     ANISA | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 11:49 am
I am a 22 year old somali girl. I live with my mother. I love her more than my own life and she is everything to me.
But then there is also this guy (oo ay sheeko naga dhaxayso,) he is simply everything I would have wanted in a somali guy. Okey, here is the catch, I don't care about qabiil, nither does he, but my family sort of look at that thing. I never told my mother that there is this guy in my life because she does not expect that sort of thing from me since I am going to school.
More than 0nce, my older sister mentioned what qabiil that I am supposed to not mix with and the guy happen to be one of those qabiil's that I am not used to be mixing with. I don't actually care about what my sister have to say as much as what my mother would say, but I am worried about how to tell my mother about the guy and how she will react when or as to what extend she does not want me to go into this particular qabiil.
If anybody knows how to handle this kind of situations without bringing any difficulties to my mother or to the guy, please help.
And thank you all in advance.
ANISA |
| Anonymous | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 11:59 am
If u need some advice, then you gotta give us full details. What are the qabiil that you are not supposed to marry from? That way we drop you some lines that can enlighten things.
Thanks |
| spike | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 12:12 pm
if u r a somali and u find another person happin to be a somali to get to marry, i say u very lucky.
so do marry the dude and tell your mother that he is a nice guy and he will be nice in-law.
let me tell u one thing , i personally do have plenty of girls that wants to marry me, but non of them is from somali, so u are in a better position than me, so i say count your blessings and say al-hamdulilah |
| MO-man | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 12:25 pm
No you do not need to elaborate-what you've said is quite clear enough. My suggestion: before you go to your mother proclaiming your love for this guy, first make clear your position on the topic of qabiil. Make it clear to your family that qabiil plays no role in whom you choose to make friends with-but do this gradually. Let's say your having dinner and your sister says "do you know that so and so is marrying blah blah-can you believe that? They're not the same qabiil"
You would then reply, tentatively ofcourse,"I believe you can marry anyone-different qabil or not." After a two week period you should have made your views and messsage so clear that there is no doubt on where you stand on the topic. And eventually the day will come where you introduce "a new friend" to your family...you get the point. Just keep your skirt on and I'm sure you'll eventually get married.
MO-man |
| Anonymous | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 12:39 pm
Anisa,
You seem to be sincere about your love for this guy, but you already mentioned your mom is also more important and more importantly that you're not supposed a knot right now since you're going to school and achieving something. so wait and don't mention anything to your family and keep seeing him the way you see him now, maybe by the time you're ready and standing on your feet you can make a sound decision, in your case "Only time will tell" so stick around with this guy and don't hurry. |
| LiberalL | Friday, March 30, 2001 - 06:05 am
Anisa:
I have never been in situation like this so it's easy for me to say whatever i think. But here it goes.I think u should consult it with your mother first before this gets any furter. U might be in love with the guy, but u also need your family and u wouldn't want to make a choice between them in 1 or 2 years down the road. I know we all like to keep a blind eye, but qabiil is part of us. A lot of families encourage their children to marry within their qaabil including mine. So, sweety, come clean with your mom right now and maybe she'll understand.
Hope that was helpful.
All the best.
LiberalL |
| Specialdelivery | Friday, March 30, 2001 - 06:23 am
Anisa, as long as the man is a muslim, tell your family it is unIslamic to reject a person on the basis of qabil and the like. And you know moms....they always come around after the initial anger. Tell you sister to retire her current mindset and join the 21st century. |
| Honesita | Saturday, March 31, 2001 - 04:21 am
The only one makin' sense up in here is LiberaL........!!
Anisa ur problem is real serious girl.....and if u dont come clean with ur mother now.....u're gonna be real hurt.......she's gonna find out sooner or later.....so let it be u who she finds out from.......and dont worrry about u bein' 21....u r not a child.......u're a grown up who can make her own choices.......! Introduce the guy to ur mother first as a friend......let her get to know him......then slowly tell her that this brotha is da one u wanna be with..........of course she's gonna mind in the beginin'......but u have to try hard to prove to ur mother qabil aint nothin' but hadal....!! If u luv the guy...dont give up on him........u can convince ur mother if u put ur mind into it......but if she does not agree.....sis just leave the guy......cuz there r a lot of fish in da sea......!!
Wish u best of luck...!
Salaam |
| nitro | Saturday, March 31, 2001 - 05:11 am
Anisa
Qabil is a cancer in our society.It affects everyhting in our life.And most important of all it affects our love.No matter how much you ignore there is no escape from it.It destroyed our nation and it is destroying our families.Since both your family and your man are important to you,be mindful.dont make any final though yet.Eveything has gain and lose.You might gain the benefit of your love,but at the same time lose the benefit of your family to some degree.You will be forced to make choises one day down the road.Choose the one which is the most important to you.Your man or your family.
In my opinion i will advice you to choose your family.A familly is forever.They will always be there for you.You could always replace a man no matter how much you love.And furthermore you will never know if he is gonna be there for you for life.
And talk to your familly and see where they stand.My be they are not so serious about qabil as you think.Just try.
That is my advice...hope it helps. |
