SomaliNet Forums

Salaams ladies

BV, darling I'm not stepping on your toes but I have a relationship discussion I wanna put to the girls here lol

It's clearly important for couples to disclose personal and sensitive details of their lives to one another before getting married, and during marriage. But ladies what if you're married and there's a closely guarded family secret involving members of your husbands family and he refuses to disclose to u, citing "not mine to tell". Would u be pissed, demand to know..or feel if it's not directly affecting your husband, it's not your place to know his families secretes.

Your thoughts.. please and thank you!

Disclaimer; this is not about me and my husband

I'm not a lady but thought I should add my opinion.


Shouldn't some secrets be private for families? It's not mandatory for wives to know 100% everything about their man.


Family secrets should be kept just that family.

@zulaika tbh honest if it doesn't directly affect you, your relationship with your husband, or your hypothetical children then it shouldn't matter. I get that this said wife feels that she is being lied to and her husband is dishonest, but to me she comes off as a tad bit nosey. A lot of families have secrets only immediate family know....including mine.

SooMaal11 wrote:I'm not a lady but thought I should add my opinion.


Shouldn't some secrets be private for families? It's not mandatory for wives to know 100% everything about their man.


Family secrets should be kept just that family.

To certain extent I agree. Personal I wouldn't pry into the private dealings of my husbands family members. That being said, my husband shares EVERYTHING with me, he trusts me to guard anything he feels is for safekeeping from others.
But even with this I know he wouldn't divulge me in something he was confided in by someone else, which does not concern me. I'm not bothered by this at all.

PLATINUUM wrote:@zulaika tbh honest if it doesn't directly affect you, your relationship with your husband, or your hypothetical children then it shouldn't matter. I get that this said wife feels that she is being lied to and her husband is dishonest, but to me she comes off as a tad bit nosey. A lot of families have secrets only immediate family know....including mine.

You're right. But it all depends on the type of relationship the couple have when it comes to trusting each other. If a husband has a history of keeping things from his wife, she'll always be anxious about anything he's not telling her, including trivial things. But you're right. If it doesn't directly affect the wife, there no reason to get worked up over things like that.

Not at all, the more the merrier, I'm hoping this is just the first of many threads to come


To answer your question no I wouldn't be pissed. In fact I would feel better knowing he understands that being close to someone doesn't give you the green light to tell them sensitive information that wasn't yours to share.

I'd feel better about our connection because it means that he would be as protective of what's between us as he is of what's between him and his siblings/parents.

If he were to tell me in confidence it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, it would depend on why he's telling me. I'd still take the positive out of it that he trusts me enough to open up because he knows I would never share it or use it against him/them. But I hope there would be a reason, that I needed to know it and not because he couldn't keep it to himself.

Can you imagine being intimate with a blabber mouth

When you marry someone, you become their family. Having said that, there are some things that are too painful to share or to even talk about. I personally would tell my husband that I respect his wishes and it is none of my concern. Of course I would find other ways to get to the bottom of that story.

Salam Zulaika,

I agree with the posts above me.
If it will not affect my relationship with him or my kids, then its all good.
I would rather not know as I am not willing to share my family secrets with him.
This should never be an issue. It doesn't matter.

Like the other posters above me said. If it doesn't concern your relationship or your kids or your other side of your family, then you shouldn't compel your husband to tell you.

The husband should be telling his wife the information that involves in his immediate relative, since it came down to the point where his wife knows something is there that he is not telling her. It is husband's fault of initially giving signs and causing his wife to have doubts or worries. Once the concern is raised, imo he should come clean. Keep in mind, if the couple is married for awhile now and they don't have children, his family would start pressuring him to try and marry another wife. It also happens if they have children but the children are daughters only. His family would say, "are you going to stick with those girls?" It is an old age Somali mentality that strangely favors boys over girls. Since the concern is there at this point - where the wife is struggling why he is not telling her, it is becoming a trust issue. If he can't tell it, it is his responsibility to convince his wife that there are things that he can't tell her, and at the same time assure her that the secret does not involve them as a family.

Well, this is one of the rarest times members agree lol.

@gegiroor, the reason the old generations favored boys over girls was the need for the nomad family to have boy(s) to do the muscular work; dhaaminta, raacidda geela, and to keep the abtirsi going.
Marmar waxaa dhici jirtay in marka reerku ay gabar kusoo kororto, odaygu uuba ka xanaaqi jiray xaafadda. Maalmo iyo todobaadyo uusan cag soo dhigin, markii wiil dhashana farxad iyo rayn-rayn uu ka bixi waayo.

LOL These women lie, it would kill them to not know. Nothing's curiosity is as strong as a woman's.

Perfect_Order wrote:LOL These women lie, it would kill them to not know. Nothing's curiosity is as strong as a woman's.

True. He'll also fail the loyalty test if he caves

BlackVelvet wrote:

Perfect_Order wrote:LOL These women lie, it would kill them to not know. Nothing's curiosity is as strong as a woman's.

True. He'll also fail the loyalty test if he caves

Impossible, she is more likely to believe his true loyalty lies with them. It's like when someone gossips to you, you never think they are gossiping about you to others, until word gets back to you.