     The Lion | Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 05:58 pm
I raise this point because of this points >>>\/
1) was approached by the father of another family how first approached my father and offered his daughter to me because he saw a man who's looking after his future by attending university and a man who he can accept. Although i respect my father very much, i still think it's up to me how i get married to.
2) Another point came about when i was in a somali wedding (Because thats the place to be if your looking for wifey). And i saw this beutiful somali lady who had this silk dress. And befor you know it a man with a bear belly pops out of nowhere and tells her lets go. (You should have seen here face as she walked towards him, the face she pulled spoke a hundred words). Then i asked one of the friends she was with that i was speeking with, who the man she left with was ?.
To my shock her friend said her husband. This now i new what she wasn't happy with because this man looked twice her size and twice her age. And futher on she went on to tell me how they got married and guess what it was arranged. She had no choice in the matter because here parents made here mind up for her, and she said no guess what she was out of the house.
This case reminds me of a song which is in my top ten tracks ever which are (( JOE - All the things)) and ((jagged edge - he can't love you)). Ladies if you heard this track you know what iam talking about. If you have napster download them because i recommend them.
Any way if your reading this let me know your comments (positive or negative). But please no rude comments this is a series issue.
Don't forget to read my other conversation named "Can the new generation make a difference" which is on this general furum in the previouse page.
As for me iam off for nowwwwwwwwww........ |
| MAD MAC | Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 11:32 pm
What do I think of arranged marriage??? Hmmmmm, depends on the wife, depends on the marriage. If it were Waris Dirie, it's a great arrangement. If it were my ex-wife, it's a lousy arrangement. |
| Idea | Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 11:49 pm
lol @MM,
i swear you are sometimes a funny guy :-)
Arranged marriage is not a bad idea as long as there are many common similarities between the potentials in terms of age, education, social status...n ofcourse religion :-)
Many of my friends are married that way n they r truly happy. |
| Arawelo | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 03:56 am
Sorry I have not read the article, short in time. But still I will go ahead to say my aponion on the issue;
The arrange marriages that often talked about do not take place among the Somalis but we have another one which in my experience not good; this is how it goes; You find your partner, but he has to be this and that...... and he must not be this and that.
What a terrible conditions!
I think anyone should be able to marry the person he or she thinks fits in his or her requerments. As long as he or she is a good muslim.
Idea;
Age , education and social status LOl. My be age matters but disagree with you the other two. I do not think degree or any other qualification make anyone better or lesser. what matters is the personality.
Social status lol ( email you about this later)
MM,
was your first marriage by arrangment. I do not thibk so. |
| MAD MAC | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 04:22 am
Arawelo
I WISH my first marriage had been by arrangment. My parents would have done a better job than I did. On the other hand, I know who they would have picked. she's nice and everything, but not my type. So I take it back.
Idea
I have my moments abai.
In all seriousness, while i'm not a huge fan of the practice, I'm also not your typical western detractor. I am oppossed to the idea of a dowry in arrange marriages. This sounds too much like legalized prostitution. That's how we end up with 50 year old guys marrying 15 year old girls. What do they have in common??? Face it, he's just looking for a good time and found a legal way to do it and she ends up with no choice. Both parties should always have veto rights in case the partner their parents have chosen is really nor suitable. I have a friend whos parents picked out someone for her (she didn't even know him, she's in the states and he's in Kenya) and she put her foot down. |
| arawelo | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 04:55 am
MM,
I see your point. The practice can have advantage and disadvantge. And somatimes when I think about it it suits a lot of poeple particularly women. And Islamically it is good as long as you have your saying in a proper Islamic way. But the problem is we Somalis are much different from many other Eastren society that value the practise. We do not have that kind of things that your parents will find you a suitable partaner this is coupled with the majority of the young Somalis in the West live with relatives or distant relaatives. This would leave them with the only option to find a pertaner on their own. However, this has to be done within the terms of your family in back home as well as the relaatives here with you. For example, it is very unlikely that they would approve marrying a person they think is'' medgan' or a forienger.
I must go now. |
| Idea | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 04:58 am
Arawello,
Okay, maybe not the social status in somali community! But i can replace it by tribal status, unfortunately! And yes, i do believe the level of education of the two potentials is very important factor in any marriage.
ps: education doesn't always means some extra degrees...but ignorance never helps!
MM,
Have u seen (on the american tv)the show where a millionaire makes a proposal...n picks from a bunch of Barbies'!!! Now that is what i didn't understand!!! I guess any society has some elements that only an insider can better comprehend its implicit rules n values!! |
| JAMA | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 08:22 am
I am against old men marrying young women. I believe if the man is more than 10 years older than the women, the marriage should not happen.
To this point of arranged marriages, my honest opinion is that I have not been affected by this so therefore it would be hard to picture myself in the situation. However, I do agree that the two candidates should have a similar educational, and social background. I can't see a Rer-Somalia person getting married to a Sijuwi person. I have seen one and it does not work well.
My parents did not have an arranged marriage. This topic is out of our dinner conversations. However, I did go visit some relatives abroad and they began pushing the issue. I was questioned if I was married. I said no. All of a sudden, I begin to see people introducing me to their daughters. 10 YEARS AGO, they would have hidden their daughters from me. I was puzzled at why they wanted to hook me up with their girls. What did they know about me ? Just cause they know I come from a good family, I could be a bad person.
Ciao,
Jama |
| sumaya | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 09:28 am
why dont old guys find old ladies? i am confused, you see i am only 18 and this old guy who is about the age of my father come to my parents and asked if he could marry me. damn i was so mad! how could he think of marrying me at that age. well, i am not really agianst arrangement marriege but it depends on the kind of the person he is(not like the old guy!) |
| DeepRoots | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 09:33 am
Hay everyone.
Just leave everyone to do what they think is right. (as long as it is not in conflict with Islam)
Whatever floats their boat.
As far as I am concerned, I can’t have an arranged marriage because I have to be attracted to my wife and we also have to be friends. |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 09:50 am
"10 YEARS AGO, they would have hidden their daughters from me. "
jama....are you saying you are MIDGAN? |
| MAD MAC | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 10:01 am
Idea
I have never seen the show (I don't get US TV, and hate SITCOMs and the like anyway). But I heard about it. This is fringe nonsense, that's why you don't get it. This is not normal behavior. However, that having been said, there's no doubt that all things being equal women in general find a man more attractive if he has money than if he doesn't. Check this out. When I was in Eastleigh a young Somali woman (maybe she was 18, but she looked more like 16 to me) walked up to me on the street and asked me if I wanted to marry her. I said to her, "You don't even know my name" and she said "I love you". Now remember, I am not tall, dark and handsome. I'm short and average looking (OK Athletic build, but that's it). And I'm 39 years old. The only thing I could conclude was this poor girl didn't have to many economic opportunities, didn't find Easatleigh as cool as I did and wanted out, which made me look much better (sort of like a lot of beer does to guys). In Kenya I was real popular with woman, and since the HIV rate was through the roof, it took a lot of will-power to be disciplined.
Sumaya
Why don't older guys look for younger woman? Because younger woman look hotter. And a lot of guys think with their little soldier and not with their brains. |
| arawelo | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 10:15 am
Mad,
you are talking a desperate young girl and I will not be surprised by that to happen. I personally know a young Somali girl who is married to a drug dealer. But you cannot use that example to justfy that women look men for their money. I do not think so. |
| JAMA | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 10:18 am
Anonymous, walal I am not midgan. 10 years ago I was a teenager. A handsome teenager who was lets just say popular with the ladies. Then I was not welcomed by these girl's families now I am ?
Amazing huh ? |
| Miimi | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 10:33 am
Yes amazing Jama, how maturity attracts people eh?
Nothing wrong with arranged marriages, all men look the same in the dark nooh! |
| shushu | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 11:51 am
First of all, i think there is nothing wrong with arange maraige, as long as u and that person have something in common, and that's all that counts.
Second of all, i don't see anything wrong with older men and young women. I think the older the better, because of how older men think/act, and becasue of their maturity level. The older the more mature. |
| Ice-Man | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 12:06 pm
Arrange marriage is a good institution and I can't wait my Day..LoL
Whenever I meet Girls, they do became friends to me like a sister than someone that I want to go another step so Arrange marriage will do it for me besides mother knows what is best for her Son
:-)
Later |
| In Vain? | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 01:49 pm
ARRANGED MARRIAGE????
Can i ask those experts who perfom these rituals on the issue of intimacy?Two total strangers meet? How do you open the channel of Sex communication? On the night of marriage,do you say....'Hey..take off your clothes?'.....this is Terror! |
| GEESI | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 02:17 pm
ARRANGED MARRIAGE? WELL THE TRUTH IS THE REAL LOVE COMES AFTER THE MARRIAGE. IAM 36 YEARS OLD MAN.I HAVE SEEN ALOT OF PPL DATING FOR ALONG TIME AND SHORTLY AFTER THEY GOT MARRIED THEY DEVORCE TRUE THAT.THESE IDEA ABOUT DATING AND GOING OUT OF TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT MARRIED ARE FROM THE KUFFARS (NONE MUSLIMS).BUT I BELEIVE IF SOMEONE DONT LIKE THE OTHER PERSON SHOULDNT BE FORCED TO MARRY HIM OR HER.PLUS NO ONE IS PERFECT SO MY PEOPLE IF YOU GET A REASONBLE SOMALI WOMAN OR MAN GO FOR. |
| saalim | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 03:54 pm
Arranged marriage is in every culture! probably you guys are in the west and you despise it. but let me point you guys few things:
Dating services, Sigles clubs,Online dating, matchmaking agencies, all these are some sort of arranged marriage. Who do u trust more your parents who know you better and reared you and a computer where all your data is gathered from some quizz or form?
I think it's wrong to generalize this thing. It has both good sides and bad sides. The good thing about it is let me say 80% of marriages on this planet is arranged marriage. the chinese do it, indians , africans, asians, arabs, latinos all do it. These make up 90% of the population of this planet. This institution works.
and please, how low can u go refering to some hip hop ( not smart there) R&B song by some dude who doesn't even have no moal values????
this is a pure brainwashed ••••.
i don't have to perpetuate and comlicate it. it's painful! Man go and mary the destiny who child??? chick!! lol! |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 03:55 pm
BAD VERY, VERY BAD. |
| Idea | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 04:28 pm
lol @ MM,
Man! is this an AD for yourself. I am becoming to find this net...really bizarre...maybe it is a sign for me to stick just to the real world :-) |
| MAD MAC | Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 11:44 pm
Idea
What makes you think the real world isn't really bizarre??? You ought to spend some time in Haiti. In contrast to that place this net seems tame. |
| The Lion | Thursday, December 21, 2000 - 11:54 am
Thanks for that point Saalim it was my mistake to mention those songs, but the discussion remains open for any on to comment on.
I thank all those who have commented above for there claer views of this matter.
As for me iam off for nowwwwwwwwww............ |
| Sweetgirl | Thursday, December 21, 2000 - 05:38 pm
Arranged marriages aren't bad if both parties agree otherwise they are. And for those of you who don't know if you're forced into a marriage then that marriage isn't valid....one more thing why is everyone against younger girls and older men marrying? why do guys assume they can't have anything in common? |
| MAD MAC | Friday, December 22, 2000 - 07:56 am
Sweetgirl
They're at different stages of life. They might have some superficial things in common. But they going different directions when the age gap is too big. I'm not saying it can never work, but the odds aren't very good. |
| Deeq | Saturday, December 23, 2000 - 07:02 pm
This is interesting topic. I think arranged marriage is the best way to establish your family. It’s common in the world-- its common and well practiced in some societies where people tend to be hard workers and busier than other societies. Look for examples Indian, (Not American-Indians, I am talking about India in Asia) I read most people prefer arranged marriage participated by either their parents or some agencies that involve doing this business. On the other hand, marriages as result of sweethearts, usually, its end up in a divorce. This is not my own estimate. Look today US house hold or Western as whole. They are asking questions like what is wrong with them. 50% of honeymoon marriages end up in a divorce. Hey ppl, I am not arguing that arranged marriage is the solution but definitely I am suggesting to you try it. Dating long time is a transition process; it’s waste of time. One thing I hate long time dating is, that both the man & woman spend lot of time by digging every hole just to find out any bad things about the other person. As it goes like this, sometimes, Satan joins and he creates bad picture between the two. In arranged marriage the man/woman do not unluckily meet every dumb person because they were silent. NO! In arranged marriage, you have to list all the condition and your expectation from the other person. What kind of person, how tall he/she has to be- how beautiful, educational achievement, what field, and so on. To me it’s nothing more than having an opportunity to relocate my missing soul.
Peace<b>4</b>Ever |
| Anonymous | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 05:45 am
I HATE IT |
| Anonymous | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 05:46 am
ME TOO |
| somaliman | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 06:10 am
Very interesting topic
Just the other day my older sister was trying as usual to hook me up with this beautiful somali-girl so she mailed me her pic she looked stunning,But looks can be deceiving sometimes yet again she could turn out to be a beautiful woman inside out,anyway I have declined my sister's offer for now I don't know how longer I can resist.You know what they say;YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE LOL,Back to the subject in hand I think GEESI made sense. |
| Omar | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 09:23 am
Generally I am against arranged marriage. However it may be appropriate for some people who, whatever reasons, cannot find their future partner by themselves.
About the age, it is unacceptable to me that some old guys try to buy or push to get a girls who are 15 years younger than them.
Let me tell you what my uncle did. He is close 70 y/o, he lives in Somalia and already has a wife and 8 children, and guess what he did, he got married with a girl who is just 17. He asked to have that girl to her father who is his poor friend who sometimes gets help from my uncle. I usually help my uncle to get by and I always did give to him whatever he wanted.
One day he called me and told me that he is going to do that affair and he needed extra money to do so. I told him he should not even think about it for the sake of that innocent girl who has no idea what she is going through. He insisted and I told him that I am 32 single and I have many reasons to not get married with anyone who is less than 20 years old. I also explain to him that for his age and his medical condition he may not be in this world for next 5 -10 years (he has Chronic Hepatitis B/Cirrhosis which is also easily sexually transmittable)and surely he is gonna ruin that teanager's life and I gave to him some examples... think about that she will have 5-6 children and she is not even 23 and he is gone...
I also told him that if he cannot stay with his wife, who has given to him everything he wanted from her, I will support him if he gets married with a woman who is 40-50 y/o divorced or widowed.
Anyway he insisted and did it and since that day I have not called him. I am still helping and sending a limited money to his chidren and his older wife through my other uncle. He is not getting the life that he used to anymore and he keeps talking to my other uncle because he wants to make peace with me which I don't want it. I want to punish him because of what he did to that teenager and innocent girl and hopefully other ppl who are surrounded him will learn something from it.
Happy Eid |
| Anonymous | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 02:22 pm
salaam alaykum
Omar
You are talking to much about your uncle. wake up! Michael Douglas has just married a woman much younger than him. And he has agreed to pay her $1000000 for every year that she stays married to him. You must learn that social relations are to complex to categorize, and so to are a persons motivation.
Do you object to arranged marriage between two people of the same age?
My opinion is that arrange marraige does work. but it also fails. The failures are always highlighted but not the successes.
I think that an arranged marraige between people of similar ages does work, because the individuals that do the arranging, usually do a thorough research; and so they pick someone with whom you are very likely to be compatible. And with God's blessing, you will have a good marraige.
However if you just have an arranged marriage because you are in a hurry to marry, or for pure tribal reasons, or for money, then you are courting disaster.
Omar,
are you going to marry every young girl in Somalia/somaliland. 70, and 80 year old men there will continue to marry young girls and young girls will continue to accept. because in that environment these old men have status and maybe some wealth, and that means the off spring of these young brides have a good chance to survive and get on in life.
salaam alaykum |
| Batriyah | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 05:06 pm
To Deeq,
I don't agree with U points of arranged married is for women only, is good for all of the people.
You also said one of three American marriage end up divorce what about Us who are one of two end up divorce.
I am married and I chose my husband but whether U choosing each other or not the married life is hard work if U want to save it U must to samir.
If U have negative side would U tell U feture pride, can you guess what i am talking about?
Good luck whoever is looking. |
| Anonymous | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 09:28 pm
Arranged marriage is another way of keeping women in their so called "Proper" place in society. It's a practice which favours men and promotes inequality among the genders. As somebody pointed out earlier, arranged marriage involves " A BIG BELLY OLD MAN, WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRL OR SHALL I SAY A CHILD GIRL". Since most of the time the man is old enough to be her grand-father. Secondly, the girl never has a choice in the subject rather, her family only look at the dowry that they are going to receive from the man. Arranged marriage is good if you are a man. How so? Well, if you are a young girl and end up with "BALD, BIG BELLY, BAD MANNER, DISGUSTING OLD FARD". Then clearly you have not gain anything, but if you are the "OLD FARD", you have gained a lot in the arrangement. Through this practice women remain to be properties and inequality persists.
This practice continues due to the women who help it through, participation. Therefore, I have no sympathy for a woman who degrates herself like that. These women I speak, of are those who can say no because of where they live (I'm not including the girls back home who will suffer from certain consequences by refusing to participate this practice). I mentioned this because of the story that author of this discussion told us. "when he mentioned the girl who was with the big belly man and unhappy marriage". She can leave him if she wants, but she remains with him even though she is unhappy. So, no sympathy there, she deserves what gets.
Last, arranged marriage would be acceptable if both parties have equal saying in the arrangement and the practice was not dominated by men alone but, both gender. That means no "SUGAR DADDIES" to still the innocence of young women. For now, arranged marriage remains to be in favour of men's pleasure and control over women. In conclusion, arranged marriage itself isn't bad, but the inequality it promotes.
Peace!!!!! |
| MADMULAH | Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 10:00 pm
What do I think?
Well, it all depends on the kind of arranged we are speaking of. If it is one, in which all the parties involved are quite pleased with it, I guess it is fine. If it is one, in which the girl or even the boy isn't informed, or cajoled/coerced in to the marriage. I am completely against it.
A few days ago, I was watching a Video Tape, this tape was taken at a Divorce court in Iran. One girl, came to the judge's office and said that She was married to her husband when she was only 16 years old, and he lied and said he was in his late 20's when in fact he was in his late 30's. The girl said that she wanted a divorce since she was too young at the time she married him. She said "When my parents told me about the arrangement, I said 'Yes' like a doll."
All in all, her case was that she was misled, and lied to by the husband, and that she wanted to divorce and go to school. The judge tried his best to work things out between them, since according to Islam divorce is a legal thing, but at the same time, a bad one. The girl was finally divorced. So, you see, Islam advocates for issues like that.
The girl has to be willing 100% and no going back later on. It is a one time deal. So, arranged marriages have many side effects, in my humble opinion, I think that it is better that people leave such issues as marriage up to the ones that will comitt to it for life. I believe Love comes before all else. A person must love another, before he/she marries that individual. And I am not talking about "Infatuations" which people at many times mistake with true love. I am also not talking about "Physical attractions" which people again mistake for love! |
| MAD MAC | Monday, December 25, 2000 - 01:54 am
MADMULLAH
I can't believe we find ourselves in total agreement on something. Holy Cow will miracles never cease!! |
| Kandi | Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 12:37 am
I'm against arrange marriage if the two people don't have anything in common. My mother wanted to hook me up with these guys, they weren't rich, just had some sort of schooling and ugly as ever. I said no of course and my dad would be mad as hell. But on the other hand if me and the guys had something in common and where financially staple regardless of their age i would take the time to get to know them maybe.
I think parent or whoever is doing the arranging should have in mind best interest on both people atleast i would hope so.
I'm all for arrange marriage some of them work out pretty good, so on that note if anyone wants to arrange me with nice, intellengent, handsome, and whose got some luut, hook me up damn it and fast. I aint desparate or nuthin'. oow and i do have my •••• together, and can take care of myself. |
| shu shu | Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 04:35 pm
Omar, i think your uncle should wait till that little girl is legal. 21 yrs old |
| DAADIR | Wednesday, December 27, 2000 - 02:09 pm
The custom of arranged marriages in most parts of this world has survived migration and modernization remaining central to the fabric of all non-western societies. Although no exact figures are available, some 85 percent of all marriages in world are arranged.
Many people from the non western nation on earth contend that arranged marriages are more successful than marriages in the West, particularly given the latter's staggering divorce rates. Romantic love does not necessarily lead to a good marriage, and often fails once the passion dissipates, they argue. Real love flows from a properly arranged union between two individuals.
With most unions between individuals from the same background, the arranged marriage reflects and reinforces the social, economic, geographic and historical similarities between people.
arranged marriage does have its advantages. Living with the extended family. Apart from the economic savings of a family home, shocks such as a death or the loss of a job can be absorbed. The system cares for elderly parents and grandparents who are generally isolated in Western societies. Also, because the arranged marriage tends to be a union of two families of strong moral and cultural values it provides checks and balances against areas that may splinter it, such as infidelity. Above all, it is a buffer against one of the biggest modern day ills -- the despair of feeling isolated in a cold world.
I would finally like to say that Western concepts of love and dating triumphing over tradition and arranged marriage is a myth.
I believe that even though some of us somalis may blindly condemn it and becouse of the unconditional acceptance and influence of this decadent western culture and SYPHILIZATION ( NOTHING CIVIL ABOUT IT ) ARRANGED MARRAIGE WILL THRIVE EVEN HERE IN THE WILDERNESS OF AMERIKKKA.
I AM BECOUSE OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE. |
| Kandi | Wednesday, December 27, 2000 - 04:23 pm
Woow that was deep DAADIR. But you know what regardless of your view in Western marriage and Romantic love a lot of arrange marriage that happends within the Somali community doesn't necessarly work even in the olden days. My parents were arraged they have been married for 36yrs, eventhought they're still together the main reason they haven't divoced is because of us. It aint always happy union. But I still believe in arrange marriage.
DAADIR how about if you and I arrange something over the net...smile. |
| DAADIR | Wednesday, December 27, 2000 - 06:14 pm
HEY!! KANDI!!! THE QUEEN OF CONTRADICTION!!!
let me refresh your memory and point to you to scroll up to one of your previous postings about this subject. you are in some kind of limbo. eventhough you sound more intelligent and more sophisticated, your multiple personalities and with their associated thinkings got me confused.
yes, we can arrange some sort of liaison d'amore as long as you are willing to get rid of your gluttonous materialism and indecisiveness.
Of course we can arrange it again and please don't take it as if i am putting you down, i am only teasing you. common just tell me about your speed limit for i don't wanna be pulled over and fined with huge sum of money. LOL!!! |
| MAD MAC | Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 02:57 am
Dadiir
The single feature I like most about many African societies is the closeness of the family. Families do a great job of rallying around each other. The west gives lip service to the family, but few folks want their in-laws living with them. Concerning this point I agree with you all the way. I suppose it is difficult to keep the essence of this value alive when you transition to a very fast paced society such as one sees in the US. |
| Estrella | Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 10:00 am
Some (not all) Somalian's sometimes appear highly conservatives, forever looking at the past and clinging to 'Traditional' cultural values. Therefore some younger generations are attracted to 'new' cultural movements such as Rastafarianism. And the 'old' traditional such as arranged marriages are re-re-interpreted in response to changing circumstances.
'Western' romantic love and 'Somalian' arranged marriages are passed on different sets assumption and expectations. Some somalian people choose to go for the 'Western' romantic love because it is mating system which relies un the emotions of the two individuals their passion, lust and kind of burning love, which may soon fade. But they choose to take that risk knowing that forever romantic love is illusion and may not last long. And others go for arranged marriages which is passed on the responsibility, stability amd maturity that a marriage demands. People look for wisdom patience and good sense rather than 'exiting' qualities. But again one can never be too sure whether patience and good sense make a marriage work with out passion and love. Therefore we will never know what makes and breaks marriage. So we cannot say whether or not an interracial marriages will work.
If somebody makes a decision to marry an individual with a different back round then good luck to them, because life won't be too easy for them as they have so much to learn from that other person's perspective. I would say the same for a person who marries some one with the same back round because they still have to live life and take each day as it comes whether good or bad.
I personally think that people should be allowed to their own mistakes in live with out chauvinism or being judged. They should be allowed to experience live as they wish. Tell a friend what is wright when he/she is doing some thing wrong, but never tell them how to live because life is short and we only live it once.
But my question is how come a guy can marry a much younger girl then himself yet get away with it, but a woman is chauvinism, judged and talked about if she happens to marry a much younger man then herself? |
| young.man | Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 10:39 am
Estrella you hit the nerve
walahi I always ask myself this very question,I fell in love with this somali woman who was few years older than me,she seemed so uncomfortable with the whole situation,didn't know why?
I personally feel more attracted to older women,I find my peers childish,lack ecxperience.am I insane? |
| Jamac | Sunday, December 31, 2000 - 12:34 am
Young man, I don't think you are insane. I think what Estrella is saying is completely right. Some times as Somali's we Judge people and it is not fair but we do it any ways. Like the men women situation.
Estrella I would like to ask you one thing I have seen some of the other comments you have made on the other rooms as well. And I think they are amazing. But to me you appear to be this masteries person. How come you never write more than once about each topic. I would love to see more of your comments on the other discussion rooms. And by the way there is this guy who left you his e-mail address in the general chat room for mature adults, but then knowing you I think it is very un likely that you will write to him.
there are a lot of people who have great intrust in you so why not leave your e-mail address so that we can write to you. I promise we will not be rude or talk about SEX |
| Kandi | Sunday, December 31, 2000 - 03:14 pm
Jamac tell the girl how you feel dude, and that you wanna get to know her. I know it's none of my business, but i have to put my 2 sences in.
This younger men and older women business is not so smart because men are immature when they're older but to hook up a younger one is even worst. The women have to babysithim, look for him, and try to keep up with is him. And after few year do to his immaturity he's gonna want younger chick, cuz he think he's the hot sh*t. Don't think I'm saying this because i'm not confident enough it's just how sh*t goes now a days. Hey how about the Idea of Older Women being Arranged With Younger Men. Guys what if your father comes to you and says I have found the one for you, she's smart beautifull, mature and she's 10yrs older. What wouldn't I give to see that day.
Daadir I do not have multiple personality so pleaze ease up with the cheap insults. All I said was Arrange marriage works when the two people involve are on the same page. And no arrangement with us..it was all joke, and who the hell are we to judge how people get to getter and marry. We should all shut the fank up about the subject. |
