     Helper | Saturday, July 01, 2000 - 11:50 am
How to Make your Wife Happy
To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books.
The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia.
The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy These are the best Arabic books I have seen on this subject. They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life.
The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the FIRST book.
This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission. How to make your wife happy !! (Part 1) ---------------------------------------
The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
1. Beautiful Reception After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you: * begin with a good greeting. * Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well. * Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations * Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones. * Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks. * Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands. * Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
3. Friendliness and Recreation
* Spend time talking together.
* Spread to her goods news.
* Remember your good memories together.
4. Games and Distractions
* Joking around & having a sense of humor.
* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
4. Assistance in the Household
* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
5. Consultation (Shurah)
* Specifically in family matters.
* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
* Studying her opinion carefully.
* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
6. Visiting Others
* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
7. Conduct During Travel
* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
* Ask her to pray for him.
* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
* Give her enough money for what she might need.
* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
* Return as soon as possible.
* Bring her a gift!
* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
* Take her with you if possible.
8. Financial Support
* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
9. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
* Always being clean and neat.
* Put on perfume for her.
10. Intercourse
* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
* Begin with foreplay including words of love.
* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
* Relax and joke around afterwards.
* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
11. Guarding Privacy
* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
12. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
13. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
* Give them presents on special occasions.
* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
14. (Islamic) Training & Admonition This includes
* The basics of Islam
* Her duties and rights
* Reading and writing
* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs * Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
15. Admirable Jealousy
* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are: 1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.
16. Patience and Mildness
* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
* How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the hsuband should consider the following:
- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words. Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi.
***Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.*** |
| hebel | Saturday, July 01, 2000 - 10:12 pm
ya've got to be out of yar kinky mind. |
| muslima | Sunday, July 02, 2000 - 07:15 am
assalaamu caleykum waraxmatulahi wabarakaauh.
whoever wrote this jasaaka allah kheyran and please keep the good work. |
| Anonymous | Sunday, July 02, 2000 - 08:24 am
hadaad u leeftid, your wife will be happy! |
| CiiseRooti | Sunday, July 02, 2000 - 10:17 pm
Ya should also read. dis book with da "How to make your Wife fall in love with you" by Lown Lowndes
Yacni waa hadii xaaskaadu aysan ahayn Islaam. oo ay tahay "Goyim"..Gaal
peace my ppl
CiiseRooti |
| NeefoowKaniini | Monday, July 03, 2000 - 08:47 am
,,,Hebel xaa ka fiican too Istabaalkii Fartiini famrayeeri ka ah Amuuraanti ha kuugu noqoto ama walbahee adiga baasto ku noqo,,Bacdigeed Rajaalo ha kuu keento Sarwaal Balluuto ah iyo Jaakad Jeemis ah iyo hal armmeelo oo faryarta,,,Adna lama rubujeeto iyo hal saftaleeti,,rufiyaan dhexdiinya Karbiid ii arbiiq gaas ah la rorogga Oosan he jirin,,!!!!!! Janno Janno ku sug ahaa!! Yeyba ku istiimin sidii Ajentigii is baashteynaayay,,,, |
| Mariah | Monday, July 03, 2000 - 12:45 pm
Well if all men would follow everything that you listed above........life would be great.
But who we are kidding......... |
| Abdirizak | Monday, July 03, 2000 - 03:45 pm
Asalaamu Caleykun.I greatly appreciate the good advice U brought here.
Other guys bro.don't play your religion.
Jazaka lah.& ever too. |
| hebel | Monday, July 03, 2000 - 07:46 pm
YAAAAAHHHHUUUUUUUUU aan ku iri neefoow..ma kaniiniyaad rabtaa waa adigaan daldalmaayo sidii tooretooraha super unleaded lagaaga shubee? |
| NeefoowKaniini | Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 06:38 am
,,,,Hebel arooy
Kaniin adoo la yaal kor lagaaga yimid xaa ku kurbo ah.
Koronta Kuudato kibir u taabo xaa ku kurbo ah!! |
| Anonymous | Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 07:12 am
get alife and a social life!!y'all are lonely loosers! |
| SUHUUR | Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 04:21 pm
eh? mind clearing the point where u said hit her but not hard enough? i mean really?! |
| sweetie | Wednesday, July 05, 2000 - 06:12 am
Dear helper thank u very much 4 the piece of advice,I wish pple could digest this messege to the rear,Do u know how i can get both books in english?. plz write me the address of the publishers.Keep up the good work. To hebel and neefow u both seem to be floating in ur own world u like poking ur noses where it doesnt belong to. Get bussy....Empty vessel makes......To suuhur plz read btw the lines. |
| j.m. | Wednesday, July 05, 2000 - 08:35 am
sweetie, you wish people could digest this message to the rear? what! |
| MN man | Wednesday, July 05, 2000 - 08:48 am
Khuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukh
Damn that was boring! |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, July 05, 2000 - 11:57 am
Geeeee..... This is not for the Somali women..
Got it... |
| Muslim Brother | Thursday, July 06, 2000 - 09:05 pm
Mahad Illah baa leh kii noo adeejiyay Helper in uu noo soo qoro Fartiintaan qaaliga ah.
Waxaana ku oronaynaa "Helper" Illaahay ha ku siiyo Jannatul Fardoowsa.
Jazaaka Allahu Khayraa
Hana ka yaabin dadka wayaabaha xun meesha ku qoraya waa "Doqomo" Ummad waliba doqomadooday iska wadataa............. |
| OPSERVER | Monday, July 24, 2000 - 06:37 am
haaa haaaa haaa!!! you fucking can't mean that grown up women should allow themselves to be beaten up.! u must be bleeding jocking!!!!
WHAT KIND OF PERVERT ARE YOU?!!! |
| caamir | Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 01:38 am
helper
very good advice but i think the wording needs to change in some places. i guess this was direct translation of Arabic phrases. it may sound nice in arabic but in other language some of it could sound bit Autocratic.
specailly in somali for instance, where you said "leaving home long time without permission", could be better expressed by saying "leaving home without acknowledgment". I am sure if you tell somali chick you can't leave home without permision that will start some wild fire. so to make it appeal to them, you have to get rid of all the words which may sound that the woman has less power to make her own decissions.
As for the correction of her mistakes, I think light hitting , hard hitting or any sort of hitting should never be encouraged. That never brings any solution. It may relieve some of your anger but that doesn't necessarily mean the other person is feeling the same. what the person feels inside is more improtant in relationship and the use of force to make her do something doesn't sound right. I suppose thinking about the causes of her contempt may be closer to the solution.
finally, this was written by man for a men, we still don't know what females think about it. It would have been better if it was written by woman for a man, that way at least we will know the view on the other end of the scale. |
| Hafsa | Tuesday, July 25, 2000 - 06:42 am
Helper,
I believe you are totally right and the path to Jannah includes a respectable bond between husband and wife.
Caamir**I see where you're coming from and i sense that you were not raised in Somalia or were little then? Really no offense but YOU COMPLETELY TOOK OVER THE WESTERN CULTURE. If you are claiming that you have not, then why are you saying things like that you can't tell a somali chick to ask permission first to leave the house?Hey that's our diin.
I'm a teenage somali lady(don't want anything to do with this messed up "western culture") I would not have any problems to do that cause i ain't got nothing to hide do you know what i'm saying? o.k some of them can't put up with that
1*because they don't know the diin very well
2*they like to live the western coulture
I have to say it's all about who is close to his religion and who's not!
If you are religious( a good muslim person)
*you agree
If you are not religious(not a muslim or a weak one)* You disagree.
May God Bless US! amiin |
| caamir | Wednesday, July 26, 2000 - 03:10 am
hafsa
As you rightly pointed out, we are on different waves length. I must be talking as a worn out experienced dude with much understanding of human nature's unpleasent bits. whereas you as a teenager you are just fresh and full of energy. I admire your religous devotion though i'm little bit worried whether you will still have the same commitment when you get to my age. |
| Anonymous | Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 12:11 am
As the local gaal (it's MAD MAC) on the net I have a question. Islam allows the marriage between a Muslim man and a non-Muslim woman. Yet this is written as if the woman were neccessarily Muslim. Is a non-Muslim woman expected to wear Hijab, ask permission to leave the house, stay out of the company of men (I'm talking friendship here, not screwing around), etc? Is this addressed anywhere in the Qur'an or the Hadith? |
| Anonymous | Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 12:28 pm
men you dont get it eh we are talking about how to make yor wife happy
simple witha littile TLC that all
respect and MOST importanly UNDERSTANDING
lol i sound like a song |
