Fatherless Sons/Daughters

[ms.naliaa]

Does the effects of not having a father figuer run deep??

How many of you grew up without a father and how has it affected you?
Does it affect you at all even?

I saw a clip from one of Oprahs' shows (not a fan of her, but whatever) and there was this little boy that just broke my heart

[Gabre]

[Samatr]

a father figure just puts boys in check, if you have nobody to put you in check while you are a young boy you will not respect authority; usually they end up not respecting their teacher or the law because nobody put them in check while they were young.

[hydrogen]

Does the effects of not having a father figuer run deep??

How many of you grew up without a father and how has it affected you?
Does it affect you at all even?

I saw a clip from one of Oprahs' shows (not a fan of her, but whatever) and there was this little boy that just broke my heart

fixed

[ms.naliaa]

Sam - Dont you think its more than just authority??


Hydro - Thank you.

[quark]

Having a father is very important and its one of the big reasons why the tyrone community in america is in disarray. I am shocked at how many single mothers i see these days in the somali community in my city. Folks are getting divorced over silly things and the kids are the ones who suffer.

[CushiticReflections]

I was just talking about this the other day.

I've noticed that females who grew up without a father-figure tend to crave the attention of males as if to validate themselves or to give themselves worth (not all, but I do notice this with many individuals). Sometimes they seek male attention the wrong way - by dressing a certain way just to attract the male gaze, engaging in sexual activity outside of any relationship in the hopes of getting a relationship, being easily pressured into sex if they're not ready to keep him, by actively pursuing any guy, or if they also crave the approval of society in general they might try to find the most attractive and popular male they can find (and dump the guy they're with to get with him).

They might also tend to jump from relationship to relationship, reluctant to end the one they're in even if there are serious issues and even if she practically hates him unless she has another one waiting for her. Sometimes, these women can get uber competitive for male attention (more so than other women) as they don't want to end up feeling a variety of emotions after another girl has been chosen by the male, often reliving feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and loneliness. They may still feel lonely even if they have a strong, supportive group of female friends as they often undervalue other females and overvalue male attention. Also, I think that they feel the same feelings they had as a child when they routinely felt neglected or abandoned by their fathers and so re-experiencing this becomes their biggest fear.

It might be specific to Western culture, as I've only observed Westernized females exhibit these behaviours. Obviously, not all females who are fatherless are like this, even in Western society. Self-esteem is a major component and I've known some females who don't have fathers who have plenty of it and do not engage in these behaviours.

Males who grow up with an absent or negligent father, I find, tend to be wayward and perform poorly in school and tend to engage in more risky behaviour such as premarital sex, drugs, alcohol, and delinquency.They tend to feel that they lack a male role model and some might adopt a negative male role model or crave male approval or guidance to the point of trying to fit in any group of seemingly ideal male role models. If their mothers work often or are just negligent during their childhoods and early adolescence, this increases the risk of delinquent behaviour and the chances of that child joining a gang or committing a possibly major crime. They might tend to have anger issues. Later in life, they might feel as though they might have struggles with parenthood as they might not have learned how to be a father from their own father.

Again, not all males who grew up without fathers are like this.

This study shows that children who grew up in one-parent families are at a higher risk for dropping out of high school and becoming a teen parent. Since the majority of one-parent families include only the mother, this is very relevant to the topic.

I grew up being close with my father, so I can't relate my own experiences but only observations I've made about others.

[ms.naliaa]

Having a father is very important and its one of the big reasons why the tyrone community in america is in disarray. I am shocked at how many single mothers i see these days in the somali community in my city. Folks are getting divorced over silly things and the kids are the ones who suffer.

Even if the parents are divorced, the father can still play an active role in his child/rens' life.



Cushtic
You are fairly luck to have had a father who was active and you were close to.
I see men of my generation having children who had not had father figures in their lives. It makes me wonder what kind of relationship they will have. How they will deal with being a father and not knowing how to be a father.

[Insomniac]

@Cushitic
I scrolled down and read the first paragraph of your post, then I scrolled further down and saw the length of you post and so I sighed and gave up.

[Rabshoole]

Alh I grew up with both my parents, I would assume a child will be at an disadvantage growing up without one or the other.

[CushiticReflections]

@ ms. naliaa
I realized that when I got older. Thank God I had him or else I don't know if I might have given up. So many other Somalis I knew had fathers who didn't divorce their wives but who were abroad, presumably working, and barely saw their children.

@Cushitic
I scrolled down and read the first paragraph of your post, then I scrolled further down and saw the length of you post and so I sighed and gave up.

LOL I apologize. I'm very long-winded. It's something I need to work on.

[Cherine]

Guys avoid divorce by all means, it messes up with children and this then often turns them off marriage and relationships.

[hydrogen]

It makes me wonder what kind of relationship they will have. How they will deal with being a father and not knowing how to be a father. [/color]

The chain of fatherhood needs to start somewhere, sometimes the fatherless male will be much better than the male with a father since he took that relationship for granted. I think with education, the fatherless male can be a very good father. It's generally in communities were there is little/poor education where the chain of fatherhood is stained perpetually.

[SecretAgent]

Bs fake all false not true I seen kids wit no dad n thy r amazing n smart n I seen kids wit dad n thy r in jail n r hoes, so don't generalis anythin is possible

[BlackVelvet]

Nin ilmahiisa wuxu raba for as long as oo xaaskiisa rabo