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SomaliNet Forums Archives: Before May 2001
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     | Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 02:35 am When I was in Somalia the UN paper there had a cartoon character called Khat Man. Personally I didn't think it was very funny. What do most of you guys think of Beavis and Butthead? If we could get them on local TV in Somalia would they be popular? Could we make a Somali version where they aree a couple of Bonhead Moryan? This could be big. You guys have such a name with nicknames I'm sure you could come up with a couple of names for your characters.
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| | Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 12:02 pm Yeah Yeah I think Beavis and Butthead will scoooore big time.....Beavis (Doofaar= Pig)=Caydiid Jr,Butthead(Dameer or Donkey)=Cali Mahdi.....What do U think Anonboy? Wa bilaahi towfiiq----------->
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| | Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 07:42 pm SHE TOWFIIQ MY BLACK ASS BIYAACH.
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| | Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 10:51 pm Biyaach - interesting word. Sounds vaguely familiar to bitch. She So the names would be Doofar and Dammer. I like it. This has great potential. I need to find a cartoonist.
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| | Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 06:56 pm I think without the Y and the double A's and replaced with simple T; It could sound like it.
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| | Tuesday, August 08, 2000 - 11:23 pm Doofaar and Dammeer Doofaar - Ahhhhh, dude. This Djibouti thing is beginning to suck. Dammeer - yeah, people might begin to think we're not the big cheeses here. We could be forced to get day jobs or something. That would suck. Doofaar - Hey Dammeer, I thought, like, ya know, if things get bad we can move to Kenya. And take money and chicks with us. That would be cool. And we could eat Nachos. Doofaar - We're Somalis dude. We don't eat nachos and stuff. Dameer- Oh yeah, I forgot. We're suppose to worship Allah, and pray and fast on Ramadan and not kill our brother Muslims - even the ones who are political enemies. But doing all that stuff sucks. It's more fun if we can steal and rape chicks and stuff. Hey Doofaar, I've got an idea. Why don't we go to Djibouti and just kill everyone? Doofaar - Huh Huh, Huh Huh. Yeah, that's a cool idea asswipe. We could go there, kill everyone, and then come back to Hamer and RULE!!!!!! Yeah, let's do it!!!! Tune in next week for "Doofaar and Dameer"
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| | Tuesday, August 08, 2000 - 11:25 pm Hmmmmmmmmm
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| | Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 12:59 am DOOFAAR AND DAMEER ADDRESSING THE UN: by analyzer DOOFAAR: ehheehhh,,we are,like, warlords, huhhuuh!! DAMEER: ohhhohh!!hheeeh yeah...in Somalia....we RULE!!! DOOFAAR: shut up dumpass!!!we don't rule everywhere,,heehh eheehh!! DAMEER: oh!! yeahh..ehheehhh..eheehhhhhe huhh, we, kinda rule,,, aren't we like supposed to go,,,, huhhehh.. the conference DOOFAAR: They like dont want us...huhehhheh.. DAMEER: hehheeeh!! yea!! they suck... DOOFAAR: i bet, like, we could get some chicks! huhh DAMEER: heehhh!! huhhh!!ehehh.. yeah!! chicks(he furiously wanders around the room while dameer has his shirt held up above his head) yellin' chicks..!!!chiiicks!!! next episode Dameer will have his fingers chopped off by listening doofaar's advise when they go expedition together
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| | Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 09:16 am To Anonymous; No I do not think Beavis and Butthead would be popular in Somalia, firstly because they're a intended for white guys named chris and Bob, and you know how white people are challenged humour wise,(just ask Mad Mac or better yet read what he posted) and secondly because they suck, I'd rather stick with Oday Cabdulle. To Mad Mac: lacnatullahi calayk dude.
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| | Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 11:17 pm Anonymous Ahhhhh, what does that mean dude?
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| | Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 06:16 am madmac *lacnatullahi calayk dude* meeans- may allah condemn you.
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| | Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 11:46 am To Analyzer: You're even worse than mad mac.
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| | Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 10:27 pm Sweetgirl Actually I like analyzer. He makes a lot of valid points here in the forums. Chill little sister. I'm glad to see you're praying for me, but don't you thnk a good Muslim is suppose to pray to save my soul rather than condemn it?
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| | Friday, August 11, 2000 - 06:35 am b dawodeedu waa in aad wadddankii ku noqoto oo aad ilaah u soo noqoto.tuladdadii orod u gaar haddaad awoodina dadkaaga la tasho si ay deddeg meeshaa kuugu dhaadhiciyaan
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| | Friday, August 11, 2000 - 07:33 am To Mad Mac: First of all do not call me "little sister", I am not little and I am definetly not your sister. I'll give you the credit for giving me that good suggestion, I'll pray to Allah to save your soul, as a matter of fact today is friday and I happen to be going to the mosque. But I will only stop condemning you when you change that sarcastic tone of yours. Sweetgirl
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| | Sunday, August 13, 2000 - 06:47 am Sweetgirl Fadlan Abai. You remind me of something. When I was young my father started taking me to Karate lessons. I liked it, but I noticed he never took them and was wondering why he started sending me. So one day I said "Dad, I like Karate, but what gave you the idea to send me to karate lessons anyway" My dad says, "Son, God gave you a small body but a big mouth. You're gonna need this."
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| | Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 11:17 pm Daameer: Hey Doofar, aren't you suppose to be controlling Baidoa. Doofaar: Shut up dumbass. Thos stupid Rahanweyne control it now. Daameer: But if they control it how are we going to kill those stupid new parlimentarians. Maybe we should cann Abdullahi Yusuf and see if he can help. Doofaar: You're so stupid, Daameer. Then we'll have his militia living here stealing our stuff. Besides, you joined the conference too. That means he'll kill you as well. Daameer: Oh yeah, I forgot. That would suck. Maybe I can become president again - like I used to sort of be. Doofaar: Look asswipe, you can't become president again. The Manifesto group thinks you're an idiot. So do most of the other Somalis. And Hussein Bod is pissed off anyway, so he's going to sabotage any effort you make to be president. Maybe you can get a job as dog catcher - there's too many of those things running around here now anyway. Daameer: That would be cool. Doofaar: Dumbass that would suck. Those things are Xaram. What's the matter with you? Don't you read the Qur'an? Daameer: Now if I read the Qur'an, would I be a warlord. Doofaar: Oh yeah, I forgot.
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| | Friday, August 18, 2000 - 06:15 pm Mad Mac: it sucks big time. I have a hard time believing you're white, you know so much about Somalia, and you seem to have this thing against the •••••• clan. What have they done to you? And why do you keep on referring to the quran everytime, you are so anti-islam. I just want to know why you're so bitter? May be you lost some of you're friends, or perhaps a family member. What is your case mad mac? Tell us.
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| | Sunday, August 20, 2000 - 11:21 pm Sweetgirl I got to tell you you sure ain't sweet with me. But anyway, you asked and I'll respond. I am lilly white. I am an intelligence officer in the US Army so I spent a lot of time learning about the different clans and personalities and who is involved in what. Since all I got is the dots I'm not sure what clan you refered to but if I had to guess it would be the Haaweeya (I mispelled it to get rid of the dots). I have nothing against them. In fact I'm really tight with the Abgal. When it comes to the Gedirs, while I'm passed my bitterness, yes, they did kill some friends of mine. I'm certainly not anti-Islam. Look at what I wrote carefully. What I wrote was that if these guys (Ali Mahdi, Hussein Aideed, etc) were real Muslims they wouldn't be blood sucking warlords. A true moslem doesn't act like an animal and rip off his own people or encourage injustice, etc. Don't assume that because I'm not a Muslim I'm anti-Islamic, that's ridiculous. As you have noted elsewhere, much (not all) of Islamic doctrine constitute my personal beliefs. If you want me to elaborate please feel free to e-mail me at: iikorpsg2of@ha.c5.army.mil Be cool abai. Nabad Gelyo.
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| | Monday, August 21, 2000 - 07:34 am Ok Ok I'll give you a break, I'll leave you alone. You're not worth my time anyway. Until next time, watch your mouth.
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| | Monday, August 21, 2000 - 10:18 pm Sweetgirl I don't want you to give me a break. I just want to make my point. I'm pro-Somalia and I'm not anti-Islam. In fact, if more Somalis would read the Qur'an (instead of just popping off about it) and take to heart what it says Somalia would be much the better for it. I have two concerns when it comes to Islam and Somalia. The first is this perception, fed by history, which says America and the west are anti Islam. Somalia needs to foster ties with the west - and the east and everywhere else. It maintains false suspicion of western intention to its detriment. The second is people who commit all manner of crime in the name of Islam. This can be seen in all societies (in America you have the religious right bilking old people out of the retirement pensions so that the blood suckers can live in luxury - just despicable). I think it is unhealthy wherever you see it. The first and most important right of any citizen of any country is the right to be left alone - and sometimes Moslems can be a little pushy about foisting their faith at the expense of this right. That's all I'm saying. You be cool abai. Ciao.
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| | Monday, September 11, 2000 - 10:00 pm big mac, what's up dog? how is that mil..life treatin' ya... take a vacation from your primary job (somali politics) to your secondary (..........) and have some sunlight you cockyhead major or private or whatever the hell you are..... we need some time alone to rebuild the country and little patient with guys like you....ok...you can come back in couple years and we would welcome you with open arms and a treat with a luxury hotel and more if you behave well.....but you will pay for it....
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| | Thursday, September 14, 2000 - 01:54 am Analyzer Keeping busy, you know. Full time woman at the house, working exercises, going to conference, the usual crap. The Planning for MAC's Militia is going well though. I can wait until 2004 and then, ready or not, here I come......
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| | Wednesday, October 04, 2000 - 11:00 pm Salute Major Mad Mac! A SOLDIER RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T SHOW IT TO HIS FRIENDS, BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER'', AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE: M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT. O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED. T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE. H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO. E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT. R- IS FOR THE RYTHM WE HAD. THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" AND THATS WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS. HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID: F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME. A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE. T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN. H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE. E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP. R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD. AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER. AND THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY: B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER. A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET. B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE. Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO". SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER....SO SHE WROTE THE DICKLESS FAGGOT BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID: B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME. A- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID. S- IS FOR THE GOOD PUSSY YOU SUCKED. T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD. F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE. R- IS THE THE RASH ON YOUR ASS. I-IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS ORING. E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM. N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE. D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE. AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" AND THATS WHO I WAS FUCKIN WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.
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| | Thursday, October 05, 2000 - 12:11 am The good, the bad and the ugly 1.Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer 3. Good: Your son is finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you 4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there Ugly: You're in them 5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them 6. Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you 7. Good: You give the "birds and bees:" talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections 8. Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas 9. Good: You son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's your best friend 10. Good: Your daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way ugly: She makes more money than you do!
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| | Wednesday, November 01, 2000 - 10:34 pm MARRIAGES I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ____________ I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. ____________ Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. ____________ The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------- A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power." Do you know the punishment for bigamy? >Two mothers-in-law. ____________ Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for >free. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying. ***************************** Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St.Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here." ************************
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