When Dating Turns Violent !!!!!

[Daanyeer]

Source: OhmyNews
February 6, 2008 Author: Joan Dawson

National Teen Dating Violence Week is Feb. 4-8
For many Americans, we first start dating when we are only 14, 15 or 16 years old. This may seem young to many, especially in cultures where dating starts at a much later age. It is also around this time that we start working or thinking about driving a car. This is an age that carries dangers, too, many that we do not always discuss: teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol use, and dating violence. In fact, dating violence has been given very little attention until recently. In 2006, the National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Week started, commemorating the first week of February to bring awareness to this issue.

Dating violence can include controlling, abusive or aggressive behaviors. Perhaps the person tries to tell the other party who to hang out with, what to wear or where to be. The person may resort to verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Using threats, name-calling or insults can be used to harm the person as can shoving, pushing, punching or kicking a person. Sexual abuse ranges from unwanted touching to forcing a person into having sex and even preventing them from using birth control.

Typically, when young females initiate violence, they yell, pinch, slap, scratch or kick. When boys initiate violence, they tend to cause more injury, punch or force a girl into sexual activity (1).

It is startling to read the statistics about teen dating violence:

One in three females report having been fearful in a relationship (2).

Nearly one in four females went further sexually then they wanted to because of pressure (2).

One in five teens in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed (2).

Fifteen percent have suffered severe forms of violence, including being hit, thrown down or attacked with a weapon in the past year (1).

Young teens should be protected from such crimes, but, like many adults, they often live with this problem in silence. In fact, they may not realize they are victims of a crime. They may be embarrassed or confused. They may receive threats from the person. Perhaps they are afraid of telling their parents.

Reasons as to why they stay in the relationship range from having an emotional attachment, to being fearful of leaving, to suffering low self-esteem, to succumbing to social pressures to be in a relationship.

Violence in teen dating relationships can occur sporadically or more frequently, like on a daily basis. Often, it starts out with controlling behavior and builds into more-serious forms of violence. It can happen in heterosexual or homosexual relationships. Nobody is immune. It can happen to girls or boys, although young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rates of dating violence.

When teens experience dating violence, they are more likely to take sexual risks, contract a sexually transmitted disease, do poorly in school or use drugs or alcohol. In addition, girls run the risk of pregnancy and may attempt suicide (3).

Stalking is another problem in teen life. One in 12 women and one in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime (4). Stalking involves behavior that makes one fearful. It can involve following someone, calling them on the phone, or damaging their possessions, among other behaviors (5). As a result of being stalked, a teen may feel vulnerable, depressed, isolated or develop eating problems (5).

It's important that adults model healthy behavior in relationships. We can teach teenagers how to handle stress and conflict. We can teach them how to respect others. And we can let them know where to turn to for help in case they are dealing with someone who cannot.