habibah000 wrote: Mon Mar 07, 2016 4:54 pm
Salam,
I am new to this, wanted some advice about a stressful situation . Hope someone can help me, Inshallah.
Some background information - I am Pakistani, I never ever imagined to want to marry a Somali/African man. Lol, I mean, everyone has a vision of a type of person they want to marry. An african man was not on the list.
..Until I met a Somali man. He is absolutely amazing in every way. His deen to his manners, just beautiful to me. I am totally in love with him, and his charming character, mashallah.
As most of you will be aware of the racism in asian cultures. I have light skin, people often assume I am Arab or mixed...Asian people find lighter skinned people more attracting (not all, but majority do). This really disgusts me, as we are all created from Adam, we are muslim. I know that when I approach my family, they will be shocked that I chose an African man. My family are not veryy backward minded but still it will be a shock for them. And they will think that since the cultures are totally different, the marriage will not last long. Anyway, I have not spoken to them about this yet, as I am waiting for him to convince his family.
He spoke to his family and they are totally against it. They don't want to know me at all.
I feel very upset and hurt that just because I am not somali they are not accepting me. I am willing to learn Somali, infact i've already started...ii waran? waan ficanahayy
(plus the somali accent lol!) I am willing to learn how to cook somali food, I want my children to learn Somali, I want to visit Somalia, I want to mix in with his family. Like, in any way, I am ready to do anything. If we have children, I know that our children will be known an Somali, islamically even...and I will be proud of that. He has mentioned this all to them already but they don't care. They don't even want to meet me.
Also, I told few of my friends, and they say things to me like, Why marry a Somali? You don't "suit" a Somali, you will look odd. Do you know your kids will be half black? Out of all ethnicities you chose to marry Somali, when you can marry arab/revert etc etc? and they make fun out of it. This upsets me, but I love him a lot. His skin colour makes no difference, I think he is soooo beautiful and has handsome features...well, I'm sure if they'd see him they'd feel jealous
lol
We really want to get married,
so my question is, do you think his family will ever agree?
How stubborn are cultural Somali families? (and I thought asian families were crazy and stubborn!)
Will they ever go as far as disowning him if he was to marry me?
Will they see me or our children as outsiders?
Is there hope?
Please help a sister out,
I love Somali people, mashallah. They are really welcoming and kind.
...and Thankyou for reading and replying in advance. Shoukran.
Wa Salaam
Firstly, i don't know why people are taking such offence and criticizing the sister for her choice of words. Tge subject is a sour topic and she has tried to express it the best way she can.
Secondly, i came across tgis thread searching for some sort of an answer myself and i am glad to have done so. It has been a while since you have posted this thread. How did everything work out?
I am a pakistani myself who has spent tge best part of the last 9 years with a somali brother out of marriage.
I kept delaying speaking to my mother about him purely out of fear of what her reaction would be. My circumstances were slightly different as i left home at an early age and just like yourself i had never met a somali brother/ sister in my life simply due to the fact that i lived in a small town which was predominately of pakistani and white people.
However, if you fear tge rejection, you will never move forward in life. Somali people are not kuffars, they are God fearing muslims just like us. Yes, every parent prefers their child to marry within their culture due to language barriers/ traditions etc but these are all the things that are a beauty of life, you learn to engage and adapt another muslim countries culture but most importantly, you are apart of a generation where you have the ability to explore.
In Islam, using "race" as a reason to stop your child from doing Nikah is prohibited. Muslim parents must support and respect their childs decision on whom he/she wishes to complete half her/his deen with. Unfortunately, although we all live and intergrate in a society that is multicultural, some patents refuse to let go of their "cultural jahiliyah thoughts".
You stated the brothers "deen in manners" (im assuming his iman is strong InShaaAlkah), tell your parents about the positivity he brings to your life. If the both of you talk about deen with each other, pass the knowledge on to your parents (i personally started questioning my mum about ramadan/ eid dates as pakistanis always celebrate it a day after the rest of the ummah) and gradually I increased speaking about Islam all the while stating that i had learnt the Islamic historic event from my partner.
Recently, After my sisters marriage, I decided to vreak the ice and tell my mum that he is the one that i want to complete half my deen with and although it was pretty hard as she still thinks "omg it is shameful that i am marrying someone who basically has a different skin tone to me", She still has accepted it and we have got our blessings Alhumdulillah and are due to get married in the next couple of months InShaaAllah.
In regards to his family, although i had met his brothers and sisters, i met his parents and grandmother last ramadan and MashaAllah, his parents were not even the slightest judgemental. His grandmother could not stop kissing my forehead. Yes you can get the odd parents that might think i want my son to get married to his own kind but wallahi, if you have not asked to be introduced to them then how would you know what reaction his parents will have upon seeing you? It is all about the character of the heart NOT the colour of your skin. bear that in mind. Be God fearing and put your trust in Him and InShaaAllah as long as you keep making du'aa, you will be responded too.
Please do update on how it all went and were you are at in life right now.
Salaam wa alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barahkatuh
