Standards

[sexy-kitten]

What are your standards when it comes to dating/marrying the opposite sex? Many of us settle for less, why is that? And I don't mean those of you who make a long checklist. Do you even care if they have a degree? How about a job? How do you set standards?

I made this thread because I've been hearing 18/19 year old kids getting married without a job or a college degree(as far as I know, no one got married cuz of unexpected pregnancy)... So why would you wanna get married if you're both dead broke? Do you expect to be on welfare for the rest of your natural life? Would you want to raise your kids on welfare? I know I'm asking a lot of questions but seriously, am I the only one who thinks this is odd? I could've sworn when people get married and have kids, they'd want a better life for their kids than they had.

You both can't get married cuz you "love" each other. Think about your future together, how about that?

[Warsan_Star_Muslimah]

Salaam sis,

I made this thread because I've been hearing 18/19 year old kids getting married without a job or a college degree(as far as I know, no one got married cuz of unexpected pregnancy)...

Truthfully, it is for the better, unless you want that unexpected pregnancy.

What they need to realise is that, they can still get that degree and job. They should just do a 'family planning' which is allowed in Islam, and this will make life much easier for them.

For me its not important that he has a degree, but he must have a job at least, for his pride sake I will encourage him to get a degree (I heard men get jealous of their wives).

Love before marriage is nonsense, to me at least.

[Kinetic]

Sexy-Kitten, you limited the options for young couples who want to get married and have fun. They can work both and provide for themselves. Some jobs require a college education but not all jobs need a degree. Most Americans don't have a college degree. Better if one of them goes to college while the other works.

[sexy-kitten]

Warsan, Wa aleykum Salaam babez...

I can understand where you're coming from. 18 and married with a job is completely understandable. Don't you think the couple should think before they start poppin out babies? I know we at least one person should have a degree or a well paying job to manage 3 people's needs and bills. He doesn't have to be filthy rich, but at least have goals. Since I have goals in life, I don't want to be the only provider for my family. It takes two! Especially with the economy getting all screwed up having mad bills to pay, and we still gotta buy shit for the baby, not to mention ourselves!! I might as well wear the pants if my husband expects me to have a corporate job and all he does is get fired from jobs after job lol.

I think it's perfectly normal to get married at a young age, nothing wrong with youth marriage, right?? But why would you want bring a life into this world and you're struggling yourself! You can't provide for that baby....

Kinetic, I'm not limiting anything. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with marriage. In fact, I think it's cute and adorable when two college students get married. You can have all the fun when it's just the two of you. I'm just saying what happened to good ol' "I want to give my kid everything?"

[Kinetic]

Sexy-Kitten, You have to ask what is the most important gift you can give to a kid of yours? A place to sleep? food on the table? Both? Something nice to wear? All those things are provisions written by Allah when each individual is a clott in his mother's womb. Regardless of your efforts, you will/can only give what is pre-ordained to your kids. The focus and worry should be about their upbringing. Like, how are we gonna raise this child? What do we want him to be/become?

You are responsible to work for your kid, more precisely, the father is responsible to work and you can chime in your contribution to your family. People can live within their own means, having less, or the fear of having less should never interfere with the pursuite of our happiness and settling with someone we choose, or fate paired us with. Minimum requirement before you get married is, "Can you work"? and I think the answer to that would be yep.

[Murax]

Somalis are crazy. You see the next generation Somalis who plan to get married by being in the welfare system. I mean it was cool for the previous generation but come on. Somalis are putting themselves in a dangerous cycle of generation after generation living in the projects

[sexy-kitten]

Kinetic, even though I agree with you 100%, let's put religion aside for a second. The child is going to get love regardless. He/she will also get a place to sleep, food on the table, clothes on their back,etc... But when a child reaches a certain age, they will want more than they had the year before. They will require dedication. I'm all for teaching your child about their wants and needs but you wouldn't want your child to not be able to wear nice clothes at school because you're caught up with the bills... Or better yet, you wouldn't want to give your child everything and you're short on your bills. Love alone won't get you far in life. I'm just saying careful planning and a stable job would be greatly appreciated.

Somalis are crazy. You see the next generation Somalis who plan to get married by being in the welfare system. I mean it was cool for the previous generation but come on. Somalis are putting themselves in a dangerous cycle of generation after generation living in the projects

That's what I'm saying!

[FAH1223]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.

I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

[Murax]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.
I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

Thats right FAH

In the DMV We hustle till the sun come up, crack a quule when the sun go down

[Xamud.]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.
I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

Thats right FAH

In the DMV We hustle till the sun come up, crack a quule when the sun go down

Waryaa do you and FAH know each other in real life?

[sexy-kitten]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.

I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

You're right, that's on them. But doesn't that make you think? Sometimes I wonder if they have common sense... If a kid wanna have kids, ha iska dhal dhalaan... They're not making my life any different... It just gets me thinking, that's all.

Kids, get your shit straight before you have kids.

[Murax]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.
I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

Thats right FAH

In the DMV We hustle till the sun come up, crack a quule when the sun go down

Waryaa do you and FAH know each other in real life?

We've crossed paths Man, laakin one Weekend I'm gonna come down to His hood. Yarkaan waa ciyaal suuq is qarinaayo, gabdo madow buu ka daba carara 24/7

[FAH1223]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.
I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

Thats right FAH

In the DMV We hustle till the sun come up, crack a quule when the sun go down

Waryaa do you and FAH know each other in real life?

sxb, I seen Murax checking out African American Muslimahs on this street that goes from Maryland to DC!!

[Cali_Gaab]

Spot on Fah!

A lot of our youth get married at an young age and when asked 'why do you want to get married so young, you don't have a job, qualifications or a place to live' they reply "The prophet Mohammed SAW advised those who can get married to marry young". I don't have a probem with the fact that they want to get married as it helps them to stay away from alot of sins, i do have a problem when they apply for benefits and get the wife pregnant while she's living with her mother so that she can get a place to stay from the government.

Different elements of tuugnimo come with the new generation getting married and they only contribute to putting a strain on the government that gives them refuge and reinforce the negative attitudes we recieve from other communities.

I know a substancial amount of people who have followed this route since i was 17 and still studying at college. Today they have around 2 children, work part time in a factory while the wife is a full time mother at home completely destroying their ability to reach higher goals. I've always sworn that i'd never end up in the same scenario like the above mentioned examples. I'm glad that i'm in a better position being just engaged and insha'allah be in a better position when i get married.

[Murax]

quote="Xamud."]

I mean its alright and all to get married young, but people gotta be on the same page and know the huge responsibilities that await...it isn't just about having halal sex (lets face it, thats really at the top of the list)

Then again, its their life...if they want kids they can't give a better life for, then thats on them...but why be on welfare? Your parents raised you so you could stand on your feet, be part of the society and contribute to it while also taking care of them.
I don't understand some of these people not aiming for anything and selling themselves short....

Thats right FAH

In the DMV We hustle till the sun come up, crack a quule when the sun go down

Waryaa do you and FAH know each other in real life?[/quote]

sxb, I seen Murax checking out African American Muslimahs on this street

[/quote]

FAH,

There was a time i'd go there to buy some gear Man. The broads there are so aggressive that if You give one of them a look, another one will look at the girl You were looking at with a dirty look and walk past her


But I never saw any Muslimas Man