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SomaliNet Forums Archives: Before May 2001
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     | Monday, January 29, 2001 - 03:03 pm EMBARRASSING FIRST DATE This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays... This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on September 7, 1999. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte . They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"  He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would taking something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. Rescue accomplished, they returned to the car although for the remainder of the trip home there wasn't much conversation and apparently, despite their "intimate encounter," the two did not see one another again. As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing... A whole new definition of being "pissed off"
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| | Monday, January 29, 2001 - 03:08 pm If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it) A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they figure this out, and why?) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still can't get over that pig thing) (Don't try this at home...maybe at work?) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) (And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmmmm........) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did taxpayers pay for this research??) Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, ask them?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...can you imagine?? And why pigs?) A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. (Creepy) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the....) (Well, at least pigs get a break there...) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez) (That's almost as bad as catfish) An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too.) After reading all these, all I can say is............. Lucky Pigs.......
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| | Monday, January 29, 2001 - 03:13 pm 40 THINGS ADMISSIONS NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT COLLEGE 1. Quarters are like gold. 2. Two meals a day is standard. 3. Road trip whenever possible. 4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before. 5. You will begin to nap again. 6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition. 7. Squirt guns=stress relief. 8. Email becomes your second language. 9. College students throw paper airplanes too. 10.You never realized so many people were smarter than you. 11.Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite last week's re-run ofSeinfeld verbatim. 12.You will never rent more movies in your life. 13.No one is too old for video games. 14.The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that. 15.Care packages are right up there with birthdays. 16.Campus is only clean for family weekend and freshman orientation. 17.It never sucked so much to get sick. 18.Nothing you want to register for will be open. 19.Beware of the freshman 15. 20.Be creative in the dining hall. 21.Classes: the later the better. 22.You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you. 23.Disney movies are more than just classics. 24.Asleep by 2:30 A.M. is an early night. 25.Cereal makes a meal any time of the day. 26.New additions to food groups: Jolt Cola, Ramen, and Pizza. 27.ATMs are the devil's advocate. 28.Duct tape heals all wounds. 29.Pro Wrestling is suddenly cool again. 30.Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them even more. 31.Showers become less important, sleep becomes more important. 32.You will eat anywhere that is a buffet. 33.You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes. 34.Procrastination is an art form. 35.Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires. 36.The only time to dress up is when all your jeans are dirty. 37.You'll eat anything if it's free. 38.College football is the coolest thing on the planet. 39.Cartoons are for all ages, especially Scooby Doo. 40.No matter how hard you try...You are never alone.
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| | Tuesday, January 30, 2001 - 09:17 am some facts for funn huh!well keep it up baby.
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| | Tuesday, January 30, 2001 - 04:30 pm Ayaanick, hon.loooooooooooooooool... loved them all. The first one is my fav. tho. That was great sis thnx. Peace, Love and Happiness
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| | Tuesday, January 30, 2001 - 11:35 pm Ayaanick! About time u post some Jokes, instead of helping others with their problems, and also expressing ya mind wit ya lovely words. That were funny sis. I luv it...Hot pee,30min., and #37>>>been there. Keep it up the jokes....Next time can u share ya embarrasing date that u ever had? lolll
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| | Wednesday, January 31, 2001 - 06:56 am those were hilarious, especially the embarrassing Date...i am still laughing...thanx for the laugh
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| | Friday, February 02, 2001 - 06:45 am jut make the short!!
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 01:13 pm Nice work Ayaanick but I'm still mad at u after what u did the other nite. Still, I didn't know u tell jokes...or maybe they ain't urs(??) Take care lady. Truly yours. Jamjas.
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| | Monday, February 05, 2001 - 01:35 pm Jamjas: who are you? and why are you mad at me for walaal?
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| | Saturday, February 10, 2001 - 01:43 pm bitch shut the fu*K up u HE BITCH
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| | Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 08:55 am LOLOLO 
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| | Friday, February 16, 2001 - 06:18 pm Hey this may sound funny, but, you need to get life and get out of the house and front of the computer. you low life out of work/school, sleeping all day and on the net all night, wonder why you so fat, i know you big mouth, use the time and energy you used to write all these, to go to school or work bitch low life
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| | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 04:16 pm AYANICK WZUP BABY? I LIKE WOMEN WITH SENSE OF HUMOR, I'M STILL LAUGHING ABOUT YOUR JOKES. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED I WILL LOVE TO TAKE YOU OUT FOR A DINER OR LUNCH JUST TO LISTEN TO YOUR JOKES AND GET TO KNOW YOU. I LIKE TO TRAVEL AND I WILL TRAVEL FOR YOU IF YOU LIVE IN THE U.S.A BY THE WAY I LIVE ATLANTA GA. EMAIL ME AT RAHEMALIK@AOL
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| | Monday, February 19, 2001 - 04:21 pm I,M SORRY AYAANICK MY EMAIL IS RAHEMALIK1@AOL I FORGOT TO AD THE 1. I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON
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| | Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 05:30 pm i dont know what the •••• yall are talking about your jokes stink. i never been so fuckin bored on the net yo ass needs to get off im sick and tired of seein your name all over the fuckin screen. how bout you go find a hobbie or somin. and go •••• Minnesota or where eva you be livin. peace biiiaaatttccchhhhh!!!!!!!!
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| | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 09:23 am Well; well; I see that I have been getting a lot of love from all of my brothers, and sisters. To answer some of your comments guyz, first of all, I have posted this page just because i wanted to. And if you were all smart you would figure out that I didn't sit here and type all of this stuff, there is somthing called "copy&paste!! Damn it, but you guyz wouldn't know that now would you? I am quiet busy with my studies, and I hardly have the time nor the energy to post comments on the net, but it seems like to me that you obvously enjoying them cause if you didn't you wouldn't be commenting. Whatever you may call yourselves, I would say shut the f-up- aight! I don't like insulting people so please don't push me to edge. A/Aziz: now to you, what can I say man, you just seem very pathetic, and how the f--do you know what I do, and when I do it. I will have you know that I am a full time student, who has more energy then you could ever get. I work part time, and volunteer, on top of that I am the president of the African Association at my school...when I am not doing that, I have my nephew "Hamze he is a handfull to handle,,now that says a lot about who I am I guess, but then again what the f--would you know!! Before you just insult someone you haven't met, I would say take a really good look at yourself. I really don't want to stoop down to your level cause well your just a child who hasn't been potty trained yet "Hamze would be more then happy to show you how"?? Laterzzz people!! ayaanickkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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| | Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 05:56 pm In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a farmer were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented,"I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be sanitary." The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the Wharton Law and they taught us to be environmentally conscious." The farmer zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Minnesota State ......... and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
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| | Monday, February 26, 2001 - 04:37 am AYAANICK, SIS YOU TALK TO MUCH IT IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE IF U WANT THAT COME TO MY YARD BITCH U LL NEVER ASK 4 IT AGAIN
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| | Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 08:11 pm Ayaanick, i enjoy what you are doing and you deserve a shout out gal, keep up the good work. i guess all i would say is that some people just can't let others express or show what they know. I have a question about the last one though. For instance, if it were a contest who would win a prize?
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| | Tuesday, March 06, 2001 - 04:12 pm Girl i got to come visit you in mankato.. damn your that bad...Well didn't know much about you hunh<>
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| | Wednesday, March 07, 2001 - 10:18 am To SomeGuy: They say don't judge book by it's cover so I really don't know what exactly you mean, but hey sure if you like this little town come on down, just don't expect me to show you around aight! I am not bad, but I have what some people call "sense of humor", I can't help it it's a family thing. Who ever you are just hope you don't get the wrong idea of me. Nuff said, its time for me to hit the books holla back if you are out there!! AYaanick
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| | Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 06:41 am heeeeeeeeeeeu Ayaanic,,sweety macaanto,sista ount,,my somalian friend!!!!lol all like all of your joke and every one here can see how smart that you reall are!! 4 reall!!! and you know what ignor thoze who are insulting ya!! cuss they are j:........s..as we all know man don't like smart women!!! so pssssssst to them all aight so girl keep your head up high aight nothing but love siata nad i got ya back!!! caio!!!!
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| | Wednesday, April 04, 2001 - 07:18 am Well; well; I see that I have been getting a lot of love from all of my brothers, and sisters. To answer some of your comments guyz, first of all, I have posted this page just because i wanted to. And if you were all smart you would figure out that I didn't sit here and type all of this stuff, there is somthing called "copy&paste!! Damn it, but you guyz wouldn't know that now would you? I am quiet busy with my studies, and I hardly have the time nor the energy to post comments on the net, but it seems like to me that you obvously enjoying them cause if you didn't you wouldn't be commenting. Whatever you may call yourselves, I would say shut the f-up- aight! I don't like insulting people so please don't push me to edge. A/Aziz: now to you, what can I say man, you just seem very pathetic, and how the f--do you know what I do, and when I do it. I will have you know that I am a full time student, who has more energy then you could ever get. I work part time, and volunteer, on top of that I am the president of the African Association at my school...when I am not doing that, I have my nephew "Hamze he is a handfull to handle,,now that says a lot about who I am I guess, but then again what the f--would you know!! Before you just insult someone you haven't met, I would say take a really good look at yourself. I really don't want to stoop down to your level cause well your just a child who hasn't been potty trained yet "Hamze would be more then happy to show you how"?? Laterzzz people!! ayaanickkkkkkkkkkkkkk ayaanick Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 10:56 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In
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| | Monday, April 09, 2001 - 07:04 am Wow: So I was wrong, someone knew about the paste© thing huh? Interesting. I really wasn't trying to insult anyone, but some people pushed it to the edge. Thank you all so much for you comments, I really do apreciate them. Especial Thanks to Malik, and Layla T. You guys are the best. Makes me want to post more stuff, but I have to get ready for my exams....and a trip to Dubia, so as you can see busy, busy. Respect one another!!! ayaanick
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