"A friend of m-m-mine was hoping to speak to you" he stuttered. I was taken a back. No salutation, no preliminary small talk, just an abrupt statement. I hesitated. I was inclined to shoo him a way but really, despite what people say I am a kindly soul whose greatest weakness is extreme empathy.
"Yes ?"
He quickly pointed toward a table at the corner at the restaurant:"she wants to say hello." as elaboration he added "her name is basra."
My friend and I slowly turned around and simultaneously gasped in shock. Not 10 feet away sat a rather obese, scantily clad women of 30, maybe 35. Her diric did nothing to hide the bulging flesh-although I have to admit she did carry it with pride. Noticing that we were staring at her she looked up and winked, pursed her lips seductively (she thought) and to make sure we understood her intentions she winked again, rather lasciviously.
"Oh my GODD!" I quickly swiveled around and stared at my friend in shock. "Did I just see what I saw ?? Is she..." I shuddred.
Noting our shock lionheart stated, quite simply "she likes girls." He then leered at us. "Me too" he added.
My half eaten strawberry granita lost its taste. I signaled to the waiter-"the bill please!"
Pushing away my plate I prepared to leave when a bulging shadow descended upon us. I looked up to be greeted by horrifying figure of Basra.
"Macaanta, how are you ?"
It was at this moment I woke up and found myself screaming. 200 people in the lecture hall turned around to stare at me. Among my friends, I am known for my quick wit and social deftness when it comes to awkward situations.
I gave everyone a dazzling smile. "I thought I saw a spider."
must you ask ? 
