Gar waligaa ma tagtay?!

[suga_n_spice]

ayaan hore aniga iyo hooyadee ayaa waxaanu ka qeeyb galnay gar. sidaad ula socotaan, garta nadaamkeedu waa in wuu qabiilka soo dhex galo dhibka ka dhexeeya xaasaska. alxaasan, ujeedada waa in la xeshiisiyaa ninka iyo xaaskiisa. madaama ee garta ee dhaqan ahaan tahay in la suubsho, miyeey fiicantahay?!

hadaad waligaa ka qeeyb gashay gar, waa la socotaa in ee labada qof waxa ee isku maagan yihiin in ee sheegaan dadka hortooda deedna loo kala garnaqo. so it can turn pretty ugly

honestly, if my husband and i were having issues, i would not want my whole qabiil to know. it is embarassing and uncalled for as far as im concerned. i mean hadaan isku dagaalno war weelka dhaq iyo naa adee tahay shaqadaada. ma qabiilkaan ula hortagnaa waa yaabe?!

and even worse, when we got there, the deal was done and the whole purpose was for the qabiil to officially confirm that it was over between the two.

if you ask me, i think the concept of gar is old fashioned and totally unnecessary. it teaches couples to rely on other people, rather then being confident in themselves and their ability to solve their own issues. kaaga daranka waa ceeb, waayo dad oo dhan waa afaraha reerka ogaanaya.

[AbdiWahab252]

Suga,

Which is why you need to marry someone outside from your qabiil preferably a Konfurite. That way if there is a gar you have 100% support from your qabiil

[suga_n_spice]

abdi, saxiib, no gar for me. qabiil shishee iyo mid dhow toona. waxaasi waa ceeb.

[Shirib]

It's not that it teaches people to rely on others but rather gives you a voice of reason. A lot of time when people are having troubles it takes others to make the problem better as the ones who are in the midst of it are thinking too much with their emotions and not with their heads.

Besides its not for small issues its mar oo xaalada aad u xumaati, and u need others in order to try and save whats there

[Looyaan_Junior]

I though gar was strictly mens affair....

Normal disputes like domestic one's may not necessarily qualify as gar....

[suga_n_spice]

shirib, people fight all the time. they can seek a marriage counselor. at least then it's only one other person that knows the problem, but for a whole entire group of people to come. ilaahay baa og iyaka xitaa xaladooda. i guess if some people feel better seeking outside help, they can consult one or two older people. lakiin i wouldn't say a group makes any difference.

looyaan, not any more. women can participate too

[djibsomali]

since when somali woman go to GAR??

hahahah

this is the end of the world!!!
raganimoo way dhimaytay!!!!

[Firefly]

SnS:- I've never been to one sis. But it's like Shirib said, mediation is required when the situation is really bad, and the two parties are not listening to one another.

If you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint an arbiter from the man's family and an arbiter from the woman's family. If the two [man & wife] desire to reach a settlement, God will effect a reconciliation between them." [Qur'an 4:35]

The arbitrators have a huge responsibility, and they have to try and bring reconciliation between the disputing parties.

[SultanOrder]

Abayoo Suga it seems you have a sense of embarrassment and shame that only works in the west were the idividual is always emphasized and the Group is minimized. Things like this have always existed in close-nit groups because one family having problems could lead to other problems that leads to deterioration of the tribe, so its in the best interest of the one big family to have all its children to be able to function in a social and harmonies environment. Imagine if everywhere people really cared for others as much as they cared bout themselves, i would guarantee there would be a reduction in all the fields of negative social aspects that plague our society. Besides everyone has problems that need to be resolved so there is no shame is asking for it people will not judge worsely for having the problem but if it is resolved look at you for support and inspiration

[suga_n_spice]

FF

abaayo, i understand in ee fiican tahay in la dhexdhexaadsho reer to bring peace, but should a large group know. Soo lama dhihin "walaalkaa ceebtiisa u qari" and what about "naftaada waxaad la jeceshay walaalkaa la jecloow" aniga nafsadeyda uma rabi laheeyn in afaaraha reerkeega uu qabiilka dhan ka war qabo. i'd rather suffer then to make my business known. I can't recall clearly, but wasn't it prophet Ibrahim scw who visited his son's house and advised his son to change is front door after learning that his wife was not keeping their personal affairs private?!

personally, i believe in ee samirkii uu umada ka dhamaaday. hadii ee wax yar isku qabsadaan waa furid. since when is divorce the result.


P. O. before u judge my views, try understanding me. inkastoo dadkeena ee dhaqan u leeyihiin wax yaalo haan oo kale, waxaa dhacda in ee sax aheen oo laga fiican yahay. ma waxaad leedahay waa qasab in ee reer xaaska dhibaatada dhextaagan ee qabiil dhan hor fadhiistaan oo dhibatadooda sheegaan?! this may have been a reliable and working form of conflict resolution in Somalia, but bar yahan waxaas waa la isku cayaa, and are u telling me that every family oo loo garnoqo they are happy and satisfied afterwards?! waa maya. in fact, i know families families who went their separate ways after a gar iyo kuwo 5 times and more loo garnaqo oo everytime ee is qabsadaan la iskugu imaado. waxaa laga yabaa in waagi hore aanan xitaa la ogeeyn wixii isku kacsan, balse inta waxaa waaye "naa helbaayo iyo ninkeedi waxa dhex maray ma maqashay, lacag bee isku heystaan"

[Sagaashan]

SnS i like your thinking here and it makes perfect sense. the example you use is minor, qashinka xaafada iyo weelasha is not what people seek counsel for, its the bigger irreconcilable differences between the spouses especially money and children. and in this regard this is very useful. gar doesnt not always have to take place between large gatherings of the qabil so that every habar can have fun of it at night, but its for the concerned group, specfically the families effect by such actions. there is gar handled only by the sheikhs as well that only includes the two partners.

[SummerRain]

Gar so facial hair ma'aha?

[Shirib]

Gar so facial hair ma'aha?

Lool yea, now that u mention it, it is spelled the same but pronounced differently

[Shirib]

Suga,

I've only seen it with small groups not more than 5 or 6 people and it is usually with people who are real close to the two sides.

Its not a good idea to get everyone involved

[SummerRain]

Gar so facial hair ma'aha?

Lool yea, now that u mention it, it is spelled the same but pronounced differently

Gar and Gar, how the hell is it pronounced differently then. I'm serious. Its pronounced as "GHAAR" right?