and walk with her down the river, I'm going to feel something. You said you are unsure if you want to marry the last guy you dated while thinking about marrying the 31 year old guy. My advice to you is do what is best for you. I do not know you and I do not know the two guys that are in your life. My advice to you is never tell the guy you are going to marry what you did in the past with different guys. |
| Anonymous | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 10:05 am
Assalau alaicum,
Sister, my heart is good.
I think you should not get marry if you are not so sure about it. I do not know but forgive me if I say something that may not be true. Do you go too far with the guy? I mean, I did know few people before I decided to be engaged to the person I am going to marry. BUt, I talk with them through emails, telephone, and sometimes walked with them on the hight streets. Because we thought that is better than sitting in the house in case there is no-one there. and I think that is okey in islam. Allahu a'lam.
About the gae, I think 23 is the right time for woman to settle down. But I think, you should pray Istakhara. If you do not know about it, I will Insha Allah, posted to you a bit more about it.
About the Hijab, sister, it is MUST. It saveguards you and it is Allah's commond.
Read the posts that sisters on this page posted it may be some help to you. Insha Allah.
I cannot talk with you more as I myself weak muslim. my Allah subhana wata'ala help us. amen.
Arawello |
| Habiiba | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 01:51 pm
Carawelo, first the lady didn't say she went all the way with the guys she dated. She explained the kind of dating she did with the guys she was seing. Second, it is was not okey for you to walk with the guys you said you did. |
| anothermuslimbrother | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 08:06 pm
Sister
My heart is also good, so I believe.
Do not get married...now to anybody
Marriage will bring a new person in your life
You will get babies
Your life is not in order now to take start a family
My advice is
First Forget about marriage for now.
Think about your future.
When you die, where do you want to go?
If you do not care, then take any road you like
If Jannah is your answer, then
Think how to get there safely,
Then take the road that would take you there
Find out all you need for that trip, and
Actions you must do
Dangers you must stay away from then
Practice untill your HEART BECOMES GOOD really!
By Remembering Allah a lot, and thinking about him all the time. Then
Pick the person who will help you in that road
A person who knows the road
Get married to that person
Raise family
Prepare them to the same road
Then die, in peace..... |
| Anonymous | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 09:06 am
Habiiba,
NB my user name is Arawello and not Carawelo
I am not sure if you understood what I wrote to the sister. I asked a question in the best possble way that I could. I said forgive. Then I asked the question. I did not say you said it. And of course, I have my point when I asked her.
About me, I do not know if that was okey or not. I said ' we thought'' and well, still I think it is okey.
BTW It was not me who was looking for the advise. It is the sister. I did not ask you any question though, I do not mind if you say so.
Are you gonna advice the sister ?????
Advice sister,
I hope you were not offended by that. I asked you because I wondered why are you so attached to the person if you did not have relationship with him. ( no -offence). Otherwise, I would suggest walalo attractcness will never end.
Wasalam
NB if you ask advice sometimes you should expect tough questions.
Arawello |
| Habiiba | Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 10:53 am
The name Arawelo or Carawelo is the same. It is Ahmad and Axmad or Cali or Ali. You say you still think in Islam it is okey for you to walk with guys you are not married to. I say in Islam it was/is/will never be okey to walk with guys you are not married to and see them outside or inside. |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 09:55 am
Assalamu alaicum,
Habiba,
I was in Somalia till the age of 12/13, I read, write and speak Somali as much as you do, though, I often communicate in other langauges. However, I have chosen my user name to be Arawello and not Carawelo. So let us not arguge about that.
I am surpried that the lady that was seeking the advice disappeared.
Anyways, let us not change what I have said. I said you could talk to a man and I think it is okey to walk with him. If you want discussed the matter with him . I did not say you could go out with evrybody.
I think, it is very reasonble if two poeple want to talk to each other to walk in a street where there are a lot of poeple. I think, it is also okey, if they speak inside as long there are other poeple around.
Islam is not a religion of punishment. It is a religion of commonsense. It is easy and a way of life.
NB.
the way you said that it is not okey to walk with guy that are not married to, was very funny.
it is like you are telling your doughter that she cannot go out!!!!!
If you want talk and disagree with someone about relgion you should not have spoken like that.
BTW where is your evidence that what you said is correct?
and please, if you want discuss the matter with me do not change any of my words. and at least try to understand.
Arawello |
| Habiiba | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 11:29 am
Carawelo, when you were growing up in Somalia didn't they teach you that men and women are not suppose to walk together and go out together even if there are lots of people around? I do not know if you need DALEEL or evidence of that? Are you saying it is okey for a man and a woman to go to the movies and restaurants since there are lots of people in those places? |
