SomaliNet Forums

Please don't judge me! I'm writing this just to share a part of myself that I hope will connect me to like-minded people. If you don't agree with my views, I respect that 100%, but please I'm writing this sincerely and am not looking to be bashed haha!


I'm writing this to genuinely see if there are any other Somalis like me, male or female.

I'm a 24 yr old female, born and raised in North America. Pursuing a graduate degree and quite involved in a number of community activities. I know some might assume I'm some career-oriented woman and put my career before all else (not that there is anything inherently wrong with that). But no. I simply just don't want children.
Here are a few of my reasons:

1. Main reason - I don't have the natural desire. I absolutely love children, but the desire to become pregnant, birth, nurse, and raise my own isn't there. Like many women, I'm expected to have them. But after listening to my heart and mind, I noticed that the desire isn't there. So why do something I don't actually want on a deep level?
2. I absolutely love children and actually am a mentor for them in my community. But I love coming home to peace and quiet even more. I see myself more as a cool aunt or big sister than a mother.
3. I realize that i have only one life and in this life, I want to do what makes 1. Allah happy and 2. Me happy. And when I think of being happy, I see myself travelling, holding workshops and seminars, writing books and eventually teaching theories and methodologies that I've developed or contribited to (I'm in the field of psychology)
4. I simply don't want to be another person's parent. I love being my own person. I don't see it as selfish - I see bringing children you don't want into the world as extremely selfish, especially when there are already so many who need a home.
5. I've watched my mother in awe - I can never see myself partaking in the drugery of motherhood (cooking, cleaning, rise, wash, repeat), and I actually admire women (and men!) who make such great sacrifices to maintain the health and lives of their children. Personally, it's just not something I want to be bothered with.
6. I have a couple (non-serious) health issues, and I can see them getting worse with pregnancy.
7. This may sound vain, but I genuinely don't want to ruin my body. Not only in terms of how it looks, but the many chemical imbalances as well as chronic pains or diseases that may form as a result of pregnancy.
8. Having children is what MOST people do. I want to do something different with my life. I DON'T want to follow a life script. As long as I'm pleasing Allah, I have the freedom to choose whatever it is I want to do with my life. Why do things just because others think you should ?

Overall, I just don't want to sacrifice in the realm of motherhood. My sacrifices are my passions, and none of those include children.

Now here's the thing: I want to marry a Somali man. Someone who also was raised in the diaspora and who doesn't want children. I LOVE my Somali identity and I have no issue with marrying a Somali brother - indeed I prefer. However, I feel like a child-free Somali man (who's also educated and has a healthy and spiritual practice in the deen) is basically a unicorn. LOL.

So, do Somali males and females who don't want children actually exist...or am I actually a unicorn myself?

Thank you guys!

They exist and are plenty.It is your life,dont let anyone tell you how u should live it.


You and i have some similarities.

^^

to the poster;

do you. since you care what other think is crazy to me.

This is good news. Where do you live?

some one told me, let us see you when you are 50s childless , wifeless. the truth is, never imagined myself in my 50s

damn! something to think about it.

Hyperactive wrote:some one told me, let us see you when you are 50s childless , wifeless. the truth is, never imagined myself in my 50s

damn! something to think about it.

Someone was saying something similar right after eid.That i will regret my life.Why would anyone thing that is something appropriate thing to say to someone if they refused to marry your son.

^^ guilty trip for you dee. that eedo was trying to make you regret before you even regret.loool

I saw the title of your thread two members came to my mind, when I read ur question "am i the only person" I wanted to tell you these two members but they've already commented. You won't find any other member or Somali who wants to stay childless till they die. Will you ever find a Somali guy who doesn't want children? No, but you can find one who has children to make you his second wife.

yakhey giving sperm only doesn't make you a parent. maybe a father.lol

ive two daughters. lilly and skylar.

^ bless you and ur daughters sxb lol.

Nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is suited to being a parent. Not everyone wants children.

Tuushi wrote:They exist and are plenty.It is your life,dont let anyone tell you how u should live it.


You and i have some similarities.

Salute

you're deluded if you follow these desires of yours. you wont be young forever, get a brother while he still finds you a desirable mating partner

CigaalSHiiDaaDCFC wrote:^ bless you and ur daughters sxb lol.

lol thank you. bless yours man, duriyah saliha Allah kaka digo.

Tuushi wrote:They exist and are plenty.It is your life,dont let anyone tell you how u should live it.


You and i have some similarities.

THANK YOU!!!