     Anonymous | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 10:32 am
I am planning to get married. and i really like the way people use to get maaried at back home , u know the arranged marriage, but most of my friends laugh at me when i mention that idea.Is it really so wrong to be in a arrange marraiage.
i know all i have to with is the character of her family, but i think u can tell alot from somone from thier family and they r raised. I am twentysix years old and i am not gettin younger, the clock is ticking if u know what i mean.
girls , am i mad to think about arrange marriage this era in states or it is still normal |
| yasmiina | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 10:40 am
sure you are mad. aboowe you are marrying the girl not her father or her family. arranged marriage does not work these days. and you are playing with a fire because girls are not the same as they were in early 20 century. 26 you are still young try to meet with someone. |
| Hope | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 11:33 am
Salaam all,
looooooooool@ Yasmin that is true according to the contrary sis.
Anonymous: Listen walaalo are u marrying becouse u r tired of the single life and u just need some1
to keep u company?or is it that u got aproposal from ur loving family that they got u agirl? is it
coz u scared of the current wedding planner? lol.
Whichever it might be dear, remember one thing,
marriage may be just eight letter long but it certainly is much harder,stronger,tough,life determination etc. There is more to it,marriage creates abond between you and ur mate,it gives u comfort to hold on to,gives u hope to go on,gives u love to inspire courage and stregth to pass by hard times and hold on to good ones.
What can I say marriage is a blessing walaalo but all those I mentioned above can be achieved if done the rite way from the start!Marry some1 for love regardless of what,all other things can be done afterwards but once u step into the married field it's really difficult to get off lol@
I really hate when parents come in between ur love and u coz am a girl who really loves and respects her parents and I don't know if there's anything I will do against their wishes but I want u to understand that this is ur LIFE not ur mama and papa's life.Anyways u are not having trouble there but one advice don't get urself into
unnecessary misfortunate adventure.You might endure miserable life for urself and ur lucky wife
just coz u were tired of being single.ARRANGED MARRIAGE is certainly not the answer dear so go out and fish around,who knoes u might conqour love at first sight and indeed shall end up together only this time love was the connector,so walaal marry some1 u love and common u only 26 years,u aint old at all,there's still time lol.
Hope I helped!
Salaam. |
| Anonymous | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 12:54 pm
i hear u yasmiina and hope, but do't get me wrong.
to fall in love dose not happin overnight , u got to know the person for a while , see her , deal with her, so the city i live there are not that many somalis to begin with. so my choice is go
another city like toronto or atlanta or even
san diago where there r a lot somaligirls, so
i meet a girl and talk her over the phone
evet week end see her when i get a vaccation.
do u think i will really get to know a girl like that, i mean who really she is. i think that is like arranged marriage.
besides do not laugh i know a lot of couples
that was in love when they got married(at least that is what they though) but end up in a devorce
and i know plenty of couples get married for the first time they met and they r very happy.so there is no gurentee that your girl friend is going to be the love of your live.
but i am cosidering your advice and try my best to find a girl for my self. if it dose not happin fast, i am calling mother to check the cousins...lol |
| kamal | Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 01:25 pm
Statistics show that arranged marrieges have a better chance of survival in the ethnic minority section of the community [UK]. I say take the hassel and strife out of the process and let the whole family share in the rejection process... Even though pschologicaly speaking the chances of male rejection decrease when there is a whole family involved. You see the mother probably spend a lot of time together tied to the end of their phone lines gossiping about cajuus iyo cajuusad baa sameeyey.... Fathers probably trim the lawn grass together... sisters meet at weddings......... Eventually what ever process is used the bottomline is in the somali community it is always about the marriege of the two families... the couple are only the linking cell of the chain... what a tugg off a war...
I think there is always something most somalis don't consider.... running away together and starting over somewhere you are not know and there are no somalis... :|
yo i am 27 and i said the same thing when i was 22 don't take rush into anything bro marriage is like a cage... are you a wild animal hehe...honest though...
Bro as a muslim it is best you get you self a wife as soon as you can affoard to pay the dowry...period... you got the money... you will find the family that will accept you... if you luck you will find a akhwaani muslimad who will accept you for what ever you are and may not have... if you find an akhwaani muslimad...please secure her sister for me.... i am ticking like a nuclear warhead...
truely your commbaadaree |
| Naxar | Friday, February 09, 2001 - 05:53 am
Hey, Kamal, am 27 too, but I think you've got more experience than I've in this area. What're you a social worker, I mean the stuff you wrote up there is fantastic. I did really enjoy reading it, and God I've got semilar feeling about the story. But more importantly, I think we both came to the same conclusion - that Akhwaani is gonna do for us, right?
Well, am not sure but am sensing there's a development of a trend in our male peer group in our society; we kind of getting enough of our women counterparts' attitude. Man, sure am getting sick and tired of their absolutely pathetic attitude. An ain't blaming no one but Somalimen, who let their dauthers, siters, nephews..etc. flout around and forget our beautiful religion and culture.
We've been practicing arranged marriage for thousands of years, when did we decide to sease it. I don't have anything against non-arranged marriages, but am urgueing with women who're utterly against arranged marriage. Girls in this western society will say to you "I don't know him, I need to know him". Of course you've got all the rights to know him, but ask them how would they know him. Here's what one girl said; "I'll go out with him" that includes going cinnema, dinner and cafes with him. Well, if you never know him that'll only tell you whether he likes the same movies, the same food and the same corner of cafe table. BUT will never tell you who really he's.
However, in arranged marriage, first, your family have pretty good idea of what the genes of your chilrn will be, coz they know deeply who they're proposin' for you. Not only will you know how he looks like but everyone in your family is satisfied [in most cases] and know about what he's got in store for you.
So am really very disappointed about learning that Somali people are abondoning their successful marraige system, just seen in the stats that Kamal showed us, and taking a system that doesn't even work for "Kufaars". If you want have very close up study of that system is, have a look at the lives of Holliwood devils. That's what a lot of Somali girls cherish these days and perhaps dream about. Believe me folks that system and our religion can't survive together, either one of them should give way. I hope and pray that to be the devils work and am sure our religion will prevail.
Do you know that most of the Somali divorces in these societies come from couples who found them selves in parties, streets, and in other places that're not really Somali tradition. These couples before marriage used to go every where together, but the dude decides after marraige that he needs his wife to act like a Somali traditional wife. Very bad, she can't believe that, and there it starts, they're not compatible. Even, if they're both successfull people in all other aspects of life, it aian't gonna help. Just like Tom & Nichole, they just need variety, you know....deffirent face.
I believe that's how bad it's gonna get if we don't realize we're being brainwashed here.
God help us,
Naxar |
| Anonymous | Friday, March 30, 2001 - 08:17 am
salaama caleykum
saxiib sheekadaa intaad ka baxdid raadso gabar
walaashaa oo muslimad ah taasaa kuu qayr roon. |
| MUSA | Wednesday, April 04, 2001 - 12:57 pm
everyone is right in here,but what every1 forget is what kind of a girl is he looking for girl deep in his heart and mind,i think he should be
specific before he thinks Marriage,for example he likes the girls with big-chest,big hips,slim or big girls,some one should go with his desire and no need to copy what they calling civilization or westeren style Go for your choice in mind ,then look for her either this way or that way ...both works ,still no one knows what the fate is keeping in secret for us.PLease don't rush,keep searching till you find her,because you are looking for LIF PARTENER. |
