my two cents on marriage-from experience-

[PrinceDaadi]

Lam: Poole.

That kind of shit happens everyday, at times when you are even least expecting it.

[Lamagoodle]

Is it possible (which I think it's) he made the offer to you after he learned about your job/career and it's very likely he wouldn't have made it if you were unemployed or he didn't like your career path?

He made that offer after interrogation saaxib. But, he was very honest about the problems he and others were facing; dad soomaalidda ka madoow ayuu arkey

PrinceDaadi, this is common nowadays. I have qaraabo calling me with the goal to ask for money and they always start by saying gabarteeydaan ku siyey. Waa la i bartay.

[Advo]

marraige based on 4.5 system lmao, shit aint even working in our politics and now u wanna qabiilize aroos too? My great grandmother told my grandmother to marry someone from a different qabiil. The old woman was wise beyond her years because she concluded close qabiil marriages had a negative effect on the kids (mental wise).

I sometimes think she was a scientist born in a different era.

[sahal80]

My experience showed me that some of the biggest Qabiilists are Somali Habaryars, and there's no way you would want to be married to a woman who's from a different clan from you if your two clans have animosity. It's a harsh truth, but most failed Somali marriages are due to the in-laws interfering into the marriage and overstepping their boundaries. I've seen real incidents of mothers sabotaging their own son's marriage, or their own daughter's marriage. If you're a Somali and you come from a Qabiil that has strong animosity towards another Qabiil, it's best not to marry that Qabiil or you run the high risk of getting yourself involved in a difficult marriage, which could lead to divorce. Sometimes the truth hurts.

agree!

As for me I don't mean clan animosities in its traditional sense as that is the reason...

Sadly this situation exists in the diaspora, the people who r responsible of this r mostly odayaal and female relatives

What I mean r the in-laws and the close relatives in general who belong to a different clans

Each group of these in-laws/relatives will try to control this innocent new family-the two couples- so they r eliminating eachother

When mentioning one of the couples, they would reffer to her/him her/his clans name!!

They would tell the husband to limit his wifes movements and visites to her relatives in order to control her

On the other hand the wifes female relatives r telling her the same stuff

As a result of this, the marriage...

But if the two couples atleast were belonging to one region/clan, their relatives would care more about their marriage

I just dicovered this after seen many cases!

never have strange in-laws unless they r a well-known good families.

I didn't edit my previous post 6 times. The site is crazy!.

[sahal80]

Best in-laws I have seen were the biizaani families regardless of their clans

Biizaani: Families with fathers and mothers who were born in xamar.

[sahal80]

I have heard of this. The man being pressured to marry a girl from cidda

if this happens, its over for the outsider wife!.

[Togdeer]

Actually I disagree;

1. I think people should marry anyone they want. As long as they click, clan should not be in the equation. They could marry non Somalis as long as they are happy.
2. I think its better to marry outside the qabil because if anything happens people could go their separate ways. But if you marry from within the clan or your cousin. Then there would be eyes on you 24/7. And if the 2 people were to brake up, there would be a fight within the family and your entire family/clan would never look at you the same way.

[Kareem99]

Caasho Waqooyi, ninkaan Sahal waa nin ballo ah. Baabkiisa lama gali karo. When he wrote " from experiences" I thought he married many women but after reading the thread many times, I have concluded that that isnot the case.

Nowadays, it is all about the wallet in Africa and about success in the diaspora. I was in DC once and I met this old man from Marka; reer markood asli ah. You could mistake him for being an Arab/European. He asked me what I do for a living and without thinking said " adeer gabarteeyda aan ku siyey". I joked with him and said adeer when Somalia was a country, you called us Lamagoodle and would not even let us to see your daughters and now this; what happened? He replied adeer markii aay soomaaliya burburtay ayaan ogaadey inaan soomaali ah. Meeshan waxaa ka buuxo dad aan islaan ahayn iyo dad soomaalidda ka xun LOL. I turned down the offer

I know dadka cadcad magacaas beey no bixiyeen, but I love it. If you didn't have that screen name I'd take it. I'm a lammagoodle through and through, and now I take it as a compliment

On a more serious note, I still find the coastal peoples (Barawaan, Reer Xamar, etc...) still marry within for the most part. But this adeer you speak of is a wise man, he sees beyond what most men of his age see, good for him. (Not that there's anything wrong with the coastal people staying within).

And Sahal walaal, is this your experience here in he diaspora? I can tell you it's not the case in Somalia. See how much Samaroon and Isaaq mix, Isaaq and Dhulbahante, Majeerteen and Habar Gidir, Surre iyo Xawaadle, Biimaal and Sheekhaal, and list goes on and on. If we live together (as is the case with all the clans I mentioned), and we're Somali, then we marry each other without thinking twice, it's just an undeniable fact walaal. It's things like this that gives me hope that Somali unity is not yet dead. A very strong and united Somalia is not that far off.

[BlackVelvet]

I have heard of this. The man being pressured to marry a girl from cidda

if this happens, its over for the outsider wife!.

you make it sound like it's the end of the world if that happens. Dhib malah if she's not okay with it she can always walk away. Lakin like I said, it depends on the man not all men are that easily manipulated by family. This man I mentioned for example is still only married to her

I also know a girl who married nin lafteeda ah and he mistreated her and one who married a man from completely different qabiil and he was useless too. You can't tell if someone will have a good or rocky marriage based on qabiil, it is pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things

[Basra-]

It seems like somalis have politicized the marriage too!

Having seen a lot of broken marriages among the people I know, this is what I have noticed

Out side of the clan marriages r unsuccessful due to the both clans interference

The two couples r not staying in their place, they visit their relatives and get visited by them and there's a lot of

I strongly advise the woman not to marry from out side of her clan bc if he marries on her another woman who's related to him clan-wise, his clan will pressure on him regarding her

In this federalism era, every bodys future is his clan so no one is ready to upset them!

hyper aka sahal

I actually agree. Every clan should marry their own. No drama. No prejudices. All harmony. I am surprised we agree huuno. Mac

[sahal80]

I have heard of this. The man being pressured to marry a girl from cidda

if this happens, its over for the outsider wife!.

you make it sound like it's the end of the world if that happens. Dhib malah if she's not okay with it she can always walk away. Lakin like I said, it depends on the man not all men are that easily manipulated by family. This man I mentioned for example is still only married to her

I also know a girl who married nin lafteeda ah and he mistreated her and one who married a man from completely different qabiil and he was useless too. You can't tell if someone will have a good or rocky marriage based on qabiil, it is pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things

lol wallah every body is free but marriage doesnt depend on one side

Suppose one of the two couples being smart enough to deal with his/her relatives how can we make sure the other will be the same?

The reality is that 80% of the failed marriages r due to an outside factors like the in-laws and relatives

So, since that is the case, its wiser to be careful about who will be your in-laws

Its about the two people whom the two couples belong to, one of them must control them or it will fail

If the mans relatives had a control on them it will work on their way with a potential second cida wife on her way

Then the new wife will be in a stronger position due to being cida, slowly taking over the former who will be isolated

If the wifes relatives had a control on them, the man will find hard to associate with his people and one day he will have enough

Reality.com!

[0sman]

^ Hmm! That's more like delusion.com, Sahal.

As BV put it, by the end of the day the success or failure of any marriage MAINLY depends on the couple and everything else comes (should come) very last, unless the two married individuals are sac-sac xoolo who shouldn't have been married in the first place if the success or failure of their marriage depends on others, regardless whether the others are relatives, family or whatnot.

Yes, I know and I am not denying that a lot of times people will try to sabotage lamaane but still it depends on how smart, strong and deep the couple is for their marriage to succeed. The majority of people who are successfully married are not from the same tribe nor the majority of those whose marriages failed had their different tribal relatives to blame for it.

[sahal80]

It seems like somalis have politicized the marriage too!

Having seen a lot of broken marriages among the people I know, this is what I have noticed

Out side of the clan marriages r unsuccessful due to the both clans interference

The two couples r not staying in their place, they visit their relatives and get visited by them and there's a lot of

I strongly advise the woman not to marry from out side of her clan bc if he marries on her another woman who's related to him clan-wise, his clan will pressure on him regarding her

In this federalism era, every bodys future is his clan so no one is ready to upset them!

hyper aka sahal

I actually agree. Every clan should marry their own. No drama. No prejudices. All harmony. I am surprised we agree huuno. Mac

lol we have similar brain but you switch the primative animalistic side at times while mine works regularly and stay serious...

[anzeloti]

Sahal i hate it to break down to u but ceeb has no qabiil


Xalimos marry reer Kingston,reer Khan,reer Kurdistan etc etc. adigana waxaad meesha laa timid 4.5 marriage system

[Present]

Clicked topic for real advice....qabiil eh?. How bloody enlightening