Staying Genuine Is....?

[Hard-Rock]

hard

who and what is this kambuli thing,walaahi i keep hearing it from members yet never came across it

The sister from VA, did I misspell her nick

[Mr. Yungnfresh]

Sound advice, but I can understand why people try to impress someone they're considering for marriage. You can be yourself with all your faults and openly present them so ur potential spouse can make an informed decision...but when the next guy/girl appears to have no personality faults and appears on the surface to be virtually faultless (since they're still there...but they're just hiding them), who will the prospective spouse be more inclined to pursue a serious relationship with...u or the person who hid their faults and showed only their best side? I still agree tho that u should be transparent from the beginning....since it's better to be rejected for who u are than accepted based on someone ur not.

[black velvet]

Are you one of those people who cares a lot about what people think of you? Over the years I realized the only person that should be pleased with you is yourself. This may sound like your everyday cliche, but let's examine it closely. If you try to sound like someone else when you're talking to a girl, then you're being an appeaser. If you try to sound hard when you're kicking it with your boys, then you're an appeaser. If you're one of those people that goes with the flow at school or at work and works hard not to stand out, then guess what, homeboy? You is an appeaser.

Ask yourself this: why try to conform to someone else's ideology? Why do most Somali marriages fail? Let's be real here. Because before tying the knot, each partner was trying to be someone they were not; over-selling themselves, hiding their falacies while painting rosy pictures of themselves, trying to out-do each other. Then after the honeymoon phase passes, reality strikes home. One day you wake up & you see a lazy broad who wants to sleep in 'till 11am. Or one day you wake up and he's refusing to include your name on his checking/saving account. Was it worth it?

Do you have anger issues? Tell her. Are you a stingy sob? Tell her. Are you a gold digger? Tell him. This may sound like some crazy idea, but guess what? They'll like you for who you are and not for trying to be something you're not.

Be yourself, you'll feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

We all put on faces in fact if you don't I think you will greatly decrease your chances at success. It doesn't necessarily mean you are lying about who you are it's just trying a bit harder in certain situations or maybe showing a different side of ones personality. Like when you are debating with a private school boy with the poshest accent you will naturally ditch your ghetto talk and converge so as to get your point across in a more eloquent manner, same applies when chillin with the boyz. We are always adapting to situations, I see nothing wrong with that lakin the only sad thing is when the person fronts so much that they forget who they like being and what they stand for.

[Hyperactive]

Are you one of those people who cares a lot about what people think of you? Over the years I realized the only person that should be pleased with you is yourself. This may sound like your everyday cliche, but let's examine it closely. If you try to sound like someone else when you're talking to a girl, then you're being an appeaser. If you try to sound hard when you're kicking it with your boys, then you're an appeaser. If you're one of those people that goes with the flow at school or at work and works hard not to stand out, then guess what, homeboy? You is an appeaser.

Ask yourself this: why try to conform to someone else's ideology? Why do most Somali marriages fail? Let's be real here. Because before tying the knot, each partner was trying to be someone they were not; over-selling themselves, hiding their falacies while painting rosy pictures of themselves, trying to out-do each other. Then after the honeymoon phase passes, reality strikes home. One day you wake up & you see a lazy broad who wants to sleep in 'till 11am. Or one day you wake up and he's refusing to include your name on his checking/saving account. Was it worth it?

Do you have anger issues? Tell her. Are you a stingy sob? Tell her. Are you a gold digger? Tell him. This may sound like some crazy idea, but guess what? They'll like you for who you are and not for trying to be something you're not.

Be yourself, you'll feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

mashallah, thank you for the advice adeer.

[SummerRain]

Are you one of those people who cares a lot about what people think of you? Over the years I realized the only person that should be pleased with you is yourself. This may sound like your everyday cliche, but let's examine it closely. If you try to sound like someone else when you're talking to a girl, then you're being an appeaser. If you try to sound hard when you're kicking it with your boys, then you're an appeaser. If you're one of those people that goes with the flow at school or at work and works hard not to stand out, then guess what, homeboy? You is an appeaser.

Ask yourself this: why try to conform to someone else's ideology? Why do most Somali marriages fail? Let's be real here. Because before tying the knot, each partner was trying to be someone they were not; over-selling themselves, hiding their falacies while painting rosy pictures of themselves, trying to out-do each other. Then after the honeymoon phase passes, reality strikes home. One day you wake up & you see a lazy broad who wants to sleep in 'till 11am. Or one day you wake up and he's refusing to include your name on his checking/saving account. Was it worth it?

Do you have anger issues? Tell her. Are you a stingy sob? Tell her. Are you a gold digger? Tell him. This may sound like some crazy idea, but guess what? They'll like you for who you are and not for trying to be something you're not.

Be yourself, you'll feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

We all put on faces in fact if you don't I think you will greatly decrease your chances at success. It doesn't necessarily mean you are lying about who you are it's just trying a bit harder in certain situations or maybe showing a different side of ones personality. Like when you are debating with a private school boy with the poshest accent you will naturally ditch your ghetto talk and converge so as to get your point across in a more eloquent manner, same applies when chillin with the boyz. We are always adapting to situations, I see nothing wrong with that lakin the only sad thing is when the person fronts so much that they forget who they like being and what they stand for.

More reasons to be real and yourself

[Kolombo]

We all put on faces in fact if you don't I think you will greatly decrease your chances at success. It doesn't necessarily mean you are lying about who you are it's just trying a bit harder in certain situations or maybe showing a different side of ones personality.

Nothing wrong with self-improvement as long as you make it a long-term goal and not something to impress people. What I'm talking about is the tendency to assume different roles depending on the situation, why go through all that hassle to appease someone? Same way some Muslims change their names to Western friendly ones or modify their physical appearance to seem more mainstream. The only person that should feel pleased with you is yourself.

[black velvet]

We all put on faces in fact if you don't I think you will greatly decrease your chances at success. It doesn't necessarily mean you are lying about who you are it's just trying a bit harder in certain situations or maybe showing a different side of ones personality.

Nothing wrong with self-improvement as long as you make it a long-term goal and not something to impress people. What I'm talking about is the tendency to assume different roles depending on the situation, why go through all that hassle to appease someone? Same way some Muslims change their names to Western friendly ones or modify their physical appearance to seem more mainstream. The only person that should feel pleased with you is yourself.

If only it was that black and white

[Firefly]

Yes. I agree. Be yourself - everyone else is taken.

[sadeboi]

Sound advice, but I can understand why people try to impress someone they're considering for marriage. You can be yourself with all your faults and openly present them so ur potential spouse can make an informed decision...but when the next guy/girl appears to have no personality faults and appears on the surface to be virtually faultless (since they're still there...but they're just hiding them), who will the prospective spouse be more inclined to pursue a serious relationship with...u or the person who hid their faults and showed only their best side? I still agree tho that u should be transparent from the beginning....since it's better to be rejected for who u are than accepted based on someone ur not.

See here is the fault with your view, if that women wants perfection and your not perfect, then she doesn't want you. Why cling to someone who doesn't want you? You give more power to her over you, marriage and love is a two-way thing, once you've come to except each other for who you are it will work. But if you want her to be with the you that has no faults, then your relationship is BS, and your just creating false realities. But then again, some people just don't care about that, they rather not be in something real. Personally, someone who I think won't like me for all my faults and what not, I don't want them. And I sure as hell don't want someone who is perfect in every way, because there is no such thing.

[Kolombo]

If only it was that black and white

You can make it whatever you want. Define things on your own terms and conform to your own rules. Its not an easy thing, but its been done before and it can be done again. It leaves no room for disappointments.

[Mr. Yungnfresh]

Sound advice, but I can understand why people try to impress someone they're considering for marriage. You can be yourself with all your faults and openly present them so ur potential spouse can make an informed decision...but when the next guy/girl appears to have no personality faults and appears on the surface to be virtually faultless (since they're still there...but they're just hiding them), who will the prospective spouse be more inclined to pursue a serious relationship with...u or the person who hid their faults and showed only their best side? I still agree tho that u should be transparent from the beginning....since it's better to be rejected for who u are than accepted based on someone ur not.

See here is the fault with your view, if that women wants perfection and your not perfect, then she doesn't want you. Why cling to someone who doesn't want you? You give more power to her over you, marriage and love is a two-way thing, once you've come to except each other for who you are it will work. But if you want her to be with the you that has no faults, then your relationship is BS, and your just creating false realities. But then again, some people just don't care about that, they rather not be in something real. Personally, someone who I think won't like me for all my faults and what not, I don't want them. And I sure as hell don't want someone who is perfect in every way, because there is no such thing.

True and i don't disagree with that...lakiin u misunderstood what i was saying. It's not necessarily my own point of view, but it's a point of view i can understand people would have...if there are 2 guys and they're both vying for the attention of the same female who they're both getting to know, then obviously she will be more inclined to accept the more all-inclusively attractive package. If one of the guys makes his faults known while the other conceals them, then she'll naturally be more inclined to go with the one who "apparently" has less faults...when in all actuality, the one who's concealing his faults might very well have double the faults of the other guy who's publically displaying his for her knowledge. In that case, it won't matter at that initial stage who TRULY has more faults because what she takes into consideration is what she sees and that's why i can understand why someone would want to downplay their faults and keep them hidden so they can display the best of them. Otherwise, they'll miss their opportunity altogether and them actually having less faults than the other guy won't make a difference since she already based her decision on what was apparent and made the wrong choice because it SEEMED like the better option. Perception is reality and actuality means nothing for u if she isn't around to uncover it down the road. Again tho, i don't personally subscribe to that logic of "playing a role"....i just understand why some people might.

[Kolombo]

...if there are 2 guys and they're both vying for the attention of the same female who they're both getting to know, then obviously she will be more inclined to accept the more all-inclusively attractive package. If one of the guys makes his faults known while the other conceals them, then she'll naturally be more inclined to go with the one who "apparently" has less faults...when in all actuality, the one who's concealing his faults might very well have double the faults of the other guy who's publically displaying his for her knowledge.

Sadly that's the case, people always look for perfection in others if they can't find it within themselves. But you did your part and you stayed genuine, I look at it as if she turned you down for being yourself and picked some boob with something to prove, then she'll have herself to blame. I don't know about everyone, but most people have a knack for noticing fakeness. It doesn't take much to sniff out a liar, but some women buy in to the whole Mr. perfect notion so much that they bullshit themselves to the obvious. If you're getting to know someone and they display no flaws, guess what? They're full of them, they're just not showing that side of themselves to you. D'uh.

[eyes-only]

To be genuine is knowing yourself and being true to yourself.....and as Shakespeare said....

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man."

[Afraa*]

So true, but how hard was it convincing yourself?

[Basra-]

Kolombo


Although i congratulate you for realizing what i have been preaching for years, the philosophy that one ought to be pleased, love themselves more than anything else. Although such a personal philosophys is healthy and agreeable- i must say it is not entirely enough for the preservation of humanity.(bb has highlighted more on what i mean by humanity preservation, so i wont dwell in it)
Being 'pleased' with thyself is totally different from desiring to 'stay genuine'. Kolombo staying genuine is an Absolute impossible goal to achieve in our modern world. In this modern era we live in- one has to be ingenuine and tell all embelishing white lies to further their personal interests'. Welcome to the world of civil civilisation. There is no such thing as personal authenticity. If there is, it is very rare and very disagreeble to come about even by accident. (one close friend of mine is very authentic and genuine, it is a constant struggle of deciding for me to keep her or dump her. I guess she keepes me grounded, thats what i convince myself. )


The point is my dear naive kolombo- we as humans are at the end of the day-- insecure creatures. We desire to be 'accepted'. 'liked', and even when we want to be ambitious....we want to be 'loved'. (I hate this four letter word)

We tell white lies to maintain this status quo ingenuineness that makes us achieve our goals. (or interest's... ) We lie to our innocent farah that we are amazing-- domesticatable debutants, that we love to clean homes, cook-- and when we marry-- we wake up at 11.00 . (rude awakening?) He is afraid to tell her he has a small penis-- the surprise on the wedding night-- makes her afraid to ask for divorce on that account-- so she --calls her mother-- and says-- i am divorcing him because he is bad husband.(by no means, is this to be taken as biographical) She is afraid to tell him that she has anger issues. He forgets to mention a lil fact that he works for hilib halal-- all these little lies ---are part of human falacies to achieve unconditional liking.Huminaity's ever needy pursuit to be accepted is what motivates these ingeunines-ness. Kolombo that is the modern, metro politan reality-- Staying genuine-is over-rated. If you want to be authentic, Move to the country, the reer mudugs will overwhelm u with savage authenticity-- they will stab you with a knife in a moment of passion and feed you camel milk to show their genuine love. They are as genuine as they come.But come living in a city-- with city civilians--"Ilbaaxniimo" kicks in, and there followed by Ilbaaxniimo is self beneficial lies.Its called "Reer Magaalniimo" !

Kolombo i would strongly suggest for you to be 'pleased' with yourself, but also suggest to you not to pursue genuine-ness. Its an impossible mission to dream. And of course we care what others think about us. If we didnt care-- we wont make white lies and rosey embelishments. We would walk around in Cadeey instead of a tooth brush in our mouth and just delcare we fart 24/7 -- that will be a painful reality for you to intake--my dear authentic somali name "Kolombo". These "rosey pictures' makes us ---tolerate each other and live happily ever after macaanto.