Being molested by an immediate family member as a child and how I coped

[WorstofLuck]

How do I not?

I guess my reputation precedes me.

Ignore what I said before, my little brother was using my laptop. We can still be friends?

Of course. As long as you ignore what I said about HG people. My little sister wrote that

[WorstofLuck]

I'm in a great space at this point because I have finally realized who I am, who I want to be and what I like.

The key is in your comment to move on and leave behind what held you back before. Perception and perspectives in life matter. Comparing adversities you faced to what others are dealing with is also important. I would suggest that you travel back home or to East Africa somewhere and see how people live with less and overcome adversities of all kinds while they have the brightest smile on their faces. Happiness can be learned.

Check this video of Ugandan Kids enjoying life to the fullest despite the obvious poverty and lack of the amenities you and me enjoy in the west.







From Somalia to Afghanistan, people overcome adversities and are happy because of their understanding of a higher purpose they serve in life. There should be no excuse to not enjoy life because of what happens in life to us.

That is fully my intention, but you must understand. Keeping memories and feelings supressed due to a culture which makes you feel as if you were wrong for being taken advantage of only to have a big aha moment in your adulthood is a lot to swallow. I think the fact that I have finally acknowledged it was a good thing, because it had been haunting me for so long.

[WorstofLuck]

I don't buy it. Total b.s

Provide 2-3 reasons of why you think it's b.s.

It's unfortunate that we have a culture in which shuts down people when something they don't want to hear is mentioned. I have no doubt that him and many others know that what I said is true or at the very least believe there is some merit to it. But they live in a world dominated by thoughts like "what will people think?". But to be honest who cares? Somali people hate hearing about things that happen because they feel like it taints their image.

Sexual abuse happens in every community, but Somalis are amongst the main communities in which victims are treated as social pariahs and parents beg their own kids not to mention it. I think that is another reason why mental illness and so many other secrets issues plague our community.

Until I spoke with that support group, I had never known that it was that common. I thought I was just raised in a dysfunctional household. There we so many women, young and old. And lets not forget the men who were victims to child abuse. We have all heard of the much dreaded dugsi macalin. I think everyone has a relative, whether they know or not, who was inappropriately touched or molested by a macalin or relative.

When I share this story, it's not to attack my community. It is for my community to accept that these things exist and not sweep it under the rug. We need to help people and create safe spaces. If you believe in cafis or not exploring an issue further, you are entitled to that. But be mindful of what you say around other Somalis. They may be victims of abuse and you may have made them feel less than by dismissing such topics in public.

[WiredForGood]

I don't buy it. Total b.s

Provide 2-3 reasons of why you think it's b.s.

It's unfortunate that we have a culture in which shuts down people when something they don't want to hear is mentioned. I have no doubt that him and many others know that what I said is true or at the very least believe there is some merit to it. But they live in a world dominated by thoughts like "what will people think?". But to be honest who cares? Somali people hate hearing about things that happen because they feel like it taints their image.

Sexual abuse happens in every community, but Somalis are amongst the main communities in which victims are treated as social pariahs and parents beg their own kids not to mention it. I think that is another reason why mental illness and so many other secrets issues plague our community.

Until I spoke with that support group, I had never known that it was that common. I thought I was just raised in a dysfunctional household. There we so many women, young and old. And lets not forget the men who were victims to child abuse. We have all heard of the much dreaded dugsi macalin. I think everyone has a relative, whether they know or not, who was inappropriately touched or molested by a macalin or relative.

When I share this story, it's not to attack my community. It is for my community to accept that these things exist and not sweep it under the rug. We need to help people and create safe spaces. If you believe in cafis or not exploring an issue further, you are entitled to that. But be mindful of what you say around other Somalis. They may be victims of abuse and you may have made them feel less than by dismissing such topics in public.

Where I came from Somalia, a macallin dugsi would get beaten up for doing something like that absolutely, Somalis don't tolerate that bullshit unless a family decides to hide the child's experience to avoid shame. All communities do that really whether it is in the west or Africa. It is first instinct to avoid the shame that comes with the sick act of molestation by an adult to a child. And in all cultures, IT IS NOT COMMON much less among Somalis. It is wrong for anyone to make this as common occurrence because it is not. How many Somalis have you personally met who were molested? I bet you can count them with your fingers. Of the many years I lived among them, of the many years I was online, I have heard of two cases:

A- Yours
B- Some Somali known figure who had to run away from the US after he was accused of molesting a girl.


This is not denying what happens in some families, but as far as the culture of Somalis is concerned, this would be treated as anomaly and something horrible to have had happened. Families should address it and stop the sick person amongst them, but at no point that one family's tragedy should be treated as common culture. People are not the same. Some would beat the hell up their own blood for doing something stupid like that.

Let us be clear: Your personal experience can not be representative of a culture. And it would be wrong to say your experience happens all the time to all Somali kids.

[WorstofLuck]

Where I came from Somalia, a macallin dugsi would get beaten up for doing something like that absolutely, Somalis don't tolerate that bullshit unless a family decides to hide the child's experience to avoid shame. All communities do that really whether it is in the west or Africa. It is first instinct to avoid the shame that comes with the sick act of molestation by an adult to a child. And in all cultures, IT IS NOT COMMON much less among Somalis. It is wrong for anyone to make this as common occurrence because it is not. How many Somalis have you personally met who were molested? I bet you can count them with your fingers. Of the many years I lived among them, of the many years I was online, I have heard of two cases:

A- Yours
B- Some Somali known figure who had to run away from the US after he was accused of molesting a girl.


This is not denying what happens in some families, but as far as the culture of Somalis is concerned, this would be treated as anomaly and something horrible to have had happened. Families should address it and stop the sick person amongst them, but at no point that one family's tragedy should be treated as common culture. People are not the same. Some would beat the hell up their own blood for doing something stupid like that.

Let us be clear: Your personal experience can not be representative of a culture. And it would be wrong to say your experience happens all the time to all Somali kids.

To say that in cases of sexual abuse, Somalis are quick to act in all cases would he untrue. You can deny as much as you'd like but that is false. I have never claimed Somalis have more sexual abuse than any other community. What I did say is that because we do not acknowledge that it actually happens quite often (which it does), many people shrug it off as being untrue.

I can count more than my fingers the people I have encountered through all walks of life. In person discussions with peers, amongst older women in my family, on the internet and within my support group. Many of them state that the person was so close in relation to them, that they were told to move on and kept within vicinity of that person. Others whom, I've heard about the dugsi macalin from, including my own male relative, spoke of the taboo back home and even though the macalin was punished, he was told to never speak of or acknowledge it again.

These things carry burdens and self doubt as well as guilt. I have not once tried to make what has happened to me and OTHERS seem like the norm, what I did say is that it is more common than we think. That's not a specific measurement, it's a statement of fact. Again, I do not appreciate people who get defensive about truths. Just because you don't like what you are reading, does not make it untrue.

I will challenge you and any other person who has read this thread and disagreed to have honest dialogue with your family right now. I guarantee you will uncover some harsh truth about members in your family who were victimized. If you can honestly say you didn't learn anything you hadn't previously known or even believed possible, then I shall feel stupid.

Be honest with yourselves and don't be defensive in matters that don't hurt you. This does not reflect Somali people as a whole. I have never blamed us as one there are many people who struggle. My Habesha friend was raised in a Christian cult like church back home in which she was molested repeatedly by this leader and now her family sends money back to her abuser monthly. Sexual abuse is everywhere in the world. BUT THE RESPONSE AND RECEPTION IS NOT THE SAME EVERYWHERE. My discussion stemmed from my own experience and went on to discuss the lack of support from the community.


I cant help but feel as though a few of these responses are the typical textbook offended "Somalis dont do any wrong" , "Stop embarrassing us." "Move on." responses. It's unfortunate that people still worry about Somali reflection as a whole instead of preserving the wellbeing of our youth and people in general

[FarhanYare]

My advice to you, to get really REALLY over it, there's is only one solution; do some molestation of your own.

Spoken like a true habar gidir

How do u know me

lmao!

[WiredForGood]

Where I came from Somalia, a macallin dugsi would get beaten up for doing something like that absolutely, Somalis don't tolerate that bullshit unless a family decides to hide the child's experience to avoid shame. All communities do that really whether it is in the west or Africa. It is first instinct to avoid the shame that comes with the sick act of molestation by an adult to a child. And in all cultures, IT IS NOT COMMON much less among Somalis. It is wrong for anyone to make this as common occurrence because it is not. How many Somalis have you personally met who were molested? I bet you can count them with your fingers. Of the many years I lived among them, of the many years I was online, I have heard of two cases:

A- Yours
B- Some Somali known figure who had to run away from the US after he was accused of molesting a girl.


This is not denying what happens in some families, but as far as the culture of Somalis is concerned, this would be treated as anomaly and something horrible to have had happened. Families should address it and stop the sick person amongst them, but at no point that one family's tragedy should be treated as common culture. People are not the same. Some would beat the hell up their own blood for doing something stupid like that.

Let us be clear: Your personal experience can not be representative of a culture. And it would be wrong to say your experience happens all the time to all Somali kids.

To say that in cases of sexual abuse, Somalis are quick to act in all cases would he untrue. You can deny as much as you'd like but that is false. I have never claimed Somalis have more sexual abuse than any other community. What I did say is that because we do not acknowledge that it actually happens quite often (which it does), many people shrug it off as being untrue.

I can count more than my fingers the people I have encountered through all walks of life. In person discussions with peers, amongst older women in my family, on the internet and within my support group. Many of them state that the person was so close in relation to them, that they were told to move on and kept within vicinity of that person. Others whom, I've heard about the dugsi macalin from, including my own male relative, spoke of the taboo back home and even though the macalin was punished, he was told to never speak of or acknowledge it again.

These things carry burdens and self doubt as well as guilt. I have not once tried to make what has happened to me and OTHERS seem like the norm, what I did say is that it is more common than we think. That's not a specific measurement, it's a statement of fact. Again, I do not appreciate people who get defensive about truths. Just because you don't like what you are reading, does not make it untrue.

I will challenge you and any other person who has read this thread and disagreed to have honest dialogue with your family right now. I guarantee you will uncover some harsh truth about members in your family who were victimized. If you can honestly say you didn't learn anything you hadn't previously known or even believed possible, then I shall feel stupid.

Be honest with yourselves and don't be defensive in matters that don't hurt you. This does not reflect Somali people as a whole. I have never blamed us as one there are many people who struggle. My Habesha friend was raised in a Christian cult like church back home in which she was molested repeatedly by this leader and now her family sends money back to her abuser monthly. Sexual abuse is everywhere in the world. BUT THE RESPONSE AND RECEPTION IS NOT THE SAME EVERYWHERE. My discussion stemmed from my own experience and went on to discuss the lack of support from the community.


I cant help but feel as though a few of these responses are the typical textbook offended "Somalis dont do any wrong" , "Stop embarrassing us." "Move on." responses. It's unfortunate that people still worry about Somali reflection as a whole instead of preserving the wellbeing of our youth and people in general

You have no more credibility than other Somalis who did not experience sexual abuse as a child, And they are the overwhelming majority. What makes your claim right as a victim who feels angry towards everyone including towards her own family and them other Somalis wrong who grew up happy and unmolested? And what you are doing is part of what ails you really, to blame everyone because of how you feel. Blaming yourself is what caused you to end up in abusive relationship and pick up the alcohol habit. It is the same trend you continue despite you assuming you have found the solution and the strength to understand that you need to move from that and rebuild your life. That is why you need to step back from generalization of Somalis and making them equal to your useless family and those who failed other victims you met. This is not a Somali culture and it is based on facts.

I can swear this is not your first time writing a topic like this, which should tell you that you have an issue still living through what should be left behind for your own good since you claim you saw professionals. You made unsubstantiated claims about mental illness as well. I do sure know a thing or two about that since I have a mentally ill family member. And guess what caused him to be like that? Chewing Qaat 24/7, Drugs, Alcohol, not sleeping for years and years with no good food. It finally caught up with him.


Part of healing is to move beyond the anger and the blame. Any professional would tell you that. And that is not bottling up emotions, it is when you come to understand the source of your issues that you need to start moving past it for your own sake if you have the mental capacity to do that.

You can't blame Somalis for not accepting what is not normal among them. Nothing but fond memories of my dad and mom, uncles. Somalis would know about their life more than you do about them for fuck's sake. Unless you are mentally ill yourself and can't understand that, get a f-king grip on yourself.



You are doing what abuse victims do but you don't understand yourself. It is common for people like you to blame everyone they deem their enemy. Hope you get out of the cycle completely and understand you have responsibility to better yourself, blaming Somalis is not part of your solution. Somalis didn't fuck with you. One member of your family did, he gets the blame PERIOD.

[Basra-]

Worstofluck


Your thirst for attention is remarkable, If you are not being Blasphemous, u r being bombastic with molestation accusation. Seriously child, get a life!