Mostly Plagiarized Sarcasm

[Grant]

> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
>I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me
>the hell alone.
> >
> > 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky
> > tire.
> >
> > 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
> > neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
> >
> > 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
>promoted.
> >
> > 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
> >
> > 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
> >
> > 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
> > payments.
> >
> > 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
>That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
>
> >
> > 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
> >
> > 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
>and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
> >
> > 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
>probably worth it.
> >
> > 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
> >
> > 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
> >
> > 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
> >
> > 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
> > back in your pocket.
> >
> > 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
> >
> > 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
>and it holds the universe together.
> >
> > 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
> >
> > 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
>moving.
> >
> > 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
> >
> > 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
> >
> > 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
> > the same night

[1_londoner]

[quote="Grant> > 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
> >
[/quote]

this applys to a couple of people here.

[muslim-man]

> > 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

wise words