     marian | Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 03:58 pm
Jewish Jokes
How was copper wiring invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny!
How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
They put parking meters on the roof!
Why is money green?
Because Jews pick it before it's ripe!
What candy did Hitler hate more then any other?
Jew Jew Beans... Although I heard he enjoyed them "roasted!"
If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A fur coat!
Why don't Jews eat pork?
They may be a lot of things, but CANNIBALS they're not!
Why aren't Jews attacked by sharks?
Professional courtesy!
Do you know how to keep Jews out of a country club?
Let one in, and he'll keep the rest out.
What's the Jewish version of foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.
How can you tell the mother-in-law at a Jewish wedding?
She's the one on her hands and knees picking up the rice!
Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!
What's the difference between a circumcision and crucifixion?
In a crucifixion, they throw the whole Jew out!
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Someone dropped a quarter!
Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.
What did the Jewish mother ask her daughter when she learned she had an affair?
Who catered it?
What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.
(Man says) Did you hear about the New Jewish sports car? (Woman says) no. (Man) It stops on a dime and picks it up to!!
What is the cheapest candy in the world??? A. Jew-Jewbs.
How do they take the sensus in Israel? They roll a nickle down the street .
What do jews do when they are cold? They sit around a candle!! What do they do when they are really cold?? They light it!!
Have you heard of the big-nosed Jewish pancake maker? Aunt Jewmima
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A. He got the gas bill.
Roses are redish, Violits are bluish,if it wasn't for Christmas we'd all be jewish.
How do you get 50 jews in a taxi? Drop a coin in.
Why do Jews have thick windows? So their kids don't hear the ice-cream truck.
GOD SAID TO MOSES "COME FORTH" BUT HE TRIPPED AND CAME FIFTH .
Q:what is the job of a jewish football player A:to get the quater back.
What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe
tips!
What's a Jewish dilemma?
Free ham.
What's the difference between a Jewish bitch and a barracuda?
Nail polish.
What's the difference between an elephant and a Jew?
An elephant eventually forgets.
A nigger was walking down the street, kicking some rubbish out of his way, when he spotted something amid the trash that gleamed strangely. It urned out to be an oddly shaped bottle, and when he rubbed it, a Jewish genie appeared. "I'll give you two wishes," quipped the genie. "Far out," said the black man. "First, I want to be white, uptight, and out of sight!" Second, I want to be surrounded by warm, sweet pussy. So the genie turned him into a TAMPON! The moral of this story: You can't get anything from a Jew without strings attached!
How do you stop a Jewish girl from fucking you?
Marry her!
Why do jewish bitches only sleep with circumcised men?
They want 20% off everything!
What's the difference between between karate and judo?
Karate is a form of self-defense, and judo is what bagels are made of.
Did you hear that the limbo was invented by the Jews?
Yeah, from sneaking into pay toilets.
What's the definition of a queer Jew?
Someone that likes girls more then money.
What do you call ten Jewish bitches in a basement?
A WHINE cellar.
Why did the Jewish mother have herself entombed at Bloomingdales?
So her daughter would visit at least twice a week.
What's the difference between a vulture and a Jew?
A vulture waits until you're dead to eat your heart out!
A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious. "I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim. Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we were being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my faith in the Almighty Allah. I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for a hundred metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am now learning to recite the Quran by memory." "One day while fishing," started the Christian, " I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my faith in Jesus Christ. I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 300 metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Christian and am now teaching young children about Him." "One day I was walking down the road," explained the Jew, " I was in my most expensive designer outfit in the middle of New York city. Suddenly I saw a black bag on the ground in front of me appear from nowhere. I put my hand inside and found that it was full of cash. I truly thought my end had come as it was a Saturday and we are not allowed to handle money on the Sabbath. But I did not lose my faith in Jehovah. I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 500 metres all around me, it was Tuesday...
What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe tips! |
