     spike | Friday, March 23, 2001 - 02:01 pm
Replacing lost equipment
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together
for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused
by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he
awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would
cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly
every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the
morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a
doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of
it.
He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the
husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out"
until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes,
gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought
occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl
and quietly walked upstairs, hours before her flatulent husband would
awake.
While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers
and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed
all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up,
replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the
family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal
loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream
and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her
eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years
of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes.
She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the
matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me
and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out
one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God
and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in. |
