Do you measure up?

[DisplacedDiraac]

Something Warsan and MJking mentioned in the 'Ideal Man' thread inspired this topic..

I'm pretty sure almost every human wants the best of things in this life, this includes finding/being blessed with an ideal counterpart. But can we truly say/feel that we deserve our ideal partner?
You most likely heard the saying 'You get who you deserve'.. But are you currently what you're looking for in a partner?

Let's say you come across someone pretty much identical to you (character wise, deen, personality and so on).. Plus, look wise this person is around the same level/rate as you.. give or take..
Also this person in question is obviously the opposite gender, unless you don't swing that way .. Would you consider them as an ideal partner/ a potential? If not why not? What would you change about this person? *assuming its halaalie changeable* for them to fit your so called ideal image...

In other words – Do you measure up to the characteristics you seek in a partner AND would you marry yourself if you were a man?

[BlackVelvet]

Interesting thread

Honestly speaking right now I don't want to get married because I'm not ready yet. So even if I met my ideal man I would have to take a rain cheque. I guess give myself a few years to get to the alloy wheels and leather interior that I spoke about, for me that's building on my deen and the wanting kids (because right now that side of things creep me out). But as the type of car, I've always had the same personality and I don't think that's going to change, or that I even want it to change actually. I like myself, so after I come round to wanting to share myself, my life and my plans then yeah, I would want to marry a girl like me.

Actually come to think of it, who wouldn't want to marry themselves?

[DisplacedDiraac]

I like myself, so after I come round to wanting to share myself, my life and my plans then yeah, I would want to marry a girl like me.

That's good.. .. What was the saying 'No one will love you if you dont love yourself'..

Let me get this straight.. are you saying you wouldn't want to change anything about yourself? You just want to improve some areas like the deen and to fully develop as a person?
So basically you wouldn't marry a person like yourself right this moment.. But in the future you would, considering you achieve your improvement/development aims/goals?
Lets just say you are ready for marriage *right now, the BV today*.. Would you still consider being with someone exactly like yourself.. Or would you delay it untill he/she improves/develops on the above qualities..

Actually come to think of it, who wouldn't want to marry themselves?

Trust me you'd be surprised on the amount of people who wouldn't..
But look at it from this angle.. Only you know the real you i.e. your insecurities, weaknesses etc..

[BlackVelvet]

Lets just say you are ready for marriage *right now, the BV today*.. Would you still consider being with someone exactly like yourself.. Or would you delay it untill he/she improves/develops on the above qualities.

So many possibilities...

Well I wouldn't marry a guy exactly like me right at this moment because he definitely would not be ready. If I were a guy, would I marry a girl like BV right now? Well that's a difficult question because with a girl's brain I'd still say no because I know she's not ready but with a guy's brain.. LMAO actually I reckon the average male brain would be scared of my candid stubbornness so it would be a toss up between the big brain and the small brain and I am not guy enough to know which would win. My ideal man on the other hand would say no because he would be smart enough and patient enough to wait.

About changing myself, I guess I don't really believe that people truly change so it's a matter of improvement and personal development IMO.

What about you though? Do you measure up?

[Leila25]

Interesting thread

Honestly speaking right now I don't want to get married because I'm not ready yet. So even if I met my ideal man I would have to take a rain cheque. I guess give myself a few years to get to the alloy wheels and leather interior that I spoke about, for me that's building on my deen and the wanting kids (because right now that side of things creep me out). But as the type of car, I've always had the same personality and I don't think that's going to change, or that I even want it to change actually. I like myself, so after I come round to wanting to share myself, my life and my plans then yeah, I would want to marry a girl like me.

Actually come to think of it, who wouldn't want to marry themselves?

It is easier said than done, marriage lets you grow and improve together, we all have faults we would like to improve on and it shouldnt be a reason to put off marriage as long as you have the will to change.

[BlackVelvet]

It is easier said than done, marriage lets you grow and improve together, we all have faults we would like to improve on and it shouldnt be a reason to put off marriage as long as you have the will to change.

Yes you do grow and improve together and you do so from a certain, mutual starting point. What I'm saying is that, for me at least, it is important to have reached that starting point in my life before the growing together process begins so as not to start my marriage while in arrears.

Besides it's more pragmatic stuff in terms of education and career. Deen you can build on with your hubby no problem but getting married when you don't even want kids is unreasonable and asking for trouble me thinks.

AND I can just forsee what can happen to a girl who gets married before she's settled in her career/life plans etc, you most probably just become a part of the man's plans. You're assimilated and your personal goals and plans get lost in the merger turned takeover.

[zulaika]

salaams Ladies!!

i noticed girls often over emphasize the ideal marriage/ideal man. either she's romanticizing the cinderala prince charming scenario or she's extremely antagonistic and feels no man can ever "measure up" to her wit/educational accolades and career plans.

there really isn't one solution for all, but prophet mohammad(S.A.W) said to seek, edaab and deen in a partner first and foremost. and believe me there are those with "deen" without a shred of edaab in them... so caution to the wise so as not to be fooled with simply he/she has "deen" .lol.

so build from that and then see what you bring to the juncture....and decide for yourself who will make a suitable partner.

good luck ladies(unmarried) and remember pray to Allah FIRST before making any plans in marriage.

[samadoon-waaxid]

everyone wants the same thing.the shiekh& drunkard. the veiled sister&hooker.deep down inside we all want whats best for ourselves.however,the problem with these "i want this in a guy,and I want that in a guy" threads is that its made by average/below average girls(I'm not talking about qurux wise,but the rest of the package here)and they come with the presumption that she deserves all the good stuff that she wrote about,when in reality she aint up there in the food chain.ladies,look inward and fix up then ALLAH will send the right guy ur way.its not hard but only the few guided ones can do it.

[DisplacedDiraac]

So many possibilities...

Well I wouldn't marry a guy exactly like me right at this moment because he definitely would not be ready. If I were a guy, would I marry a girl like BV right now? Well that's a difficult question because with a girl's brain I'd still say no because I know she's not ready but with a guy's brain.. LMAO actually I reckon the average male brain would be scared of my candid stubbornness so it would be a toss up between the big brain and the small brain and I am not guy enough to know which would win. My ideal man on the other hand would say no because he would be smart enough and patient enough to wait.

About changing myself, I guess I don't really believe that people truly change so it's a matter of improvement and personal development IMO.

What about you though? Do you measure up?

To be totally honest No I wouldn't want him to be exactly like me.. I would want someone who is pretty similar to me.. yes.
Whyoo? Because I wouldn't be able to deal with someone like myself .. I know myself too well and frankly I wouldn't be able to put up with someone who had my daabecaad! Marmar Im just too much/weird...
I would love someone who has most of my good qualities *who wouldn't.. *... But not some of my bad qualities.. That's a nah nah! Obviously no-one is prefect.. He can have bad qualities.. But not exactly like the ones I have..

[Murax]

I'm not talking about any of the girls here, openly or subliminaly but I have begun to notice every girl, whether she's on the club scene, party scene, shiisha scene always says "I want a Guy with Deen". I mean I'm confused, You think a Guy with "Deen" is gonna be coming to regge thursdays every week? Where do You expect to meet Mr Deen?


One thing I do agree though is that everybody at the end of the day marries someone exactly like them. The very Religious, always involved in Religious activities marry each other. The Shiisha folks marry each other, the club folks marry each other and I think its like a law of the Universe. Even someone with a history who is changed will marry somebody else with a history who is changed.


Ultimately I do think BV's rationale is the most sound. Before You looking for that ideal person try to become that person or as close to it as possible and after that, it would only be right You get that person.

[BlackVelvet]

I'm not talking about any of the girls here, openly or subliminaly but I have begun to notice every girl, whether she's on the club scene, party scene, shiisha scene always says "I want a Guy with Deen". I mean I'm confused, You think a Guy with "Deen" is gonna be coming to regge thursdays every week? Where do You expect to meet Mr Deen?

To be totally honest No I wouldn't want him to be exactly like me.. I would want someone who is pretty similar to me.. yes.
Whyoo? Because I wouldn't be able to deal with someone like myself .. I know myself too well and frankly I wouldn't be able to put up with someone who had my daabecaad! Marmar Im just too much/weird...
I would love someone who has most of my good qualities *who wouldn't.. *... But not some of my bad qualities.. That's a nah nah! Obviously no-one is prefect.. He can have bad qualities.. But not exactly like the ones I have..

Marka you must be a very very bad girl




I kid I kid


That is interesting, everyone has bad traits, but better the devil you know right? And who in this world could you possibly know better than yourself? I always thought it would be perfect to have someone exactly like or very similar to me because then I would know exactly what they need, when they need it and they know the same about me. There would be no misunderstandings, no bickering, and when either of you is upset the other knows exactly what to do. Oh it would be bliss!

Only thing is if you're too similar then there would be very little diversity and room for growth. But then again if each learns about something different and comes back to teach the other (which would be easy since you know how the other thinks and how best to explain a concept) problem solved! You'd be the perfect couple

[Murax]

BV,

I'm sure You've seen those girls

[BlackVelvet]

BV,

I'm sure You've seen those girls

Can't say I have lakin it's a comment that made me laugh.

I guess everyone wants "the good catch" regardless of how "good" they are themselves.

[DisplacedDiraac]

Marka you must be a very very bad girl




I kid I kid


That is interesting, everyone has bad traits, but better the devil you know right? And who in this world could you possibly know better than yourself? I always thought it would be perfect to have someone exactly like or very similar to me because then I would know exactly what they need, when they need it and they know the same about me. There would be no misunderstandings, no bickering, and when either of you is upset the other knows exactly what to do. Oh it would be bliss!

Only thing is if you're too similar then there would be very little diversity and room for growth. But then again if each learns about something different and comes back to teach the other (which would be easy since you know how the other thinks and how best to explain a concept) problem solved! You'd be the perfect couple

Like I said I would love someone very similar to myself.. But not someone who's identical..

Picture two stubbon, hard-headed people?.. Comeon that would never work.. We would be constantly argueing, even though i hate drama iyo buuq
I doubt qualities like the above can be improved or even worked on..

[SultanOrder]

God what is with the over analytical thinking, only in the west do people have an extended adolescence. People all over the world marry people who they've never met before, and are still married. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.