A somali woman and her 2 kids killed in Toronto

[ciddhartha]

Very sad case where some people feel they own other people, when immigrants come to canada perhaps we should have fortitude to lecture them and explain the rights women and children have in front of the husband this is Canada a wonderful country but we have laws and rights

So sad. To me the issue is why this "Yusuf" husband and father was so violent, controlling and abusive? The wife and kids were good people. More often than not, religion shows its ugly face and drives the behavior of ultra-faithful controlling men. I don't know most of this story, but I bet you a dollar for donut that at the root of the problem is religion.

Here comes the Islamophobia...

[ofafrique]

My heart hurts so much.... AUN. I can't even imagine or begin to fathom this wallahi.

[WARSAN2015]

Ilaheey haa uu naxaristoo very tragic news. Apparently the husband is NOT Somali though... he is Oromo sujui . Not that it matters though.

[Turbulence]

Is it weird that I am not moved by what happened to this lady and her 2 kids in the least bit?

[Sophisticate]

^^^
Yes it is. Perhaps you have aspergers.

[Machiavelli2]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

[Gabre]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

Afkaaga caano lagu qabay.

[Julkimi]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

I couldn't have said it better.

Somalis ignore domestic violence, they think it's embarrassing, or the old heads sit and try to bring back the victim. It's truly sad. May Allah swt grant her the peace she deserved on this earth.

[Sophisticate]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

How could anyone have known she was abused, with the exception of women’ shelter staff. And from what we know she had no relatives in Canada. She was certainly made more vulnerable and isolated because of this. That means technically her next to kin was the Somali community, but she did not mention this to anyone. Hypothetically speaking how could Somalis identify signs of abuse when the word is absent from their language. Perhaps what needs to be done is awareness raising and education centred on domestic abuse in the Somali community. That would be a good start. This would also help remove barriers and the shame associated with reporting domestic abuse to others. Among the Muslim community perhaps a culture where one feels safe enough to speak to others about domestic abuse needs to be cultivated. What led to her untimely demise was mostly attributed to a broken social service system that pushes victims back into an unsafe living situation.

[Machiavelli2]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

How could anyone have known she was abused, with the exception of women’ shelter staff. And from what we know she had no relatives in Canada. She was certainly made more vulnerable and isolated because of this. That means technically her next to kin was the Somali community, but she did not mention this to anyone. Hypothetically speaking how could Somalis identify signs of abuse when the word is absent from their language. Perhaps what needs to be done is awareness raising and education centred on domestic abuse in the Somali community. That would be a good start. This would also help remove barriers and the shame associated with reporting domestic abuse to others. Among the Muslim community perhaps a culture where one feels safe enough to speak to others about domestic abuse needs to be cultivated. What led to her untimely demise was mostly attributed to a broken social service system that pushes victims back into an unsafe living situation.

Sophisticate

Walaal, I do agree with you in educating and raising awareness of domestic violence of young adults and children because culturally speaking, this is not an isolated case. It happens across the globe and there are many cases of Somali domestic abuses recorded within the legal systems of different jurisdictions, where a father-husband has harmed his wife and children as a payback for her not accepting his abuses and be a good "marwo". In our Somali lexicon, we don't even have a word for domestic violence. In Somali terms, a wife is expected to be obedient to the point of becoming a silent victim. One that seeks the help of the law because of domestic violence is considered and seen as a snitch and a trouble maker. Even in this case, some relatives or friends of the abuser may had prior knowledge about his abuses, but instead decided to be silent to "teach" her a lesson. Let us not put the whole blame on the social services, divorce among the Somali community is very high and one of the major contributors is domestic violence, be it physical, psychological or both. The buck stops with us and we need a therapeutic self reflection to come up with quick positive holistic answers before the abused children become the future abusers.

[LiquidHYDROGEN]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

Let's not jump the gun here. Firstly, the issue of domestic violence is a complex one that affects every community. I feel it is dealt with badly by everyone, whether somali, arab, asian, cadaan, greek etc. However, I do think you are right in that, the imams and community leaders have failed somalis. It is up to them to hammer in the issue as well as that of mental illness, which is also ignored by the somali community. But most people probably didn't even know what this poor woman was going through. It was up tp her friends and relatives to investigate. Personally, I have only ever heard of one case of domestic violence in my life and the tribal elders mediated and resolved the issue very quickly. Most people wouldn't know whether abuse is going on unless they are incredibly intuitive.

[Sophisticate]

This lady has suffered enormous domestic abuse and finally paid with her life and her children's lives. She was isolated from the community and the system has failed her. We lack an honest, honourable and God fearing community that stands up for the abused, oppressed members of our community. Imagine if these middle aged Somalis who win government grants on the name of the community have set up homes for domestic violence victims? Imagine if these Imams who seek funding from the community for their wages and upkeep of the mosques have urged the community to build such homes for the abused and became active of its management? As a community, we failed this mother and her children and continue to fail many more. It is a dog eat dog world.

How could anyone have known she was abused, with the exception of women’ shelter staff. And from what we know she had no relatives in Canada. She was certainly made more vulnerable and isolated because of this. That means technically her next to kin was the Somali community, but she did not mention this to anyone. Hypothetically speaking how could Somalis identify signs of abuse when the word is absent from their language. Perhaps what needs to be done is awareness raising and education centred on domestic abuse in the Somali community. That would be a good start. This would also help remove barriers and the shame associated with reporting domestic abuse to others. Among the Muslim community perhaps a culture where one feels safe enough to speak to others about domestic abuse needs to be cultivated. What led to her untimely demise was mostly attributed to a broken social service system that pushes victims back into an unsafe living situation.

Sophisticate

Walaal, I do agree with you in educating and raising awareness of domestic violence of young adults and children because culturally speaking, this is not an isolated case. It happens across the globe and there are many cases of Somali domestic abuses recorded within the legal systems of different jurisdictions, where a father-husband has harmed his wife and children as a payback for her not accepting his abuses and be a good "marwo". In our Somali lexicon, we don't even have a word for domestic violence. In Somali terms, a wife is expected to be obedient to the point of becoming a silent victim. One that seeks the help of the law because of domestic violence is considered and seen as a snitch and a trouble maker. Even in this case, some relatives or friends of the abuser may had prior knowledge about his abuses, but instead decided to be silent to "teach" her a lesson. Let us not put the whole blame on the social services, divorce among the Somali community is very high and one of the major contributors is domestic violence, be it physical, psychological or both. The buck stops with us and we need a therapeutic self reflection to come up with quick positive holistic answers before the abused children become the future abusers.

Machiavell2

Hey Huuno,

There is a bit of a duality where there is this "strong”, "fiercely independent" and “demanding” Somali female archetype that does not acquiesce. Then you have the good wife that is supposed to be complaint, keep quiet and not utter her intimate affairs to others. These are two competing constructs that can prevent Somali women from seeking help and forcing them into silence like you said. I have also heard of other unrelated cases (to the one above) where the victim develops a form of Stockholm syndrome and goes back willingly, against the request of those around her. Addressing this topic is cumbersome in that it requires us to transparently examine our beliefs and values. The misconceptions surrounding domestic abuse in the Somali community are many and they need to be addressed. A common one is that the incidence of spousal abuse is low, or that it largely impacts other ethno cultural minority groups more than us. If we're going to have a conversation it has to be an honest one and one that isn't draped in delusion. I also agree with you that the problem is complicated and requires a systems-based approach to solve.

[LiquidHYDROGEN]

Two other points I'd like to make;

- It is not shameful in Islam to report an abusive spouse. Women frequently complained to the Prophet SAWS about harsh and abusive husbands. If Somali, pakistani, arab, indonesian etc. culture percieve that as shameful, then that is an issue of those cultures. Islam has nothing to do with it. Ignorance of the religion is the cause of 90% of the problems in the muslim world and communities.

- If the somali community decides to create an outlet for reporting domestic abuse and our community does set up temporary shelters and advise centres, then we need to be careful in that scenario as well. There are plenty of unhinged women who report rape and abuse when there actually hasn't been any case of it happening. False accusations can ruin lives just as much as real cases.